Encounter
~GCS~
I think things are beginning to normalize around here. Although we continue to work together on most projects, like the community garden and the goat herd, individuality is rearing its head. Our shacks are becoming ‘personalized’ and many are beginning to start their own small gardens close to their living quarters. People have gradually divided themselves into households - a natural progression, I think. Kevin and I are no exception. We have become a ‘couple’ in every way, an extension of one another. We talk, we dream, we fight and we make love. At times, you would never know that we had left an entirely different life behind. He knows that rubbing my legs will put me in the mood for anything and I know that stroking the area below his navel, his ‘treasure trail’, will make him purr like a cat. Those little intimacies are like secrets that only we share.
I used to feel his eyes on me whenever he was near by. I still do, but his watchfulness has become more intense. It’s hard to explain. Often I think his eyes are filled, not with lust, need or concern, but with insecurity. I know that he’s worried that I’ll go off alone. Damn, I get a speech about that every single day, but I haven’t done that. Maybe that’s not it.... It’s like he’s afraid of losing me. Like my feelings for him will change or something. I can’t imagine that ever happening. I’ve grown to love his weaknesses as much as his strengths and, I swear, if I had to choose between being with him and being rescued, I would choose to be with him. He’s such a conundrum - strong, yet needy, tender but possessive.
Sometimes his lovemaking is almost angry, like he’s daring me to reject him. Or like he’s afraid....
~~~~
Apollonia and I went up to the cliffs today. Many of us go up there sometimes when we want to be alone. It’s really beautiful. If you stand near the edge, you can see to the end of the island and at the bottom of the cliff there are huge rocks that break the waves. Apollonia and I went up to gather berries and herbs. Stuart had told us which ones were okay to eat. There was also some tall sea grass up there, which was great for weaving mats.
We were chatting while we worked, enjoying the ocean breeze and giggling like schoolgirls. It was a beautiful day and the work almost seemed like recreation. Then in an instant, our peaceful interlude turned into nightmare.
“Pretty far from camp, aren’t you?”
Apollonia and I spun around like we had been shot. We knew immediately who had come up behind us. The tone of the question had been growling and sinister.
It was Brad.
I dropped my basket as Apollonia grabbed my arm. Brad turned his head for a moment, surveying the landscape. I was frozen. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest but I couldn’t speak.
When he turned back to us, he sneered and smacked his machete against his thigh. He looked like a lunatic standing there. He was dirty and wild looking. His eyes almost seemed to glow. We must have looked shocked or frightened because, after several moments of silence, he began to laugh. It was an ugly laugh, crazy and somehow threatening. Then he spoke again.
“Don’t tell me you two ladies are up here all alone.... “ he droned with mock concern. “Why, don’t you know that isn’t safe? Anything could happen. You never know who you’ll run into in such a secluded place....”
He took a step forward, still grinning and slapping his machete. Apollonia stepped back but my feet seemed to be stuck to the ground. There was no place to run. Brad was in front of us and cliff’s edge was behind us. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I couldn’t breathe. I was scared to death and he could see it in my face. My fear amused him....titillated him. I could tell. I could hear Apollonia behind me, gasping for air.
Then the psychotic grin left his face and he moved his hand to the bulge that was growing beneath his makeshift loin cloth.
I felt my mouth open and heard word crawl up and out of my throat in a hoarse whisper. Even now, pride wouldn’t let me plead.
“No, Brad. Don’t do this.”
He cocked his head in surprise. “Ahhh... She speaks!” His lips curled and he took another step toward us. “He might have made you talk again, Glynnis, but I’ll make you scream. He’s just a warm-up. The opening act - if you’ll pardon the expression....” Then, as an afterthought, “He took what was mine, Glynnis.”
“I’m not ‘yours’, Brad.”
“Of course you are....” He looked puzzled, as if he didn’t understand why I would say such a thing. “Kevin kidnaped you. I understand that.”
He understood nothing. He was incapable of understanding. I realized that there would be no reasoning with him. Bad enough that he felt that Kevin had usurped his leadership role and publicly defeated him but he now felt justified in taking whatever means necessary to show himself the superior ‘man’. He was insane.
It was at that moment that Apollonia make a break for it. When she took off running, instinct made me do the same but the power of adrenalin wasn’t able to save us. Brad jumped for her and grabbed her by the forearm. In one sweeping motion, he had turned her so that her back was against his body, her arm pinned behind her back. The machete had found a new resting place at the base of her throat. When I heard her scream my name, my body went rigid and my legs stopped moving. The threat was obvious. He was ready to slit her throat if I went any farther.
“Come over here, Glynnis,” he snarled. “I think this little bitch wants to talk to you.” When I remained motionless, his anger rose. “COME OVER HERE, YOU CUNT!”
I did what I was told. I don’t even remember moving but a moment later I found myself facing them, standing about twelve feet away. The machete was still at Apollonia’s throat.
“You’re going to do what I say, aren’t you Glynnis?”
As he voiced his veiled demand, he pressed the blade against Apollonia’s throat, causing a tiny rivulet of blood to slide down her neck. Her eyes were wide with fear and filled with tears. All I could do was nod. He smiled in twisted triumph.
‘Goooood.....”
The whispered word rolled across his tongue as if he could taste it. He seemed to gather his thoughts and then he began issuing his commands.
“Take that scarf from around your head and let your hair hang loose,” he ordered.
I did as I was told. He nodded in approval.
“Now I want you to take your top off....”
“Brad...”
“DO IT!” he screamed, ending my protest. “I want to see your tits! I didn’t get to see them on our wedding night and I’m gonna see them now!”
Apollonia moaned as the knife pressed more tightly against her skin. I was convinced that my humiliation was the only thing that would keep her alive. I reached behind my neck and fumbled with the knot that held my covering in place and then untied the closure at the small of my back. I was moving too slowly.
“HURRY THE FUCK UP!”
When the cloth was loosened, I let it fall to the grass at my feet. Brad licked his lips.
“Nice, Glynn.... Very nice.... I see that you’re turned on.”
My nipples had hardened and Brad had chosen to perceive that as sexual excitement rather than fear. He had leaned into Apollonia and was rubbing the side of his bearded face against her cheek. Bile rose in my throat as my imagination spun out of control. What was he going to do? Rape me? Rape her? Maybe both of us? Would he tell us to ‘perform’ for him? Would he want us to act out a lesbian coupling? It was all I could do to control my gag reflex. Although Brad had only appeared several minutes ago, it felt as if we had been held for hours.
“Drop the shorts.”
I heard Apollonia whimper as I began to unfasten the button on the placket. When I glanced up, I could see Brad pushing himself rhythmically against her from behind and I silently prayed for someone to appear. Anyone.
Just as I began to push my shorts past my hips, I heard a shout in the distance. I was so afraid - so distraught - that, at first, my brain couldn’t process what my ears had heard. It wasn’t until I heard Apollonia scream that I realized someone had come. My legs finally gave out and I fell to my knees.
“STOP IT, BRAD! LET THEM GO!”
It was
“I said, leave them alone....”
Brad attempted to bargain. “I got two, bro! You can have one! You can have the black bitch!”
“I got ‘em,
Brad was yelling so quickly and furiously that I could barely make out his words, but one word settled on my brain like sticky syrup. Hunt....
“You have a woman, Brad.”
“Linda?” he spat. “I don’t give a shit about her ass! This is the ass I want,” he shouted lifting his arm and pointing towards me. “This is the ass I earned!”
I saw
“Dear God.... What are we going to do? What are you going to tell Kevin?”
My voice was as dead as Linda’s eyes had been.
“Nothing.”
Lies of Omission
~KSR~
I’ve got to tell her. I keep telling myself that the timing has to be right but I keep making excuses. If she seems to be in a quiet or sullen mood, I tell myself that she might be tired or worried and it’s a bad time. If she’s cheerful and animated, I don’t want to risk bringing her down and making her unhappy. If we’re both serious and spilling our dreams, fears and regrets, I don’t want that time to end because it’s feels so good to be able to unburden myself to someone I can trust. Sometimes I almost convince myself that the past doesn’t matter now and there’s no reason to deliberately threaten what we have together. What’s the point?
The point is that I can be a selfish son-of-a-bitch. My cousin was kind enough to point that out to me.
He and I had decided to try our hand at building a small raft and, as a result, spent whatever time we could find down on the beach, lacing sapling trunks and attempting to construct a makeshift platform that would float. We talked a lot and after much time avoiding the subject of male/female relationships in general and Kristin in particular, he jumped into the fire. I figured that Leighanne had been giving him an earful. He didn’t beat around the bush except by way of a comment, that in hindsight, was a setup.
“You and Glynnis are good together.”
The observation pleased me. “Yup,” I smiled absently as I squatted to check a knot.
“You seem...I don’t know, man...stronger or something. Like you have a mission or sense of purpose.”
I didn’t answer - just acknowledged his comment with a grunt, oblivious to where this was leading. Brian scraped bark as I fastened saplings. It was all very casual on the surface. He went on.
“Yeah, you two seem to have developed something special. I swear, when I see you with her sometimes, it looks like you really love her...”
It took a heartbeat or two for the words to sink in. When they did, I stopped and looked over at Brian who was still scraping away. Something about his words seemed a little ‘off’. ‘looks like?...’ I thought maybe I was being overly sensitive. I wasn’t.
“Looks like?” I answered, forcing a smile. “I do love her Brian. No ‘looks like’ about it.”
He raised his head. “So what happens if we make it back home? If we get rescued....”
“What if we do?”, I shrugged. “It doesn’t seem likely but, if that happens, I guess we’ll try sleeping in a bed for change.”
I went back to my work and laughed, not noticing at first that I was laughing alone. When I realized that Brian wasn’t responding, I looked up again and saw him staring at me, blank-faced. That’s when he reeled me in.
“Kristin gonna join you?”
For a moment, I saw red. My marriage was none of his goddam business and I really resented the fact that his banter had been a set-up. I tired to bite my tongue but I couldn’t. I suppose that if I had already told Gynnis about Kristin - if we had already gotten past that pothole - I could have dealt with his nosiness in a more civil manner but he’d hit me in a really tender place. Now, on top of my own insecurities about coming clean, my cousin was passing moral judgement. I didn’t need more pressure. I could have used a little support. I shot back with a healthy dose of sarcasm.
“Why Brian? Does the idea of a three-way appeal to you?”
Brian just shook his head and smiled a little. I guess he was being indulgent with me.
“No, Kev. You know better than that. I’m really not trying to get into your business. I’m a little worried, that’s all.”
“You worried or your nosey wife is worried?”
“We’re both concerned, Kev. We just don’t...”
“Stay outta my bed, Brian,” I cut in. “I’m handling it!”
“Does Glynnis know about Kristin?”
My voiced inched up, “I said that I was handling it!”
“It’s a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question, Kev....”
I pushed myself up, ripped off my bandana, and started pacing. Any of the others would have shut the fuck up by now but not him. He still sat, cross-legged on the sand. I was waving my arms and marching around like a mad-man and he was cool as a cucumber, watching me and sighing. He didn’t understand.
“My marriage was over before we ever got on that plane!”
“Are you divorced?”
“Nooooo....”
“Then you’re still married....”
“Only technically.”
“Okay.”
He stood then and brushed the sand from his legs. I thought he was finished - that the interrogation was over. My mistake.
“So, does Glynnis know that you’re, um....’technically’ married.”
I gave up. “No.”
“You waitin’ for her to hear it from someone else?”
“Like your big-mouthed wife, you mean?”
Now Brian’s face went red. It was shitty of me. I know that but I guess I was lashing out or something. Plus, it was the truth. Now it was his turn to bite his tongue and, to his credit, he did. We were both silent for a spell and then I tried to pass the peace pipe. He beat me to it.
“Look, Brian....”
“No, you look Kev. I’m not an idiot. I know that your marriage isn’t what you hoped it would be. That shit happens sometimes. Nobody’s at fault or totally responsible. I’d be lyin’ if I said that I’m surprised or even sad. The only reason I would be sad is because I know that you would take this kind of break-up as a personal failure. Right now, I’m not thinking about Kristin. I'm not even thinking about you. I’m thinking about Glynnis.”
“I’m thinking about her too, Brian.”
“You don’t have to be a wizard to see that you love the woman but, the fact is, there’s always the possibility that we might get off of this island one day.”
“That’s a pretty remote possibility....”
“Maybe but, even if it is, do you want this lie between you?”
“I haven’t lied to her!”
“C’mon, Kevin....” He was shaking his head again.
He was right, of course. How would I react if I found out she had
a husband back in
“I know, Brian, I know,” I mumbled, defeated by the truth that, until today, had gone unspoken. “I think about it all the time. I know I have to tell her. I - I just don’t know how exactly.”
I felt his hand on my shoulder. “I know. Just don’t wait too long.”
~~~~~~~
When I got back to camp, I found that Glynnis had already returned. She was sitting outside the door to our shack knitting. Not just knitting. Knitting furiously. Sam was nearby, stacking and re-stacking a small pile of stones that served as makeshift blocks. All the way back from the beach, I had steeled myself, determined to come clean with her but I could see right away that it wouldn’t happen now. Not only was Sam there but she seemed preoccupied and agitated. She didn’t hear me approach and when I spoke, she nearly jumped out of her skin.
We were both quiet and somewhat distant with each other that evening. I knew what my problem was but didn’t know what was causing her sudden bout of moodiness. Nope, I wouldn’t be doing any confessing tonight....
Later that night, at the camp fire, I noticed some kind of eye-play going on between her and Apollonia. They had become pretty friendly over the past several weeks but tonight they seemed a little tense with each other. I thought maybe they’d had some kind of argument although I couldn’t imagine what they might have argued about. Sometime during the general chatter I heard Vivian make a comment about Apollonia dropping her basket over the edge of the cliff today and saying that she guessed her daughter would have to make another trip since today’s was wasted. She wasn’t angry but I could see Apollonia tense up at her mother’s innocent comment. Then she glanced over at Glynn, as if she was trying to judge Glynnis’ reaction to Vivian’s teasing. I immediately felt Glynn’s body tighten in response.
I guessed I was right. Apollonia had lost their basket to the breakers and their trip had been for nothing. It had apparently pissed Glynnis off, which wasn’t like her. It wasn’t that big a deal.
Then Nick began teasing Apollonia, too. Others began to chuckle. Once again, Apollonia and Glynnis seemed to glare at each other from across the fire. Then Glynnis abruptly stood and turned to go back to the hut. No ‘goodnight’, ‘kiss my ass’ or nothin’. A second later, Apollonia did the same and headed home.
I tried to ask Glynn about all of this later. Maybe I was misreading but I didn’t think so. After a minute of two, I said goodnight to the small crowd and headed home myself. Glynn was already lying on our mat, facing the wall.
“You seem a little up-tight tonight,” I ventured. “What’s up with you?”
“Nothing.” she mumbled.
“You and Apollonia have some kind of fight or somethin’?”
“No.”
“You mad because she lost the basket? You two can go back tomorrow and get your stuff. It’s not a big deal.” I was talking to her back.
“Did I say it was a big deal?” she snapped.
“Sheesh! Excuse the fuck outta me!”
I went back outside, huffing and puffing. I thought maybe she would follow and sweeten up a little but that didn’t happen. When I came back in some time later, she was asleep. I laid down beside her and we slept through the night, ass to ass instead of in our usual spooning position. I didn’t like that much.
Guess my moral dilemma would have to wait.
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