CHAPTER 85

Three vans had pulled up near the theater exit – motors running. One would take Brian and Leighanne back to the hotel and the other two would transport a small entourage, including Kevin and Connie, to a popular club a few blocks away.

“There’s a big bunch of fans out there,”: Marcus groaned, “and they look a little too excited. We’re gonna have to rush you through. No autographs tonight, okay?”

Plans were set into place. The Boys knew the drill but this was a new experience for Connie that was compounded by her lack of knowledge and dealings with the BSB phenomenon. She had never ‘run the gauntlet’ before and the idea made her nervous. She tried to pay close attention to Kevin’s instructions and wasn’t relieved by the depth of his seriousness as he explained what was happening, what could happen and what they had to do to prevent anyone from being hurt. The situation had been further complicated by a small group of BSB hecklers who had joined the crowd. Marcus had described them as a band of fraternity types who had already been ‘tapping the keg’. They were drunk, rowdy and a potentially dangerous compliment to the semi-hysterical young women who waited outside.

“We’re gonna run first,” Kevin said, “but you and Dee will be coming out right behind us, so pay attention. Security will push you through. You’ll just have to stick to them like glue….” Connie nodded vigorously and licked her lips, feeling like she had become part of a dramatic prison escape. “Brian and Leighanne will go first and head back to the hotel. Nick, Howie and whoever will go next. Then AJ and I will be rushed out with you and DeeDee right behind. Do not stop under any circumstances. Just keep moving. Got it?”

“Got it…” Connie mouthed, trying to hide her mounting anxiety with a confident smile.

After a brief pause, Carlos began to wave Kevin over to the door. Everyone else had already headed out and AJ and DeeDee were waiting. Connie felt herself swallow when she noticed that DeeDee seemed far more subdued than she had just a little earlier.

“Okay. Let’s go…”

Connie straightened her shoulders and walked to the door behind Kevin. All she could see through the crack was the strobing effect produced by dozens of flashing cameras. It may have been a blessing that she couldn’t hear the screams.

She tried to keep her eyes on security, despite being pushed and tugged along the way. Kevin was ahead of her, already at the van’s door, his head of black hair rising above most of the crowd and then disappearing. Then the crowd seemed to sweep in and surround the white van, knowing that the last of the group had boarded. If any of them were going to have a chance to get the attention of a Backstreet Boy, now was the time. As a result of the small mob’s shift in direction, the narrow pathway to the curb closed as people pushed in from all sides.

Kevin stared in horror through the blackened window as the scene unfolded before him. What the hell had happened? Things were quickly getting out of control. Looking past the hands and nameless faces that pressed against the glass, he tried in vain to find her in the crowd. Mixed in among the small sea of raving fans, Kevin could see several red security shirts, but no Connie. He heard the van door open and then quickly slam shut causing him to jerk his eyes away from the window, Connie! but his vision sent a different message to his brain. It was DeeDee.

“Jesus fucking Christ! They’re crazy!” she yelled to no one in particular. She wasn’t laughing. It was clear that the crowd had frightened her. “Where’s Connie? She was ahead of me !”

Kevin’s felt his stomach twist as he climbed over a seat, trying to get a better view of the mayhem from a different window. The inside of the van fell eerily silent as a potential nightmare began to take shape. The driver was gunning the engine, ready to go.

“WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE?”

His scream shattered the silence but he received no response. Then he locked eyes with Carlos. The burly bodyguard didn’t hesitate. He didn’t take any time to think. Although, technically, he wasn’t responsible for Connie, the look of fear and pleading that bled into Kevin’s face propelled him into action. After pushing himself out of the van door, he managed to squeeze to the front of the vehicle, step onto the bumper assembly and climb up onto the hood. From his higher vantage point, it only took him a few seconds to spot his target. Connie wasn’t far from the van but she was in trouble. A scuffle involving the fraternity crowd had broken out between her location and the van’s and she was being pulled away, towards the back of the crowd. Somehow, she had become separated from those who were supposed to protect her.

Shouts blanketed each other but Carlos managed to catch some of the words that were being screamed in Connie’s immediate vicinity. “KEVIN!” and then “GIRLFRIEND?” Under these circumstances, the words formed a discomforting combination. Carlos began yelling, trying to make his presence known above the roar of the crowd and capture the attention of a red shirt. Only a civilian would find this type of frenzy flattering. The reality was that it was entirely possible to be ‘loved to death’.

“NINE O’ CLOCK!” he screamed, pointing into the crowd. “NINE O’ CLOCK!”

The confused security guard glanced at Carlos and then looked to his left. He spotted her. Carlos was watching, too. Three women seemed to have a hold on Connie, screaming at her and pulling at her hair and clothes.

“GET HER, ASSHOLE!”

Kevin was at the front of the van now, banging on the inside of the windshield. Carlos couldn’t hear his shouts but he didn’t have to.

“We found her!” he yelled to him through the glass. “They’re getting her now!”

He watched his employer blink and then disappear again before he slid off of the hood and squeezed his way back towards the door. Any pretense at gentleness was gone as the huge man pushed through the throngs of screaming women. More security had arrived and was attempting to break up the unruly crowd. As he looked across the heads that swam before him, he saw a red shirt coming towards him with a very pale red-head stumbling along side. No words were spoken. The security guard handed Connie over to Carlos as if she were part of a prisoner-of-war exchange and then he stepped back and disappeared. Carlos held Connie by her upper arm, noting her shock and confusion. The poor kid didn’t know what had happened to her or what could have happened. With a flick of his wrist, Carlos unlatched the van door and a final exchange was made. This time, Kevin took charge of her, yanking her into the van and into his arms. Within seconds, Carlos had reboarded and was shouting to the driver.

“GO, GO, GO…”

*****

Kevin tried to observe Connie as she slumped against his shoulder. Plans were at a temporary standstill. Marcus had ordered the driver to ‘just drive’. They wouldn’t go directly to the club but get lost in city traffic instead, making sure that they weren’t being followed and giving the passengers some time to calm themselves. After a few minutes, AJ and DeeDee began to make feeble attempts at conversation. Their attempt to return the evening to some state of normalcy was falling on literally deaf ears. It was dark inside the van and, although passing flashes of light showed Connie’s eyes to be abnormally wide, there wasn’t enough light to enable her to read anyone’s lips. Jokes, explanations and spoken reassurances would have no affect on her at all.

Her hand lay limp in Kevin’s. She was trying desperately to be calm – to be a ‘big girl’ about all of this. Her sense of pride dictated that she remain rational. She didn’t want anyone to know how much this had affected her. She’d spent too many years honing an aura of independence, not only for her sake but also for the comfort of those around her. The last thing she wanted was for her deafness to affect the way she was treated or ‘dealt with’. That would make her disabled and that was a label she still refused to accept. So she sat quietly, making it a point not to cling to Kevin and not to appear weak. If she was going to be a part of his world, she’d have to suck it up. She couldn’t be ‘needy’. It would cause resentment and resentment posed the biggest threat in any hearing/deaf relationship.

Kevin’s head was beginning to hurt. It had already been one hell of a day. One hell of a week. He thought that maybe he and Connie should just return to the hotel but under these circumstances, he would let her make the call. He understood about pride. Her breaths were deep and wavering and her hand felt clammy.

“Is she okay?” AJ asked in the darkness. “She ain’t said nothing. You still going to the club or what?”

“She hasn’t said anything because she can’t see us in the dark, AJ. It would be like she was talking to a brick wall. I don’t know about the club. We’ll see how she is when we get there. If there’s enough light, I’ll look her over, see how she is.”

The van moved along New York City streets for about half an hour before pulling to a stop in front of the local nightspot. Streetlights and neon cast a dim glow across the van’s passengers.

“We’ll go on in,” AJ said as he guided DeeDee out of the rear seat. “Maybe we’ll see you in there?”

Kevin nodded in response and turned his head to Connie. She sat, unmoving and staring out of the window as she had for the last twenty minutes. Suddenly, she seemed to notice that they had arrived and turned to face Kevin.

“Are you okay?” he asked gently, running a finger through an errant curl. “We don’t have to do this. Maybe we should just call it a night…”

“No!” Connie protested. “I’m okay – just….surprised by…the crowds and all… I guess…”

“What happened out there, baby? You could have been hurt.”

“I don’t know exactly,” Connie replied with a small and tentative smile. “Some girls jumped in front of me and I guess I was distracted for a second and stopped. When I looked up, the people had closed in around me and I couldn’t find the security man. There were all of these people in my face and I guess I panicked…”

Kevin’s first urge was to scold. Hadn’t he told her not to stop, no matter what? Did she think he was kidding or just trying to be bossy? With some difficulty, he managed to squash his instinct to fuss. He’d already fussed with her enough this night. He made no comment about her explanation but felt a wave of tension seize his neck. Maybe things would have gone differently if she could hear. He knew that he’d hear about this later from the label. They had warned him about such an occurrence although he knew that their warnings about her safety masked their real concerns about his perceived ‘availability’.

The couple sat quietly for another minute and then exited the van. Maybe a little fun and a few drinks would shake away the stress, although Kevin doubted it. With a little luck, Connie may be able to move past this rather quickly but Kevin could feel an unwelcome darkness pushing into his psyche.

Chapter 86

Jeffrey was just turning off his cell when he saw AJ and DeeDee making their way up to the VIP section of the Oasis, an uptown supper and dance club that was populated primarily by artistic types, musicians and members of the avant garde. It was a very eclectic atmosphere that housed people from a wide range of the creative and performing arts. The better known authors, rock stars, actors and others who had achieved some degree of fame were usually easily recognized by the people who manned the door and ushered upstairs to the ‘elite’ section of the club. There, the movers/shakers and their guests could enjoy a view of the lower floor where the lesser-known and less affluent enjoyed conversation, music and schmoozing.

Jeffrey had wondered where the third van was. He knew that Brian and Leighanne had gone back to the hotel and that Nick and Howie had arrived some time ago. He had finally called the tour manager in an effort to find out if there had been some kind of problem. That’s when he heard about the crowd control fiasco at the venue. He was relieved when he saw AJ and DeeDee but wondered about Kevin and Connie. He really didn’t want to hear that either of them had been injured.

“Kevin and Connie coming up?” he asked AJ as he pocketed the phone.

“Don’t know. Maybe. Did you hear about….”

“Yeah, I just heard,” Jeffrey interrupted. “She okay?”

“Think so. Shook up a little, I guess.” AJ paused and stuck his hands in his pockets. “I suppose the label’s gonna have a conniption…”

“Oh yeah. I’m sure they’re probably already having it.”

“But that insurance and liability thing they threw at Kevin was bullshit, Jeff.”

Jeffrey paused to consider. He could see both sides of this issue but it would be his job to try to smooth things out for both parties. “Yes and no, AJ. Chances of injury are a valid consideration but I doubt Connie would sue anyone if she was hurt. More likely the label would try to sue the venue for failure to provide adequate safety or something. But, yes, you’re right. Connie’s safety is not was what they were really worried about. They don’t want any attention focused on Kevin’s love life right now. Not good for business and all that…”

After a few well placed expletives, AJ and DeeDee joined Nick at a table. He was alone. AJ laughed when Nick explained that his date had been given a curfew. Howie was on the dance floor. Jeffrey smiled slightly and the sound of AJ’s raucous laughter before his thoughts returned to Kevin and Connie. He owed her an apology.

*****

“Come on, Kevin. Let’s go inside. Your friends are waiting. I’m okay, see?”

His lips turned up slightly at Connie’s bight smile. A red corkscrew of a curl had been pushed askew near her temple giving her a slightly tousled look – a look that he liked. A look that invited him to touch. Connie didn’t always color inside the lines and that was a good thing. Ironically, rigid women annoyed him, even though he was pretty rigid himself. He needed softness in his life. He needed someone who understood when to take his shit and when to throw it back at him. So far, Connie had fulfilled those needs.

“You sure, baby?” he asked, running his finger down the side of her face. “We don’t have to…”

“I’m sure.”

Connie had always been taught to ‘climb back on the horse’ and so she always made an attempt to put catastrophes behind her as quickly as possible. Sometimes she was more successful than at others. She had put the accident behind her and learned to deal with her hearing loss. She had put Trevor behind her even though the residual effects of his cruelty had not been so easy to dispel. She had moved past the ‘Brandi’ situation thanks to Kevin’s understanding, patience and abiding love. The mob scene at the venue was small potatoes compared to some of the other things she had experienced, but she suspected that Kevin’s view was more complicated.

For many years now, Connie had fought the role of ‘damsel in distress’. She’d been forced to become plucky and, at times, downright bold. Her limited experiences with people, especially men, had taught her that she needed to be independent and to rely on no one. This is where she and Kevin differed. It had only been during the past several weeks that she came to realize that her expectations and Kevin’s differed somewhat. While she had fought playing the ‘helpless maiden’, Kevin’s fancied that one of his primary roles in life was that of ‘rescuer’. Ironically, the fame which he had worked hard to achieve, was often a major stumbling block in his heroic efforts. It had been a handicap tonight, for example. He’d had to rely on others to ‘save’ her.

Events in their relationship had already afforded Kevin several opportunities to ‘rescue’ Connie. He had made the choice to do so because he loved her. He loved her desperately yet he always harbored grains of fear. Emotionally, he needed to be needed – and not for what he did or had or could do for someone, but for what and who he was. Connie, on the other hand, fought hard not to be clingy or suffocating. Their dance together was punctuated with other uncommon difficulties. She had grown used to the isolation that deafness brings but the loneliness she had felt in Kevin’s absence had been an unwelcome realization that she considered a form of weakness. While Kevin admired Connie’s physical stand at independence, he disliked feeling any remnants of her emotional autonomy. It was a chauvinistic and old-fashioned notion, he knew, but it was his heart.

Their time alone in Orlando had brought him a large measure of tranquility and happiness. Except for her work, he had been her sole focus. There had been no interference from fans or her New York friends and, because she couldn’t hear, she had become particularly attuned to his emotions and their various manifestations. It was childish and selfish. He knew that, but she had seemed happy and content. The relationship had moved forward emotionally, physically and sexually and his fears had been banished at each turn. Then he had left to tour and anxiety and depression had taken hold. This bothered him on many levels. It made him doubt himself. It made him feel weak. It made him frustrated and angry – and though he knew better – he made her desire for self-reliance the scapegoat for his despair.

Connie’s deafness was another issue altogether. Underlying Kevin’s open-mindedness and tolerance’ lay his desire for perfection. This desire was also selfish. He wanted her to hear. True to his ‘rescuer’ persona, and unbeknownst to Connie, he had done some research on deafness, trying to determine if Connie had overlooked any options that might lead to her recovery. On the one hand, he was determined not to let her disability come between them but, on the other hand, he felt a need to ‘fix’ it. Kevin would have to be careful.

And so, they exited the van. A celebration of sorts was in order. Connie was with him and would be for a while. Kevin held on to her hand as they made their way to the club entrance. This would really be the first time that they had done the club/party scene together. He perceived a certain shyness rising in her but also felt her excitement. This pleased him and for a while, all was right with Kevin’s world.

*****

“I have to piss..” DeeDee announced between drinks.

“Gee, thanks for the update,” Kevin said with a touch of disgust. He didn’t find DeeDee’s bladder report very lady-like. “Not exactly subtle, are you?”

“Oh, excuuuuuse me, Kevin!” DeeDee frowned. “I forgot – cows and men piss. Ladies tinkle…” She nudged Connie’s elbow. “C’mon, Con. I have to take a leak.” Then she paused and glared across the table. “I mean, Little DeeDee-kins has to make wee-wee in the potty…”

“You can’t go by yourself?” Kevin sneered.

“I could,” DeeDee answered, “but then I wouldn’t get the chance to tell Connie what a prick you are…”

“Oh, I already know,” Connie said innocently. “I’ll come with you. I have to go too…”

Kevin cut into AJ’s cackle with an order. “Just don’t forget about us…”

Connie was already on her way downstairs when DeeDee got the last word. “Oh honey. I won’t forget. I think about you every time I flush…”

Again, AJ burst into laughter. He knew that Kevin really didn’t mind Dee’s barbs and thought that, in fact, he enjoyed the challenge. It was rare that they didn’t find something to pick at each other about. AJ turned and looked over the railing in time to see DeeDee and Connie turning into the alcove that housed the Ladies Room.

“There they go…”

Kevin glanced towards the floor. “I just don’t get the toilet tag-teaming,” he said. “Look at that..”

AJ peered towards the alcove. Kevin was right. As they nursed their drinks, several women – all in pairs- entered the Ladies Room.

“I dunno, man. I guess that’s the only time they get to talk about us.”

“Connie won’t talk about me…” Kevin said confidently.

“She won’t have too. Dee will do all the talking…”

Kevin nodded with a degree of resignation. Actually, he was happy that Dee seemed to have taken Connie under her wing. Amanda had been kind to Connie, too. Their bluntness could be irritating but was also refreshing in a way. They kind of reminded him of Hannah. At any rate, Connie seemed relaxed now. It was difficult for her to take everything in – the jokes and snippets of conversation – so she remained fairly quiet, absorbing what she could.

Connie had been in similar social situations before, but not with him. As they were climbing the stairs to the VIP area, Connie had pulled him aside to give him some advice.

“Listen to me, Kevin. The room is a little dim, and the seating arrangements are such that I won’t know exactly what’s being said or going on sometimes. You need to know that that’s okay. Don’t stifle yourself for my sake and don’t feel guilty or bad that I may be missing stuff. This will be fun – an evening out. I won’t feel neglected…”

“No special consideration, right?” he asked her, remembering their Clearwater days.

“Right…”