CHAPTER 31
By the time Connie finished her story, it had grown late.
She didn’t move and when Kevin took her arms and turned her towards
him he discovered that her eyes were closed. Her jaw was set and
her arms hung at her sides as if she was fearful of judgement and
couldn’t bear to risk seeing that in his face. There was also, however,
the smallest hint of defiance expressed in her raised chin. She
might have remained in that position forever if he had not shaken
her gently - a gesture which played as an unspoken command for her
to open her eyes and look at him. When she did, she watched his
lips form a promise - a promise that she wanted to claim with all
her heart.
“I will never hurt you like that, Connie…”
He pulled her up out of the sand and they brushed themselves
off before walking back to the hotel. There was no attempt at
conversation, either on the beach or after their return to the
Vinoy. It was if they had both taken a vow of silence. Words would
only corrupt the connection they were feeling towards each other
and were unnecessary.
Kevin made love to Connie until daybreak, refusing her attempts
to service him, not that he didn’t want her to give him that pleasure.
Far from it, but for now, knowing that she wanted to please him
was enough. The past few days had been so intensely emotional
that they required a sense of closure before they could move on.
Before they returned to the house, Kevin felt that it was necessary
to erase any doubts or fears Connie might harbor about him or
his attitude towards her and what had happened to her. He only
knew how to do that by showing her without recompense. He had
truly fallen hard, fallen fast and fallen completely.
*****
They had just turned onto the long lane that lead to the grove
house when Kevin felt Connie’s nails dig into his thigh.
“STOP!” she shouted.
“Ouch, Connie! Damn! What’s the matter with you?”
Kevin hit the brakes and the truck slid a little on the gravel
before coming to a stop. Connie was staring straight ahead and
hadn’t heard his complaint. Her eyes were wide and she swallowed
conspicuously. Kevin leaned forward and squeezed her knee so she
would look at him. The old saying ‘…like a deer caught in the
headlights’ came to his mind.
“What’s wrong?”
“God, Kevin! What do you think? We leave separately - we come
back together - after two days! What are we going to say?”
“We’re going to say ‘Hi, everybody! We’re back…’”
“And then what?” Connie frowned. “I see a rental car! It must
be Adam’s. The house is full. What am I supposed to do? Just take
my bag up into your room and start unpacking underwear like nothing’s
going on?” Connie shifted in her seat. “I was hoping we could
kind of ease into this. Maybe I should stay in one of the guest
houses….”
“Nooooo…” Kevin was making a face as he shook his head. “I think
we’ve already eased into something and I don’t want take a step
back from that. Now come on! Let’s go.”
“Leighanne hates me…” Connie whined.
“Then you must be doin’ something right…”
*****
“God, finally!”
Leighanne caught sight of Kevin’s truck stopped at the end of
the lane and waited impatiently in the doorway. This business
of him and Connie doing a vanishing act at the same time had unnerved
her, although she had felt a little better when the new guy, Adam,
had shown up earlier. That could mean that Connie really was gone.
Hannah pushed her way past Leighanne and out to the porch where
she promptly lit up a cigarette. She had spotted Kevin's truck
from upstairs and didn't want to miss Leigh's reaction when she
saw that Kevin wasn’t alone.
“What is he doing out there?” Leigh stamped her foot like a
spoiled child and Hannah’s eyes rolled. This was followed by lots
of dramatic coughing as Leigh waved her hand in front of her face.
“Do you have to smoke?”, she choked.
“No…” Hannah growled. “I want to…”
"God, you are such a bitch…." Leigh shot back.
"You ought to know… Besides…" Hannah said waving the cigarette
in front of Leighanne, "…. This is no worse than that chloroform
you call perfume!"
“My perfume is a hell of a lot better than the Aqua-Velva you
wear, you - you…."
"Here he comes." Hannah interrupted, looking down the lane.
As the truck drew near, Leighanne decided to put on her 'I've
been so worried' face. There was no need to get Kevin all pissed
off by fussing with him and he had made it quite clear that she
was to stay out of his personal life. Leigh was walking on very
thin ice as far as Kevin was concerned. Hannah was watching her
carefully as the passenger's door opened and saw her 'worried'
face downshift into a 'What the fuck?' scowl. Still, Leighanne
contained herself as best she could. Kevin had spotted her on
the porch and had already issued her a warning look. Leigh took
a breath and refocused. She was about to give the performance
of a lifetime.
"Why, Kev! We've been so worried about you!" she cried. "And
just look who you have with you! Gosh, Connie! I thought you'd
gone back to New York…"
Kevin wasn’t buying into Leighanne’s sudden sweetness. “Well,
as you can see Leigh, she’s here.” He picked up Connie’s bag and
the couple started up the steps.
“I guess you’ll have to take her bag out to a guest house, Kevin.
That Adam person came in this morning and we don’t have any extra
rooms…”
Kevin stopped at the doorway, sighed heavily and turned to the
diminutive blond. His steely glare left no doubt that she was
very close to crossing his line. Whether Leigh was just playing
at being incredibly stupid or trying to send him a veiled message,
he didn’t know and didn’t care. He wasn’t going to explain anything
to her. His response was so cold that Leigh felt a chill when
he spoke.
“Don’t worry yourself about the sleeping arrangements, Leigh.
I think Connie and I can figure something out.”
Leigh wouldn’t shut up. As Kevin held the door open for Connie
and began to follow her in, she blurted out another suggestion
and this one carried with it an extra implied zing.
“I suppose she could stay with Hannah,” Leighanne smirked. “I
mean, they’re so close and all....”
Connie was inside and hadn’t heard Leighanne’s tasteless innuendo
and didn’t see Hannah turn red with anger and take a deliberate
step towards her nemesis. Kevin stepped between the two women
and bent down to Leigh’s face. His voice was very low as he tried
to exercise restraint. He spoke in measured tones, each word like
a hammer striking the head of a ten-penny nail.
“Let me make something clear to you, Leigh. Connie’s not staying
in a guesthouse. Connie’s not staying in Hannah’s room. Connie’s
staying with me - in my room - in my bed. And when we leave this
place in a couple of weeks, Connie is coming to my house and she’ll
stay with me there - in my room and in my bed. So, get
over it Leigh and get over it quickly. Do you understand?”
Leighanne met his glare with one of her own. It was true that
she disliked Connie immensely, but it was actually nothing personal.
Connie just represented a threat - a threat to Leigh’s friend
and a possible threat to her and Brian’s relationship. Everything
had been running smoothly until Connie O’Rourke’s clumsy and arrogant
ass showed up here. But now Kevin was nearing the top of her shit
list. How dare he talk to her that way? He might control the motion
of the group but she would be damned if he were going to control
her. She brushed past Kevin and into the house but not
without a final comment.
“You’re really becoming quite the player, aren’t you?”
Hannah watched Kevin mutter under his breath and slap the doorframe
as he went in. The only word she caught before he disappeared
inside was ‘bitch’. She pulled out another cigarette and sat down
on the porch steps. Leigh’s final comment had disturbed Hannah
on some level and just added to her confusion over Leighanne’s
intense interest in Kevin’s personal life. Thankfully, Connie
hadn’t heard the remark and the guys were in the studio showing
Adam the ropes. They would be glad to see Connie back. They liked
her even if Leighanne didn’t. But the word ‘player’ continued
to roll around Hannah’s brain. The term didn’t seem to suit Kevin,
yet it had hit a nerve with him. The exchange had made Hannah
uneasy.
CHAPTER 32
Kevin was beginning to realize that he might
have a shitload of trouble on his hands. It was easy to ignore the
outside world when you were in a safe environment with the person
you loved. There had just been the two of them at the Vinoy - no
book, no Backstreet Boys and certainly no Leighanne. He knew why
Leigh was upset and it wasn’t just because he had fallen for someone
that she wasn’t crazy about. She knew better than that. It was Brandi.
He glanced at Connie who was busy setting up her laptop in the
bedroom. Their bedroom. It could be argued that he had deceived
her - that he was deceiving her on some level but he could
just as easily argue the opposite. Kevin was not officially engaged
to Brandi. He hadn’t even seen her for weeks. They had evolved
into ‘habits’ for each other, nothing more. Kevin hadn’t fooled
himself into thinking that Brandi was celibate when he wasn’t
around and she knew better than to think that of him. The mere
fact that this wasn’t an issue between them spoke volumes.
He watched Connie pull her hair back into a ponytail as she gazed
at the computer screen, her full lips pursed as she studied her
messages. At that moment, Kevin couldn’t imagine ever wanting
another woman and he marveled at how fate had teased, cajoled
and tempered them before finally bringing them together - all
in the matter of a few weeks.
He was going to have to explain Brandi to Connie. He wasn’t
worried about Leigh ‘spilling the beans’ - she wouldn’t dare -
but has was going to have to come clean. It might upset her
at first but she’ll understand…. He was going to have to talk
to Brandi. He should have done that a long time ago - so why didn’t
he? Because I had come to the point where I didn’t expect better
for my myself…
When Connie suddenly turned to him and flashed him a smile,
his heart soared. He had to turn away. She had come to trust him
completely. God, please don’t let me fuck this up… He was
leaning against the dresser when he felt her arms wrap around
his middle. When he opened his eyes, she was gazing at his reflection
in the mirror.
“Are you alright?” she asked.
“Yes..”
“Was there trouble with Leighanne?”
“Don’t worry about her…” Kevin answered lightly. “She’ll come
around. She’s just bitchy right now..” He decided to force the
conversation down another path. They had other things to deal
with besides Leighanne. “Connie,” he said hesitantly, “I think
it’s time for everyone to know that you’re deaf…”
She stepped back from him but Kevin grabbed her hands before
she could get away and held them against his stomach. After a
moment, she looked at him in the mirror.
“Alright…” she nodded. “I guess it’s time.”
“I just want us to be honest...” he explained. The irony of
his statement didn’t escape him but he was rationalizing. One
step at a time…. We need to decompress slowly… “The lives
that the other guys and I share as the Backstreet Boys are very
complicated. We have to be open with each other. That doesn’t
mean we interfere, it means we support. I want you in my life
and that means you’ll be in their lives, too.”
Kevin saw a flicker of worry cross her face before she pressed
her face against his back and then rested it there, inhaling his
scent. She began to talk against his body. Kevin couldn’t see
her face.
“Don’t you think they might question your choice?” she mumbled.
“Ya’ll do music. It’s your life.” She sighed heavily. “I can never
really be a part of that, Kevin. There could be problems…”
He turned in the circle of her arms and lifted her chin so that
she could see him.
“Problems with the guys or problems with us?”
“Both, I guess…” Connie whispered. Another little fear had surfaced.
“Come here…..”
Kevin took her hands and led her over to a chaise that sat near
a window. He sat down and pulled Connie onto his lap in a sideways
fashion where he held her in his arms as is she were a small child.
The position was not meant to be condescending. He wanted her
close but he also wanted her to be able to see his face.
“Connie,” he said gently, stroking her arms, “music is a large
part of my life, but it isn’t everything. There was a big empty
space until you came along.”
“Kevin….”
“Hush…” he said seriously, putting his finger to her lips. He
looked at her for a moment and then continued. “Do you love me?”
“Yes….”
“Would you love me if I got injured and couldn’t walk? If I
had to be in a wheelchair?”
Connie looked irritated and started to shift in his arms. Kevin’s
hold tightened.
“Would you, Connie?”
“Yes! Of course I would! I love you for what you are,
not for what you’re not!” she frowned.
“Exactly…” Kevin smiled. “What if you had been able to hear
when we found each other and you became deaf later on? Things
happen to people, Connie. Bodies and abilities change. Love doesn’t.
I expect we’ll have some bumps - we already have…’
Connie’s eyes began to sting as they threatened to spill. He
was right. “How’d you get so smart?” she teased, wiping at her
lashes as she digested his words.
“Fortune cookies…” Kevin teased back. “Years of Chinese carry-out
have made me wise.”
“Smart ass….” She grinned and reached up quickly, giving him
a ‘titty twister’ in appreciation of his wit.
“Ouch!” he cried, slapping her hand away. He rubbed at his pinched
nipple. “How’d you like it if I did that to you?”
“You never know, Kevin… I might really like it..” she cooed
in her most sultry tone.
Kevin’s eyes took on a slightly dazed look as Connie felt a
distinct twitch against the side of her thigh.
“What’s that pressing against my leg?” she asked innocently.
“You started it.”
“Want me to finish it?”
Kevin’s head turned suddenly towards their door and Connie saw
his lips form an elongated version of a four-letter epithet.
“Fuuuuuck…” Kevin winced. “Great timing… Who the hell is it?”
he shouted.
It was Hannah who was not pleased with his surly greeting.
“It’s the dyke, pretty boy! And let me tell you something! Just
because you finally got yourself a piece of prime ass, don’t you
go copping an attitude with me! I’ll slap you upside your Backstreet
face so hard people will wonder why you got a tattoo of a handprint
on your cheek!”
Kevin rolled his eyes. ‘It’s Hannah’, he mouthed. Hannah was
teasing - at least Kevin was pretty sure she was teasing. Hannah
wouldn’t have said that stuff if she hadn’t known that Connie
couldn’t hear her. Or maybe she would… She started yelling
through the door again.
“That goddamn AJ called from the studio and is requesting that
Lord Kevin honor the peons with his presence at the mike. Wanted
to know if you would do them the favor of laying a track or two,
that is unless you want him to call that Lance guy over here.
AJ said he’s got a pretty good baritone and could easily replace
you if you’re too busy. Said he’s better looking, too, and probably
wouldn’t show up on stage wearing a goddamn skirt”. Hannah paused
for a split second before adding her own editorial. “I’m not to
sure about that, myself…”
“Ho…ho…ho…” Kevin hollered back sarcastically as he heard Hannah
laugh. “Tell that bird-legged twit just to hold on to his dick
for a minute - if he can find it! I’ll be right there!”
Kevin sat up and Connie moved herself off of his lap.
“Sorry, baby. Duty calls - but hold that thought you had…”
“Are you sure it’s the thought you want me to hold?”
Connie asked coyly.
“Among other things..” Kevin sighed as he attempted to adjust
himself and walk to the door.
Connie called to him as his hand reached for the door.
“Kevin?… You tell them, okay?”
He paused and studied her carefully. She was chewing on her
lip. “You sure, Con?”
“Yeah…” she nodded. “I’m sure.”
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