CHAPTER 59 Although the drive to
It also took several
precious minutes for Kevin to assure Pappy that there wouldn’t
be any trouble over Pappy taking the pager. The warehouse employee
had been pretty defensive, obviously torn between his fear of
saying the wrong thing and his concern for the lady who seemed
to be out of place and lost. In the end, Kevin didn’t get much
useful information from Pappy as to Connie’s whereabouts. Pete’s
was closed and Kevin shuddered to think that Connie may have registered
at any of the flop houses he had seen in the general vicinity.
The fact was that it had been hours since Pappy had even seen
Connie. She could be anywhere. She might not even be in “Do you want this thing back?” Pappy asked, waving the pager in front of Kevin’s face. “I don’t want it if she threw it away by accident or somethin’! I ain’t no thief!” Kevin took the pager and turned it over in his hand. “I don’t think it was an accident, Mr. Dawson…” For a moment, Pappy wasn’t sure that Kevin was speaking to him. He couldn’t recall anyone ever calling him ‘Mr. Dawson’. “Well, if you’re sure, I’ll keep it, then…” Pappy held out his upturned palm. “What’ll you do with it?” Kevin couldn’t imagine the older man going to the trouble and expense of having it reprogrammed. Besides, what did he need a pager for? “Sell it, probly. I can get five – maybe ten for it… That is, if you’re sure the lady ain’t gonna want it back.” “Tell you what..,” Kevin forced a smile. “How about I buy it from you?” He reached into his pocket before Pappy could protest and shoved four bills into his hand. “I appreciate you making that call and agreeing to meet me, Mr. Dawson. You don’t know how important that was to me…” Kevin returned to
his truck before Pappy could reply. When his truck rounded the
corner, Pappy opened his hand to find that Kevin had left him
***** Now what?….. Kevin’s fingers drummed on the steering wheel as his eyes darted back and forth across the deserted streets. A light rain had started to fall, making this unsavory part of town seem even more sinister. He had circled several blocks and the only place in which he’d seen any indication of life was an old Trailways bus station that he had passed on the last corner. It was then that
he noticed some activity at a building down the street a bit.
Several police cars were parked in a lot across the street and
Kevin slowed. Large black letters fastened to the façade of the
two story building read ‘POLICE’ and below them – ‘City of I might as well give it a try. If Connie has gotten into any trouble nearby, they might know something here… At the very least, maybe they could alert patrol cars to be on the lookout for her or provide him with a list of local hospitals or hotels. At this point, Kevin felt that he had little to lose by asking for help. He was out of options. It was very quiet
in the station house but There was an older officer sitting behind a raised counter at the end of the room. No name plate identified him but Kevin guessed he could call the man ‘Sergeant’. On TV, all the cops who sat behind the front desk were called that. ‘Sarge’ was chatting
with another officer when he spotted Kevin standing by the water
cooler. It was “Can I help you?” he called across the room. “I…I hope so,” Kevin stammered. “I’m looking for a woman…” “Hey, ain’t we all…” The sergeant began to laugh at his own joke and his friend joined in. Kevin wasn’t amused.
“She disappeared from The laughter came
to an abrupt halt. “Are you saying that you think she was taken
against her will?” The Sarge eyed Kevin suspiciously. They didn’t
come across too many kidnapping cases in “No…” “You think she ran away or something?” “Yeah, I do…” Kevin sighed. “From you?” Kevin didn’t answer. He didn’t have to. The sergeant’s eyes hardened as he leveled at glare at Kevin. “And why would she do that, son?” Kevin swallowed, trying to think of what he could say that would be truthful but wouldn’t include all the sordid details. He raked his hand through his hair, feeling and looking a little desperate. He would have to offer some sort of explanation. “She misunderstood
something that happened and left. She doesn’t know The desk sergeant shook his head as he scanned the blotter. “Nobody’s come in here lost or anything.” He turned to the other officer. “You seen or heard anything, Hank?” Hank looked thoughtful for a moment and then asked Kevin a question. “Is the woman you’re lookin’ for a retard? Or maybe she’s on drugs or booze or somethin’?” “No!” Kevin growled, irrationally insulted on Connie’s behalf. “Why?” Hank turned back to the sergeant. “Bertha, over at the bus station, called a while back and said there’s this woman that came in and she’s been just sittin’ there, acting a little weird. I was just wonderin’, that’s all.” He glanced towards Kevin - “Sorry. No offense…” – and then back to his co-worker. “I was goin’ to walk on over there when the rain let up and check it out – see if she’s still there. Bertha says something’s not right about this woman and I guess she’s seen enough shit to know.” “What does she look like?” Kevin interrupted, grabbing at every possible straw and knowing that the more time that passed, the more hopeless his search would become. “Well, let me see…” Hank rubbed his chin thoughtfully, taking his time. “Said she was young – probably twenty-somethin’. Said she was real pretty and dressed neat – no jacket or sweater or anything, though. Bertha noticed that because it’s a little on the cool side…” “What else?” Kevin was trying to be patient, but it was becoming more difficult by the second. “Said she had long hair…” “Red hair?” Kevin asked hopefully. Hank’s head jerked back towards the stranger. “Yeah. How’d you know that?” Kevin didn’t answer but immediately made a bee-line for the door, I remember that station…Christ – I drove right past her! but before he could get through the portal, he felt a large hand grab his arm and pull him back inside. “Where do you think you’re goin’?” Hank shouted at him. “You ain’t going to harass some woman that, for all we know, might be tryin’ to get away from you! Besides, you said the woman you’re lookin’ for ain’t retarded or nothin’! Bertha said this girl at the station just wasn’t right!” Kevin pulled his arm free and got back into Hank’s face. His patience was used up and he felt as if he would blow at any minute. “Why in the hell does this…this ‘Bertha’ person think the woman is retarded? Did she talk to her?” “No, smart ass!” Hank returned angrily. “But she did say that this woman was just starin’ at the wall, rockin’ and shiverin’ and wouldn’t even look at Bertha or answer a question when she tried to say somethin’ to her!” Kevin pushed himself past the burly officer on his way out of the door. “That’s because she’s deaf, you idiot!” She didn’t see him burst through the doorway and she certainly didn’t hear him, but she knew he was here. The fine hairs on her arms stood at attention and her heart began to pump furiously. Her rocking became more exaggerated. He was here. He’d found her. She hadn’t been sure that he would even bother to try. Still, she didn’t turn to look at him. His sudden presence had totally disrupted her attempt to come to terms with what had happened. This was the first time since she saw them together that she had had a chance to shut herself off from the outside and try to think. She had only just begun to allow herself to consider her options, which only consisted of fragmented and unformed plans. Plane back to New York?…Maybe a slow train heading west?…Mexico?… Now her thoughts were dashed. What did he want? What could he possibly say to her? Unconsciously, her fingers moved back and forth across the folded newspaper that rested beside her on the bench. . Despite the physical symptoms that betrayed her anxiety, Connie felt clear-headed and relatively calm even as the image of Kevin and his fiancée, naked in the bed, poisoned her imagination. Kevin had spotted her now – he was getting closer. She could feel it. Connie held her breath as her eyes closed in a feeble attempt to shut down as many senses as possible. Her primitive instinct for self-protection took over but it was no match for Kevin’s need to reassure and reclaim. The air around her shifted and she knew he was in front of her.. A moment later, his hands were cupping her face, his palms against her cheeks, his fingertips burying themselves in the hair that fell over her ears. She tried to ignore the nearly imperceptible breaths that brushed across her face as he spoke to her, trying to capture her attention with words that she couldn’t hear. Her lack of response was causing Kevin to press his fingers tightly against her skull as if he were trying to crack the barrier that lay between them. There would be no more escape. ***** His face was so close to hers that he could almost count her wet lashes. Her lips parted slightly but she didn’t speak. She didn’t even seem to breathe. Kevin wasn’t sure what to do. He wanted to shake her – to force a reaction, but Hank had followed him to the station and stood close by, watching. An older woman, presumably ‘Bertha’, stood behind him, also staring at the bleak reunion. They were both frowning. Manners, privacy and discretion had no place in a bus station. “Connie… Please, baby…. Look at me…” He tilted her head back as he spoke, knowing that she couldn’t hear him. The fear he had felt a short time ago had been replaced with a degree of relief upon finding her unharmed but the relief was tempered with frustration. She wasn’t letting him in. She wasn’t fighting him or resisting his touch but she wouldn’t acknowledge him, either. He heard the sound of crumpling paper and glanced down to see Connie’s fingers grabbing and tearing at the newspaper that lay beside her. It was the LA Times – the same edition that he had seen at the grove house. When he turned his attention back to her face, her expression had changed. She was biting her lip, her brows had furrowed and a tear was just beginning to fall from her eye. Kevin had no doubt that she had seen the planted picture and its caption. Kevin let his hands slide from her face down her throat and on to her shoulders. Her trembling had grown more pronounced and he wasn’t sure if this was because she was cold or upset. He resisted the urge to grab her and hold on for dear life, sensing that tenderness held his only hope for a response. Slowly, his hands traveled down to her forearms and then to her hands. She was still clutching a wad of newsprint. Gently, he uncurled her fingers from the lies and took her hands in his. There he hesitated, rubbing his thumbs across the back of her hands, wondering what he should do. He could only think of one thing. Kevin closed his eyes, brought Connie’s fingers to his throat and began to speak in a hushed whisper that the onlookers couldn’t hear but that Connie could feel. “Jesus, Connie… Please look at me and see what I’m saying. You saw lies. Brandi is a liar. Hell, maybe I’m a liar, too….” Kevin could fill the sting of salt behind his eyelids. He was so tired. Anger and fear for her safety had been resolved but the guilt and desperation remained. “I didn’t sleep with her, Connie. I didn’t know she was there. We’re not engaged. We never were. I haven’t even seen her since I met you. I didn’t know she was coming to Florida. I didn’t…..” Kevin stopped talking and sighed. His words sounded so feeble. How could he explain that he was responsible, in part, for her pain and yet innocent? A sense of desperation washed over him and his head dropped in disappointment. Why should I expect her to believe this? I wouldn’t believe it myself… Kevin was not only fighting against circumstantial evidence but against his reputation as a player and her history of mistreatment by men. He could explain it all if he had the time and, more importantly, if she were willing to listen to the explanation. Time was a precious commodity right now. He had to break though to her somehow. He had to bring her back to a place of intimacy and faith. I’m on my knees in a shit-hole bus station in a strange city with a cop breathing down my neck and my lover won’t even look at me…. Kevin slowly raised his head, determined to try and reach her one more time. He didn’t dare cast a glance towards Hank for fear that the policeman would read it as an invitation to interfere. Connie would have to come with him willingly or she wouldn’t be coming with him at all. If she didn’t come with him, he would never be able to convince her of anything and if he couldn’t make her understand this furious misunderstanding, she would be out of his life. Kevin wasn’t about to let that happen. He was gazing at her small hands, all but hidden by his large ones. When he finally summoned up the courage to look into her face again, he was surprised to see that her eyes had opened. She was staring at him intently. Her eyes had filled, the tears magnifying her pupils until only a thin rim of aqua remained that merely hinted at their true color. Kevin drew a breath as their eyes locked. Connie’s normally expressive face was perfectly flat and void of all emotion, except for her eyes…. her eyes…. Revealed in the intensity of her gaze was, not only her shattered heart, but the realization that had touched Kevin earlier in the day – the fulfillment of her expectations. It made him ache inside to see that. Her gaze held no animosity towards him. Any loathing or distrust had been directed inward. The sassy, confident editor who had come into his life just a few short weeks ago had disappeared, leaving a wistful girl in her place. Kevin’s memory flashed back twenty years to a long forgotten Sunday school lesson. Blessed are the meek… ***** Connie almost felt sorry for him. She knew that he wanted her to speak, but she couldn’t. She had nothing to say. She had almost broken when she felt him press her fingers against his throat. Although the simple gesture might seem innocent or meaningless to a witness, she considered it private and intimate. She knew he was groping for words now – he looked like he might cry. She would watch him speak, see what he had to tell her, watch his lips form an explanation or a justification or an apology. It was inevitable that he speak to her and she was too tired to run anymore. She expected a plea, an excuse or a denial. Little did she know that the acceptance of her perceived destiny would push him down an unexpected path. Kevin had lost control of his life the minute that Brandi climbed into his bed. He suddenly knew that he had to find it again before Connie slipped away from him. He couldn't let that happen. ***** He would tell her what had happened in Clearwater. He would tell her about Brandi and about their ‘engagement’. He would tell her about all of these things but he refused to do it in a dingy bus station with strangers and derelicts looking on. He would make her understand with confession and honesty. His hope was that she knew, somewhere in the depth of her soul, that he was in love with her. That was all he had to build on right now. He was still on his knees when he finally found his words. He had grown serious and his face had hardened. Kevin had decided to take a risk. Tenderness would have to wait. His declaration was short and to the point. “I’m in love with you Connie, and you can’t look me in the eye and tell me that’s a lie. I didn’t betray you.” Then he stood, held his hand out to her and issued a command. “Get up, Connie. It’s time for us to go home.”
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