CHAPTER 29

AJ sat up in his bed. He thought he had heard something. He had found himself listening for some kind of noise from next door but - no. So far, everything had been quiet. It had been a strange evening. - eventful with non-events. Kevin hadn't shown, Tristan had no discernable vibe and they hadn't spoken with her after the concert. AJ couldn't understand what had happened to Kevin. That was one of the reasons they didn't go backstage after the performance. They didn't know if something had happened between Kevin and Tristan that they had been unaware of. Maybe they had split or something…AJ and Holly had conferred silently, using various facial expressions, about Tristan's sexual activities the night before. Holly had come up empty, too. AJ wondered if the stage lights affected their perceptions of these things. He didn't discuss this aspect with Holly because he caught Nick's scowl and decided to back off. The boy was obviously not comfortable about him and Holly sharing this 'gift' that they had. This was totally unlike Amanda who was always curious about who was doing what.

AJ had gotten annoyed when Asa made a big display about kissing Tristan's palms. Lover boy can't peck the back of her hand like a normal guy? Oh - tres contraire! He knew that Kevin wouldn't have exactly enjoyed watching him slobber on Tristan, either. He wondered if Tristan's palms had received a little tongue along with Asa's lips. AJ thought that Tristan had looked very pretty tonight, but he had expected a different look. He remembered thinking of the word 'frosting' when she came out on stage. Maybe Asa Asshole thought that, too, and decided he'd get a little sugar fix by tasting her hands, that debonair dipshit….. Then, when he and Amanda were out of earshot of the others, she had dropped the bomb that she thought that Kevin and Tristan had gotten married sometime and that Tris was wearing her wedding dress! 'I can feel it in my gut', Amanda had said. Yeah, well she had felt like Lily was lying, too. And she had felt like they would come home with a Grammy this year but they didn't. Still, when he put the image of Tristan in that damn dress together with what Kevin had blurted out last night, you were certainly left with that possibility. AJ smiled in the dark. Ooooh! Wouldn't management love dealing with that!

AJ's ears picked up a sound close by - the sound of a door closing at the next room. He hoped it was somebody coming in and not leaving.

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When Tristan began to rub the backs of her fingers down Kevin's cheek and across his lips, he leaned his back against the shower wall and slid himself down onto the mosaic floor. Tristan followed him down. Her arms now wrapped around his chest. He didn't open his eyes, nor did he speak. The communication between them was clear without him doing either. The tenderness of her hand on his face and her gentle murmurs were all he felt like he needed at that moment. Tristan, however, judged that he needed more. Kevin needed for her to touch him, to pleasure him, to love him again. It was time to end his struggle of self-deprivation. He had continued to convict himself in the hopes that she wouldn't feel compelled to do so.

Kevin protested when he felt Tristan's hand move down his stomach and cradle his stiffening manhood.

"Don’t…" he moaned, squeezing his eyes shut more tightly as if her touch had hurt him.

Tristan ignored his plea and pushed his legs farther apart so that she could gain better access to him. She began to stroke him, just grazing the skin as he had done to her so many times before.

"Tris!…no…"

He gasped at her touch and began to push his knees together but she was already there, kneeling between his legs. When he felt her go down on him, he groaned and then tried to push himself up from the floor. Tristan slowly drew her mouth from him.

"Careful sweetheart," she whispered, pressing down on his thighs. "You don't want me to hurt you…"

Kevin at last opened his eyes at gazed intently into hers. His lips curled into a sad smile.

"Maybe I do, Tris. Maybe I need to do penance."

Tristan reached up and pushed his wet hair back from his forehead as the shower continued to rain over them.

"You've already done penance, Kevin." She paused before continuing. "Do you love me?" she asked softly.

Kevin laid his head back against the wall and shook it slowly, unable to believe she had asked him such a question.

Jesus Christ, Tris. You know…"

"Yes or no, Kevin?" she interrupted. "Do you really love me?" Her tone was gentle and coaxing.

"God….yes."

"Then please, Kevin - love me like your wife and not some kind of martyr. Don't make me your penance…"

Kevin's face grew tight and grim.

"You're not a punishment to me!" His hands grabbed her forearms and held her tightly.

Tristan sighed and looked away before responding. When she returned her gaze, he was still frowning at her accusation. She slid her thumbs over his forehead, trying to erase the furrows that had formed there.

"Then let me love you, Kevin." She murmured, leaning in to him.

As he felt the tip of her tongue slide across his lower lip, he closed his eyes once more and let himself enjoy the sensation. Then his mouth opened and he was full of her. Kevin groaned in her mouth as her hands began to play on him again. His large hands came to either side of her head, holding her at his mouth, urging her to continue her sweet exploration. As her hands moved more quickly, they broke apart and his hips rose to meet her stokes and caresses. Tristan heard his whimper when she bent down to take him again. Kevin's fingers combed through her wet hair as she moved on him - down with force then back up slowly, sucking gently. She very gradually increased her speed and felt his hands begin to press into her skull as he drew ragged breaths and spoke her name. She wished she could see his face - she felt his eyes on her, watching himself slide in and out of her throat. Suddenly he raised his hips and groaned as he pressed his legs against either side of her body, forcing her to stop. He had been close to coming. She had felt his balls tighten in her hand and heard his desperate moans and shallow breaths.

When she raised her head, he was still watching her, almost panting, his brows lowered as if in concentration. His eyes searched her face for answers to unasked questions about her faithfulness. Had she let another man take what was his? Tristan understood this silent interrogation and slowly shook her head. When her tongue came out of her mouth, his eyes fell to her lips and glazed over when she licked up a small drop of his secretions from the corner of her mouth.

"Baby…." he whispered, as she felt his hand move to her backside and push her forward.

Her body now laid against his, her pubis resting against his powerful erection, her hardened nipples against his ribs, her face against his collarbone. Kevin held her for several minutes trying to regain control of himself. Tristan had wanted to pleasure him and she would, but the pleasure he needed tonight would not come from her mouth being on him. It would come from the core of her. It would come when he felt her contract around him, when he watched her face as she came and when she cried out for him. His pleasure would come, not only during the exquisite friction that would cause him to erupt inside of her, but also from the rapture and fulfillment that he would watch her experience knowing that he, alone, could give that to her. That was the difference between sex and making love, the difference between release and joy, the difference between binding and healing.

Kevin and Tristan stayed under the water for a very long time, making love to each other and, more importantly, with each other. They rediscovered the things that both had feared they might lose - joy, pleasure, healing and each other.

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The Backstreet Boys, their girlfriends, Mason and Jack all sat around a large table in the hotel dining room. They had gathered together, presumably for brunch, but in reality they had felt the need to compare notes on the events of the last two days. Nick had called Mason, much to Mason's delight, and invited him to join them. He was the only one who had spoken to Tristan last night and the last one to have seen Kevin yesterday. Nick had also tried to call Kevin's room this morning, to tell him about the group having breakfast together and also to make sure he was alright. There had been no answer.

Amanda was quiet this morning. AJ had warned her about expressing her 'gut feelings' to any of the others. According to him, there was already 'enough shit floatin' around in the Backstreet toilet'. Despite his warning, he was still a little uneasy. He knew that he had no real control over Amanda or her mouth.

"What's wrong, Amanda?" Leighanne asked, noting her unusual silence.

"Nothing…." AJ relaxed a little. "Just wondering where the hell they are, that's all."

Everyone at the table knew who 'they' were. Mason squirmed in his chair, unsure whether or not he should mention Tristan coming back to the hotel. Mason didn't have a chance to make that decision. All eyes turned to Nick as he raised himself up from his chair, trying to look past AJ's head.

"What is it?" Holly asked, trying to see what Nick was looking at.

"I thought I saw Kev coming out of the elevator."

"Is he alone?" Holly was about to break her neck, straining to catch a piece of Nick's vision.

"I couldn't tell. I'm not even sure it was him…"

All eight faces turned to the door wearing expectant expressions. They waited….and waited….and waited.

"Damn, my neck's starting to hurt!" AJ complained.

Finally, the figure Nick spotted came to the door. Kevin paused to sign an autograph and then looked around the room. He felt spooked when he saw an entire table full of people, seemingly frozen, with their mouths open and eyebrows raised, gawking at him. He hesitantly waved in their direction and walked towards the table. The faces seemed to be looking behind him now and he turned his head to see what he had missed that was so utterly fascinating. Nothing. Then the whole group seemed to exhale as a single unit - stereo sighs, slumping shoulders, mumbled epithets.

"Well, nice to see you all, too." He scowled and took an empty seat.

AJ and Holly locked eyes over their coffee. Something was wrong here. Kevin's vibes seemed to be ricocheting off of every object in his immediate vicinity, yet he was alone.

I hope it was just one hell of a jerk-off! AJ said to himself. He thought about the sound of the door closing in the early hours. He had heard water running in the bathroom, too. It had run for a very long time.

Holly didn't know what to think. She couldn't take her eyes off of Kevin and just sat, staring at him.

"Have I got a booger hanging out of my nose or something, Holly?" Kevin asked, his eyes still on the menu. He had felt her intense gaze.

Holly blinked. "Uh..uh..No, Kevin. Just surprised to see you, that's all." Holly shot a glance across the table at AJ. Nick caught it and bumped her with his elbow, frowning.

"Why?" Kevin asked, lowering the menu. "I am with the group. Remember?"

Nick stepped in, attempting a save. "Uh…Holly's just surprised cuz….cuz I tried to call you and you didn't answer. Didn't you hear the phone?"

Kevin glared at Nick. "Yeah, I heard it. I was…..busy," he growled.

Holly and AJ exchanged glances again. The atmosphere around Kevin seemed charged with sexual overtones.

"Oh…." Nick swallowed and fidgeted with a straw wrapper.

"Busy doing who…..I mean what?" AJ stumbled, trying to seem casual and non-threatening.

Luckily, AJ missed Kevin's dagger throwing stare. He looked past Kevin and smiled as 'what' approached the table. Kevin turned and his mood suddenly elevated - Dr. Jekyll had returned. As Kevin stood and pulled out the chair next to him, an uncomfortable silence fell across the table as the group, especially the girlfriends, waited to see how Tristan would respond to them. Of course, Holly and AJ now had to contend with the added distraction of Tristan's 'aura'. AJ could swear that the two of them, sitting next to each other, were producing an audible hum. Brian finally broke the ice.

"We enjoyed your concert last night, Tris. You really are something!"

Heads bobbed up and down around the table, nodding in agreement. Tristan envisioned the rear window of a car, full of those little dolls whose heads were attached to their bodies by springs. The nodding stopped, awaiting her response.

"Thank you." She said softly.

The silence prevailed once more. Amanda couldn't stand it another minute.

"Where'd you get that dress you had on last night?" she snapped, cracking any pretense at politeness.

"What?" Tristan's eyes grew wide, surprised at Amanda's sudden interest in her wardrobe.

"That dress! Looked old, like some special-occasion dress or something!"

Tristan shifted in her seat and began to turn a little pink. She felt Kevin take her hand as he rode to the rescue.

"The dress is old, Amanda." He smiled, "and last night was a special occasion."

The fact that Kevin actually smiled while looking her in the eye was enough for Amanda's suspicions to grow. She let the subject drop after AJ's shoe tried to snuff out her little toe under the table.

"Well, it was really pretty…"Leighanne commented to Tristan. "You don't wear too many things that show off your décolletage like that."

Amanda rolled her eyes at Leighanne's delicate phrasing. She remembered Leighanne's term - 'cheek separation'.

"She means 'bazooms', Tris." Amanda translated with sarcasm.

"Yeah, yeah, baby…" AJ spoke up sensing a little bitch session about to begin. "I think Tris gets it……Right, Brian?"

AJ looked to Brian for confirmation but Brian just sat, a little embarrassed by the turn of the conversation. His ears were approaching the color of the tomato juice beside his plate.

AJ was delighted. There was nothing he enjoyed more than getting a rise out of these Kentucky boys - well almost nothing. Especially Brian who had been shacking up with Leigh for almost three years while assuming the role of the moral leader of the group - particularly in the eyes of the fans. Here was AJ's opportunity to get the chill out of the room and also popping the cork out of Brian's ass at the same time. Tristan was just grateful that the subject of the dress was being sidestepped.

"I said…'Right, Brian?'" AJ deliberately goaded him. "We all know lots of terms for those things - right? Hell, I'll bet Brian knows more of them than anybody else! He's our resident 'tit' man…." AJ nodded towards Leighanne…."aren't 'ya, Brian ?" AJ laughed and slapped Brian on the back. "Now. Let me see…" AJ rubbed his chin thoughtfully…what are some of those descriptive words I've heard you use…..Oh yeah, there was hooters, grill, casabas and.…um….rack, melons, jugs…."

"BRIAN!" Leighanne hissed. AJ started laughing.

"Jesus, AJ!" Brian sputtered.

"Uh-oh…."AJ grinned. "I'm sorry… Looks like I really hit a nipple - whoops! I mean nerve.."

AJ's ploy worked. Tensions at the table were definitely eased except maybe between Brian and Leighanne. There was still a slight undercurrent, though, between Tristan and the other women at the table. A 'girl talk' conference was definitely in order.

Email Grace

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