Chapter 46

“Kev?”  Bron whispered.

“Hmm,” he hummed.

“You just walked past the bed,” she looked up at his face wondering what he was thinking and doing.  The expression he was wearing full of intent, tension, and purposefulness.

“I know, I want to take a shower first,” Kevin felt her entire body tense in his arms as he walked to the bathroom.  I’m sorry baby but you have to open up to me.  I hope Mary’s right he said in his head.

“I asked,” she shot out, as she started to struggle out of his arms.

Kevin looked down at her and smiled, “Relax you’ll get what you want.”  Bron’s body relaxed slightly against his.

“When?”

“When I’m ready,” he answered her as he set her down in the bathroom.  Kevin held on to her arm as he reached in and turned the water on in the shower.  Relax Kevin you can do this.

Kevin grinned at her, “I want to wash your back.”

Bron narrowed her eyes and looked at him, “I don’t want you to!” she yelled at him in a rage.  He doesn’t know what he’s doing; he doesn’t understand, she cried inside.

Kevin gazed at her, her voice said she was angry, but her eyes told a different story.  He saw pure fear, pure unadulterated fear.  As he held on to her arm with a steely grip, he shimmed out of his boxers.  Kevin watched her struggle inside she was so scared.  “Well you’re gonna,” he spoke in an authoritative voice.

Bron screamed, “No I’m not!”  She started pulling away from him with everything she had.  My God, he doesn’t know, he doesn’t understand, if he did he wouldn’t do this.

Kevin pulled her roughly to him; he picked her up and stepped into the shower.  God, I’m sorry Bron but you can’t keep this inside forever he thought to himself.  We’re going to break this down and handle it piece by fucking piece.

Bron felt the hot water pound against her skin.  It felt like molten steel knives cutting into her.  She couldn’t stand it.  “Let me out,” she cried to him.

Kevin turned her around so her back was to him and the spray was missing her face.  Reaching back, he adjusted the showerhead so that it wasn’t hitting either one of them directly.  He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back against him.  The fear rose to new heights for Bron and she started to struggle with him.  The more she struggled the tighter he held her to him.  “Do you feel me Bron?  How much I want you?  How much I need you?” he said as he started to kiss her shoulders gently.

She didn’t answer him, her body started to shake and she squeezed her eyes closed.  Kevin knew it wasn’t from desire, he had heard that nightmare in his head so many times since that night.  He gently pulled her closer to him and held her there.  “Bron do you want me?” he asked, as he reached around and gently massaged her breast.  “Do you want me to stop?” he asked tenderly.

Bron was screaming in her head no I don’t want you to stop but I want him to stop.  I want the nightmares to stop.

Kevin gazed at her as her shoulders started to rack and he heard the small cry, but she still didn’t answer him.  Kevin pressed closer to her and bent to her ear.  “Bron do you want me to stop?” he repeated as his hand dropped to her center and he began to stroke her.  God Bron please tell me to stop, tell me to do something he screamed in head.  If I have to push you Bron I will, not matter what takes you are going to deal with this god-awful violation.  “Bron the last man that stood where I am right now didn’t give you an option.  I am.  Do you want me to stop?” he said rather loudly to her.

Oh god, he knows! She said to herself as she turned to him alarmed and stared. 

Gently he cupped her face in his hands.  “Yes I know.”

Bron’s eyes were questioning him how, without speaking a word.  She could speak to him without even using her voice, just with her eyes.  “You had a nightmare, as much as I hated hearing it, I listened.”  Kevin said to her.

Bron started to speak to him and he quickly placed a finger over her mouth.  “I want you, I love you, but we have to deal with this.  You can’t keep hiding from it.  You won’t talk to anyone.  So let’s us deal with it together.  I’ll help you.”  Kevin smiled at her warmly.  He loved this woman and he was going to help her anyway he could, but she would have to want the help first.

Bron gazed at him, it’s okay, he knows and he still wants me.  Bron smiled at him nervously, still unsure, “No I don’t want you to stop.”

“Oh darlin’,” he groaned as he pushed her to the side wall of the shower.

“I thought you wanted to wash my back,” she whispered to him.  Bron felt like the entire world had been lifted off her shoulders.

Kevin grinned wickedly at her, “Oh I will,” as he grabbed the soap.  “And then I will wash your front, your top, and your bottom.”  As slippery soapy fingers traveled all over her body.  He didn’t miss a spot or crevice on her. 

Her senses were spiraling as well as her body.  He had tightened the bond between them even more.  The bar of their relationship had been raised to a higher level.  “Kevin you have to stop I can’t stand anymore.”  She whispered, as she lowered her head.  His eyes locked on her waiting for her continue, waiting for the truth.  She raised her eyes to his and knew it was safe to tell him.  “I’m not ready to make love in the shower, not yet please.”

Kevin reached over and turned the water off without saying a word.

Bron stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel.  She handed him his as he came behind her. 

“Here allow me,” as he took both towels.

“Kevin give that back,” Bron whined to him.

“No, I want to.  It’s part of what makes it a good experience,” as he kneeled down and started to dry her feet.

Bron huffed, “That was not a good experience.”

“I know, but we need to get past this so ….,” Kevin paused in mid sentence as he was working his way up to her knees.

Bron looked down at the top of his head.  “So what?”

“So there can be an us, my present,” he chuckled.  Kevin felt a stinging sensation on his shoulder.  “That wasn’t very nice,” he chided her.

“Neither was what you said,” she replied to him.

As he dried the inside of her thighs and her hips.  Kevin came up and off his knees and slowly dried her chest and back with neither of them saying a word to each other.

“My turn,” Bron groaned.

“No, I have a better idea,” he said huskily.

Bron looked at him with as much control as she could muster.  “I hope it was better than your last one.”

“Bron stop it,” Kevin told her.  Her emotions were running through her faster than she could deal with them and he understood that.

Bron looked at him, not sure what to say.  “I’m sorry, it hurts.”

Kevin got angry at first and then realized that she was dealing with this the best way she knew how.  Kevin knew she needed something familiar right now, she felt exposed to him, she was afraid he would judge her for it.  She had opened herself up to him finally.

“Bron do you remember Chapter Sixteen?” he said as he placed his lips on hers and looked in her eyes.

Bron felt a shiver run up and down her spine, “Oh yes.”

Kevin grinned at her, “Oh good,” as he led her to the bed.

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