CHAPTER 17

The concert had begun and there was still no sign of Amanda or Tristan. As the show opened, Kevin searched the crowd. When they marched around the five-sided stage he looked, hoping to see her up front in the secured area. She wasn't there. He and AJ exchanged a few words between numbers - both were beginning to worry. They should have been there two hours ago.

Kevin had begun to measure his life by dividing events into two columns: things that he had control over and things that he did not. The 'did not' column seemed to be growing by leaps and bounds. He vaguely remembered a time when he felt he had a good deal of control over most of his life. Those were the pre-Tristan days. He pictured her passed out on the landing at home. That wouldn't have happened if he had been there, but he had been over fifteen hundred miles away and helpless. Now he felt helpless again. He had tried calling her cell but the static and interference were strong and he could hear nothing. When the show ended and there was still no sign of them, Kevin and AJ went directly back to the hotel trying to convince themselves that Tristan and Amanda would be waiting there for them. No one was waiting and it was after midnight. They were now six hours late. Winter storms had set in early that afternoon. Snow and ice covered most of the eastern U.S. Kevin tried to read but his thoughts kept going back to Tristan. He should have called her and told her not to come. He picked up the remote control and flipped to CNN and his eyes widened at the scene of a remote report, which told of a Delta plane crash somewhere over Maryland. Kevin's stomach turned and he felt sick. Where is that paper? The one with the flight number…. He couldn't find it. A sense of foreboding settled on him like a shroud.

Kevin tore down the hall to AJ's room and began banging on the door and jiggling the handle. The door was open and Kevin stepped inside. The room was dark except for the soft glow emanating from the television. AJ sat at the foot of the bed, staring at the screen. Neither of them spoke. When AJ turned to him, Kevin had to fight to keep the bile down his throat. After a moment, AJ's eerie gaze returned to the screen.

"They won't release any names, Kev…." He said quietly.

Kevin couldn't seem to breathe. His pulse was pounding so loudly in his ears that he could barely hear AJ. His throat constricted as he tried to speak. No words would come out. He couldn't move his legs.

"No survivors….", AJ whispered, taking a drag from his cigarette and still focused on the television.

AJ never moved as Kevin backed out of the open door shaking his head in denial. He stumbled back to his room - their room - and locked the door behind him. He turned off the television, picked up the camisole and slid himself down to the floor in a dark corner. There he sat and waited for someone to come tell him that Tristan was dead.

********

Holly didn't know how many times the phone had rung before she finally heard it. At least she had heard it. She squinted and looked over at Nick. The phone was on his side of the bed but the ringing didn't disturb him in the least. Holly groaned and crawled over Nick's back, hoping that it wasn't some fan who had managed to get through the switchboard. A few minutes later, Holly would find herself wishing that it had been an annoying teenybopper.

"Holly? Is that you?"

Holly looked at the clock. Jeez - two AM! "Leighanne? What in the world is it? It's two o' clock!"

"Turn on the TV, Holly - channel 7 - quickly!"

Holly didn't ask any questions. The alarm in Leighanne's voice was evident. As Holly watched, a CNN anchor reported on a plane crash in Maryland. The flight, he said, had originated in Orlando and was en route to Pennsylvania. All passengers were casualties.

"Holly!….Did you see it?" Leighanne asked hoarsely.

"Yes…" she whispered.

"Get Nick up, Holly. Brian's coming down there. They have to get to Kev and AJ."

"Okay, Leighanne."

Holly leaned back over Nick and hung up the phone. He still slept and for several seconds, Holly just watched him, envying his ignorance.

"Nick, you have to get up." Holly said softly, her voice breaking.

Nick moaned and rolled over.

"Nick! Get up!" Holly cried , unable to remain calm.

Nick opened his eyes but found it difficult to speak. His brain was still muddled with sleep. Then Brian started pounding on their door from outside.

"What the fuck is going on?" Nick shouted, still trying to shake away the sleep.

Holly jumped out of bed to let Brian into the room.

"Get up Nick!" Brian ordered. "We've got trouble."

By the time Brian and Nick started for Kevin and AJ's rooms, their bodyguards and hotel security were already fighting off reporters. The press had managed to get a reservation list for Delta flight 632 in Orlando and had recognized Tristan and Amanda's names. The benevolent press couldn't wait to get a picture of a devastated Backstreet Boy or two. Brian and Nick reached AJ's room first. His door was still wide open and he still sat watching the television. The ashtray in front of him was filled with butts and they could see that the mini bar had been opened as evidenced by several empty miniatures lying on the floor. Howie was already there. He shook his head as Nick and Brian entered.

"AJ?" Nick asked softly.

"I'm okay, kid…." AJ said evenly. "D's here. Right D.?"

"Sure thing, AJ." Howie answered.

"I'd go check on Kev if I were you, though." He said to his two friends. "I got a feeling he ain't okay….like me…."

Brian hesitated for a moment, but he couldn't find any words. "We'll be back in a minute, Alex." he said, closing the door behind him.

Brian and Nick took a few more steps down the hall, not even wanting to look at each other. Shock was still their friend, not permitting emotion to take over for the moment. They stopped in front of Kevin's door and took a deep breath. Then Brian knocked gently.

"Kev? It's Brian and Nick. Will you let us in?"

There was no response.

"Come on, Kevin…Please. Open the door, man."

Nothing. Nick jiggled the door handle but it was locked tight. Brian tried again.

"Kevin, we're gonna have to get Carlos down here with his key if you don't open the door." He paused for a moment. "We saw the news, Kev. Please!"

"Back off!" Kevin screamed from inside. "So help me God, if anybody comes through that door, they'll wish the hell they hadn't!"

Kevin's scream was filled with pathos. Its tone was absolutely bone chilling and so full of despair that it caused Brian and Nicked to both step back from the door. It was the sound of a wounded animal. Nick stepped forward again and leaned his head on Kevin's door.

"Please, Kev…" he whimpered through the carved panel.

"FUCK OFF!!" This scream was anger filled but after a moment they heard Kevin's voice break as he spoke. "Please…leave me alone…."

Kevin was desperately trying to find some piece of hope to hang onto and he didn't care how far he had to reach. Maybe there had been survivors. They couldn't be sure yet that no one had lived. Maybe Tris was still at home! Maybe she felt sick after last night and she was afraid to fly. Maybe Amanda had some emergency and Tris had to help her. So what if their names were on some arbitrary list! So what if the manifest had them listed! People made mistakes sometimes, right? Maybe Tris was home right now trying to get a hold of him…. Kevin picked up the phone and dialed his house in Orlando. His hands trembled, making it difficult to press the buttons. No one answered, but there was a message. Kevin punched in the password and Tristan's voice began to dance in his ear.

'Hi, darlin'…I know you'll probably be checking your messages, so here's a message for you - I love you…I'm getting ready to leave for the airport in a minute and climb on board flight 632….' Kevin closed his eyes. '…..but I hear there's ice up there so don't be surprised if we're a little late. My cell died today, so I'm dropping it off on the way to get fixed. I'll probably have to buy another one.' 'Oh! My scar is gone! I just have a burned place now. It's a little tender so I'll expect you to kiss it later on and make it better. In fact, Kevin, my sugar bowl is solid full, if you know what I mean…. giggle…I'm glad I'll see you in a few hours. I'm having snuggle withdrawal!' 'I'll see you soon, babe..I love you…' click.

Kevin pressed the receiver up against his face and squeezed his eyes tightly shut. After a minute, he redialed his number and listened to the message again. When it was over, he listened again. He continued to redial nineteen more times before he let his head fall against the wall. The sun was beginning to come up but the light didn't keep him conscious. He finally let himself tumble into that space which exists between sleep and wakefulness, despair and exhaustion. Kevin was still in the corner with the camisole in one hand and the phone in the other.

************

Howie, Brian and Nick sat in the wide hallway on uncomfortable benches outside of their rooms. They were waiting for word from management who was going to check everything out before any further calls were made or statements issued. Brian had visibly cringed when he was bluntly told that until bodies or identifiable body parts were located, nothing could be deemed definitive for press release. AJ still sat in front of the television, having yet to move from his spot at the end of the bed. No one knew about Kevin. They could only hope that he was asleep.

Brian had checked on Leighanne to find her sitting up in bed, sleeping. Holly was sitting beside her, also asleep. Nick and Brian decided to let them be. Two bodyguards were nearby. One was walking the hallway and the other standing beside them. That was Carlos, Kevin's shadow. Nick watched Carlos with a morbid fascination. The huge man had probably not spoken ten words since he came to work for them. This giant, who could probably open a can of beans with his teeth, was beside himself. Nick remembered overhearing Tristan ask Carlos one time about a wrestler called 'Disco Inferno'. He remembered it clearly because it was one of those 'What's Wrong With This Picture?' moments - Tristan and pro wrestling. Carlos had almost smiled when Tristan had asked him about this wrestler. Later that week, Tristan and Carlos had disappeared one night while the guys were in meetings. Kevin had assumed that Carlos had gone with Tristan so she could do some mall hopping but Holly had told Nick, in confidence, that they had been to a WWF tournament. Tristan had somehow gotten these great tickets and wanted to go. Sure. Carlos would have to accompany her, much to his delight.. Tristan had sworn Holly to secrecy, laughing and telling her that she had actually seen Carlos' teeth that night. "Those guys must get sobored!" she had said. Nick was still staring at Carlos when the big guy suddenly seemed to freeze, gazing down the hallway. Then he spoke eight more words.

"Well fuck me twice and call me Suzie…."

What? Nick's eyes followed Carlos' gaze to the end of the corridor. Two women had gotten off the elevator and were walking quickly towards them, arguing all the way.

"How many times do I have to say it? I misunderstood her! You don't have to kill me! Kevin will do that! Jesus!"

"I hope so! Why didn't you tell me your fuckin' phone was broken? I could've brought mine!"

"It never occurred to me that you wouldn't! If we could have called them, this wouldn't have been such a big deal!"

Tristan and Amanda found that their paths were suddenly blocked. Nick, Howie, Brian and Carlos, arms hanging at their sides had formed a human fence. They looked odd - upset…No one spoke.

"It's Tristan's fault!" Amanda accused. "She thought the agent said fifty minute delay and she said fifteen! We're chattin' over coffee while our God damn plane takes off without us!"

"Okaaay, Amanda! You really know how to beat a dead horse!"

"Then the snow and ice and changing planes! Shit, we could have walked here from Orlando and gotten here quicker! Now - where's AJ? Still dancin' his ass off in a club with some chick, I'll bet!"

"Yeah, well you go see AJ and Rod-ney, Amanda! I'll go wake up Kevin so he can yell at me." Tritsan sighed and looked at Carlos. "Which rooms are they in anyway?"

The fence didn't move or speak. Tristan looked from face to face. Brian was practically panting. Nicks eyes were wet. They all looked like they were in shock.

"Panda?"

Amanda looked past Howie's shoulder and saw AJ standing in his doorway. His door had been open and he had heard the commotion.. She pushed through the fence and skipped down to him. Tristan watched as he grabbed her and pulled her into the room, slamming the door.

"Well, I guess she's not in much trouble…" Tristan chuckled.

The four men stood fast.

"What is wrong with you guys? Jeez! Why are you up so early?" she asked and then shook her head. "Nevermind. Now move please. Kevin and I have a date for a screaming match."

Suddenly Nick stepped forward and threw his arms around Tristan, squeezing her so tightly that she couldn't breathe. Then he started to cry. Tristan began to panic.

"Kev isn't going to scream at you, Tris."

Tristan pushed Nick away from her and stepped back, her eyes darting from one face to another.

"Why not? What's wrong?" She hesitated and asked slowly, "Where's Kevin?"

"Tris, listen…." Brian began.

"KEVIN!" Tristan screamed down the hall.

Nick grabbed Tristan's shoulders and shook her.

"Tristan! Stop! Kevin's all right….He's in his room, baby. He's okay - honest."

"I don't believe you! Where is he? Everybody's here but him!…KEVIN!" she cried out again. This time a sob caught in her throat. They could all see the edge of her hysteria.

Brian took a hold of her arms and literally pushed her onto a bench. Nick saw Carlos take a step closer. Brian had better be careful..

"Tristan! Flight 632 crashed over Maryland last night. There were no survivors!"

"What?" Tristan asked, confused.

Nick knelt down in front of her. Carlos took another step.

"Honey, Kevin and AJ were worried when you didn't arrive. Then they saw the report…"

Tristan's eyes widened as she began to comprehend what they were trying to tell her.

Brian continued. "You and Amanda were listed as passengers on that plane."

Tristan paused and looked again from face to face. "Kevin thinks I'm…"

"Kevin thinks you were on that plane - we all did." Brian finished. "He won't come out of his room. He won't let anybody in. No one's seen him for over five hours."

Tristan closed her eyes for a minute while her breathing evened out. When she opened them again she blinked, wiped her face with the palms of her hands and turned to Carlos.

"Do you have the key, Carlos?"

"Yes ma'am." He said, handing it over to her. She took it from him, stood up and walked down to room 1217.

****************

Kevin dreamt he was at their house in Kentucky. He had just placed a long table in the dining room. In his dream, the table looked like it would seat thirty people, yet he had carried it into the house from his workshop by himself. He had placed it near the piano. Tristan was outside and she had two children with her. They looked to be about the same age but they looked nothing alike. They were small, maybe three years old. A little boy with wavy, straw colored hair, tan skin and bright green eyes and a little girl with long thick black hair, violet eyes and fair skin. 'I have a bruise, Daddy…' the little girl said to him, pointing to her arm. 'I bruise so easily…' Then Tristan turned and waved to him. She was pregnant but wore the pink camisole. Her belly stuck out from beneath it. She was picking flowers - honeysuckle and Tropicana roses- when the little boy pointed to the sky.

'Our ride is here, Mommy!'

Kevin looked up and watched a plane miraculously land on the lake and float to the shore. It had a big triangle painted on its side beside the number 632.

"No…" Kevin moaned in his half sleep.

The door opened on the side of the plane and a set of steps unfolded. He tried to call to Tristan bit no sound came out of his mouth. His legs wouldn't move. She took the two children by the hand and started walking to the steps.

"Don't…" Kevin frowned as beads of sweat began to pop out on his face.

Tristan stopped and turned back to him.

'I don't want you anymore, Kevin…'

"Tristan! No!"

"I'm here Kevin. Wake up…."

"Tristan!…"

Tristan knelt down on the floor in front of Kevin and shook him gently as she removed the phone from his hand. She wanted to get him up and to the bed. He was agitated and wouldn't respond. Small drops of perspiration rolled down the side of his face.

"Come on, Kevin…It's me…Everything's okay…"

She brushed the back of her hand down the side of his face. He moaned softly, but was still not responsive. Then she began to pull the camisole away from him. Kevin's eyes flew open and Tristan found herself being jerked upright and slammed up against the wall. She had no time to react. Kevin pinned her back and shoulders against the plaster and glared into Tristan's face through wild and glowing eyes. Tristan was dead. He couldn't trust what he saw. He must be dreaming.

"Kevin, stop! You're hurting me!…Please!"

Two of his five senses were telling him that this was Tristan. It looked and sounded like her. Kevin buried his face in the crook of her neck and inhaled deeply, still holding her against the wall. Honeysuckle. His hands began their own investigation as they moved from her shoulders to her neck. Tristan wondered for a moment if he was going to grab her throat but instead he tore at the neckline of her sweater and pulled - popping the buttons that held it closed. Kevin's hand covered her breasts and he began to press and knead them as if he were measuring them in some way. When his hands moved down her sides to her hips, his mouth moved on her, too. He began to painfully squeeze her buttocks as his tongue trailed down her torso, stopping for a moment to taste her breasts and suckle her. Then she felt his tongue move to her belly and he pressed his face into her abdomen. After a moment, his hands moved again and she felt her jeans unzip and loosen. Kevin pushed them down past her hips and then did the same with her panties.

"Kevin…please.." she pleaded. "Look at me.."

He didn't stop. He could barely hear her. Kevin pressed his face into her soft fur and, once again, inhaled. Primitive instinct had taken over and he became like an animal searching for its mate. Kevin could no longer trust his head or his heart. When his instincts had been satisfied, his humanity began to reappear. His breathing slowed as he moved back up Tristan's body, wrapping his arms around her hips and laying the side of his face against her belly. He didn't speak except to whisper her name and he didn't ask any questions for fear that questioning this miracle would show a lack of faith and cause it to disappear. His eyes closed as Tristan began to stroke his hair. Explanations could wait.

CHAPTER 18

Tristan leaned up against the wall with Kevin's face pressed to her belly for a quarter of an hour. Several times, Kevin turned his face into her body and took a deep breath after which, he would return to his former position and sigh. Sometimes, Tristan would feel him shudder but his breathing was even and he seemed calm. After a while she pulled his arms upward and he stood in front of her, still slightly dazed.

"I'm going to run a bath." Tristan said softly, leading him to the edge of the bed and sitting him down.

He nodded and she turned to enter the bathroom. Kevin could hear the water beginning to run in the tub as he looked around the room. Had he been dreaming or hallucinating? He felt weak and numb. Then he spotted the cell phone and camisole in the corner. It wasn't a dream. Fate had dealt them a miracle. Kevin shuddered again.

Tristan walked back into the bedroom and began to pull off Kevin's shirt. She spoke to him softly trying to reassure him that there was nothing more to worry about. She steered him into the bathroom where he let her finish undressing him and get him into the tub. He sat complacently while Tristan poured warm water over him from a carafe. The water felt good and Kevin began to relax as Tristan bathed him. She would catch him staring at her from time to time and she would give him a gentle smile but he didn't respond. His expression was serious, almost a frown. After Tristan rinsed the soap from his body she added more hot water to the tub and then rose up from her knees.

"You relax and soak for a little while, Kevin. I'm going to order some lunch for later."

She waited a moment for him to answer but he said nothing so she turned and went into the bedroom to call room service. Tristan paused for a moment, her eyes resting on the cell and camisole lying on the floor. He's becoming angry. I've hurt him and put him through hell. Tristan recalled an article she had read once about the three stages of grief. First was denial and then came anger. Even though she was very much alive, he had been forced to go through the process. After the first two stages came acceptance. In a strange way, he had to accept the fact that she was alive now almost as much as he would have had to accept her death. When Tristan went back into the bathroom, her heart broke. Kevin sat in the tub with his hands over his face. His shoulders shook but he still made no sound except for an occasional gasp. She had seen his tears before but not like this. Past tears had been born out of love or contrition. These were tears of pure relief combined with unreleased fear and grief.

He hadn't heard her come back into the bathroom and he didn't hear her remove her clothes. Tristan slid herself into the tub behind him, leaned her body against his back and wrapped her arms around him, stroking the fine hairs on his chest with her fingers. His eyes closed.

"Lay back on me, Kevin." she whispered. "You're so tired."

Tristan's hands pushed against his chest and he leaned back against her, exhaling as he did. She felt his hands on her legs, moving from her thighs to her calves. Kevin's shoulders lay pressed against her breasts and his head rested in the crook of her neck. He never wanted to move. The hot water, the steamy room, her arms and legs enveloping him - all of these things soothed him and he was able to relax. Kevin could feel Tristan's soft kisses on his temple as she rubbed his shoulders. His tension slowly evaporated and his trembling stopped.

"I don't understand, Tristan." Kevin murmured, slowly opening his eyes. Those were the first words he had really spoken since she had returned to him. "what happened yesterday….last night?"

Tristan stroked the side of his face and his eyes closed again.

"A silly mistake sweetheart. I misunderstood the agent at the gate in Orlando and we ended up missing the plane. We couldn't get to a phone. There were flight changes, delays - it was a mess." Tristan kissed the top of Kevin's head. "We can talk about this later."

Kevin nodded. His hands reached up to take hers and bring them back down to his chest. They lay quietly and comfortably for awhile, their combined weight buoyed by the water that surrounded them. Before long, Tristan could hear Kevin's regular breathing and knew that he had fallen asleep. Soon, she dozed as well, cradling Kevin in her arms.

Tristan was awakened a short time later by the sound of a ringing phone. Glancing around the room, she spotted a phone near the tub and managed to reach out and grab it without waking Kevin or so she thought. He had also heard the ringing but continued to lie quietly. The receiver Tristan held to her ear was close enough to Kevin's head for him to hear both sides of the conversation.

"Hello?" Tristan was almost whispering.

"Tris? This is Jack. We need to talk."

The boy's manager had waited for as long as he could stand. Jack felt that it was time to issue a statement. Reporters were hounding both him and hotel personnel. They wanted a press conference and wanted Tristan and Amanda available for questioning. He had waited for two hours after Nick had given him the news before he called. Jack figured that was long enough for a couple to do whatever it was couples did when they were reunited under such peculiar circumstances.

"We don't need to talk right now, do we Jack?"

"Yes! Right now."

Jack's tone was a little demanding and Tristan didn't like it. She could hear a door slam in the background and then heard Nick's voice. 'Damn it, Jack! I told you not to call down there! Leave them alone for God's sake!'.

"I think Nick's right, Jack." Tristan said irritably.

"Listen, Tristan. This thing has just snowballed. I expect you and Kevin and Amanda and AJ downstairs for a press conference within the hour. The Post has all of you on its cover! You and Amanda even have your obits printed inside - page two!"

It was difficult for Tristan to whisper and still convey her firmness about this matter. She tried to be diplomatic.

"Jack, I understand that this is an unusual situation….."

"Ha!" he snorted, interrupting.

"….and", she continued, "I guess Amanda and I are among the fortunate few who will actually be able to read their own obituaries…" Tristan thought she felt Kevin flinch. She rubbed her hand lightly on his shoulders. "….but Kevin is not going to speak about this at any press conference!"

"But…"

"I mean it, Jack! Stay away from him about this! Do you understand?"

"Yes, but…"

"Have you spoken to Amanda?"

"Yes, she said she'd talk about this later."

"As will I, Jack." Tristan softened her approach. "I understand why this needs to be done. I really do, but Kevin needs no part of this and I doubt that AJ does, either." She hesitated for a moment and then went on. "I'll tell you what. I'll agree to speak to the press at four o' clock, but no Kevin. You'll have to deal with Amanda and AJ on your own. Tell Howie to be there with me if you have to have a Backstreet Boy present. He's the calm one and he's good at these things."

Kevin listened to all of this and was relieved. He knew that he was in no shape to deal with the press. He was physically and emotionally exhausted. He didn't want Tristan talking to the press, either but knew that the hounding would never stop until the reporters got their story.

"Alright, Tris." Jack sighed. "I guess that's better than nothing. But the press and the fans will want Kevin's reaction to all of this. They certainly know by now that you're Kevin's…uh…you know…."

"What Jack? Friend? Lover? Fuckbuddy? Whore?"

Kevin could feel Tristan's heart begin to race and he made a move to get up and take the phone from her. She pushed his arm back down, as if that could stop him.

"No Tris! I didn't mean that - honestly!" Jack stammered. He hadn't meant for Tristan to get upset.

"Okay, Jack….I'm sorry. I know you didn't mean anything." Tristan felt Kevin relax slightly and she began caress his arm as she spoke. "I'm just tired. Come and get me before the conference later, okay? We don't want any more disturbances until then."

"I understand." Jack paused and then asked, "Is there anyone you need for me to call Tris? Family maybe?

Tristan hadn't considered anyone outside of Kevin. She was suddenly overwhelmed with the thought that there wasn't really anyone else. He was all she had.

"Call Mason MacArthur, please. That's all.", she said, her voice catching in her throat. "He can notify anyone who might be interested."

"Who might be interested?" Jack questioned. "What about your family?"

Tristan sighed with an unmistakable sadness. "My family?" her voice wavered. "You probably wouldn't be able to catch them, Jack. I'm sure they're well on their way to the lawyer's office by now, trying to get my will opened and probated."

Tristan's words crackled with long suppressed emotion as she said this. She felt Kevin bring her hand to his lips.

"Are you sure, Tris?" Jack asked again.

"Yes. Mason will take care of things. Just call him."

Tristan hung up the phone and tried to stop the flow of tears. She made no noise but Kevin felt her tremors and knew that she was crying.

"We certainly are two of God's most pathetic creatures, aren't we, Tris?" Kevin asked, still leaning against her.

She had to smile in spite of herself. "Yeah, sweetie." She chuckled. "I definitely think we could take a prize in the 'pathetic creature' category"

Kevin sat up and unstopped the drain, allowing the water to flow out of the tub.

"It's getting cool - time to get out." He said, raising himself out of the tub. "Come on."

Tristan followed suit and stepped into the terry cloth robe that Kevin held out for her. He slipped into the other one and then turned back to Tristan, wiping the tears from her face with his thumbs. His expression became serious when he realized that just a few short hours ago he had believed that she was gone forever. All either of them had was borrowed time. Fate had been kind to them today but it was inevitable that the time would come when it would deliver a cruel and fatal blow. Kevin leaned in to kiss her, hesitantly at first, as if she might dissolve and then with more urgency. When he broke the kiss and looked at Tristan, her eyes were closed. She opened them slowly avoiding his gaze. She could feel a strange intensity coming from Kevin and she wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Are you okay, baby?" he asked, dipping his head down to look her in the face.

Tristan just licked her lips, feeling unexpectedly shy.

"Room Service!" a voice called through the door followed by a rapping against the wood.

"Lunch!" Tristan explained scurrying past Kevin to the door.

When she returned with the tray, Kevin had gotten into bed, the robe tossed across a nearby chair. The sheet was pulled up to his waist but it did nothing to hide what Kevin had on his mind or between his legs.

"Aren't you hungry?" she asked gaily, diverting her eyes from the bed and searching for a place to set the tray.

"Yes." Kevin answered, his voice deep and smooth. "But not for whatever's on that tray."

Tristan lowered her eyes and swallowed. She could feel Kevin grasping for control of his life again and that life included her. She began to feel some anxiety.

"Turn around, Tristan." He commanded.

She set the tray on a table and did as she was told, turning slowly towards Kevin, her eyes still looking down.

"Look at me."

She raised hr head until their eyes locked and he held her there.

"Loose the robe, Tristan. I want to look at you."

This was not a playful request. His tone was still demanding but not harsh or mean. Tristan slowly untied the sash and let the robe fall to the floor. Her feeling of vulnerability caused her to unconsciously drop her eyes again.

"Tristan!" Kevin's tone had sharpened. "Look at me."

Tristan raised her eyes again. Kevin just lay back in the bed staring at her. His erection had grown more pronounced.

"What do you want me to do, Kevin?" she whispered nervously.

He had certainly looked at her before - examined her, in fact but this felt different. His eyes had grown dark and his expression was hard. She watched his hand move under the sheet and he began to stroke himself slowly. She knew that he wanted her to see this. She felt like a voyeur.

"Just stand there, Tris. Don't speak."

Kevin's hand continued to move under the sheet. He was in no hurry to finish this game. His breathing became more labored and Tristan noticed his right hand was clenching the corner of a pillow. She felt herself becoming damp as she moved her arms across her breasts.

"Drop your arms!" he growled. His strokes had become faster and his eyes alightly glazed.

Tristan's arms fell to her sides as her eyes filled. "Why Kevin? You don't have to…."

"I know that, baby." he interrupted. His hand stopprd moving and came from beneath the sheet as his voice rose. "Less than five hours ago, I thought I'd never see you again. I want you to see what I'd have to do to get through those empty nights without you. I want you to understand that we both died last night - at least in my mind. Now it's time for me to bring us both back to the land of the living." Kevin paused and looked around the room. "Go stand in front of the dresser, Tristan. Face the mirror."

"But…"

"Do it!" he shouted.

Tristan flinched and then walked across the room to the dresser. Kevin expected and needed obedience right now and her gut told her to comply. She faced the mirror as instructed and she closed her eyes, wondering what the next step would be. When she opened her eyes again, Kevin was standing behind her. His large hands began to caress her bottom and she shivered.

"Do you like that, Tris?" he asked seriously.

Tristan nodded in response, watching his reflection.

"What did you say, baby?" he asked. "I couldn't hear that."

"I like it…" she whispered. She was beginning to understand. He was attempting to regain control.

"Like what, Tris? You'll have to be more specific…"

"I like your hands on me, Kevin."

"Good girl.." he replied nuzzling the back of her neck.

Kevin leaned against her back and reached around her, taking her forearms in his hands and forcing her elbows down on the flat surface of the dresser. His face was beside hers and she could feel his breath in her ear.

"You ready to watch us come back to life, Tris?"

Tristan raised her head and looked in the mirror. Kevin's eyes were on her face, as always, evaluating her reactions to his actions. She bit her lower lip and nodded. Perspiration had already begun to form on her neck and breasts.

"Sweet baby…" he whispered in her ear.

She felt his hands move to her hips and her body lift, forcing her abdomen to press into the edge of the dresser. Her entire weight pushed onto her lower arms as she tried to support herself.

"Open up, baby.." he demanded.

When her legs separated, he impaled her completely in a single, hard thrust, forcing her farther onto the dresser. There was no delicacy or tenderness in his penetration. Her head fell forward and she groaned. Then she felt his hand in her hair, pulling her head back.

"I said 'watch' Tris."

Kevin began to pound into her with long, hard thrusts. She gasped with each stroke as she felt him connect with her cervix. They watched themselves in the mirror, transfixed. Soon Tristan felt Kevin's fingers at her folds, circling and pressing her now swollen bud. It wasn't long before she began to spasm and she moaned his name. Kevin began to move faster, grinding against her as he watched their reflection.

"I can feel you, Tristan…" he panted, licking her shoulder. "Let it go, baby…Come on…"

"No…" she groaned in response, defying him.

Kevin's face hardened at her insubordination and he began to stroke her more firmly, determined that she wold meet his demands. His right arm tightened around her waist.

"I said - 'let it go' Tristan! NOW!"

And she did. "Oh, God!.." She actually came at his command. He had ordered her orgasm and her body had relented. She was still falling into the abyss when she heard him groan her name loudly and felt him fall against her back. With each smaller release that followed, Kevin moaned and pushed himself into her.

They stayed that way for several minutes. The side of Tristan's face was lying flat against the surface of the dresser as Kevin's weight bore down on her. Both of his arms were now wrapped firmly around her waist and her feet dangled above the floor. She couldn't have moved if she had wanted to. Soon she felt his lips and goatee brush across her back. Planting a trail of soft kisses.

Kevin raised his head to look at Tristan's reflection in the mirror. Her arms lay in the surface of the dresser beside her head. He face was turned to one side and her eyes were closed but tears ran down her cheeks. Her breathing was irregular. Kevin became alarmed.

"Tris?" he called gently, pushing a piece of her damp hair from her forehead.

When she didn't respond, he withdrew from her and her body began to slide off of the dresser. He caught her and turned her towards him so that he could see her face. Her eyes were still closed and her body was limp in his arms.

"Jesus! Tristan!" Kevin cried out, rubbing the side of her face. There was no response. "TRISTAN!" he screamed again.

Tristan's eyes fluttered open and she looked at Kevin's panicked face, confused.

"What happened?" she murmured, wide-eyed and bewildered.

Kevin threw his head back and breathed a sigh of relief. The look on her face never failed to evoke a protective response in Kevin and he began to stroke her cheek with the back of his hand.

"Are you okay, baby?" he asked tenderly.

Tristan nodded and looked towards the dresser as Kevin carried her to the bed.

"Kevin," she said seriously. "I think you just fucked my mind off."

Kevin rolled his eyes at her and began to chuckle as he laid her down and covered her.

"What's funny?" she asked.

"Tris…I don't think that I fucked your mind off. The expression is ' fucked your brains out.'" He laughed as he crawled into the bed beside her. Tristan snuggled up beside Kevin and they both reached out to hold each other tightly.

"Are we alive again, Kevin?" Tristan asked as she lay safely in Kevin's arms.

Kevin sighed and pressed his mouth to Tristan's forehead.

"Yeah, darlin'. The phoenix has risen from the ashes."

Email Grace

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