Tristan Trilogy- Story 3

CHAPTER 73

Tristan had already wrapped herself in a terry robe when the bathroom door flew open and slammed back against the wall. The only thing that prevented the knob from breaking the plaster was a brass doorstop that had been fastened to the shoe molding. The change that had taken place in Kevin’s countenance shocked and alarmed her. A mere five minutes ago he had been soft-spoken and affectionate. Now, he stood over the sink, hurling curses and popping her tiny pills into the drain, one by one.

“What are you doing?” Tristan screamed as she darted to the sink and grabbed his forearm in an attempt to keep him from destroying almost three weeks worth of the Ovamin. “Are you crazy?”

Bad choice of words because, at that moment, Kevin was crazy. He never looked up as he returned her scream.

“I’m getting rid of your LIE, Tris! How long did you plan on keeping this from me? You had no right, Tristan! NO RIGHT!”

“Stop this, Kevin! You don’t know what you’re doing! You’re going to mess up my cycle…”

“TOUGH SHIT!” Kevin exploded as he shoved her away from him. “You’ve already messed me up pretty good!”

Tristan fell back against the tiled portion of the wall. Kevin’s shove had not been gentle and the wind had been knocked out of her. Although she had borne witness to his dark side from time to time, she had never gotten used to it. It was unpredictable, uncontrollable and different from the type of anger that results from a disagreement or misunderstanding. Kevin’s ‘dark’ moments were born from a breach of faith. A few short minutes ago he had been tender and relaxed. Now his face was knotted with rage. He frightened her when he was like this because she was helpless to soothe him.

“What’s wrong with you?” she whimpered as her eyes filled with tears.

Kevin turned the water on in the sink and watched until every tiny pill had disappeared into the drain – ruined and irretrievable. Then he raised his eyes to glare at her through the mirror. “What’s wrong with me?” he repeated. “Why nothing, Tris. Nothing’s wrong with me although you had me wondering. I was thinking there might be something wrong with one of us…” He turned then and faced her, his features hard and cold as his condemnation continued, unabated. “I’ve been fucking you like a God damned rabbit since Ben and Mallory were born – over a year. I wondered why you never questioned the fact that there hadn’t been any more babies…”

“Why didn’t you…”

“SHUT UP!! Let me finish!”

Tristan felt herself cower and squeezed her eyes shut, forcing a solitary tear down her cheek as Kevin continued his rant.

“I wouldn’t have thought that much of it but I stupidly thought that you wanted more children!”

“I do…”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, I SAID!” Kevin screamed as he took a step towards her. “I even called Dr. Malone about this! Shit, Tris – I was ready to go jerk myself off in a goddamn Dixie cup! Do you have any idea how humiliating that would be? I didn’t want you to get upset or worried but nothin’ was happening and I wanted to find out if anything was wrong. Malone never mentioned the possibility that you weren’t getting’ pregnant because you’d been swallowing a fuckin’ pill everyday for over a year!”

“He didn’t know…”

“NO SHIT, TRISTAN!” Kevin screeched. “Let me ask you something and I want the goddamn truth! Do you want more kids or not? You got yourself a Grammy and I know you’ve had offers to perform and record. Is that what you want, Tris? A career? Just tell me now! I really want to know!”

“No! I don’t want that – not like you think! I don’t want to leave my music just like you don’t want to leave yours but that doesn’t mean I don’t want us to have more children! Our family is the number one thing in my life! I want lots of babies, Kevin – just like you!”

“Then why are you stopping them, Tristan?”

Tristan didn’t fully understand Kevin’s question. Its implication went deeper than she realized.

“You’re mad because I didn’t get pregnant right away? I was on the pill before! What made you think that I wouldn’t get on them again?”

“They didn’t work before, did they? It never occurred to me that you would use them again. I’m not mad about the birth control issue, Tristan. I’m pissed off because you lied about it!”

“I didn’t lie…”

“You did lie! It was a lie of omission as far as I’m concerned, Tristan! You didn’t talk to me about this! You took it upon yourself to stop us from having another child! You betrayed me…”

Tristan was having difficulty trying to understand Kevin’s anger and hostility. She tired to get inside his head but couldn’t quite grasp his complaint. Was he mad that there hadn’t been another child or was he mad about the pills?

“Kevin, are you telling me that you didn’t want to wait until Ben and Mallory were a little older before we had another baby?”

Kevin suddenly felt like he was suffocating. He had to get out of there. Talking to Tristan was like talking to a post. Why couldn’t she understand? He spoke once more before storming out of the bathroom and through the bungalow door.

“Jesus Christ…. Did you hear me at all?”

*****

Tristan didn’t know what to do, so she did nothing. Her tears had left her exhausted and confused and so she laid down for awhile, soon falling into a troubled sleep. She awoke much later to rumbles of thunder in the distance. The bungalow was quiet.

Wiping the sleep from her eyes, she pulled herself to the edge of the bed and waited a moment for her mind to clear. Things usually seemed clearer after sleep but not this time. She hadn’t tried to hide the fact that she was on the pill. She knew that Kevin didn’t care for condoms and frankly, neither did she. It had never occurred to her that Kevin wouldn’t want to wait a couple of years before having another child, especially when things with his career seemed a little unsettled at the moment. Things had been going well between them since last February but Kevin still slipped into strange moods from time to time and she didn’t want to put anything else on his plate right now. As far as she knew, he was content with the way things were and while she knew that he wanted several children, she really didn’t think he wanted them all at one time. She remembered telling him when she went in for her six-month check up with her GYN. She thought she had mentioned birth control at that time, even if casually. Maybe she didn’t. She couldn’t remember. At any rate, it seemed that she had done something that she normally never did – she made an assumption.

She didn’t object to the idea of going off the pill but not this way. She would have hell to pay now. He doctor had cautioned her about using these pills properly and she had read the instructions that came with the prescription. These pills were particularly strong and had been prescribed because weaker ones hadn’t worked in the past. They were new on the market and she was instructed by the doctor and by the enclosed printed material to complete the full cycle of medication and to take the pills at the same time each day. The failure to do so would likely result in intense cramping, sweats, chills and heavy bleeding that may last for several days and these symptoms could begin within a day or two after the hormones had stopped being taken. Now, here she was in a foreign country, her pills destroyed and her husband hurt and angry. Not only was she being punished emotionally, she would be punished physically as well. Tristan knew that Kevin didn’t realize the full implications of what he had done, but his ignorance wouldn’t stop the pain.

It had started to rain. Tristan tip-toed into the common area to see if Kevin was there. She wondered if he had calmed down at all. He wasn’t there. He wasn’t on the terrace, either. Finally, she checked Nick and Holly’s room and that’s where she found him. He was asleep on their bed, lying on his back. One arm lay across the top of his head, the other on his bare chest. It was easy to see that, even in his sleep, he was still agitated. And he was still punishing her by making a decision not to share a bed with her. The bed was their healing place. Sex had nothing to do with the mending of their hearts but the physical closeness was like a balm. It was extremely rare for them not to touch each other in their sleep. Despite any anger or doubts they might bring to bed with them, the intimacy of skin on skin, of legs tangled together, of arms wrapped around each other’s bodies and of mouths unconsciously tasting through the night brought them a comfort and reassurance that no spoken words could. They had no control over this because Tristan and Kevin were like opposite poles of a magnet and gravitated towards each other during these times. Sleep was a great equalizer. It’s a naturally weakened state that allows no room for posturing or pride.

Cool breezes blowing through the louvered doors had made the room chilly. Tristan took a cotton blanket from the closet and shook it over Kevin’s body, causing him to moan softly and roll over. Then she sat herself down on a small chair by the dresser and watched him sleep, remembering the past and other stumbling blocks they had overcome together.

They had been through holy hell in the four years they had spent together. Enemies, real and imagined, had done considerable damage to their relationship, yet Tristan believed that for every step they were pushed back, the end result was that they had taken two steps forward. In the end, their love had always been reinforced. It was the internal demons that frightened her now. Kevin seemed to wage a constant war against his fear of betrayal and it had grown difficult to determine what would set him off or why. That emotional ‘war’, coupled with his general need for control had created their most persistent problems. External enemies eventually went away but the internal ones seemed to linger. Tristan had noticed changes in Kevin. Though he generally maintained an even keel, his previously occasional mood swings had become more frequent and intense. Sometimes he seemed to zone out altogether. She didn’t know why and had all but given up trying to find an answer. His behavior and reactions had become somewhat unpredictable and often dark. This darkness, more often than not, had made itself evident in the bedroom. Although Kevin had always been an intense lover, now his fervor often left her with bruises or teeth marks inflicted in the heat of passion. Yet, ironically, if Tristan had to describe Kevin’s lovemaking in one word, she would have chosen ‘tender’. The fact was that she loved him to the point of pain and beyond. She loved him more than he would ever allow himself to believe.

Kevin shifted again, this time uncovering a bare leg. Tristan smiled to herself. God, how she loved those hairy legs! She even loved the stubble on his face. It felt good on her face – better between her legs – but she liked it best pressing into her breast when Kevin suckled her. If only he wanted to suckle her now….

Tristan rose from the chair with a sigh. This problem wouldn’t be resolved right away. Maybe she should just fly back home. It was pouring now anyway and the forecast had predicted rain for the next few days. She stood beside the bed for another minute or two, staring at him and wishing away his pain, wanting nothing more than to lie beside him and feel him reach out for her. It wasn’t going to happen. She didn’t have his invitation or even his permission. She walked to the door and softly closed it behind her.

Kevin opened his eyes when he heard the door close. He had known she was there. He had felt her presence and it had been confirmed by the faint scent of honeysuckle in the air. He still felt unapologetic and righteous but those emotions didn’t overcome his desire to feel her fingers trailing down his cheek. When he heard the front door open and close a minute later, he fought the urge to investigate and lay still in the bed, listening to the rolling sounds of approaching thunder.

CHAPTER 74

The lobby of the resort was fairly busy at this time of day and it took Tristan several minutes to get the attention of the desk clerk. When she finally did, it took her even longer to explain to him what she needed – a doctor who could prescribe enough of the birth control pills for her to finish out this month. She tried to make it a point to take her pills between ten AM and twelve PM and it was already mid afternoon. It took the hotel another two hours to locate a doctor only for Tristan to be told that he couldn’t help her with the pills – they were unavailable in that country – he would be glad to prescribe morphine to help with the cramps. Tristan had refused. She would just have to wait until they got home. Of course by then, it would be too late to stop anything.

When she returned to the bungalow, Kevin was not there and he hadn’t bothered to leave a note. He came in at eleven that night with no explanations or excuses. He had been drinking.

“Y’eaten yet?” he slurred as he stumbled past Tristan towards the sofa.

He didn’t really seem to be looking for an answer. He picked up the remote and began flipping through channels as Tristan stood near the door and watched him. It was like she wasn’t even there. That was the moment that Tristan decided to go back home. Kevin could stay until day after tomorrow but when the cramps and chills hit, she’d rather be in familiar surroundings. She could already feel the familiar bubbling in her abdomen and it had only been thirteen hours. Involuntarily, she cast her eyes to the floor and shuffled silently to their room, gently shutting the door behind her. As soon as the latch fell into place, Kevin turned and stared at the closed portal with a feeling of victory laced with impatience. He wasn’t all that drunk. He wanted Tristan to feel responsible for his rage and to accept the blame for his hurt. He was still waiting for her to turn to him for atonement – to acknowledge his feelings. He didn’t realize that on the other side of the door, Tristan was repacking her bag before calling the desk and arranging for a flight back home.

Tristan tried to remain optimistic but Kevin was stubborn. Long into the night she hoped to feel him crawling into bed with her. She could always postpone the flight. Unfortunately, her hopes were never realized and when she awoke at seven, she was still alone. Kevin had fallen asleep on the sofa. At least she did the courtesy of leaving him a note. Her plane was leaving at nine. She’d see him in Orlando sometime tomorrow. She was unaware that he had gotten up several times during the night to check on her.

*****

He tried to fight it, but there was no getting around the fact that if he didn’t get to the bathroom, his bladder was going to burst. For several minutes, his kidneys battled his brain but they were the ultimate victors. With a protesting groan, Kevin opened his eyes, pulled himself off of the sofa and stumbled into Nick and Holly’s bathroom. The relief he felt as he stood in front of the toilet and emptied himself was almost worth the discomfort of having to wake himself up enough to go. His sense of time was off balance due partly to the fact that he was slightly hung over and also because the overcast skies made it seem earlier than it was. When he checked his watch, it read 7:59 AM.

Kevin grabbed a pillow from Nick’s bed as he passed, planning to reassume his position on the sofa. When he re-entered the great room, he glanced to his and Tristan’s bedroom and noticed that the door was ajar so he padded over to investigate. The room was empty. So was the bathroom. Kevin was about to step out of the bathroom, thinking that Tristan was probably walking the beach, when he suddenly stopped. Something was off-base, so he backed up and went back into the room. It took him several seconds to realize that many of the toiletries that they had placed on the vanity were missing. Tristan’s shampoo, deodorant and make-up remover were gone, as well as her hair and toothbrush. Fuck… Kevin stepped quickly over to the closet. Her clothes were missing, too, as was her suitcase.

When he ran back out into the living area, he spotted it right away. The envelope bore the return address of the resort but his name was written on the front in her handwriting. She had propped it up on his video camera that he had left on the dining room table. Kevin ripped the paper, then tried to rub the confusion out of his eyes before he began reading.

Darling Kevin,

I decided that it would be best for me to return home today. I’m not feeling too well and may need to contact my gynecologist. It’s no big deal – nothing to worry about, but I’d just feel better being at home.

You’re going to mess up my cycle… Kevin ran his hand through his hair and kept reading.

You were sleeping soundly and I didn’t want to wake you. Yesterday afternoon was very rough and you are obviously drained – physically and mentally. We weren’t talking very much anyway so I thought I might as well go. I don’t know what to say. Maybe while we’re apart for a day, we can sort this out.

Please don’t think I’m running away – it’s not that at all. Hopefully, by the time I see you again, I’ll be in shape to talk to you. I’d just as soon you not be with me right now. I don’t want you to see me. In a couple of days I’ll be fine.

I’ll give the children a kiss for you when I see them. I hope that when we’re together again, we can talk this out without fighting. I’ve been trying to understand. I didn’t think that taking birth control pills was lying. Maybe I really am stupid.

All my love,

Tris

Kevin sighed as he folded the paper and slipped it into his shorts pocket. The original problem had suddenly tripled in size. Not only did he have his own anger to deal with but now, Tristan was getting sick and feeling a distinct lack of self-esteem. For a split second, Kevin considered staying in Belize without her but soon realized that the idea was based strictly on pride. She doesn’t want to be with me – right now… She doesn’t want me to see her – right now… That was going to be too bad. Kevin checked his watch once more and called the front desk. He’d have to bust ass if he was going to make that flight.

*****

Tristan walked across the tarmac towards the small jet. Luckily, she was able to get a direct flight to Orlando with only a brief stop in Miami. She wouldn’t even have to deplane. Tiny beads of perspiration dotted her forehead and she wiped them away with the palm of her hand before attempting to scale the mobile steps that had been rolled to the plane and attached to the entry door. By the time she was seated in first class, it felt like her ovaries were being squeezed in the same way that someone might squeeze a lemon in order to extract its juice. She closed her eyes for a moment, waiting for the sensation to pass and fearing that this was only the beginning. Her menses had not yet begun, thank goodness.

The flight was fairly crowded but the plane only accommodated twelve passengers in first class. Eight of the seats had been taken when she boarded but, fortunately, she was able to sit alone. She would be lousy company for a talkative seatmate. Tristan sighed and leaned her head against the rest. She should be home in four hours.

*****

Kevin’s fingers tapped the marble counter impatiently as he waited for the clerk to return. Finally, the rotund reservationist, got off the phone, stopped at the far wall to check for any messages and returned to Kevin with arrangements for his flight back to FL.

“Senora Richardson is on this flight, Senor. The plane is supposed to take off in forty-five minutes…”

Kevin groaned and looked at his watch. He was a good thirty minutes from the small airport.

“I have taken the liberty of calling a driver for you, as you seem to be in a hurry. I also give the airline your credit card so ticket will be ready. That is okey-dokey, si?”

“Si,” Kevin mumbled as he slipped his American Express card back in his wallet. “Okey-dokey…”

The clerk handed Kevin three small slips of paper. “If you are leaving our country, it is not necessary to give you these, but Dr. Matinez left medicine permission for Senora Richardson, just in case she stay here. He left note, also.”

Kevin looked puzzled. “Medicine permission? What is that?”

“Ummm…pre…pre scribe?” The clerk guessed.

“Oh…” The prescriptions and note were in Spanish – and in a doctor’s handwriting. Kevin couldn’t begin to read them. “Can you translate these for me, please?” he asked impatiently, glancing at the door waiting for his ride to arrive.

The clerk plucked the papers from Kevin’s fingers.

“This one say…. co- codine?”

“Codeine?”

“Yes, that is right. And this one say ‘morphine’…” The clerk looked at Kevin wide-eyed. “Senora Richardson hurt herself? She will be okey-dokey, si?”

Kevin didn’t answer. His eyes fell to the floor as he replayed limited bits of information. You’ve messed up my cycle… I don’t want you to be with me now…alright in a couple of days…don’t want you to see me…

“What does the note say?” Kevin asked softly.

“Uh… the doctor say – ‘Greetings Senora Richardson. I leave medicine permission for you if you change your mind. I leave two different in case of allergic response. I regret that I do not have Ova…Ova-min available to you. I hope you do not have too bad pains. From Dr. Joaquin Martinez…” The clerk handed the papers back to Kevin and looked at him expectantly.

“Okay. Thanks. Gracias…”

Kevin’s ride arrived a moment later and he was out of the door.

*****

As the jet engines revved up, Tristan felt overcome by a wave of nausea and dizziness. Her eyes closed as she tried to focus on fighting off the symptoms of hormonal withdrawal and she took deep breaths in an attempt to clear her head. She was sweating again but felt chilly. A small shiver danced across her shoulders. If only I could sleep…

Muffled conversations around her blended into white noise. Occasionally one of the voices would distinguish itself. Tristan was aware of a woman asking when the flight would take off. She had a British accent. ‘We’re boarding a last minute passenger…’ the flight attendant responded. Tristan remained still.

A few moments later, she heard the same attendant say ‘Here you are, sir.’ Then she was aware that someone was taking the seat next to her. Tristan didn’t open her eyes. She hoped that her seat-mate would think she was asleep. She didn’t realize that the person next to her had slept with her enough to know when she was sleeping and when she wasn’t.

Kevin kept his eyes on her as the plane began to taxi down the runway. She looked pale and clammy. He was at a loss as to what he should do. Tristan had said in her note that she didn’t want him to be with her but he knew that no malice had been intended in that statement. He wanted to respect her wishes and, on some level, even understood them, but there was no way he would be able to ignore her or the situation that she now found herself in – the one he had unwittingly created for her. When they had reached cruising altitude, he watched her sigh deeply, trembling slightly as her breath was expelled. She seemed cold. Kevin motioned to the attendant for a blanket.

Tristan barely opened her eyes when felt the cotton coverlet fall across her lap but they widened when his hands lifted the edges and tucked them around her shoulders. He didn’t speak and neither did she. Although she didn’t expect for Kevin to be here, a large part of her wasn’t surprised. He pressed his palm against her forehead and then on the side of her face, staring at her intently as he did so and then sat back in his seat and faced forward. He was as still as she except for the movement in his arm when he raised it slightly in order to rest his elbow on the armrest that lay between them. Tristan glanced down at his hand. Kevin’s wrist was turned slightly. His palm was facing up – an unspoken invitation for her to take his hand.

She didn’t accept his invitation. She felt weak, sick and sore all over and under other circumstances would have found comfort in any tenderness shown by him, but the last thing she wanted was any consideration that was born out of guilt. Tristan stared at the side of his face once more before closing her eyes again. He still faced forward, a serious expression fixed to his eyes and mouth. He hadn’t shaved – his cheek was peppered with sporadic stubble. Her arms crossed under the blanket and she held them tightly against her abdomen as she pressed her head against the wall of the plane and raised her legs, curling them under her thighs. She leaned away from him now, distancing herself. It was amazing how much could be expressed between two people without uttering a word.

*****

“What are you doing home?” Mason grilled. “You weren’t supposed to be home until tomorrow night!” His eyes darted from Kevin to Tristan. She looked like shit and seemed to have some difficulty walking. “Precious! What’s wrong? Are you sick?” Mason began to flutter around her like a nervous bird.

Kevin instinctively reached for her, attempting to pull her away from Mason’s sincere but cloying concern. Even the fact that she was sick instantly became a territorial matter but Tristan broke away, leaving them both standing in the foyer.

“I’m going to lie down for awhile….”

She paused when she reached the landing and grabbed on to the banister for support as a cramp began to twist its way through her belly. Tristan tried to keep moving and even managed a couple of stairs but her humiliation, knowing that Kevin and Mason were watching her, combined with her exhaustion, confusion and general discomfort, caused her to stop again and lean against the wall where she began to cry.

She barely had time to take a breath before Kevin was behind her. She felt His arm pressing against the back of her legs and then her feet left the floor. A moment later, Kevin was carrying her into their bedroom. She didn’t protest as he quickly undressed her and then pulled one of his tee shirts over her head before laying her down and pulling the covers up over her.

“I’m gonna go call your doctor, Tris…” Kevin whispered as he pushed stray strands of hair back from her face. She responded with a slight nod. “What’s his name?”

“Hiller…” she sighed, closing her eyes again. “It’s in the book downstairs…”

“Is there any….bleeding or anything?”

“Just spotting right now…”

“Okay. You gonna be okay while I call him?”

Tristan nodded again as she moved into a fetal position. She felt Kevin rise from where he had been sitting on the edge of the bed and then heard the door close behind him.

She didn’t know how long he had been gone when another pain hit. She was so tired and silently prayed for a deep sleep. Just a few hours… Then I can handle all of this… Her thoughts suddenly shifted, perhaps out of desperation, and she remembered the pills that she had discovered in Kevin’s things so long ago. He had pain pills in there.. Perco-something… He said that they were good to have around- just in case. Maybe he still… Tristan pulled herself out of the bed and staggered over to the bureau. She rifled through the top drawer but the zippered pouch wasn’t there. The second drawer contained only tee-shirts. So it went, and Tristan began to feel a little frantic. She almost cried out with relief when she finally found the bag in the bottom drawer. It had been covered with an odd assortment of raggedy sweat shirts and watch caps. After quickly unzipping the bag, she began to dig through its contents and was surprised to feel that the pouch contained more than just a couple of pill bottles.

She dumped the contents out on the dresser and stared.

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