CHAPTER 13

Kevin and Tristan dropped Mason off at his apartment and then drove directly to the club. They chatted along the way and Kevin kept glancing over at Tristan who looked straight ahead. He couldn’t get enough of her in that dress and when she leaned forward to get some tissues from the glove compartment, Kevin almost ran a red light. The truck screeched to a halt and Tristan had to brace herself on the dashboard.

“Jeez, Kevin!”

“Sorry, baby. You okay?”

“Yes. Just scared me a little…”

She sat back up in the seat and adjusted her skirt, waiting for the light to change. Finally it did and they began to move again.

“You know Tris, I’m really glad that you’re flying out with us Sunday.” Kevin smiled and checked the rear view mirror. Tristan looked at him confused.

“What are you talking about? I’m not going with you Sunday.”

Kevin squirmed in his seat, becoming agitated. “Yes you are! You said you were starting the tour with me.”

“I am, Kevin, but I’ll have to meet you in Pennsylvania Monday night. I have a doctor’s appointment. Remember?”

“No, I don’t remember….With who?”

“You know. Dr. Reingold.”

Kevin saw red. He jerked the steering wheel to the right, pulling into the empty parking lot of a supermarket. He threw the truck into park, unfastened his seat belt and turned to glare at Tristan.

“What did you just say to me?”

“I said I have an appointment with Dr. Reingold. I’ll fly up and meet you in Pennsyl…..”

“God damn it!” Kevin’s fist came down hard on the steering wheel.

“What’s the matter?” Tristan whispered. She was bewildered by his outburst.

“I can’t fuckin’ believe you!” He shouted. “Look at you! You look amazing….Beautiful! And you want to fuck that up!” Kevin caught his breath and went on. “You’re no too big! You’re perfect and I don’t want you to do this! You won’t do this!” Kevin demanded as he cupped her breast.

At last she understood.

“Kevin,” she said calmly, placing her hand against his on her breast, “I’m not doing this….” She pressed her hand against his, making it squeeze her through the fabric. “I’m doing this…” She removed her hand from his, held it out and pointed to her scar. “I’m having this removed on Monday. Laser surgery.”

Kevin removed his hand from her and slumped down in his seat.

“Oh…”

“Okay?” Tristan asked sweetly.

“Yeah…okay.”

“I’ll meet you in Pennsylvania Monday evening. Okay?”

“Okay..”

Kevin felt foolish and Tristan sensed his embarrassment.

“I guess we didn’t finish talking….about that, did we?”

Kevin shook his head and Tristan took his hand and placed it back on her breast. He watched her do this and then looked into her eyes.

Tristan smiled. “I wouldn’t do anything like that without your input. I couldn’t keep something like that from you because I know that it affects you. Just like you wouldn’t keep something to yourself that affected me.”

Kevin leaned over and kissed her softly. His thumb moved across her nipple and she shivered. He deepened the kiss and then broke away, resting his forehead against hers. Her remark had added to his guilt.

“I love you, Tris. Always remember that - no matter what.”

The club was dark, smoky and loud. It was a little disconcerting to Tristan who was happy to have Kevin hold onto her hand so tightly in this crowded room. She felt a touch of anxiety as people crowded around them - him really. She had a fear of becoming untethered, like a boat torn away from a dock during a storm. After the initial rush, things quieted down and they glanced around the room, looking for AJ and Amanda. Tristan saw Kevin wave and smile. He pulled her behind him around the perimeter of the room until they arrived at a large table. Tristan was delighted to see not only AJ and Amanda but Brian, Leighanne, Nick and Holly as well. Tristan hadn’t seen Leighanne since Christmas and hadn’t seen Amanda since…well, since the end of the last tour and even then she hadn’t really seen her. She had just been there when…. Tristan shook the memory from her head. She was glad to see her friends.

When she got close to the table, the three couples stopped talking and just stared. Tristan turned to look behind herself but couldn’t spot anything unusual. AJ glanced at Kevin and shook his head, smiling. It never occurred to Tristan that they were looking at her. She and Kevin seated themselves and a waiter came over to take drink orders. Conversation started to roll again and things got back to normal - almost. Tristan couldn’t shake the feeling that there was some kind of undercurrent here. She felt slightly out of place, like everyone knew something that she didn’t. By the time the waiter had returned with the drinks, Tristan had convinced herself that Kevin’s unusual behavior of late had just made her a little paranoid.

Kevin was laughing and jovial. Some part of his body stayed in contact with Tristan throughout the evening whether it was his leg pressing against hers or his arm touching her back as he laid it across her chair. His fingers had been running up and down her back when Amanda asked if she was going to be playing publicly again. Kevin’s fingers stopped moving and he took his hand away from her, suddenly sullen.

“Maybe.” Tristan responded, looking at Kevin. He would not meet her eyes.

Amanda knew she had said something wrong but she wasn’t sure what. Tristan smiled and her and decided to change the subject. When ‘Praise You’ began to play, she clutched Kevin’s hand.

“Dance with me, Kevin. It’s been a long time.”

He nodded and led her out to the dance floor. The three couples watched for a moment as Kevin pulled Tristan close to him and she snaked her arms around his neck. Everyone at the table had different thoughts running through their heads. Nick was thinking about the night before. Kevin’s sexual banter had amused him. It had been so unusual for him to kid around like that, where Tristan was concerned, anyway. Nick took a certain amount of pride in the fact that Kevin would say some of those things around him. Holly was remembering last night, too. Kevin’s possessiveness had disturbed her but his tenderness had touched her. He was much more complicated than he appeared. Brian watched the two wondering if either of them were crazy or if both of them were. He thought that Kevin should come clean with Tristan about Lily but understood why Kevin was fearful of her reaction. Sometimes he wished that they had never met. Things were simpler then even though he’d never seen Kevin truly content until Tristan came into his life. Leighanne watched the sparks flying out on the dance floor with some envy. Her relationship with Brian had become predictable a long time ago but Brian was a nice guy and she had invested too much time in their relationship to move on. She doubted that Kevin and Tristan’s life would ever be predictable. Amanda was amazed to see the change in Tristan. She recalled the waif in baggy clothes she had met over a year ago. Amanda had probably been the first to recognize the chemistry between Kevin and Tristan and despite their personal hardships, that chemistry had intensified. Still a romantic at heart, Amanda quickly replayed what she knew about them through her mind thinking about what a great movie it would make. AJ’s tastes ran more to musical theater. He saw three acts played out so far. Act I - The Meeting, with scenes in Sweden and Florida. Act II - The Consummation, taking place in Florida, Kentucky and various points on the road. Act III - The Death and Resurrection, covering the tumultuous events from November of last year to the present. AJ pictured a dramatic ending in which Lily would be burned at the stake while the Backstreet Boys danced around her and sang ‘Don’t Want You Back’. He smiled at the image, hoping for a happy epilogue.

AJ glanced at Holly, catching her eye. They exchanged knowing smiles, winked and looked back out at the dance floor. Nick had caught all of this and was suddenly annoyed. Surely AJ wasn’t thinking of making a pass at Holly! He squeezed her knee under the table and gave her a warning look. Holly reciprocated with a frown.

“Why don’t we dance, Nick?”

It was more of an order than a request. Nick groaned and stood up holding Holly’s chair. They made their way to the dance floor, embraced each other coolly as the stare down began.

“Okay, Nick. What’s the problem?” Holly asked as they moved slowly to the music.

“Nothing, Hol.” Nick insisted, making a face.

“Good.” Holly replied, knowing that Nick wouldn’t really be satisfied until he could voice his complaint.

She wasn’t going to beg so Holly waited to see how stubborn Nick was going to be about this. She didn’t have to wait long.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather be dancing with AJ?” Nick whined.

He got irritated when Holly paused as if she was considering his question.

“Well, he is a good dancer. Do you think Amanda would mind?” Holly teased.

Her teasing didn’t go as expected. She thought that Nick would get a little pissed but when she looked at him, all she could see was hurt. Holly backed off and spoke gently to him.

“Nick, sweetie, what’s wrong? Tell me.” Holy ran her fingers through the back of his hair.

Nick sighed and looked at her directly in the eye. “What’s going on with you and AJ, Holly? You two act like you’ve got some sort of secret. Tell me the truth.”

“Oh Nick….” Holly hugged him tightly but he resisted. “AJ and I do kind of have a secret…”

“From me?” Nick’s arms dropped to his side and he stopped moving.

“Listen to me, Nick. This is hard to explain, but it doesn’t threaten what we have.” Holly put her arms back around him and began to move, forcing him to do the same. “AJ and I discovered, by accident, that we both have this ability to…well…”

“What?” Nick shouted impatiently over the music.

“We know when people have had sex and we know if it was extraordinarily, well…good. That’s all. The ‘looks’ you saw between AJ and I yesterday happened after Kevin came back to rehearsals. You and I both know that there had been trouble between him and Tris. He’d left her, for God’s sake! So, when I caught his vibe….”

“His vibe?”

“Yes…I was relieved, that’s all. AJ caught it, too. We both saw that the other caught it.”

“You’re saying that Kevin had sex? Gee, Hol, that’s not exactly earth shattering news. I think I could have told you that myself.”

“When you saw Kevin yesterday morning, did you know that he had been home yet?”

“No, but…”

“Well AJ and I did.”

“Because Kevin had sex?”

“Really good sex, Nick….”

“So AJ knows if you’ve had good sex.”

“I don’t think so. People that can do this can’t seem to read each other.”

“But he can read me?” Nick felt a little violated.

“Not unless he wants to and I doubt that he wants to. This…vibration…doesn’t jump out and slap you in the face. You have to want to read it.”

“And you and AJ wanted to read Kevin?”

“Or Tristan. Look, it’s not that anybody wantedto. I think we were just compelled to - under the circumstances and all.”

“I don’t know if I get it.”

“Don’t worry about it Nick. It’s a useless talent most of the time.

Nick gave Holly a squeeze and then pulled back and smiled into her face.

“Have I had good sex, Hol? Can you read me?”

Holly laughed. “Baby, I don’t have to read you! I know you’ve had good sex!”

Tristan and Kevin were still on the dance floor in their own little bubble. Kevin had become repressed since Amanda had asked about Tristan performing.

“Kevin, tell me what you think about Mason’s proposal. You know, about the tour. Be honest.” She smiled at him.

Kevin sighed and returned her smile with a hard one of his own. “I’m not proud of the way I feel, Tris. I guess I’m a selfish son of a bitch, but I have to tell you - I don’t like it.”

“Go on.”

“I don’t want us thousands of miles apart. I want you with me. I know that’s no fun for you being stuck in hotel rooms and busses, no privacy, crowds of people all the time. It’s grueling and hard. I know, too, that you’re a musician and I understand your need to play. When I think about you and your career, I want to say ‘Go for it!’. When I think about you and me, I want to say ‘Stay close’.”

Tristan nodded and laid her head on his shoulder.

“Do you think you feel that way because of the last tour?”

Kevin swallowed hard. It was still a difficult and emotional subject for him, especially under the current circumstances.

“Yeah…I think that has a lot to do with it.” He paused for a moment. “But I want you to do what you need to do to be happy. You’ve supported me and I’ll support you.” Kevin pulled away and looked at her. “You know I love you, no matter what. Right?”

That was the second time tonight that he had used that phrase. Tristan wondered about it for a moment and then dismissed it.

“Yes. I know.”

They danced for a few more bars before Tristan proposed the compromise.

“What if I played a few dates in the U.S. - just four weeks worth. A maximum of sixteen performances?”

Kevin grimaced. He didn’t want her touring at all, but native soil was better than Moscow.

“That’s up to you, baby.”

“What if I could be with you, too?” she asked, searching his face.

Kevin chuckled. “Have you been cloned or something? Darlin’, as magical as you are, I doubt that even you could be in two places at once!”

“I wouldn’t have to be if my dates coincided with the cities you were performing in. You could sing, I could play. Same city, same time, different venues.”

Kevin stopped and held her at arm’s length by the shoulders.

“Is that possible?” he asked expectantly.

“Mason says it is.”

“What about Beijing?”

Tristan laughed. “I’ll play China when ya’ll do your Oriental tour.”

“Damn, Tris. That’s perfect.” Kevin hugged her tightly, oblivious to stares from nearby couples. “I may have to kiss Mason!”

“Just don’t slip him any tongue,” Tristan whispered seductively. “Save that for me.”

“You got it, baby….”

The three couples had been chatting and laughing at the table when Leighanne suddenly pointed to the dance floor. They all looked up in time to see Kevin, never known for public displays of affection beyond hand holding, plant one on Tris that left even them breathless. The kiss was deep and intense and they were all shocked when they saw Kevin grab Tristan’s ass with one hand and run his fingers up the slit in her skirt with the other.

“Damn!” AJ said quietly, staring at the dance floor. “Who is that man with Tris and what has he done with Kev?”

“No shit.” Amanda concurred.

Brian started glancing around the room, worried about photographers capturing this moment on film. Leighanne had other concerns.

“Uh-oh,” Leighanne moaned. “Fuck!”

“Leighanne!” Brian scolded. “What’s with the mouth? Are you drunk?”

“No.” she answered. “But I wish I were…”

Brian and the others followed her gaze to the far side of the room.

“Shit!” Brian shouted. “Double fuck!”

Lily stood in the semi darkness on the other side of the club, glaring at Kevin and Tristan’s display on the dance floor. She was not happy.

CHAPTER 14

Kevin and Tristan were returning to the table when Lily began to move in their direction. As soon as they sat down, Amanda leaned over to Tristan and tried to talk her into a trip to the ladies room. While Tristan was being distracted by Amanda, Brian caught Kevin’s eye and glanced repeatedly across the room with a panicked expression on his face, but it was too late. Lily approached the table with no concerns for anyone but herself and apparently, no regrets about the past. The term ‘brazen hussy’ was much too mild a term to describe Lily. Her selfish and guilt free attitude bordered on the sociopathic. Kevin glared at her, his eyes seething with both anger and dread while the other six kept their eyes on Tristan.

Tristan had been looking in the opposite direction when Lily reached the table. She felt Kevin grabbing her thigh and turned. A sudden wave of nausea swept over her so strongly that she thought she might throw up. Her vision blurred for a moment. Tristan hadn’t seen Lily since the night that Kevin had slept with her. She still looked beautiful but tough as nails. The few seconds that had passed since Lily’s arrival seemed like hours to Tristan. She fought to gain control, blinking rapidly and trying to take deep breaths without being too obvious.. Kevin squeezed her thigh and she felt Nick grab her hand under the table. Everything around her was moving in slow motion. She looked at the faces of her friends as their eyes moved from her face to Lily’s, sometimes pausing at Kevin’s. They’re waiting to see if I’m going to flip out. Tristan had turned deathly pale. Then she heard AJ’s voice. He sounded like a 45 rpm record played at 33.

“What the fuck do you want, Lily? This is a private party!”

Lily ignored AJ’s remark, and leaned past Kevin to speak to Tristan. She succeeded in spite of Kevin’s efforts to stop her.

“Well, hello Tristy! My, you look lovely tonight. I just adore what you’ve done to your hair. It looks good shorter.” Lily said with a dazzling smile.

Tristan's hand drifted to the ends of her hair. She saw Kevin turning to look at her, frowning and she met his eyes, silently pleading with him to make Lily go away. Everything still moved slowly.

“God damn it, Lily…” Kevin hissed at her, “Don’t you fucking even look at Tristan, much less speak to her.” A major artery had popped out on Kevin’s neck.

“Goodness!” Lily murmured, “Aren’t we being protective! We’re all adults here. Let’s face it, sweetheart, you’re no better than I am. Who’s going protect her from you? And speaking of ‘protection’ or the lack thereof….”

“AJ asked you what you what the fuck you wanted, Lily!” Nick spat.

Lily laughed and Tristan’s eyes began to dart around the room, looking for an exit.

Lily’s gaze returned to Kevin. “Why Kev! I came over here to see what you wanted! A little birdie told me that you’ve been looking for me all day - that you even sent someone into the dressing rooms to try and find me. Is there something we need to…uh…discuss?”

Tristan jerked her head towards Kevin, puzzled. Why were you looking for her, Kevin? Then she heard Nick speak.

“You were misinformed.” Nick said, glancing at Kevin. “That was me - I was looking for you. It’s about one of the numbers. We can talk tomorrow.”

Kevin closed his eyes. He felt a little dizzy.

“I was definitely told it was Kevin!” Lily said defiantly.

“No. It was me…”

“Oh. Well, anyway, is everybody ready for the tour? I know I’m ready to pick things up where they left off, aren’t you?” she said patting Kevin’s shoulder. He jerked himself away from her.

To the uninitiated, it seemed that Lily was speaking in general terms to the group, as a whole but everyone at the table knew who her comments were intended for. Tristan’s eyes had become fixed on Leighanne’s wineglass. Kevin recovered from his momentary weakness and glanced towards Tristan. He saw her staring into the goblet as if she were deaf, dumb and blind. A small smile played at the corners of her mouth.

“Tris?” Kevin whispered, leaning to her.

She had no reaction. She hadn’t heard him. She seemed to have found the exit she was looking for. Holly had been watching Tristan. When she didn’t respond to Kevin’s whisper, she stood and reached across the table, deliberately knocking over Leighanne's glass and spilling what remained of its contents. Tristan blinked and turned to Kevin as if nothing had happened. She had lost at least one minute of time and never realized it. She was surprised to find Kevin staring at her. His eyes looked wet. Then she looked past him and up at Lily.

“Are you still here?” Tristan asked her evenly.

Lily hadn’t expected Tristan to speak to her. Neither had anyone else at the table.

“Ah…the mouse finally speaks!” Lily murmured sarcastically.

“Only to sluts…” Tristan shot back.

Lily frowned. She hadn’t expected that one. Amanda grinned. Good one, Tris. You go, girl!

Kevin had never really wanted to slap a woman before tonight. He pushed his chair back from the table and stood, angry and ready to explode.

“Lily…leave. Now.” Kevin was ready to boil over. He was trying desperately to keep the back of his hand from making contact with the side of Lily’s face.

Lily saw Kevin’s rage and decided to back off. She knew that she faired much better in one on one confrontations. Still, she had gotten a kind of sick pleasure from the encounter. She wondered what it would take to push Tristan over the edge.

“I’ll leave you all to your ‘private’ party now.” Lily said, beginning to back away. “I’ll see you all tomorrow!” Then she stopped and turned to Kevin, who was still standing. “Bye, Daddy…” she whispered.

Kevin whirled his head around to see if Tristan had seen or heard Lily’s remark. She hadn’t. She was busy looking at her wrist and scratching. Lily laughed and walked away.

Kevin sat back down in his chair, clearly upset. Tristan continued to dig at her wrist. Kevin took her right hand and held it gently, running his thumb up and down her fingers. Tristan turned her face to his.

“Are you alright, baby?” he asked and then kissed her fingers.

“Oh yes.” She smiled. “I’m fine.”

The others at the table sat quietly, not really knowing what, if anything, to say. Kevin closed his eyes again. Tristan wasn’t fine. In the space of ten minutes he had watched her have an anxiety attack and then zone out. Then she had attacked her wrist, all but breaking the skin.

“I’m a little tired, Tris. How about one more dance and then we call it a night, okay?”

“Okay, Kevin.” She smiled as he led her to the dance floor.

The dee jay had just started to play Nick’s solo ‘I Need You Tonight’. Nick looked at his lap, blinking rapidly as he recalled the night that the song had been recorded with Tris’ gentle encouragement. The lyrics seemed particularly fitting tonight. Nick felt Holly rub his hand gently under the table as her other hand made circles on his back. He marveled that she understood what he was thinking and feeling. The table remained silent for several minutes as they watched Kevin and Tristan swaying out on the dance floor. When Kevin took Tristan’s scratched wrist in his hand and brought it to his mouth, it was too much, even for the salty Amanda.

“That bitch is going down!” Amanda choked.

“Here, here!” Holly agreed, raising her glass.

“I’m serious, Holly.” Amanda said evenly, staring at the dance floor.

“Good. So am I.” Holly answered.

The two women turned to each other and locked eyes, each evaluating the other’s commitment. An unspoken agreement seemed to be reached and they tapped their glasses together and swallowed.

“You can’t do anything!” Leighanne argued. “She’s pregnant. If that’s Kevin’s baby….”

Amanda interrupted her. “I’m not so sure I believe she is pregnant. Holly and I have some work to do. Are you in or out, Leighanne?”

“She’s out!” Brian decided, answering for his girlfriend. “Why don’t you girls just let us see what we can do.” He said patronizingly.

“Because you can’t do jack-shit, Brian!” Leighanne growled.

Brian was shocked. “Leighanne!”

“You’re not a woman! You can’t go where we can go or do what we can do, so shut up!”

Brian shut up. AJ cackled.

“We need to keep an eye on Tris, too.” Holly whispered. “Kevin’s worried to death.”

“Well shit!” Amanda looked around the table. “There’s six of us and only two of them. We should be able to manage this, right?”

Everyone nodded except for Brian who was still stinging from Leighanne’s attack.

“Is she planning to fly up with us on Sunday?” Amanda asked Holly.

“No. She’s coming up on Monday. Some kind of business or something.”

The song ended and Kevin and Tristan came back to the table to retrieve her shawl.

“Hey, Tris?” Amanda smiled. “Holly says you’re flying to Pennsylvania on Monday instead of Sunday. Is that right?”

“Yes, that’s right. I have an appointment on Monday.”

“Have you made a reservation yet?’

“No…”

“Good! Make one for me, too. We can fly up together!”

“Okay!” Tristan laughed.

AJ glanced at Amanda like she was crazy. She was supposed to fly up with him. Kevin noticed AJ’s surprise at Amanda’s statement.

“Maybe you could do me a favor.” Amanda suggested.

“Sure. If I can.”

“Since we’re gonna be on our own Sunday night, how about if I come over and you can help me color my hair?”

Tristan grinned. “That sounds like fun! We have a lot of catching up to do anyway.”

“We’ll have a pajama party!” Amanda squealed like a pubescent teenager.

Tristan’s eyes grew wide with excitement. A pajama party! She giggled as Kevin draped the shawl around her shoulders. Kevin began to understand what was happening. AJ had realized it, too. His ‘Panda’ was setting this lopsided plan in motion.

“Goodnight!” Tristan waved, smiling as if nothing unusual had happened tonight.

“See you guys tomorrow.” Kevin said, throwing some money down on the table.“Oh, and Amanda? “

“Yeah?” she answered.

“Thank you.” He whispered.

“Get outta here!” she shrugged, smiling.

On the ride back home, Tristan was quiet.

“You okay, baby?” Kevin asked glancing at her.

“Yes, Kevin. I’m fine.” She smiled and gazed back out of the window.

Again, there was a silent lull.

“Tris,” Kevin began, “I’m sorry about Lily…”

“It was fun seeing everyone again, wasn’t it, Kevin?”

“Tristan…”

“Please, Kevin!” Tristan shouted. “Do we have to talk about her? Is there something we need to discuss concerning Lily?”

“No, of course not.” He lied.

“Good.”

Tristan faced the window until they got to the house.

“You look beautiful tonight, Tris. I swear, I could eat you up.”

“Promises, promises…” Tristan chuckled.

Ýou know it’s more than a promise, Tris.” Kevin said seriously as they pulled into the drive.

As Kevin unlocked the front door, Tristan began to giggle.

“What’s so funny?”

“I’m just thinking about the pajama party.” She smiled. Then her smile faded and Kevin saw the face of the child-woman. “I’ve never been at a pajama party. Did you know that?”

“No, I didn’t know that.” Kevin held her close. Yes I guess I did know that. Another simple pleasure missed in childhood - Like Christmases and dolls and playmates. Like music and parties and games. Like dates and dances and amusement parks. Jesus.

“Maybe I should invite Mason! We could tape up some N’Sync posters and Amanda and I could write love letters to Justin and JC” she teased.

“What about Mason?” Kevin laughed.

“Mason will probably want to write to Nick.”

“Damn, Tris. You didn’t have to tell me that!” Kevin winced.

Tristan stepped back and looked at Kevin.

“Kevin…I am looking forward to Amanda coming over, but I’m not stupid. I know what’s going on, you know, with Lily and all.”

Kevin’s knees suddenly felt weak. His heart started racing and his palms dampened.

“What do you mean?” He could barely choke out the question.

“ We’ve been together almost everyday since Christmas. You just don’t want me to be alone. Lily’s showing her ass and you think she’s getting to me.”

Kevin’s eyes fell to the floor. I don’t think it, baby. I know it. He didn’t respond, but took her hand and led her up the stairs. He was overcome with the urgent need to make love to Tristan, to show her how much he loved her and to comfort her even though she didn’t know that she needed comforting. This would be another night when he would avoid her touch and deny her advances. Some would call it a self induced punishment.

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