Hands-On Therapy
~KSR~
I wasn’t sure I understood exactly what Les was trying to tell me. I could tell he had mixed feelings about saying anything, but I was also pretty damn sure that the bottom line involved major pain for Glynnis. He said that there was no medicine here that would help her. The man had a whole list of what couldn’t be done but didn’t offer much in the way of what could give her some relief. I continued to badger him, questions popping out of my mouth like I was a prosecuting attorney or something. I felt helpless, which made me feel angry, which made Les feel defensive. I felt like he was holding back, so I continued to push and the result was a conversational dance that lasted for almost an hour.
He was trying to give me information without breaking any ethical code. In hindsight, I sort of understood this but it took too long. I mean, it wasn’t like he was going to get sued or somethin’, ‘ya know? By the time we were finished – over an hour later – I understood his hesitation even more.
“Where is she, Les? Why did she go off by herself? Why didn’t she stay in camp, so she could get some help?”
“Nothing here to help her, Kevin. I can’t do anything for her…”
I noticed that Les emphasized ‘I’.
“But why leave? She shouldn’t be alone!”
“From what she said, it can get pretty bad. I suspect she doesn’t want anyone to see her that way. She considers this a private matter….”
“You don’t know where she went?”
“Not really….” When I didn’t respond, he stared at me for a moment and then said, “But I suspect she’s probably near the lagoon. It’s peaceful there.”
“I’m going to find her. She shouldn’t be alone.”
When I turned to leave, Les grabbed my arm.
“Wait.”
What followed was a good fifteen minutes of hemming and hawing. Les paced and seemed to be making small talk. Something told me that he was trying to tell me something without having to spell it out. I listened but soon grew impatient. He was jabbering while Glynnis lay in pain, all alone.
“You know, when I was working on my nursing master’s, I had to do a thesis and field study…”
I made no comment. He went on.
“I was working with cancer patients at the time and decided to do my study and thesis on pain control. Some cancer patients have so much pain…”
He wasn’t exactly telling me something I didn’t know. I remembered my father and his final days. God, it was the worst thing I’ve ever had to witness in my…. My head snapped up.
“Are…. you telling me…. Are you telling me that Glynnis has cancer?”
I could barely get the words out. The were sticking in my throat like swallowed gum. I felt sick. The look on my face must have scared Les because he started spewing off “No’s” and shaking his head.
“Endometriosis is not cancer,” he assured me.
He watched me carefully for a few minutes until some color returned to my face and my breathing normalized. I think my reaction is what convinced him to take his small talk to a pointed conclusion. I felt a little weak and found myself leaning against the door of the supply house while Les closed his eyes for a moment and then looked heavenward, as if considering his options.
“You’re fond of her. I can tell.”
I wasn’t sure how to reply to his observation. I suspected that he wasn’t alone in his opinion but those who knew me well enough to realize that, also knew me well enough to know that I didn’t discuss those things. Jesus, I was married and never said anything to anyone about being in love. Maybe because I really hadn’t been. I wasn’t in ‘love’. I was in ‘debt’. Les was being blunt for a reason. I had to return the honesty.
“Yes, Les. I am.”
He studied me for another minute, sighed and went on.
“As I was saying, I studied pain – and you know what I found out?” I shook my head. “I found out that oxytocin, which is sometimes given to patients to relieve pain, is actually a hormone that we carry in our bodies.”
I nodded. “Okay…”
“Yeah,” he shrugged casually. Almost too casually. “You know, I’ve actually only seen this a couple of times, but I think it happens more often in primitive cultures, where a woman in the throes of labor will actually masturbate.”
Okay. Now he had lost me. I didn’t know what we were talking about anymore. I guessed there had to be a point, but t was flying past me.
“Les, I don’t know what –“
“The amazing thing is,” he interrupted, “that it’s such a natural thing in those places. Completely different in ‘civilized’ countries where something like masturbation is still a somewhat taboo subject. Orgasm temporarily relaxes the vaginal canal which may make childbirth a little easier but, more importantly, that hormone I was telling you about – oxytocin - is released during orgasm. Modern man has managed to wipe nature away once again. Most women don’t even have that instinct anymore.”
He was staring at me again. I guess he was trying to see if his little monologue had flipped any switches. The he shrugged.
“Well, I’ve been blabbing too much, as usual,” he smiled. “Sorry..” Les brushed past me to go through the door, pausing for a final word. “I wish I had something here that would help Glynnis, but I don’t.”
Again with the I….
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Les couldn’t help her but maybe I could.
If she would let me….
*****
~GCS~
It was bad. It was very bad.
I’d found a spot near one of the larger waterfalls, away from the beaten path. The falling water created a loud, white noise that I thought might be helpful in some strange, calming way and it was also cool there. When the cramping hit, I felt like I was on fire but as they subsided, I got chilled. I had dragged my blanket along with me. There was nothing for me to do but find a spot where I could be as comfortable as possible under the circumstances and wait this out.
I was in a no win situation right now. I knew what was coming and I was scared. Part of me didn’t want to be alone but another part needed the privacy. I was already becoming both physically weak and emotionally exhausted. When my uterus twisted now, I would break down in tears and plead to the gods for relief. After a while, the pain would subside a little and I would just lay on the ground and pull my blanket up around me. The tears would come again, not so much from pain, but from sheer weariness. My guess was that it had only been a little over two hours… The cramping should peak in another two and then things would gradually get better.
I didn’t know that he was there. The noise of falling water had silenced his approach and my eyes had closed as I lay curled up on the ground waiting for the next wave of pain to strike. It would come soon.
God help me, so would I.
Intimate Touches
~KSR~
It took me a while but I found her. She was laying on her side, curled up in a fetal position, eyes closed and clutching the end of her blanket to her throat like a child, holding on for comfort. Her skirt had been pushed up to the top of her thighs and, once in a while, I could see her shiver as if she was cold. But she made no attempt to cover her bare legs or shoulders.
I guess the noise from the waterfall prevented her from hearing me approach. I knelt down beside her and tried to figure out exactly how I should do this but there was no simple or easy answer. How do you tell a woman that you need to touch her – that you need to try to make her come – but that it’s ‘nothing personal’? Despite the fact that orgasm might help her in a ‘clinical’ way, this was extremely personal and intimate. Touching her this way might not be based in passion but it would certainly be sexual. I didn’t even know if I could do it. My mind was full of questions and doubt. Could I bring her to orgasm? Would she let me try? Would it even help?
I’ll admit that I had harbored sexual thoughts about Glynnis, but this certainly wasn’t what I had in mind. It’s not that I hadn’t thought about touching her but these were not the circumstances I had envisioned. What she needed didn’t involve foreplay. There would be no kisses or traded caresses.
I could see that she had been crying and that broke my heart. Then, as I watched her, she moaned a little and curled herself into a tighter ball. I suspected that this signaled another wave of pain had arrived. There was no more time to think about this. I was about to reach down and touch her arm when her eyes opened and she looked at me. Although I could tell she was hurting, what I saw in her face was more despair than pain. She raised herself on one elbow and began to scribble in the dirt.
‘You have to leave.’
Then she fell back down onto her side and began to cry.
“I’m not going anywhere, Glynnis. I’m gonna try to help you…”
She didn’t try to raise herself as she wrote in the dirt this time.
‘Can’t. Please go.’
“There might be a way, baby… You’re gonna have to trust me. Okay?”
I didn’t give her another chance to argue. I could see her knuckles whiten as she clutched the blanket tighter. She looked like she was burning up as she squeezed her eyes shut, forcing another tear to roll down her cheek.
“C’mon sweetheart…”
She was startled when I scooped her up off the dirt and began to walk to the lagoon. When we got to the edge of the water, I looked around and decided that it would be more private if we went behind the waterfall. There was a pool of water between it and a small ledge of rock. If I couldn’t soothe her, maybe the water would help. I waded in and lowered myself into the pool, sitting with Glynnis on my lap. The water wasn’t too deep. With me holding her, it came to about the bottom of my rib cage and just covered her breasts. The light-weight scarf she wore as a top might just as well have been made of tissue paper. When the water saturated the thin fabric, she was virtually naked.
She was hanging on to me for dear life but shaking her head in protest. Whether she was objecting to the shock of water against her overheated body or to my interference, I didn’t know, but she began to cry once more. I started to rock her and then bent my head and murmured into her ear.
“Shhh, Glyn… I’m gonna take care of you. Just go with me, okay?” When she stopped shaking her head against my shoulder and trying to pull away, I went on. Cradling her against me with one arm, I moved my free hand down under the water. “Don’t be afraid, baby. I’m not going to hurt you…” Then, against the side of her face I whispered, “I need to touch you, Glynnis…”
Her expression could best be described as….well, resigned, I guess. She just looked exhausted. A small groan escaped her throat as her body stiffened in my arms. Another wave of pain was washing over her. I couldn’t bear to see her like this. I squeezed her against my chest and kissed her temple as I slid my hand between her thighs. She gasped and pressed her knees together.
“You need to open your legs, darlin’. This is going to help you…”
My conviction seemed shallow and I thought that when this was over, she would either think that I was her saviour or her rapist. She was reluctant but I think she was also desperate to find some relief. After a moment her legs slowly parted. I didn’t take my eyes off her. She wouldn’t look at me. I thought this might be easier if she could relax but I guess that’s pretty hard to do when you’re hurtin’ like a motherfucker. I stroked the inside of her thighs, moving closer to her softness with each pass. I knew that I had to be slow and gentle. I would have to coax her along a little and encourage her to accept my caress.
Her skirt floated in the water and spread itself open, allowing me free access to her body. Underwear was a luxury that few of us had these days. Glynnis wore no panties so there was nothing between us. When my fingertips brushed against her labia, she inhaled sharply and grabbed onto my forearm. She was trembling again but I continued to stroke those velvety petals until she released the breath she had been holding and gave in to my mission. As I continued to murmur, her eyes closed. Submission…
I didn’t put my fingers inside of her right away. As I had done before, I stroked her slowly and gently, slightly increasing pressure with each grazing touch. Soon my fingertips had separated her folds, opening a pathway to her clitoris. A final upward sweep of my finger led me to my target. Again, she tensed in my arms. I had no way of knowing if she was reacting to my stimulation or if she was in pain. Lines between the two are sometimes blurred and it was impossible for me to tell the difference in a ‘normal’ way. Not yet, anyway. I couldn’t see her sex and, since we were in the water, I didn’t know if I was making her wet. I was working blind, trying to read her with my fingers.
I continued to stroke her, stopping occasionally if I suspected she was hurting. The differences in her physical reactions soon became clear. Pain caused her bend forward like she had received a blow to the gut but nuances of pleasure were beginning to make her unfold and shift her hips against my hand. Mentally, she was still fighting me but, at last I felt I was gaining a physical advantage. When I felt the tip of her tiny jewel harden against my finger, I became a little more aggressive and pressed against its protective hood, further exposing its sensitive surface. I wished I could see it. Glynnis’ reaction was immediate and involuntary. She gasped and then moaned as she pressed her pubis against my hand. Instinctively, I began a deliberately rhythmic assault on her womanhood. I had gained control – physically.
To tell you the truth, I wish I could have gone down on her. Tongues are more tender and probing than fingers but they’re also a hell of a lot more personal. For her sake – under these unusual circumstances – I had to make this as ‘impersonal’ for her as I could, even though it was very personal to me. She needed to know that I was trying to help her, not take advantage of her.
Before too long, her movements and breathing pattern told me she was on her way to orgasm. For a split second our eyes locked and I could read her confusion. She was torn between pain, pleasure and humiliation. God, I didn’t want her to feel embarrassed by her pain or humiliated by her pleasure. I just wanted her to stop hurting…
When her eyes closed and she began to moan, I pushed my middle finger into her and pressed on her clit with my thumb. Jesus, she was hot inside. Then her back arched and she fell over the edge.
I know this sounds terrible considering the situation and all, but I loved watching her come. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. It’s not like I haven’t seen a woman orgasm before, but they usually look like they’re in pain or something. I’m not saying that’s bad, it’s just that Glynnis, who had been in pain, wore an expression that seemed full of something akin to innocent wonder. Her body convulsed and for a brief moment, her eyes shone with amazement and pleasure. Then she released a strong, yet emotional, sigh and collapsed against me, trembling, weak and exhausted. I didn’t remove my finger from her until her contractions had stopped. I didn’t want to take it out at all. What I wanted was to feel that clenching on my dick. She whimpered softly when I slid out of her.
“It’s okay now,” I murmured, pressing my mouth against her hair. “You rest awhile…”
I felt her nod against my chest as I began to rock her again. Soon she was relatively pain-free and asleep in my arms. The hours that followed brought moments of discomfort but Glynnis suffered no more sharp and unbearable pain. I just hoped that what had happened didn’t come between us.
Lord help us both – I had fallen in love.
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