CHAPTER 83

The solo segment of the show had proven to be extremely popular. Not only did each band member get a few minutes in the spotlight, but fans had the chance to focus on their individual favorite without fear of missing out on the antics or gestures that the others might entertain the crowd with. The songs that they performed were not Backstreet numbers but individual favorites that were popular in the 60’s and 70’s – ‘oldies’ that the Boys had discovered long after the original performers had left the spotlight. The songs that they had chosen would also give the audience a glimpse of the tastes and unexplored talents of the Backstreet Boys and make something old new again. The choices were often surprising.

Brian had opened the segment, not with country, as some might have expected, but with a rendition of an old Smokey Robinson and the Miracles number, ‘Tears of a Clown’. His performance left the audience second-guessing Brian’s motives for the selection and feeling that they penetrated his on-stage persona and discovered a more sensitive Brian Littrell.

AJ had come up next. Although he was considered soulful, he had launched into the Eagle’s ‘Life In the Fast Lane’, a rock number that was both energizing and entirely appropriate.

Howie had chosen a poignant and almost forgotten Beatle’s tune, ‘In My Life’. It was a sweet, mid-tempo tune that hit the heartstrings with its sentimentality. He didn’t wink or dance once.

The biggest surprise of the segment came from Nick. While fans might have expected him to belt out a Journey tune, he had chosen to play it low-key and heart-wrenching by singing the slow version of ‘Breaking Up Is Hard To Do’ by Neil Sedaka. It wasn’t unusual for Nick to finish the song leaving many young women in tears.

On a ‘normal’ night, of course, Nick would close this portion of the show. The lights would go down, giving both the audience and the Boys a minute to regroup before they kicked back into high gear with ‘That’s the Way I Like It’. But this wasn’t a ‘normal’ night. When the lights came back up on Nick, he stood alone on the stage. Kevin was still missing.

*****

Behind the scenes, things were bordering on frantic. The primary concern of the moment was to move on with the show and while AJ, Brian and Howie searched the dressing and storage rooms close to the stage area, Jeffrey could be found combing the underbelly of the venue, literally screaming for Kevin to materialize. He had passed the door marked ‘Audio-Visual’ and was scurrying around a corner, still yelling, when he heard a door slam behind him. When he turned, Jeffrey could see the back side of Kevin running down the corridor towards the staging area. He was tucking in his shirt.

Jeffrey followed, stomping his feet and muttering under his breath, pausing only when he approached the door that Kevin had exited so abruptly. As he slowed, the door cracked open and he found himself looking down into a pair of very blue eyes.

“Is he late?” Connie whispered.

Jeffrey stopped only long enough to glare. He couldn’t scream at Kevin so Connie would have to do. “Fuck yes, he’s late! The guys are looking for him, Jive is having a conniption, the stage manager is apoplectic and Nick is standing up on stage alone doing God-knows-what to kill time!”

Connie took a step backwards. She didn’t have to hear Jeffrey to know that he was screaming at her and holding her somewhat responsible for this disruption. She felt her eyes fill as he continued his uncharacteristic rant.

“I’ve seen him get it on before a show. He’s whipped it out after a show but this is the first goddamn time I’ve ever known him to fuck during a show!” Jeffrey turned on his heel to leave but, regrettably, shot one more arrow first. “You know, this girlfriend shit can be difficult enough to deal with on a personal PR level,” he sneered, “but this is business and the show comes first! The next time you decide to do Kevin the honor of attending a Backstreet concert, make arrangements to ‘service’ him or ‘get serviced’ at a more appropriate time…”

With those parting words, Jeffrey left. Already, he was sorry he had spoken to her that way.

*****

Nick wondered if he would piss his pants before Kevin appeared. He hoped this wasn’t some kind of stored up payback for all the shit he’d pulled over the years. He glanced to his left only to find the stage manager circling his hands, instructing Nick to keep talking. Shit. He had no idea what he was saying as it was. I mean, how many times can you ask an audience if they’re having a good time? They were smart. They knew something was ‘off’.

After another moment od babbling, he glanced stage left again, just in time to see Kevin screeching to a stop as a stylist blotted his face with powder. Thank God…

“Are y’all ready for Kevin?” he screamed out. “Let’s get it on!”

It was the only think he could think of to say before the band started Kevin’s intro and he bolted off the stage.

*****

Connie would have recognized Kevin’s number if she had been able to hear it. Her parents had been great Doobie Brothers fans and Kevin’s arrangement of ‘Echoes of Love’ was close to perfect. He managed to retain the original flavor of the song and the 70’s group yet he made it his own. While it had been a surprise to hear Nick sing in such an emotionally moving way, it was an equal shock for the audience to hear Kevin sing at all – especially the way he did. Why, it was practically rock, and he absolutely rocked doing it! Gone was the penitent ‘Forgive me, I’m such a shit’ balladeer and, in his place, a crowd moving entertainer had appeared.

Connie could feel the crowd’s enthusiasm and felt a surge of undeserved pride. The sour face that had greeted her arrival was gone. Kevin was smiling and free dancing. She had never seen him move like that before. She had read unflattering cracks about his dancing, which she suspected were really an attempt to tease, but tonight, Kevin looked loose. The Tin Man had found his oilcan.

Connie had chosen to sit at the end of the gutter area when she had returned to the theater. She had made that choice when she found that Jeffrey had taken a seat in the gutter, as well, and was now sitting where she had been before, next to Leighanne. DeeDee had glanced her way and patted the empty seat next to her, inviting Connie to move in closer, but Connie had remained separated from the others, not want to risk Jeffrey’s wrath again.

When the show ended, forty-five minutes later, those with VIP passes went backstage. Connie was at a slight loss. She didn’t know the protocol and didn’t know what to do. Once again, she relied on a signal from Carlos, in the form of a wiggling finger, to guide her.

Backstage was a flurry of activity. Already, equipment was being packed up and it seemed that the small space which housed the dressing rooms was packed with people. Connie found a familiar spot against the wall and waited. She didn’t know where Kevin was and assumed Carlos was with him since he had disappeared, too. Leighanne was posing for pictures at the request of some young fans who were ‘special guests’ of some of the more prominent concert attendees. DeeDee was laughing in a corner with a band member. This was all so new to Connie and she found herself feeling a little alienated. This wasn’t her world…

As she waited, she surveyed the gradually thinning crowd and spotted Jeffrey who was saying goodbye to some unknown man in a suit. When he turned, he and Connie locked eyes for only a second before he looked at the floor and moved to a small buffet table that had been set up across the room.

*****

Jeffrey filled a cup with coffee and stole a quick glance at the red-head who pressed herself against wall. Kevin’s red-head… He was aggravated but he was also sympathetic. It was his job to manage Backstreet. Managing their careers could be difficult but it was nothing compared to trying to manage parts of their personal lives. He tried to totally avoid that but there were times when the two mixed and he felt compelled to interfere.

The snafu tonight was really an insignificant occurrence overall but Jeffrey was concerned with the big picture. Basically, he was concerned about Kevin. The mood swings had been worse than usual for the last several days. When the tour started, Kevin was up – enthusiastic – his usual perfectionist self. As the days wore on, Jeffrey saw Kevin begin a slow descent into what he felt was a manifestation of depression. There had been no indication of drugs and little alcohol. Kevin seemed to fighting some internal demon. This was nothing new but, to Jeffrey, these demons now seemed to grow stronger in Connie’s absence. He felt that Kevin also realized this on some level. He had tried to talk about this to the other guys, in a casual way, of course. Brian had shrugged, commenting that Kevin had always been too serious. Howie had concurred. AJ felt that Kevin’s problem was a lack of ‘penile exercise’. Only Nick, surprisingly, had offered anything insightful.

“Yeah, Kev’s a little down, I guess… I think he misses Con. You know, he’s always puttin’ on a face. He’s expected to be a certain way and so he acts a certain way. You know, serious and all. I mean he is serious and stuff but sometimes he’s serious loose and sometimes he’s serious tight… You know?” Jeffrey hadn’t quite understood so Nick had made an attempt to clarify. “Look, I think Con touched something in him. Made him feel….human. Let him be human. He needs that. Hell, we all do. Any shit he’s carrying around in his head…well, he can share with her I think. Maybe she doesn’t judge him. Or maybe he’s still hopin’ she won’t judge him. Sometimes I don’t think he’s ever really let anybody see all of him. Guess that’s true for most of us but Kev’s at a place where he needs to be able to let someone see everything without being afraid of what will happen when they do. Ya’ know?”

Jeffrey wouldn’t have defined Nick’s analysis as words of wisdom but he did think that the kid had come awfully close. They had both been around since the beginning of this relationship. Kevin and Connie had been like hot and cold. Kevin had stayed irritated with her and she had remained flip. Then something changed all of that. They had endured personal trials since, although Jeffrey didn’t know all of the details, yet for the past several weeks, Kevin had been……happy. Very happy, for Kevin. Oh, he had grumbled, complained, cursed, fussed and fumed but beneath all of the posturing, Jeffrey had sensed an air of peace and satisfaction. In many ways, Kevin had loosened up and, on occasion, had even been affectionate.

Then as the tour days passed, Kevin had become more and more wound up. More than once, Jeffrey had seen Kevin pick up a cell phone and start to dial before he’d stop, sigh, curse and then hurl the phone onto a chair or table. He wasn’t only lonely and frustrated. He was anxious and nervous.

Jeffrey risked another glance in Connie’s direction. He hoped she really did know and accept Kevin the Human Being – Kevin the Reclusive – Kevin, who always kept parts of himself tucked away. It was almost like he doled out different slices of himself to different people. He needed someone who would accept the whole pie.

Chapter 84

Connie was beginning to feel mildly claustrophobic. Although the backstage crowd had thinned considerably, there were still lots of people hanging around. Some had notebooks and Connie guessed that they might be reporters. Jeffrey had disappeared. Two small clusters of women stood on opposite sides of the room. Connie didn’t remember having ever seen them before. The women were heavily made up and wore pieces of clothing that were strategically placed to prevent arrest for indecent exposure. They laughed and chatted within each small clique but the two groups didn’t mingle at all. In fact, there seemed to be some animosity between them. She felt a small tug at her sleeve.

“AJ says everybody’s going to this club a few blocks from here after they shower and stuff…” DeeDee pulled a lipstick out of her purse and uncapped it. “He said Kevin seemed interested, too. Nick wants to go. I don’t know about Shorty. You up for that?”

“I – I guess so – if Kevin wants to go…” Connie answered as her eyes continued to peruse the room. “He says he’s usually a little wired after a show.”

DeeDee laughed as she rolled the colored cream out of the tube. “I think he was a little wired before the show, this time. What the hell happened? Did he go looking for you after you left?”

Connie felt her face grow warm. “Y-yes…”

“I thought so…” DeeDee paused only long enough to color her lips. She didn’t even need a mirror. “From the looks of it, he found you, too. Jesus, when he came back it was like he was a different person – all loose and smiley-like…” The lipstick rolled to a stop on DeeDee’s bottom lip as a revelation came upon her and she started laughing. “Damn, girl! He did you during that solo break, didn’t he?”

“Who’s Shorty?” Connie swallowed, trying desperately to change the subject. “I don’t think I know him.”

DeeDee was still laughing. “That sure as hell explains a lot!” She chortled, ignoring Connie’s embarrassment. “Ole Kev finally got his rocks off! Well, he sure as hell needed it. He was turning into an A-1 asshole…. Now tell me – where did you do it?”

Connie tried to remain cool – and kind, but bristled at DeeDee’s nosiness. “Gee, DeeDee…I admire your chutzpah, in a way, but I don’t even really know you, do I? I’m not really up to a personal discussion, if you don’t mind…”

For a second, DeeDee looked perplexed. It took her a moment to realize the depths of Connie’s unease and she had to mentally remind herself that not everyone was comfortable with her lack of subtlety. She was also forced to remember that Connie was new to this game. She had approached Connie because she had seen her standing alone by the wall looking distinctly out of place – a stranger in a strange land. DeeDee had no hidden agenda. Her life was pretty much an open book and so she sometimes forgot that others were more reticent than she. As Connie began glancing about the room again, DeeDee quickly reviewed what little AJ had told her about ‘Kevin’s girl’. She worked with books and writers or something. She had lived here in New York. She and Kevin had had a rough start. This was her first ‘real’ concert. She was a nice person. The guys liked her. She had a penchant for getting herself into tricky situations. She was good for Kevin. She only took a limited amount of shit. She was deaf. DeeDee cocked one eyebrow and held out her hand.

“Sorry,” she apologized. “I’m DeeDee Pergolini – not to be confused with tortelini, linguine or fettuchini….

Connie couldn’t suppress a smile and accepted DeeDee’s hand. The dark-haired woman grinned.

“I’ve known AJ for a long time. In fact, I introduced him to Amanda but don’t remind him,” she chuckled. They’ve always had a love/hate thing goin’ on, ‘ya know? We’re pretty good friends, but she knows I fuck him…” Noting the shock that now crossed Connie’s face, DeeDee attempted a hasty explanation. “Oh, it’s okay! She doesn’t care. Besides, I’ve done her, too…”

Connie’s eyebrows shot up another notch and now her mouth was open. DeeDee didn’t seem to notice. She was too busy fumbling in her bag. As she took out her wallet, her head suddenly swiveled toward one of the groups of women that Connie had noticed earlier. Connie followed DeeDee’s glance. The group had burst into laughter.

“Who are they?” Connie asked.

DeeDee turned. Her mouth had twisted into a sneer.

“Groupies…” she answered, rolling her eyes. “But I prefer to call them…”

DeeDee tossed her head, preventing Connie from reading her lips.

“What? I didn’t see what you said…”

The woman paused for a moment, replaying Connie’s words. Then she moaned and playfully slapped herself upside the head.

“Damn – I forgot for a second that AJ said you were deaf! You’re awfully good at that lip shit, aren’t you?” she said with a hint of admiration. “I said that I preferred to call them ‘slutties’. They follow these guys around like they’re their damn disciples or something…”

“You’re kidding… They actually follow them? From city to city?”

“Hell yes!” DeeDee nodded. “I could even tell you their damn names! They think that because they’ve slept with a Backstreet Boy, that they’re entitled to some special attention. I think the only reason they’re even let back here is so they’ll feel ‘in’ enough not to talk. That plus, well – you know – I guess maybe they’re useful sometimes…” DeeDee nodded to someone standing past the crowd. “Look out, here come Leighanne. I can’t believe she’s leaving the dressing room door! She usually waits to pounce on Brian as soon as he comes out….”

“Well, I guess when he sees her over here, he’ll come on over and she can pounce on him then,” Connie laughed.

DeeDee shook her head. “No, he won’t come over here when he sees me. He’s scared of me, I think.”

“Why?” Connie asked, amused. “Does he fell threatened by your bluntness?”

“In a manner of speaking,” DeeDee grinned. “He’s afraid I’ll say something to Leighanne that I shouldn’t.”

Connie chuckled at DeeDee’s concern. “I have a feeling that Leighanne has already heard it all.”

DeeDee shook her head and then smoothed a stand of dark hair behind her ear before moving her face closer to Connie’s. “Not all,” she smiled conspiratorially. “She doesn’t know that I blew Brian two years ago on the catwalk at the Staples Center….” She took a step backwards, laughing at the confusion that had spread itself across Connie’s face before an eruption from across the room caught her attention. She began to wave. “Well, they must finally be clean! Look – there’s Shorty!”

Connie looked to see Howie standing in the threshold of the dressing-room entrance. He was waving back.

*****

DeeDee moved away as Kevin began to work his way across the room, hesitating every few steps to nod or speak to someone who wanted a moment of his attention. He stopped only once and that was when he passed one of the ‘groupie gaggles’. A chesty blond, who had a tattoo of a bluebird on her hip, had grabbed Kevin’s wrist when he came near and had then thrown her arms around his neck before giving him a semi-chaste kiss on the mouth.

Connie’s smile momentarily froze. Although Kevin looked surprise by the ‘attack’, the kiss had been followed by a brief and friendly verbal exchange. It was obvious that Kevin was acquainted with the nymphet. …and I guess they’re useful for other things… DeeDee’s words played across Connie’s brain but, fortunately, she kept them from falling out of her mouth.

She suddenly felt rather awkward. Kevin was only a few steps away now. What was she supposed to do? Was it alright to hug him? Should she stay aloof and reserved? She would try to follow his lead and see what others were doing.

“Hey baby – you okay?”

Connie nodded but couldn’t stop her eyes from dancing around the room. She felt like she had entered a foreign country without a passport and couldn’t speak the language. It startled her when Kevin unexpectedly grabbed her by the shoulders.

“Connie, I’m trying to talk to you!” he frowned. “Do you want to or not?”

Confusion reigned. “Do I want to what?” she asked.

The muscles in Kevin’s jaw tightened – a sure sign of mounting impatience.

“Do…you…want…to…go…clubbing?”

Connie blinked. His tongue had stayed behind his teeth just a little too long when he had pronounced the ‘L’ sound and his head had wavered just a touch after he repeated his question. His words were evenly spaced, as if he were speaking to a child or an idiot… On some subliminal level, he was annoyed. Maybe he’s trying to be funny….

“Sure. Let’s go.”