Dateline BK
Can They Really Ban You From A Fast Food Restaurant?

by Grace

The promo is over. I went to collect my pre-arranged-for booty. They said they would call. But they didn't call. I knew they wouldn't call. They just said that to get me off their back. So I took matters into my own hands.

"I'm here to collect my booty?'


"I want my Backstreet shit! They said I could have it! They promised! I want everything! Posters, the works! Give it to me! NOW!"

I felt a slight breeze, seemingly created by the heads of numerous diners that suddenly turned in my direction. I guess I was louder than I thought. But I knew how these people worked. They wouldn't haven't have called. I'd drive past the Burger King dumpster later tonight and find my precious boys bent up and discarded, covered with fry grease and catsup, as if they were nothing more than photographs adorning some cheap advertising items.. (Don't you dare say it?.)

I almost succeeded.. God, I came SOOOOOO close! My tactic had worked. I had badly frightened one young cashier who practically ran around the counter to disassemble the big cardboard display. Finally, It was flat. The support poles had been removed. I was 3 steps from the door when they got me. It was the manager. She wanted my boys back. She wasn't done with them yet.

"I SAID that I'd call you!"

My eyes narrowed. Sure, bitch?

She grabbed onto the cardboard. I held fast. Still, she had the legal advantage. I tried to bargain.

"Just let me keep Kevin!"

"No way?"

I was thwarted. They said they weren't done with the promo - like I don't know when the damn promo is supposed to end! Like I don?t keep a special BSB calendar marked with important dates gathered from lists all over the fucking country. I felt insulted. This woman didn't know who the hell she was dealing with..

"I WILL call you! Now do you think you might actually like to BUY something while you're here?"

I was in a slight quandary. It was 10:30 AM. Not quite Whopper time for me. Still, I had to make a feeble attempt to stay in her good graces. This female sphincter might deliberately deface MY display - just for spite. I could almost see her grinning evilly and giving my Kevin a pair of black eyes with her Sharpee.

She was acting a little smug, but little did she know, that I was still missing 3 of my BSB figures. I had Howie and Kevin, but no Brian, Nick or AJ. The scene wouldn't be a total loss.. I would have some satisfaction. This was AJ week?. I struck a pose - hands on hips, legs spread as I squinted at her threateningly.

"Yeah. Give me a kid's meal?"

(Cue music - theme from 'The Good, The Bad and the Ugly')

Now her eyes darkened. I knew she was wondering if she had underestimated my tenacity.. I had the foresight to add a stipulation to my demand:

"And don't you go puttin' any damned Pokemon in that bag, either?"

Ooooh. I had her. I could tell that I had ruined her sick plan.

I took my bag home, threw my toy up on the counter and threw the kid's meal away - except for the Dr. Pepper. My morning had not been completely ruined. I did come home with a small prize. Then I saw it. The toy?. She had slipped another Kevin into the bag. She must have known I would have made it a point to get Kevin already. Bitch? Well, at least it wasn't another Howie?

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