CHAPTER 33

Kevin and Tristan walked through the bowels of the venue holding hands. Carlos had waited for Kevin outside of the rehearsal room and now stayed a discreet distance behind them. They didn't speak, content in their silence. The only sound was that of Tristan's high heels clicking along the tile floor. As they approached the supposedly obscure exit door, Carlos moved ahead of them to check for their van and to see if any fans were still lingering about. While they were waiting, Tristan spotted a ladies room.

"I'm going to splash some water on my face." She told Kevin, motioning to the door. "I'll be right back."

"You'd better see if there's anyone in there first, Tris." Kevin said, ever mindful of increasing fan hysteria.

There had been reports of injuries at the last few concerts and girlfriends were always a prime target of some crazed and obsessed young women who felt like Leighanne, Holly, Amanda or Tristan were all that was standing in their way of becoming 'Mrs. Backstreet.' Kevin hadn't forgotten Tristan's injuries in Atlanta a year ago.

Just a moment after Kevin had finished speaking a female custodian exited the bathroom, carrying a mop and pail. She glanced towards the couple and it was soon obvious that Kevin had been recognized.

"Oh shit!" She exclaimed. "You're one of those singing guys, aren't you? My niece is gonna die….!"

"Hello." Kevin smiled and nodded.

"Could I get you to sign something so she won't think I'm lying?" The woman fished around in her pocket for a scrap of paper. "She really likes the one with the ponytail the best, but she'll think this is cool, too."

"I'll be sure and tell D. about your niece." Kevin grinned at Tristan.

He took her small piece of torn paper and wrote a brief note to the phantom fan. Tristan looked over his shoulder to see what Kevin was writing. She could barely read his scrawl but made out the words 'Sorry I'm not Howie. Peace, Kevin Richardson'. Tristan shot him a look.

"Bite your tongue…"

Kevin leaned to her, whispering. "No, baby. You can bite it for me later on…"He handed the autograph back to the custodian. "Are there many people in there?" he asked, pointing to the door.

"No." she answered, slipping the paper into her pocket. "Just two ladies. One of them works here…"

"Okay. Thanks."

Kevin nodded his okay to Tristan as if he were giving her his permission to enter the ladies room. She rolled her eyes at him and the turned to push open the door. Standing at the sink, she surveyed any tear damage and then ran some water into her hands so she could splash her face. She could hear snippets of conversation between the two women who occupied stalls around the corner.

"It was a great show tonight." The 'voice' paused. "I'm sorry you couldn't dance."

Tristan froze. No. It couldn't be…

"Yeah, well…that's what happens when you're attacked by a deranged girlfriend for no reason"

"I don't know who she is. I just can't believe Kevin Richardson's girlfriend jumped you like that! What a pig! Are they really tight?" the 'voice' asked.

"Naw…He's just fucking her - for now." Tristan could hear the sneer in Lily's reply. "Kevin's a player. He'll either wise up or get bored and move on soon. She'll be history"

"Hmmm. He seems so nice…"

Tristan heard a toilet flush and started to leave.

"Well, I'm off." The 'voice' said. "Hope you'll be dancing again soon."

"Thanks." Lily responded. "And thanks for your help."

Help?

"Don't mention it. I'm always prepared. Bye-bye!"

Tristan heard the door swing open. She jumped behind the tile wall and the 'voice' - a short, dark-haired woman in her 30's - walked out, never seeing her. Tristan didn't move wondering about what kind of help this woman had supplied for Lily. She could hear Lily fumbling in the stall for a moment and then she heard a sound that was familiar to women all over the world. It was the sound of sealed paper being opened - it almost sounded like a pop. That was followed by the longer, ripping sound of a lightweight wrapper. Tristan waited for the final sound to reach her ears. She smiled when she heard the squeak of hinges followed by the tapping sound of metal upon metal.

*********************

Tristan took a deep breath before leaving the ladies room. She had thought about confronting Lily right then and there but decided against it. She now felt like she had the luxury of time - a little time, anyway. She still had questions that needed answering and verifications that needed processing but Tristan had never had a stronger gut reaction. Lily was torturing them with a phony pregnancy.

She wanted to tell Kevin about her experience in the bathroom but didn't. She feared Kevin's reaction and wanted to get her information in order first and get a few other ducks in a row. Tristan wanted to talk to her friends - her girlfriends. With any luck, the entire sordid, painful and destructive lie would soon suffer a quick death. It was important that Lily not know what Tristan had overheard yet. She would be vindictive enough to run to the tabloids.

At this moment, Tristan was a happy woman. She tried to wipe the smirk off of her face before she saw Kevin.

"Damn, I thought I was gonna have to come in there after you! Carlos is waiting. Let's go!" Kevin said as he sidestepped down the corridor waving at her to come.

When Tristan reached him, he absently grabbed for her wrist and they went out of the door. The van sat parked with it's motor running only a few yards away but they still had to make their way through a small crowd of about sixty people, all of whom had been counting heads and had come up one Backstreet Boy short. They had waited, determined to see number five. Carlos led them both up to the van where Tristan climbed inside and waited. She knew that Kevin would go back to sign a few autographs.

She leaned forward in her seat and watched him with the crowd. Kevin spent more time with them than the others. One small cluster of fans began to point at the van as Tristan became the center of their attention. Their glares and gestures were not friendly. She leaned back into the seat and out of the light. Kevin was near the far end of the line when the apparent ringleader of the smaller group started to point to Tristan and scream out her insult as if she hoped to gather support for her rudeness.

"That's her! Kevin's bitch!" she shouted.

Tristan's eyes locked with the screamer's. It frightened her to know that people who knew nothing about her could hate her so much.

"Did Kev pay a lot for those tits?" another young woman yelled at her.

"You're on our list, bitch!" another screamed.

Kevin heard the insults being hurled at Tristan. His head snapped up and the signings immediately stopped. He marched angrily back to the van with Carlos at his heels and then climbed into the van without a wave or word to the people who had gathered there. The girlfriends seemed to be getting more harassment than ever and the guys were helpless to stop it. The helplessness is what caused them the most anger. Kevin wondered if it was a mistake to greet fans these days.

He looked over at Tristan who was looking down into her lap, picking at an imaginary stray thread on her dress. The insults and implied threat had frightened her. Kevin could tell this despite her attempts at nonchalance. He took her hand from her lap as the van pulled away feeling certain that this wouldn't happen if these 'fans' knew that she was now his wife.

*********************

The hotel they were staying in was small but elegant and exclusive. The tour group occupied two floors of the building with each floor containing ten rooms or suites as well as a common room. When Tristan and Kevin arrived, it looked as if a party was just beginning to gain momentum. All the boys were there with their girlfriends as well as Mason and couple of dancers and most of the band some of whom had picked up companions. Tristan knew that Kevin was not only still wired but a little tense as well, especially after the incident outside of the venue. He hadn't said anything about it but she knew it had made him angry. He needed to unwind a little.

The room grew quiet when they came in. The people there had seem the fight they'd had but didn't know the outcome. The silence became awkward and then greetings and laughter seemed to spontaneously erupt. The pendulum had swung in the opposite direction and now everyone was too damn happy and loud. Overcompensation ruled the moment. Kevin and Tristan looked at each other and sighed. They were sorry that others now felt uncomfortable around them.

"Why don't you stay while I go grab a shower." Tristan suggested to Kevin.

"And change the dress, right?" he nodded.

"I wasn't planning to put it back on, no."

"What do you think you'll wear?" Kevin asked.

Tristan knew that the question wasn't innocent but Kevin probably couldn't help himself. Still, it annoyed her a little.

"Well, let's see…my nuns habit is being cleaned and my Amish dress and bonnet need ironing." Tristan snapped her fingers. "I know! I have that Iranian thing that Middle Eastern women wear! The long black thing with the head covering…you know - where only your eyes show?"

Her shot at sarcasm seemed to miss its mark. She watched Kevin's eyes glaze over a bit and a small smile come to his lips. His brain had set sail for Fantasy Island.

"You really have those things, Tris?" he asked hopefully.

Tristan shook her head in frustration. "I think I'll go now…"

The room had quieted again while they were speaking to each other and they felt the weight of eyes upon them once more. Tristan glanced around the room and then turned to leave. She suddenly felt Kevin grab her around the waist and pull her back into his arms. He dipped her way back and leaned over her, gazing into her eyes. He looked solemn.

“What are you doing?” she whispered.

Her eyes darted nervously from face to face. More than two dozen people were staring at them, wide eyed. A public display of affection from Kevin was a rare event, even around his ‘brothers’ but such a dramatic PDA in front of a large group of co-workers was unheard of.

“We have to be brave, Tristan.” Kevin said softly and with some histrionics. “Sometimes fate dictates that one or two have to sacrifice for the good of the whole. One small step for us - one giant leap for party-kind.”

As Kevin’s mouth found Tristan’s, the group seemed to issue a collective gasp. When it became painfully obvious that this was no lighthearted peck, the gasps became murmurs. The kiss became deeper and Tristan wondered if she might choke on Kevin’s tongue. A faint chant, undoubtedly started by AJ, began in the background. “go Kev…go Kev…go Kev…”

When Kevin finally brought her back up to a standing position, her face was red and she felt a little dizzy. Apparently, their ‘sacrifice’ had produced the desired effect. The party began to move again. People were laughing and talking with each other, eating and drinking with gusto. Everyone, that is, but Mason, Holly and Nick. Mason clung to Nick’s arm, staring at them as if in shock. Nick didn’t seem to notice the clinging. He looked a little surprised, too. Holly looked almost sad. Tristan was puzzled by this. Holly wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“Well, I guess, I’ll go now, Romeo.” Tristan scowled. He grabbed at Kevin’s waist and pinched him - hard.

“Ow! Shit!” he cried, jumping back. Then he started laughing. “You know you liked it, Tris….” He jerked her back to him and whispered into her ear. “I’ll bet you’re all wet for me now, aren’t you baby?” he teased.

Tristan felt him grin against her cheek and stepped back to look at him.

“In your dreams, Richardson….” She broke away from him and turned to go out of the door. Then she stopped and looked at him again, unable to suppress her smile. “You know I’m going to have to have pay-back for this, don’t you?”

“I’m countin’ on it, baby!” Kevin laughed.

It was easy to tell that tomorrow was a day off. By the time Tristan returned to the party, most people were well on their way to being shit-faced, including Kevin. He had Dennis’ guitar across his lap and was plucking the strings with the confidence of Eric Clapton. Unfortunately, the sounds he was producing sounded more like cats in heat. He was accompanied by AJ, who held his hands over his ears and howled like a wolf. Nick and Mason sat in a corner in hysterics. Tears poured out of their eyes and they couldn’t seem to catch their breath.

Amanda was dancing with Leighanne. They were trying to coax Holly into joining them. Howie was dancing with some woman Tristan didn’t know. This woman was at least six feet tall in her heels and Howie leaned against her as they swayed slowly back and forth. Tristan would have thought nothing of it except for the fact that the music they were moving to so slowly was ‘Love Shack’ by the B-52’s - definitely not a ballad. Tristan looked more closely and realized that Howie was either asleep or passed out on the woman’s breasts. Brian seemed the most sober of the lot but even he seemed to be having a great time, showing off what remained of his surgical scar to anyone who would take a look.

Tristan approached her friends.

“Look! It’s Missy Trissy!” Amanda squealed. “Come on and dance with us, hon!

“Yeah!” Leighanne chimed in. “We’re gonna get some chairs in a minute and go the ‘Lovemenomatterwhat’ routine.”

“The what?” Tristan asked.

Amanda broke up. “She means “I’ll Love You Even If You Did Something’”

“Oh….” Tristan nodded thinking that folding metal chairs would make lousy props for them right now. Thankfully, there didn’t seem to be any around.

Holly still wasn’t saying much.

“Listen,” Tristan said reining them in close to her. “I need to talk to y’all about something. I can see that tonights’s not a good time - but first thing in the morning okay?”

“Is it a secret?” Leighanne whispered. At least she thought she was whispering.

“Kind of - for now anyway. Don’t mention it to the guys. This will stay between us for the moment.” Tristan spoke quietly. “I don’t want Kevin to hear about this yet…”Tristan looked into their expectant faces. “No - I’m not pregnant!” she said, making a face..

Holly was frowning.

“What’s the matter, Hol?” Tristan asked her.

“Why nothing, Tristan. Nothing at all.” Holly took a sip of her wine. “I’m just surprised that you would want to share a secret with us - or should I say with me… Besides, I thought there were no secrets in this tight little group.”

Tristan was bewildered by Holly’s hostility, but tried to laugh it off, blaming the wine.

“Everybody has their secrets, Holly…”

“I don’t!” Holly spat. “I've always confided in you, Tristan because you're my friend and I trust you.” Holly’s tone was accusatory. "And somehow, I doubt that even Kevin knows all about you."

Tristan's eyes narrowed. "What is that supposed to mean, Holly?

"He doesn't know about your childhood, does he? At least Nick knows about my family!"

Tristan pulled her aside. She had buried her childhood and she wanted it to stay buried.

“Really?” Tristan replied. “Have you told Nick about your father?”

Neither of them realized that Nick was watching them and had begun to walk over and see if there was some sort of problem.

Holly’s eyes shot up from her wineglass. “NO!” she said defensively. Then she added, ”Have you told Kevin about yours and the way he treated you?”

Tristan blinked. She couldn’t remember what she’d said on the bus but obviously it was too much. But something else was wrong here. Holly had specifically used the words 'trust' and 'confide'. She had hurt Holly in some way.

“Told Kevin about your what?” They heard Nick ask as he came stumbling up from behind.

Holly and Tristan both jumped. Tristan could read the regret on her friend’s face as she tried to cover her remark.

“Tristan’s…..uh…”

“My schedule….” Tristan offered. “There may be some changes in my schedule.”

“Oh…” Nick responded, unimpressed.

Tristan looked around the room once more. God help them, Kevin had found a keyboard… “Well, I’m a little tired. Think I’ll head to bed…”

As she began to walk away, Holly grabbed her hand. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay? We can talk…”

“Sure…We’ll talk tomorrow….” Tristan smiled and walked out of the door.

CHAPTER 34

Holly decided that she'd had enough of this party, too. In fact, she'd had enough of the whole damn tour. Thank God they only had another couple of weeks to go. She looked around for Nick and found him beating out a rhythm with two straws on the back of Brian's head. He looked like he could barely stand. Kevin passed through her field of vision. He could not only stand, but dance as well. Holly's eyes followed him for a moment as he shuffle-stepped around the room to the beat of the music. He had his lips poked out and he was bobbing his head. Holly wondered if this was the infamous 'turtle dance'. Nick jumped in line behind him when he passed, mimicking his movements. Soon two more people had joined in, laughing. A weird sort of conga line was being created. When the line passed Mason, Holly saw Nick grab him by the arm and pull him into the queue. Holly had to chuckle as she saw Mason's eyes light up. Nick didn't have a clue that Mason was gay.

Holly watched the line circle the room one more time and then she left. Her head was starting to hurt. She had a few problems of her own to deal with. Problems she wanted to talk over with her best friend. Tristan had been unavailable but with good reason. Now that things had seemed to normalize a little, Holly was facing feelings of confusion, hurt, guilt and even a little anger. There were some things that she needed to discuss with Nick - some old things, some new. She shouldn't have attacked Tristan for mentioning her father. She knew that Tristan had revealed more of herself than she had intended on the bus and now she would be extra cautious if the subject of her childhood ever came up again. She doubted if even Kevin knew everything.

She wanted to talk to Tristan about that. She wanted her advice on a recent job offer that she had received. She wanted her opinion on how she should approach Nick about her father and what she thought Kevin's reaction might be. Holly had planned on talking with Tristan about all of these things. They shared a mutual trust - or at least Holly used to think they did. Ever since Nick had discovered the gold bands in Tristan's jewelry box, Holly had felt a sense of betrayal. Her best friend had gotten married and hadn't told her. She wondered who did know. Brian and Leighanne maybe? Had they been invited to the nuptials? After all the terrible times they had shared, she and Nick had not been included in one of the happiest times. Nick had told her to let it go - that they had their reasons but it had truly crushed her. Holly knew that she wouldn't be able to get past this until she could tell Tristan that she knew about the marriage. Nick would probably kill her but she was going to take this to Tristan tomorrow. Hell, if he didn't kill her over this, she had a couple more reasons that he might use.

**************

Tristan awoke at 4 am to the sound of male voices. Drunk male voices. Very drunk male voices. The more they shushed each other and tried to be quiet, the louder they became. She recognized all three. In addition to Kevin, she heard Nick and Mason. Someone stumbled into a table.

"Shit! God dammit!"

"SHHHH, Nick! You're gonna wake up Tristan!" Kevin whispered loudly.

"Are you okay, Nick?" Mason asked, giggling.

"Yeah - what the hell do I need legs for anyway?"

Tristan heard Mason try to stifle a laugh. Then she heard a body fall onto the other bed.

"God, somebody keep this bed from spinning…"

It was Kevin.

"I think I'm gonna lay down for a minute - I don't feel so good." Nick gurgled.

"You puke on me, Carter, and you're gonna feel a hell of a lot worse!"

Kevin's words were slurred from here to Sunday. The next sound Tristan heard was his snoring.

"Damn!" Mason said seriously. "I didn't know they called him Train because he sounded like one!"

Nick started to laugh. "Jeez, Mason - you kill me! Now shut up and sit down for a minute. Let me get straight here and we'll leave…"

Tristan heard the covers being pulled back on the other bed. She assumed Mason was sitting. It wasn't one full minute that passed before the snoring symphony began. Tristan had never heard harmonic snoring before. It was interesting but she doubted it would hit any top forty countdown. The three of them had passed out, each one oblivious to the other. She listened to the grunts, groans and snorts for almost an hour before she decided that sleep would be futile. She got up and headed to the bathroom for a long shower.

When Tristan came out, the sun was beginning to come up and she was able to get a good look at the three party animals. Kevin lay on the edge of the bed, on his side, facing out. He had stripped down to his wife-beater. His cargo pants were hanging off of his hips. Nick lay next to Kevin, spooning him. His mouth was hanging open and one of his arms was draped across Kevin's abdomen. Tristan had to hold her hand to her mouth to keep herself from bursting into laughter. Mason, in turn, was spooning Nick. His face was buried in Nick's shoulder and one leg had moved over Nick's calf. Tristan sat in the chair and watched these three for awhile. They were still dead to the world. Occasionally, one of them would mumble something. She couldn't understand Mason because of his buried face. It was probably a good thing. Nick shifted a little and she could have sworn she heard him mutter "baby…" as he rubbed Kevin’s belly. She watched Kevin nuzzle into the pillow.. "…some sugar.." he mumbled. At least they had all stayed clothed. The words to a song she had heard once, ‘Shortnin’ Bread’, ran through her mind. Three little babies, layin’ in the bed, two was sick and the other ‘most dead…

This was just too good. Tristan got a bright idea and fumbled through Kevin's bag for his video camera.

***************

Holly woke up to an empty bed. Where in the hell was Nick? There was no sign of him. She slipped on a robe and went out into the hallway and on to the common area. There were several bodies passed out on the floor as well as on the furniture. Brian was one of them. Leighanne was nowhere to be found. Neither was Nick. It was early - not quite seven o' clock. Holly went down to Kevin and Tristan's room. She knew she shouldn't be entering the 'Kevin Zone' at this early hour but she was going to knock anyway. She was a little worried.

Holly was surprised when Tristan answered the door after only two light raps. Apparently she had been awake. She had on a short satin robe and held a video camera. Impure thoughts raced through Holly’s brain. What do you film in a hotel room at this hour?

“Uh…maybe this isn’t a good time. Sorry…”

“Wait!” Tristan said. “What’s the matter with you? I’m just messing with the camera. I’m making a little movie that Kevin will enjoy for years to come You wanna see?”

Holly quickly shook her head. “No..no Tris, I don’t think I do. I was just looking for Nick. I’ll talk to you later..” She turned to leave as if she was in a hurry.

“Oh Nick’s in here with us!” Tristan smiled. “He’s a vital part of the menage a trois!” Tristan began to laugh.

Holly froze. “What in the hell are you talking about, Tristan?” she asked as her face began to redden. “Nick’s in there with you and Kevin? And you’re filming it?” Holly was incensed.

“Don’t worry, Holly. I’ll dub a copy for you and Nick. Now come on in here! I want to get the camera rolling again before they get out of position…”

Holly felt like she was being recruited as an extra in a porno flick and began to wonder how many tapes Tristan and Kevin had made together. This was Kevin’s doing, she was sure. Her poor Nick! He would probably do almost anything Kevin asked of him when he was sober but he must have been smashed to agree to this. It was going to end right now! If Nick wanted a damn movie, they could make their own without Kevin Richardson’s direction! And to think that she had actually begun to think of Kevin as being basically gentle! And what in God's name had happened to Tristan? Holly stormed angrily past Tristan and into the room.

She stopped when she saw the three bodies lying all nuzzled up to each other on the bed. They really did look like spoons - great big loud, hairy spoons. Actually, they almost looked sweet.

Holly fell into a chair and held her head in her hands. I must be losing my mind Tristan had run into the room behind her, still holding the camera.

“Holly!” she whispered. “What is wrong with you? Why are you so upset?”

Holly started to laugh. Here was the Tristan that Holly knew - the one who would never have considered the possibilities that she had. In some way, it had reassured her to see a flash of Tristan’s old naivete.

“SHHH! You’ll wake them up!” Tristan scolded.

“How drunk were they?” Holly giggled.

Tristan giggled back. “How drunk do you think? I don’t even want to be here when Kevin wakes up.”

“Kevin? What about Nick? At least Kevin knows that Nick’s not gay!” Holly laughed again. “Too bad Nick doesn’t know that Mason is!

Tristan’s eyes grew wide. “Nick doesn’t know?”

“No, not yet. He’ll figure it out sometime.” Holly smiled at the three sleepers. “Be sure and make me a copy of this…”

Holly rose from the chair and stretched. At least she knew Nick was alright, in a manner of speaking anyway. She started to leave when she spotted Tristan’s jewelry box on the dresser. She thought she’d try a little test. She walked over to the dresser and picked up the box. She thought she saw Tristan become a little agitated.

“Can I borrow some earring backs from you Tris? I always lose mine…”

Tristan practically leaped across the room and took the box from Holly.

“Sure, Hol. Let me get a couple for you. You’ll never find them in here.”

Holly noted that Tristan turned the box so that Holly couldn’t see past the lid. She was hiding something and Holly knew what.

“That’s okay. Nevermind - I’ll wear my wires today.”

Holly paused considering Nick’s earlier advice. No, she was going to talk to Tristan and now would be a good time.

“You sure?” Tristan seemed relieved.

“Yeah.” Holly answered. After a moment of awkward silence, she continued. “Why don’t you come down to my room for awhile? I need to talk to you about a couple of things - including last night.”

“Okay.” Tristan nodded seriously. “What are friends for?”

“I was really hoping you’d say that, Tris….”

******************

Fifteen minutes later, Holly answered her door and found Tristan on the other side.

"Are they still asleep?" Holly asked her, smiling.

"Yeah." Tristan laughed. "I don't think they'll be going anywhere for awhile. There has been a change in position, though. Kevin has rolled over and is now nose to nose with Nick. They're sharing a pillow." Tristan flopped down on the sofa. " I thought Kevin was going to wake up. He started to stir a little but then I saw Nick patting his back and he got still again."

"Did you get that on tape?" Holly grinned.

"You bet!"

Holly chuckled as she walked over to the coffee maker and poured them both a cup. Once again, silence prevailed.

"I ordered us some breakfast…" Holly said as she handed Tristan a cup. "I hope you like…"

"Cut the crap, Holly." Tristan said gently. "Tell me what's going on. Are you and Nick having trouble?"

Holly sat down at the end of the sofa and pulled her legs up underneath of herself. She couldn't guess how Tristan was going to react to her confession. Tristan had been her mentor and her friend. She didn't want to alienate her.

"Okay.." Holly sighed and put her cup down on the end table. "Here goes. Yesterday, when Kevin carried you off the bus, we helped with the luggage. Later I asked Nick to get something for me out of my bag. We still had your bag. It was a mistake…"

"What was a mistake?" Tristan asked, not understanding.

"That we still had your bag….and that Nick opened it, thinking it was mine."

"So?" Tristan still didn't get it. "I got my bag in time to get ready for the…"

"Tristan!" Holly cut in. "I asked Nick to get me a necklace out of my jewelry box - the one in my bag. He opened your jewelry box…"

Tristan looked away, afraid now of where this was leading.

"And…?"

"And he found two gold bands…" Tristan's eyes slowly closed "….that were engraved with your and Kevin's initials and a date."

The room was silent again and then Tristan opened her eyes and slowly turned to meet Holly's tear filled eyes with a wet gaze of her own. Holly continued.

"Tris…did you and Kevin get married?"

There was no hedging Holly's direct question. It required a yes or no answer.

"Yes."

"I see." Holly jerked herself up from the sofa and took her cup to the sink.

"Do you?" Tristan whispered through tears. "See, I mean?"

Holly spun around and faced her. "No. Actually I don't! I can understand why the two of you might not want the public to know this! It sucks, but I think I understand. But we - Nick and I - have been with you both through so much shit!" Holly paused and then added. "I suppose Brian and Leighanne were there, Brian being family and all."

"No one knows about this outside of Kevin's mother and brothers, Holly. Brian and his family don't know. No one in my family knows…"

"Why, Tris?' Holly pleaded. "Just make me understand why you couldn't tell me - me!"

"Sit down, Holly. I'll try to explain, if I can. It's hard…." Tristan stood up and began to pace. "You're right, Holly. Kevin and I have been through shit. I know you and Nick have been there for us." Tristan stopped her pacing to look into Holly's face. "I can't tell you what that has meant to me, to know that you and Nick care enough about us to stay supportive through so many tough times. We weren't trying to shut anyone out. We were just trying to shut ourselves in a little bit. You know how this Backstreet family works. Kevin and I had to separate ourselves from that a little. Shit - I don't know how to explain this!" Tristan cried, frustrated in her attempt. " Listen, you were there. You know how fragile we were and in some respects, still are. But there 's plenty you don't know, too. It was time for us to be together. It was time to commit and rebuild ourselves and our relationship. It was time for us to trust again. It was personal and private. We needed to have that something between us alone. Something we could share without input from anyone else. Something we could revel in together - something we didn't have to share with anyone else- not for a little while, anyway"

Tristan sat back down on the sofa and looked down into her lap. She might have gained Holly's sympathy but doubted that Holly could really empathize.

"Does any of this make any sense to you. Holly? I….we didn't want to hurt anyone. We just wanted to move on with as little fanfare as possible."

Tristan raised her eyes back to Holly and was surprised to see her staring off into space with a slight smile on her lips.

"Holly?"

Holly nodded slightly. Suddenly she really did understand. Her conversation with Nick about their engagement came rushing back to her. They wanted to keep their plans to themselves too, and some of their reasons echoed what Tristan had expressed. They wanted a commitment, too - one that wasn't open to scrutiny and evaluation - something between just the two of them.

When Holly turned back to Tristan her anger was gone. Nick had been right. They did have their reasons.

"I'm glad you told me this, Tris. I want you to know that I do understand. I really do. I guess it scared me a little. I thought that maybe you didn't trust us for some reason….."

"Oh, Holly…." Tristan sighed sadly. "Never."

The two women broke into a spontaneous hug based on true affection mixed with a large dose of relief.

"We just want you to be happy, Tris." Then Holly laughed. "I can't help it - the two of you just seem like such an unlikely couple sometimes. Kevin can make me so damn mad…but I don't think he could live with out you."

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Room service had arrived.

***************

Holly and Tristan chatted over breakfast and things slowly returned to normal again. Tristan told Holly about the wedding and Holly promised not to mention it to anyone, including Kevin. Holly didn't tell Tristan about her and Nick. She felt a little hypocritical about that, but felt that Tristan would certainly understand, especially considering her own circumstances.

"Uh..Tris?"

"Yeah?" Tristan looked up from her plate.

"I've been offered a position"

"A position?"

"Yeah. The Tampa Symphony. First chair flute."

Tristan sat up in her chair. "Wow…that's great Holly! That's a powerful group!" She paused and then added, as if reading Holly's mind, "Does Nick know?"

Holly looked away. Nick didn't know.

"I see….what do you want to do, Holly?"

"I have mixed feelings…. What do you think Nick will say?"

Tristan hesitated. Dual musical careers could and probably would cause problems. Nick was more laid back and open than Kevin, but Tristan had seen a bit if a 'caveman' streak in him, too. Out of the five guys, she could only see one who would think this was a wonderful and exciting thing, and that was AJ.

"I don't know…"

"Well, what did Kevin say about you touring again?"

Tristan chewed slowly and swallowed. "He didn't like it."

"Oh….but you went for it anyway…"

"Yeah."

"Are you glad?"

Tristan sighed. "Not as much as I thought I'd be." She said honestly. "You need to figure out your feelings and then take them to Nick."

Holly nodded. "You're right. I'm just a little confused….." She decided to move onto the next subject. "About last night, Tris…"

"Last night?"

"Yeah - the father thing."

Holly saw a cloud pass over Tristan's face. She knew right away that Tristan thought she was speaking about Edward Mallory. She also realized that Tristan would be hard pressed to discuss him or her childhood in any detail.

"I mean my father." Holly explained.

"Oh…" Tristan wiped her mouth with her napkin.

Holly's father was an attorney - an entertainment attorney. Warren Carmichael had been on Lou Perleman's team when the BSB had first brought suit against him well over a year ago. Holly hadn't paid much attention to it then but now it was a definite sore spot. The guys still complained about it from time to time, especially Kevin. Nick had only been involved by association. He wasn't named in the litigation. As if that wasn't bad enough, her father had left Lou's retainer soon after and had gone to work for Johnny Wright. He tended to the contractual affairs of the groups under Wright's management. Even worse, after last summers tangled legal events, Warren Carmichael had become a silent partner in the management and promotion of 'NSync which was, despite denials of conflict, Backstreet's chief competition. Holly had been privy to comments from both sides of the controversy. 'NSync accused Backstreet of jealousy and manipulative practices. Backstreet countered with allegations of copying and a lack of creativity. Backstreet had taken the high road publicly, stating that their complaints were against their label and that it was not personal. The fact was, however, that it had become personal. Sides were being taken which cut fan bases for both groups. 'NSync had thrown public barbs at the BSB under the guise of humor. Backstreet tended to be quiet - after all, 'NSync was always being compared to them - not vice versa. However, comments had been made and most of them had come from Kevin.

Holly's father had tried to keep his relationship between his daughter and his work separate but it was becoming increasingly difficult. Holly knew the members of 'NSync personally and, in fact, had dated J.C. Chasez for a brief time before she knew Nick. Her father didn't realize the depth of her feeling for Nick and had made it clear that he intended to do everything within his power to make 'NSync's popularity surpass that of the BSB. Tristan was the only one who knew about the connection. By the time that Holly recognized and accepted Nick's love, it was too late. Battle lines had been drawn. When Nick had asked Holly about her father, she had only said that he was a lawyer. She had inwardly cringed when Kevin had made sarcastic remarks about 'NSync coming over to Jive and about them courting the same songwriters and producers that the BSB had used. The similarities had even gone as far as their stage productions and stylists. The list seemed endless. Fortunately for the BSB, 'N Sync couldn't buy class or depth. Unfortunately they could buy fans and magazine covers.

"I feel like I have to tell Nick about him and what he does." Holly said nervously. "I'm starting to feel like some kind of double agent."

Tristan laughed, trying to ease Holly's tension. "I think Nick will understand your dilemma if you explain the circumstances to him." She offered.

"You don't think he'll get mad?" Holly asked.

"If he does, I think it'll pass fairly quickly. You can't help what your father does. Besides, Nick is pretty laid back. The business end of things doesn't seem to interest him much."

Then Holly put a voice to Tristan's unspoken question.

"What about Kevin?"

Luckily, Tristan didn't have to answer that question. Nick came bursting through the door like the Feds were after him. The dialog between Tristan and Holly came to an immediate stop.

"Welcome home, Nick." Holly smiled. "Did you have a good time last night?" She wasn't about to let on that she knew where and how he had slept..

"Uh…Hi…uh..Good time? No. Why do you ask?" Nick stuttered, glancing at Tristan.

"Did you get any sleep?" Holly teased. "You look a little rumpled. Why, even your belt is unfastened…Don't tell me you were so drunk that you couldn't remember to fasten your pants!" Then she added slyly, "God knows what else you don't remember…"

"I remember everything!" Nick shouted and then put his hands to his head.

"Tris said you camped out in their room last night.."

Nick fumbled for words while Tristan fought to remain expressionless.

"Uh.."

"Well, I think it was Nick. It might have been Kevin. There was a big lump in the other bed, but it was dark. I really couldn't tell."

"Oh..yeah…well..I think I ended up on the floor. You know, on the other side of the bed or something… Well, ..gotta go. See you girls later."

"Where are you going in such a hurry Nick?" Holly asked as she turned in her chair to watch him make his hasty retreat.

"Uh…shower. I feel really, really dirty…"

Nick practically ran into the bedroom. As soon as the door shut, Holly and Tristan broke into peals of laughter.

Email Grace

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