CHAPTER 7

Sunday morning found Tristan and Mason sorting through some of the piles of paper on the dining room table. Tristan had already laid out several piles of old contracts and requests but Mason had added two cardboard file boxes stuffed with mail and proposals.

Kevin had been caught up most of the day doing pre-tour interviews and publicity. Although nothing had been said, there was a certain amount of tension in the air. Tomorrow, rehearsals would begin and Kevin and Tristan both knew what that would mean. Mason had sensed the tension, too, but didn’t know where it was coming from. He didn’t know what Tristan had been doing with herself for the last three months. He knew nothing about the events of the last BSB tour, Kevin’s encounter with Lily, the miscarriage or the hospital and so he wondered if he was the cause of any problems between Tristan and Kevin. He hoped not, but he knew he had to get into his own place soon.

Kevin had noticed that Tristan had become more subdued as the weekend wore on and he knew why. He didn’t know how to broach the subject with her or even if he should. He didn’t want to open any wounds that were still in the healing process but Kevin realized that they had never discussed Lily specifically. The only direct references to her that he could remember were the comments made by Tristan when they were rehearsing for their last tour and the ones she had made on the previous Monday night when she had, in so many words, told him to get out and had later confessed her fear.

Mason seemed determined to jump start Tristan’s career and that made Kevin a little uneasy, too. He had assumed that Tristan was planning to spend more time with him on this tour. Kevin really had no legitimate complaints about Mason. He was the perfect house guest and seemed to sense when he should make himself scarce. His somewhat overt homosexuality disturbed Kevin sometimes and made him smile at others. Kevin knew several gay men and also knew that the band appealed to many gays. He didn’t particularly like that but it was a fact of life and he preferred not to dwell on it. What distressed him about homosexuality, especially among males, was that he just didn’t understand it, the same way one may not understand another’s passion for beets or Danny Kaye movies. It was actually easier for him to understand a lesbian attraction. Hell, who wouldn’t love a woman’s body? - Even another woman. Kevin was tolerant and tried to be non-judgmental. He detested hate crimes carried out against any segment of the population, but he wasn’t enthusiastic or approving, either. He just wasn’t that liberal and did his best to avoid the issue altogether.

If he had any doubts about Mason’s intentions towards Tristan, they were permanently wiped away last night when he and Tristan had gone upstairs to bed and caught the back side of Mason scurrying to his room wearing a mint green nightgown and shower cap. But Kevin still felt territorial about Tristan and didn’t like the idea of anyone, including Mason or Nick, feeling that they had to be her protector- especially from him. He felt that Tristan still required protection from many elements in her life but, as politically incorrect as it may seem, he felt that was his job and his alone. Kevin was from the old school - the old, southern school - the old, southern, Baptist school. He was a possessive man.

This territorial streak of Kevin’s wasn’t always a good thing. It didn’t seem to bother Tristan that much because she recognized it for what it actually was - an expression of insecurity that actually caused Kevin most of the pain, not her. When she had told him, in anger, that she didn’t want him, he had been angry and hurt but mostly he had been frightened. Kevin’s possessiveness and need to control also took a small beating when he discovered new things about Tristan or her career from time to time - things that he hadn’t known before. These discoveries made Kevin wonder if he would ever have all of Tristan. He needed to know that he had all of her. Surprises helped some relationships stay fresh and interesting - they made him uncomfortable. He liked constancy. Many of these little surprises were impressive, like when he found out the degree of her talent and the fact that she had won several well respected awards and accolades as a classical pianist. Some were delightful or amusing, like when he discovered that she was quite the proficient skateboarder, an excellent cook and that she could knit socks. Some revelations, however, were disturbing to him and two such revelations were about to unfold tonight.

Tristan had gone out to run some errands when Kevin had gotten home that evening. He had gone upstairs to take a shower and when he had come back downstairs Mason was in the dining room going through some of Tristan’s folders and making notes in her datebook.

“Looks like you two have your work cut out for you, Mason.” Kevin flipped through one of the piles at the end of the table.

“Well, after four months! I don’t know what she was thinking just letting this stuff pile up like this!” Mason shook his head and picked up some papers, moving them from one stack to another. “She’s going to be a very busy lady for the next few months!”

Kevin stopped his flipping and looked at Mason solemnly. “Not too busy, I hope.”

“Pretty darn busy, Kevin! Why?”

“She’s spending time with me on this tour. It’s too hard to be separated for long stretches. Besides, I don’t think she’s ready to play.”

“Tristan?” Mason laughed. “She’s always ready! She’s just a little rusty, that’s all.” Mason got no response from Kevin which puzzled him. There was something strange going on here. He had picked up the vibe from Tristan, too. “What’s wrong, Kevin? Is there something I should know? Oh my God! Is Tristan sick or something?” Mason swallowed hard.

“No! No...” Kevin answered quickly.

“Thank God!” Mason sighed, holding his hand over his heart. “I see that she’s scheduled a doctor’s appointment next week. I guess I was jumping to far out conclusions. Sorry.”

“Doctor’s appointment?” But the tour starts next week. Kevin took the date book from Mason and turned it so he could read the name of the doctor. “Do you know this Dr. Reingold?”

“No...”

“Does she have a medical file here somewhere?” Kevin began rifling through a stack of manila folders.

“Kevin....I don’t think you should be going through her personal records....” Mason protested. “Tris may not like this....”

“Look, Mason. There are some things you don’t understand.” Kevin said patiently, still sorting through the files. “If Tris wants to discuss them with you, fine, but I need to find out if she’s having any problems...Aha!” Kevin had located a folder marked ‘medical’ and opened it.

Kevin rummaged through the folder searching for clues to the identity of this Dr. Reingold. Near the back of the folder he found a brochure with a drawing of an office building on the front and a map. Underneath the picture, in bold type was the name ‘Herbert Reingold, M.D., Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery’.

“Plastic surgeon?” Kevin asked out loud.

“Plastic Surgeon?” Mason repeated.

Kevin couldn’t imagine why Tristan would be contemplating visiting a plastic surgeon. He opened the brochure and found a section marked in blue highlighter - a page discussing the whys and wherefores of breast reduction.

“What the fuck? She’s got to be kidding!” Kevin shouted loudly.

“What is it?” Mason asked.

Kevin handed him the brochure and he started reading. After a few moments he shook his head and frowned.

“She must have had men talking to her chest again.” Mason clucked.

“What? You know about this?”

“I didn’t know about this...but I know that she used to get...you know...cracks from time to time. She got pretty self-conscious about it. I remember she asked me once if I thought she was ‘too big’.”

“She never said a damn thing to me about feeling like this!” Kevin said angrily, annoyed that she would not talk to him about something like this.

He felt like he had every right to be a part of this decision. His thinking was that Tristan belonged to him and, therefore, her body did, too. He felt a bubble of discontent. Maybe Tristan didn’t feel that they belonged to each other in the same way that he did.

Kevin went on. “We’re not talking about getting your ears pierced, for Christ’s sake. These are her breasts!” My breasts. He threw her folder down on the table.

“Well, maybe she wondered if she would get an objective opinion from a straight man. The general perception is that most men think there’s no such thing as ‘too big’.”

“But she’s not that big!” This had seriously upset Kevin and his venom was aimed at Tristan. “And I’m not just a ‘straight man’. I’m her lover! How dare she make a decision like this on her own!”

“Look, Kevin,” Mason said, trying desperately to diffuse Kevin’s anger, “ I’m going to give you another point of view on this. There are women who become...well...sensitive about the breast issue because they feel that they’re sometimes judged on their physical attributes and, let’s face it, sometimes they are.”

“Fuck other people’s judgements! She should care about what I think!”

Mason tried to continue. “I’ve overheard the comments myself, Kevin. What’s she going to do? Come whine to you every time she gets ogled? And what are you going to do? Beat up every guy that stares at her chest?” Mason sighed. “Tristan has a small frame so she looks like she’s bigger than she is, I guess....” Mason picked up another folder from the end of the table. “I’m sure these haven’t helped, either...”

“What are they?” Kevin glared, still enraged.

Mason laughed, again trying to make light of the situation. “These are cover letters of her semi-monthly requests from Hugh Hefner. I think there are a couple from Bob Guccione, too.” Mason started looking through the letters.

Kevin was knocked for a loop. Another secret that affected him directly! He grabbed the folder from Mason’s hands and tore through the letters and contract proposals. He had absolutely no idea that Tristan had gotten such offers. His question was - why?

“What is this shit, Mason?!” Kevin shouted. “I can’t believe Tristan would consider such a thing! This is trash!!”

Mason attempted to intercede on Tristan’s behalf, but Kevin had gone past the ability to be rational. His voice rose and soon turned into a scream. He continued to look through the offers, his face getting redder and his breathing heavier with each turn of the page.

“Jesus Christ! Five hundred grand! Seven-fifty! One million? We have a God damned bidding war going on over Tristan’s fuckin’ tits - and God knows what else!”

“Kevin!” Mason shouted, trying to break through his anger. “Don’t jump to conclusions! First of all, you don’t understand how these magazines do things and as for her seeing a plastic surgeon - you’re jumping there, too. Calm down!”

“I know what I see, God dammit, Mason! First of all, she has this fucking appointment just after we leave to go on tour! What’s she gonna do? Get herself mutilated while I’m away? Does she think I wouldn’t notice something like that? And this!...” Kevin screamed, throwing the folder of unsigned contracts across the floor, “why doesn’t she just tell them to get fucked? Is she trying to encourage them or something...?”

Mason didn’t think that Kevin could get any angrier, but he was wrong. Kevin was having difficulty talking and breathing at the same time. Mason flinched when Kevin jumped in his direction, bumped him aside, picked up a ceramic ginger jar from the buffet and threw it against the far wall where it shattered into hundreds of small pieces. Mason’s eyes grew wide and he became fearful that Kevin might come after him next. His instinct told him to get the hell out of there but he knew that Tristan would be home soon and he was afraid for her to be alone with Kevin.

“Kevin! What is wrong with you? What’s happened here?”

Kevin whirled around at the sound of Tristan’s voice in the doorway. She was standing there. looking around the room at the hundreds of papers scattered across the floor, the broken pieces of the jar on the rug and the dent in the wall where the jar had hit. Then she locked eyes with Kevin. His eyes were almost black. He was beyond furious. Mason was silent, looking back and forth between the two, not knowing what to do.

“Well, well.....” Kevin’s voice was low but it was only the brief calm before the storm. “....here’s our little centerfold, now...”

Tristan glanced at Mason who nodded to a pile of papers on the floor. She glimpsed down and saw the letterheads spilled across the edge of the carpet - ‘Playboy Enterprises’, ‘Penthouse, Inc.’.... Tristan looked back to Kevin whose eyes had narrowed and grown even darker. She realized he was infuriated with her, but why?

“Mason,” Tristan said softly, her eyes still on Kevin, “you have plans tonight. I think you’d better get going.”

“Uh...Maybe I should cancel...you know..hang around for awhile.”

Kevin remained silent. His eyes practically burned holes through Tristan. He was standing with his legs apart, fists clenching and unclenching. The coin had already been flipped. He was taking the offense.

“No. Go, please. I’ll be alright....I think Kevin and I need to talk.” Tristan handed Mason her car keys. “Take it.” she said, nodding towards the garage.

Mason took the keys and left the room reluctantly, still not sure if he was doing the right thing. No words were spoken until they heard Tristan’s car pull away.

“Do you want to tell me what this is all about, Kevin?” Tristan spoke calmly, trying to dispel the anger radiating off of Kevin. It wasn’t working.

“I think you’re gonna have to tell me, Tristan!” He grabbed a couple of papers from the end of the table and stomped over to her, bending to pick up a handful of pages from the floor. They were now crumpled in his fist. Tristan took a step back. “Tell me baby...were you gonna have your tits cut before or after your porno spread? “ he hissed. “I hope after. They might knock a couple hundred grand off your fee if you do it before.”

“What?” Tristan stammered.

“I guess that spread in ‘Reputations’ just whetted your appetite! What, does it give you some kind of vicarious thrill to think that thousands of men will be jerking off while they’re staring at you?” he screamed.

Kevin couldn’t seem to stop the hurtful words that poured out of his mouth. He watched her eyes as he screamed his accusations and knew that she was innocent, but he couldn’t shut up.

“Damn, baby! I’m so proud! The world will know now that I’m screwing a natural blond!”

Tristan looked into Kevin’s face with a combination of disbelief and fear, like he was a stranger. She turned to run up the stairs - to get away from him and still he couldn’t stop. He was in self-destruct mode. His allegations were merely substituting for his own hidden insecurities - the fears he had bottled up for months and never fully released. He grabbed her arm, hurting her.

“Let go!” Tristan cried.

She yanked herself away, again turning to the stairs and again he grabbed her, hating the fear he saw in her eyes. Couldn’t she tell that he was the one who was really afraid?

“No, baby...I think you’re very smart! Looks like you’ve got Hefner and Guccione bidding for your ....talents. Maybe Flint will jump on board! God damn, Tristan! Talk about an honor! A dream come true - the centerfold of ‘Hustler’!”

Kevin’s grip on her seemed to tighten and Tristan could feel her fingers starting to tingle. Her adrenaline had started to pump and somewhere she found the strength to push her shoulder into Kevin, knocking him off guard so that she was able to run. Once again she went for the stairs, but he recovered quickly and was close behind her. She made it to the bedroom door and tried to slam it closed and lock it but Kevin was already there, pushing it open from the outside.

“I’m not gonna watch you run away from me anymore, Tristan!” Kevin screamed through the door.

He kicked the door open and Tristan heard the wood crack. She backed away and fell to the floor on her knees, hands covering her face and shoulders trembling. It was the first time she had ever felt afraid of Kevin.

Kevin stood inside the doorway and looked down at the woman he loved trembling on the floor, afraid. He had been devastated over a year ago to think that Tristan might ever be afraid of him. The difference now lay in the fact that she actually was. Kevin felt like he was bleeding inside as he stood looking at her. He had lost control of his thoughts, of his temper, of his words. How close had he come to losing control of his hands? He could already see the bruises forming on her arm. They were going to be ugly ones - obviously not the kind obtained during the passionate gasps of orgasm. I bruise so easily, Kevin...

Why had he done this? Those papers and the brochure weren’t evidence of anything. Why couldn’t he have simply asked her about them? Why was it impossible for him to talk to her when he felt threatened? Maybe she did need protection from him after all.

After many seconds had gone by, Tristan slowly lowered her hands and looked up into Kevin’s face. Her cheeks were flushed and wet with tears. Kevin was still standing silently and she saw that his eyes were filled. As she watched, he mouthed the words ‘I’m sorry, baby’ and turned to walk back out of the door. He stopped at the dresser to pick up his keys and then went on, not looking at her and offering no explanation. Then she heard the closet door downstairs open and close.

Suddenly, the realization came to Tristan that he was leaving her. She jumped up and ran down to the landing, screaming for him to come back but she only heard the sound of his truck engine in the driveway and tires squealing on the pavement and he drove out of the gate.

CHAPTER 8

“Kevin?” Tristan asked into the phone. She had grabbed it after one ring.

It was eight AM and Tristan had been up all night hoping that Kevin would come back home or at least call her. Mason had thought that they were asleep when he got home and he had already left this morning to check on the offices. There was a hesitation on the other end on the line.

“Kevin? Is that you?” she repeated.

“Uh...no Tris. It’s Nick. Is Kevin on his way here to the rehearsals? We’re kind of waiting for him.”

Nick was immediately concerned by the anxious tone of Tristan’s voice. He and Holly had both spoken to Kevin and Tristan individually a few days ago and had compared notes on their conversations. Everything had seemed fine except for the expected anxiety concerning Lily and even that hadn’t seemed to upset them too much. Holly had seemed more worried then they were.

Now Tristan hesitated. She didn’t know what to say.

“Tris? Are you there?”

“Yes...yes, I’m here.” She was becoming upset. She had hoped that he had gone to rehearsals. In fact, she had planned on showing up there later so she could talk to him.

Nick could hear her anxiety over the phone. “What’s wrong, hon? Has something happened?”

Nick asked the question calmly, but the other guys could see from the look on Nick’s face that something was wrong. Lily could see it too.

“I don’t know exactly...He...he...Oh, Jesus, Nick!....” Tristan burst into tears. “Everything’s so fucked up! He left me....he’s gone! I don’t know where and....”

“Hold on, Tris! Did you have a fight?” Nick asked remembering the fireworks last week in Ruskin.

“I don’t know what happened last night, Nick! He got so mad....I couldn’t talk to him.....” She broke down again. “If he’s not there, then where is he?” she sobbed.

“Hush, now Tris. Try to calm down. Holly and I will be right over, okay?”

“Holly’s with you?” She asked in a small voice.

“Yeah, hon. We’ll be right there. Okay?”

“Okay, Nick.”

Nick hung up the phone slowly and turned to find his bandmates standing close by, awaiting an explanation. The dancers were occupied with stretching and chatting, except for Lily. She had moved closer aware that something was amiss. She was slowly approaching eavesdropping range. Nick called the group to a corner and tried to offer what little explanation he had.

“Tris doesn’t know where Kevin is.” Nick said.

“Well, what time did he leave? Did he get a late start or something?” Howie asked, expecting to hear that Kevin had overslept.

Nick looked at Howie impatiently. “He left last night, D. Tris thinks he’s walked out - left her.”

“Not possible!” Brian offered.

“Maybe she’s had a relapse or something.” Howie commented, tapping the side of his head.

“God dammit, Howie!” Nick spat. “She’s not delusional! Something happened last night! She’s bawling!” Nick paused to regain his composure. “Look, these rehearsals are refreshers. Y’all go on while Holly and I run over to Kevin’s and see what’s going on. If he shows here, call me on my cell. Okay?”

“Yeah, Nick. You go. We’ll cover the bases here.” Brian nodded to AJ and Howie. “Right?”

“Right!” they agreed.

Nick took off and went to get Holly from the cafeteria.

“I knew it was too fuckin’ soon.....”AJ mumbled under his breath.

**********

“You sit. I’ll put on some coffee.” Holly said to Tristan. “Now tell us what happened.”

Tristan had gained control of herself pretty well by the time Nick and Holly arrived, but it was hard for her to sit still. She was anxious and worried about Kevin. She attempted to describe what happened last night.

“When I came home last night, he was already mad. He’d....he’d found some papers of mine that set him off, but he wouldn’t just talk to me about them or ask me about them. He was screaming - accusing me of things....”

“What kinds of things?” Nick asked gently.

“He broke the jar...”, Tristan said absently, ignoring Nick’s question. “I have to go clean that up...”

Tristan got up slowly from the kitchen table and walked into the dining room. Holly and Nick put down their cups and followed her, trying to make sense of last nights events. Tristan was already kneeling on the floor picking up the scattered pieces of the ginger jar when they came in behind her. Nick and Holly stopped to look at the mess in the room. Papers had been thrown everywhere and Nick spotted the dent in the wall above Tristan’s head. When she said that he had broken a jar, Nick assumed that he had dropped it, not thrown it and he became more concerned. He went over to Tristan and took her arm, pulling her up from the floor. When she winced, Nick glanced at her arm and saw the edge of an ugly bruise beneath the short sleeves of her sweater.

“What the hell is this, Tris?” Nick asked angrily, yanking up the sleeve of her sweater. The bruise was large and clearly made by a hand squeezing her arm. The lines of the fingers were distinguishable.

“Please, Nick!” Tristan cried, pulling away. “You weren’t here. You don’t understand...” She looked to Holly as if pleading for support. She got none. Holly stepped quickly over to Tristan and began pulling her sweater up over her back and stomach as she and Nick began to inspect Tristan for other signs of violence.

“Stop!” Tristan screamed. “What are you doing?” She pulled away from them and backed up against a wall, staring at her two friends. “I thought you came here to help me, not to attack Kevin....”,Tristan whispered accusingly. “He has never raised his hand to me and never would.....”

As Tristan broke into a wash of fresh tears, Holly hugged her, feeling badly about her suspicious reactions. She began to cry, too, knowing that her friend was in pain. Nick let them cry for a minute or two and then went to the two women. He held them both tightly and tried to calm them, one on each shoulder. Jesus, I have to grab the reins, here and put this puzzle together... He patted their backs, kissed the tops of their heads and began his inquisition.

“Okay, Tris...you ready to talk about this now?” he asked.

“Yes.” she answered unsteadily.

“Tell us what happened and why you think Kevin has left you.” Nick was determined to be totally objective if he could. He wasn’t used to being in this position.

Tristan relayed the events of the previous night. There wasn’t much to go on and Nick and Holly remained baffled. Tristan had told them what Kevin had said about the offer from the men’s magazines and the remarks he had made about her cutting her breasts, but none of it made much sense. She told them how she had run upstairs and he had tried to stop her. That was how she had gotten bruised. She told them how angry he had been and how scared she had been because she didn’t understand and he wouldn’t explain it to her. Then she told them that he had left and she had called after him. She told them about how she had checked the closet downstairs and saw that the bag he kept there was missing. He kept a change of clothing in the bag in case something happened and he had to get away quickly. Nick had nodded, remembering how Kevin had grabbed the bag on the night he took Kevin to the airport when Tristan had been hospitalized last year.

Nick crossed his arms and looked down at the floor, still trying to make sense out of all of this. His eyes became focused on several sheets of paper that lay on the edge of the carpet. They looked as if they had been squeezed together and one of them had been highlighted. A datebook lay close by. Nick bent down to pick them all up and he began to read, glancing from time to time between the papers and the datebook.

“I think I’ve found a piece of the puzzle...” he said quietly. “You have an appointment with a Dr. Reingold on Monday?” he asked Tristan, pointing to a line in her datebook.

“Well, yes....”

“This Dr. Reingold? Nick asked, holding up the crumpled brochure with the blue highlighting.

“Yes, but......” She paused. “Oh my God...”

Nick nodded.

“What?” Holly asked.

“This is a brochure I got from a friend years ago.” Tristan began. “I was interested in finding out a little about this.” She handed the brochure to Holly.

Holly read the highlighted area and turned back to Tristan. “Why would you consider something like this?"

“Long story - stupid story. It was a long time ago. I’m not seeing Dr. Reingold about that. I’m seeing him about this.” Tristan raised her left arm and pointed to the scar on her wrist. “He’s going to remove the scar. I can tell that it disturbs Kevin. I thought that if it was gone, it wouldn’t be a constant reminder and it would help him put some of our mess behind him.” She sighed deeply. “What he must have thought....”

Holly finished the train of thought. “He thinks you’re getting a breast reduction and not telling him about it. That’s why you’re doing it when the tour starts - you’ll have recovered by the time it’s over.....”

Nick nodded. “That would piss him off, alright. It would piss off any man.”

Satisfied that one mystery was solved, Nick went on to the next.

“What about these, Tris?” he asked holding up some of the Playboy and Penthouse offers.

“Oh Nick....I’ve been getting those for years! Many professional women do, particularly if they spend any time on a stage. They don’t mean anything. I never respond to them.”

“If it’s an ordinary thing, why did Kevin get so mad?”

“I guess he doesn’t realize how common this is...”

“I don’t see what the big deal is.” Nick remarked maturely. “Kevin’s awfully possessive. It’s actually kind of flattering, in a way.”

“I guess I thought it was funny.” Tristan shook her head. “ I can’t imagine myself ever posing like...like...that.” She looked a little embarrassed.

“Don’t be embarrassed, hon...Kevin shouldn’t be upset about this.” Nick looked through the pages. “Damn, girl! You’ve been offered a lot of dough, haven’t you?”

“How much?” Holly asked looking over Nick’s shoulder. “Damn! Nick’s right! I wasn’t offered that much to pose, although the offers did increase after I became involved with one of the Backstreet Boys.”

“I hear you.” Tristan agreed. “That’s when the offers rose for me, too.”

Nick listened to this exchange between the two women not sure that he fully comprehended what he had just heard. His head jerked quickly to Holly.

“What did you say?” Nick asked her pointedly. He had a strange expression on his face.

“What did I say about what?” Holly responded.

“You’ve gotten offers to strip for a men’s magazine?” Nick seemed agitated.

“A couple...”

“How damn many?”

“Three or four, I think. What’s the matter with you?”

“You didn’t think I’d be interested in hearing about this?” Nick was trying to control his tone and doing a bad job of it. He was mad.

“Like Tris said, Nick - it’s common! Damn - you all didn’t mind dropping your pants for Rolling Stone!”

“We didn’t expose ourselves!” he spat.

“Neither did I!” Holly shouted back.

Nick stopped to catch his breath. “Why in the hell would they think that you would consider something like this then?”

“I don’t know, Nick! Maybe I’m....”

“A whore....” Tristan finished quietly.

Nick and Holly stopped arguing and turned their heads towards Tristan.

“Please don’t say that, Tris. You know that’s not true.” Nick pleaded.

“Maybe they think it is. Oh. Nick. Look at you two! No wonder Kevin lost it last night! His temper is much worse than yours and look how upset you are! It doesn’t seem so bad when it involves someone else’s girlfriend, but when it’s yours, it’s a different story!” Tristan looked at the ceiling and started counting on her fingers. “Let’s see. One - he thinks I’m having this breast surgery that I haven't discussed with him - lie of omission. Two - he thinks that I don’t care how he might feel about this. Three - magazine offers - another lie of omission. Four - what have I done or not done to make them think that I would consider these offers. And five - the ‘whore factor’. It hurt him when all that stuff was written about me on the internet and in that magazine The thought of any more trash or smut upsets him. Throw the ‘Lily’ element into the pot and the fact that he’s still tired and trying to work out some personal issues and you have an explosion waiting to happen. His happened last night.” Tristan let out a long sigh.

Nick collected his thoughts for a moment. “He’s scared.”

“Scared of what?” Holly asked.

Nick looked at her soberly and silently, encouraging her to remember. Holly recalled the talk they’d had many months ago. He’s scared of loss, of rejection and betrayal. “I think I understand” she whispered.

Tristan returned to the floor to finish picking up the pieces of broken porcelain. She had to get to Kevin but she didn’t know where to start or what to do. As she thought back on the last year she began to see that almost every time, without fail, that Kevin had gotten seriously upset with her it was because he had felt betrayed on some level. He was possessive and needed a sense of control to feel safe. The betrayals he had felt last night had distanced her from him and he had lost control, not only over the situation, but also over himself which had probably scared him even more. The last time he had really lost control, he had become the one who betrayed. He was running.

“I need to talk to him, Nick...” Tristan said with a cracking voice.

“I know, Tris.”

“Will you let me know if he contacts anyone?” Her eyes were wet when she looked at Nick.

“Yes....I promise.” Nick said softly. “This will be okay...”

“It will be if I can get to him before he sinks.”

Tristan got up off the floor and hugged Nick and Holly, smiling a little through her tears.

“Now you two get out of here - get back to rehearsals. Is everything okay there?” Tristan asked wiping her eyes.

“Everything’s great!” Nick responded enthusiastically, trying to set a reassuring tone. “We’re doing just fine - it’s a wonderful group!”

Tristan saw Holly shoot Nick a ‘look’. He caught it and winced.

“I mean, it’s a pretty good group - except for one or two...you know...” Nick was stammering.

“Don’t try to fix it, Nick!” Holly snapped.

“Stop fighting!” Tristan said with some humor. “Although your earlier argument shed some light on things...”

“Don’t you want me to stay?” Holly asked. “Nick can pick me up later.”

“No. Thanks, anyway Hol.” Tristan raised her eyebrows. “I think you’d better go to rehearsals, too. Don’t you?”

**************

When Nick and Holly returned to rehearsals, everyone was on a break. Lily almost broke her neck jerking her head towards the door when the couple entered. Nick filled the guys in on what he knew while Holly took a seat near the wall. She watched as, once again, Lily edged herself closer and closer to the group, trying to find out what was going on.

“Maybe if you give them five bucks, they’ll send you a transcript.” Holly said to her caustically.

Lily spun around to Holly. “Like I give a shit what they’re talking about!”

“Oh, I think you give a shit, alright.” Holly smiled. “A shit and a pee, too!”

“Why should I care what they’re saying? Obviously, everyone is wondering where their captain is. Can I help it if he’s just afraid to face temptation?” Lily purred.

“Face temptation?” Holly laughed. “I’m betting that what he can’t face is losing his lunch when he has to look at you! You’re about as big a temptation to Kevin Richardson as salmonella!”

Their voices had risen and the rest of the room had stopped to listen to them. Nick tried to smooth things out.

“Uh...ladies? Let’s break it up, okay? We have work to do...right?”

“Where’s Kevin?” Lily growled. “I need a partner!”

“You need a leash!” Holly said under her breath.

“You’re not dancing with Kevin this time, Lily.” Nick said, ignoring Holly’s leash comment.

“What? Why not?”

AJ could no longer resist the urge to add his observations. “Damn, Lily! You’re a bigger moron that you are a bitch. I wouldn’t have thought that was possible!”

“Don’t you think you’ve caused enough trouble, Lily?” Holly hissed.

Lily pretended to be hurt. “You’re all being so mean! Kevin was there, too! He played a pretty big part in what happened!” Then she added, smirking, “And I do mean big! I just wonder how poor little Misty can …..um......accommodate all of him.”

AJ cackled. “Hell, Lily! Everybody around here knows that ‘accommodation’ is no problem for you, but I wouldn’t brag about it. I bet you could ‘accommodate’ a two liter bottle - and probably have on occasion......sorry, Holly” AJ apologized to Holly for his lack of manners and then laughed at Lily, anyway. “I heard through the grapevine that your, shall we say - muscle tone - isn’t what it used to be.” AJ was even starting to gross himself out.

AJ’s comments infuriated Lily, which of course, was their intention.

“Why you little skinny assed, tattooed munchkin! I keep myself in excellent shape! I am a dancer, after all!”

“Well, here Lily! Dance on this!” Holly shouted, raising her middle finger.

“Maybe I’d rather dance on this!” Lily yelled back, grabbing on to Nick’s waistband.

“You whore!”

“You bitch!”

Holly, red faced, started towards Lily, but Nick stepped between them to intervene.

“Cat fight! Cat fight!” AJ screamed out, laughing.

“Okay, okay.....” Nick said quietly, trying to calm things down. “Enough now. Let’s get back to work. Holly, honey, why don’t you take a seat.” Holly glared at him.“ Lily, I’m your partner on this tour.”

“Well, Nicky....you and me, huh? That should be interesting....” Lily winked in Holly’s direction. “Are you as good a.....um.....dancer....as Kevin?”

“No!” Nick said emphatically.

“Awwww...I bet that’s not true, Nicky.” Lily was really putting on a show for Holly’s sake. “I’ll bet you and I could learn to ...’dance’....quite well together!”

Holly jumped at Lily again. “Let’s see how well you can dance with a size seven running shoe crammed up you ass, Lily!”

“OKAY!” Nick shouted, wishing that Kevin was there to handle all of this. “Let’s get to work so we can all get out of here!”

Holly took a seat, crossed her arms and fumed as Lily swayed back to the dance floor, smiling to herself. Kevin AND Nick! This was going to be a fun tour!

*************

Nick and Holly had decided to stay in an apartment at the complex for the next few days of rehearsals. Kevin and Tristan had invited them to stay at their house, but under the current circumstances, they felt it would be a bad idea. They unpacked their bags silently, each turning the days events over in their minds. Then Nick began to chuckle. His chuckle grew louder and turned into a laugh.

“What in the hell is so funny, Carter?” Holly asked agitated by his good humor. She thought it had been an emotionally grueling day - nothing to laugh at. “Are you getting punchy or something?”

Nick stopped to catch his breath. “D..D..Dance on this, Lily!” He sat down on the bed and started laughing again. “Baby, you are a trip!”

Holly blushed a little at his reference to her standoff with Lily.

“I guess I wasn’t very lady-like today, was I?” she smiled.

“Well, she ain’t exactly no lady!” Nick laughed. “Come here, baby...” Nick grabbed Holly’s hand and pulled her down on the bed with him. He rolled on top of her and looked into her face, brushing wisps of hair out of her eyes. His expression became a little more serious. “I’m sorry I got so pissed about the Playboy thing. I guess Tris is right - it doesn’t seem like that big a deal if it’s someone else. Do you forgive me for being an ass?” he pouted.

Holly looked into those clear azure eyes and felt herself beginning to melt away. Then she snapped herself back to reality.

“Oh no you don’t, Carter! You’re pulling your ‘puppy dog’ face out on me aren’t you? Going right for the big guns, are we? You must really feel guilty!” Holly laughed.

“The big gun I’m thinking about isn’t on my face, Holly....” Nick grinned and pushed his hips against her thigh. She felt a familiar hardness.

“I thought you said you were hungry. Change your mind?” she asked coyly.

“I am hungry, alright, Holly. But you’ve got what I want to eat right here...”

Nick’s hand moved slowly up and underneath Holly’s skirt and she felt his fingers gently tease her. She gasped at his touch and he smiled, slipping his fingers inside the elastic of her panties. She was becoming wet very quickly. Nick removed his hand and pulled down her skirt, revealing a black thong.

“Damn, Hol! I hate to even take these off of you, girl....” He rubbed his fingers over the smooth, shiny fabric, making Holly shiver. “....but I am starving, so, if you don’t mind...” Nick slid the thong down her legs and off of her body.

“I hope you’re not in the mood for fast food, Nick.”

“No, Holly. I think I’m ready for a five course meal and if I’m not mistaken, I think you’re ready for me to have it.”

His fingers slid across her opening slowly causing Holly to moan softly. “God, Nick. That feels so good...”

“How ‘bout this?”, he asked. His fingers moved up and began to move rhythmically on her swollen nubbin, sending waves of heat and pleasure from her loins to her stomach.

“Don’t stop..” she whispered, closing her eyes. Her hips rose to join Nick’s fingers, creating more friction on her pleasure point and she began to shiver.

When Nick saw that Holly was about to come, he took his fingers away from her.

“What are you doing!?”, she cried. Her eyes flew open and found herself looking into Nick’s face. Her hips were still moving.

“No fast food, remember?” he said smiling.

Nick...don’t leave me now...please.”

“I’m not leaving you, Holly.” Nick said softly, unbuttoning her shirt. He unclasped her bra and his mouth immediately found her nipple, pulling and nibbling at her sensitive tips.

Holly knew that he wanted to be inside her. His erection pushed up against her still moving hips and he began to hump her, his head still buried in her breast. Soon Holly heard him moaning against her skin. She reached down as far as she could, trying to push Nick’s pants down.

“Damn Holly! I forgot condoms! Do you have any?”

Holly almost smiled at his desperation. The shoe was suddenly on the other foot, so to speak. “No, baby...I don’t.”

“Shit, God damn!” Nick shouted pulling away from her. Holly began to rub his erection through his boxers. He backed away again. “No, Hol. I want to get inside of you. Shit! I’ll just have to go out!” He paused and caught her smile. “Do you think this is funny? I’m about ready to explode!”

“Aww, I’m sorry Nick. Really.” Holly sat up and pulled his boxers over his erection and down to the floor.

“Holly! I have to go out! Stop!”

“Nick, you don’t have to go out. Let’s make love without the ‘raincoat’.”

“I love you Holly, but we haven’t gotten around to discussing a family yet. What if something happened?”

Holly was still smiling. “Come here, Nick.”

She pulled off his tee shirt and then laid back down on the bed, bringing him with her. He was positioned between her legs and she could feel the end of his manhood rubbing against her. She moved herself against him.

“God, Holly - don’t.....”

“Nick,” she said sweetly. “Don’t you want to really feel me? Don’t you want to see what it feels like when you slide into me with nothing between us?”

“Baby, you know I do - more than anything....”

Nick was sweating now. His head had fallen to Holly’s shoulder and his hands were at her hips, grabbing.

“I want that, too, Nick. No more walls. Look at me.”

Nick raised his head slowly from Holly’s shoulder. She could still feel him pressing against her, moving slightly.

“I went on the pill a month ago, Nick, so you can say goodbye to Mr. Latex... Come on into me, baby...”

Nick’s sigh of relief was both visible and audible. He kissed Holly deeply and with some force as he slid himself home.

“Jesus!!” Nick cried out and immediately began to pound her furiously.

He couldn’t slow himself down and Holly didn’t want him to. Nick didn’t want this sensation to end, but he knew it would very soon. He heard Holly cry out and arch her back, forcing herself against him, and that was all it took. He had been able to really feel her wetness surround him. He’d want nothing less from now on. Holly, too, was overcome by a new flood of feelings. She felt his heat pour itself directly into her and it was delicious.

Email Grace

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