CHAPTER 95

Philadelphia was fun and less hectic than New York had been. Although Kevin and Connie were not afforded the same privacy here that they had achieved in her neighborhood, they managed to slip out and spend a day in the city’s fine art museum without being bothered. The science museum was out of the question since it was usually filled with young people and families. The only PR scheduled would take place before the show.

Once again, the group received good reviews. Connie and Kevin avoided the clubs and chose to spend the early hours in a hot tub that was located near their suite in the hotel. The floor had been secured and they were able to enjoy their hot soak and sex play uninterrupted.

The group headed for Baltimore the next day. The third bus had been repaired and traveling conditions were less crowded. This bus was nicknamed the ‘fuck bus’ because it had a small, but efficient, bedroom in the back. The group had drawn lots and Kevin had come up the winner. As soon as they boarded, he pushed Connie towards the back. There was no place to go but the bed so she climbed onto the mattress and drew her knees up to her chest. Kevin had turned to lock the door and when he turned, Connie was staring at him wide-eyed.

“W-what are you doing?” she whispered.

Kevin wiggled his eyebrows. “What do you think? I’m locking the door…” In a flash, he was bare-chested.

“Why?”

Kevin looked at her with some incredulity. She was nervous and jumpy.

“Why do you think? What’s the matter? You don’t want to get nasty with me?” he grinned.

Connie swallowed self-consciously. “H-here?”

Z-Z-Z-I-I-I-P Kevin shoved his jeans down past his thighs.

“Yeeeah….. Unless you’d rather go up front…”

“Don’t we….you know….make ….noise?” Her eyes darted back and forth as if she were telling government secrets.

“I think they know we ‘do’ it, Connie,” Kevin chuckled. “And I’m pretty sure they know what bus they’re on….” His eyebrows wiggled again. Connie frowned. He tried to be more sympathetic but her agitation was tickling him. “Look,” he said, crawling up beside her, “we’ll just be quiet, that’s all. Carlos has probably got headphones on by now, anyway, and the driver is concentrating on the road. They know how much I like to sleep. We’ll be quiet and then, even if Carlos isn’t listening to music, they’ll probably think we’re taking a nap…”

Even Kevin didn’t believe that one.

“You’re full of shit, Richardson,” Connie smirked, pushing him away. “Besides, how the hell am I supposed to know if I’m being quiet?” Kevin burst out laughing. “It isn’t funny..” she pouted.

“I know, baby…” He was trying to keep a straight face as his hand moved up under Connie’s shirt.

She could tell that her self-consciousness wasn’t going to dissuade him. Connie tried a compromise.

“How about a blow job?” she nodded encouragingly.

Kevin’s hand froze. It was his turn to pout. “No. I don’t want that.”

Connie’s eyes narrowed at his response. “I can’t believe I saw you say that. Did you just tell me that you – Kevin S. Richardson – did not want a blow job?”

“I don’t mean never again,” he scowled. “Just not now. I want the whole enchilada….”

“And I think you’ve got the ‘whole enchilada’,” she giggled, glancing south. “In fact, I think you might have an ‘enchilada grande’…”

“Want that with sour cream?”

“God, you are so gross…”

“Ride me, baby….”

He loved to see her like that, head thrown back, eyes closed in concentration as she ground herself against him, creating her own pleasure. She fit him like a tight, well-oiled glove and he strained to limit his own movements until he knew she was approaching orgasm. Kevin knew the signs. Her lips would part and her eyes would open. Fingertips that had rested on his shoulders would begin to press into his flesh, sometimes leaving behind small, curved cuts from her nails. He couldn’t stop staring. For a few seconds, the playfulness was gone, replaced by an intensity that shook Kevin to his core. Though Connie’s eyes would glaze over as she reached her peak, they were still locked onto his with ferocity that demanded spiritual connection. He gave that to her willingly. And then he gave her the rest of him. When is sex not ‘just sex’? When I’m with Connie…

*****

They would be in Baltimore soon. Kevin wished he never had to move. Connie laid beside him, curled up under his arm, her fingers at his throat. They lay naked on top of the spotted sheets, her earlier anxiety driven away by rhythm and sensation. This quiet contentment was what he had missed so much during the first part of the tour. The idea of two people becoming one had always been an abstract concept before now. He felt safe with her. This was the person he would be able to share himself with, the person he could talk to, tell his fears and secrets to. This is the woman he would marry.

“Connie?”

She felt the vibration of he name on her fingertips and raised herself on one elbow so that she could see his face.

“Did you say something?” she asked, her voice languid and low and sexy.

Kevin smiled softly as he pushed a lock of her hair behind her shoulder.

“You were singing in your sleep the other night…”

A blush appeared on her cheeks as she closed her eyes and shook her head. She laughed a little as she pulled the sheet up to cover her nakedness. She was obviously embarrassed.

“Oh, no….”

Kevin lifted her chin, a signal for her to open her eyes and look at him.

“You have a beautiful voice. You used to sing, didn’t you?”

Connie shrugged, trying to appear casual. She didn’t want Kevin to know that, at one time in her life, she had lived and breathed music – that, although she could no longer participate in his passion for song, she understood its consuming quality. She had learned to accept this loss along with her deafness but Kevin’s question caused old insecurities to resurface. She would never be able to bear it if he pitied her.

“I sang some. Played around mostly. More into Joni Mitchell than Melissa Ethridge…”

“Can’t beat Joni…” Kevin smiled.

“Yeah, well…. That was a long time ago.”

She turned and made a move to get up but Kevin’s hand grasped her arm and pulled her back down to him.

“Did you play an instrument?”

“Guitar,” Connie sighed. “Acoustic twelve-string…”

“Do you miss it?”

Connie struggled not to sound impatient. She wanted Kevin to feel free to ask her questions – even sensitive ones – but she had never discussed this with anyone. What was the point? That part of her life ended almost eight years ago.

“I don’t think about it…”

She thought that would end the conversation but Kevin wasn’t finished. An unexpected rush of fear and anger fought her determination to remain calm and unaffected when Kevin pushed their talk up a level.

“Did you ever consider one of those cochlear implants?”

Chapter 96

Connie stared at Kevin, trying to read his mind – wondering what brought this on and fearing the answer. His expression was bathed in genuine concern and innocence. The question was really quite normal yet it made her feel defensive. She managed to maintain a neutral expression.

“Sounds like you’ve been doing some reading.”

Connie slid off the bed, picked her panties up off of the floor and began to step into them. Her apparent lack of interest puzzled Kevin and he waited for her to turn back to him. When she did, she changed the subject.

“So, how much longer before we hit Baltimore?”

Kevin realized he had touched a nerve but he didn’t know why. Connie would be leaving tomorrow and they would have precious little time alone before then. He sensed a chill in the air – a separation that made him uneasy. He didn’t respond right away and in the seconds that passed, Connie put on a smile and stepped over to the door.

“Well, maybe I’ll go up front and get something to drink. Do you want something? A beer, maybe?”

“Wait…”

Connie’s head dropped. He wasn’t going to let this go. She took a breath and braced herself before meeting his eyes again. His lips formed another question.

“You do know about cochlear implants, don’t you?”

Connie was struggling to remain calm and rational but Kevin’s question went over her like an electric current. Do I know about implants? What the hell do you think, Kevin? You think I haven’t checked into it? You think I enjoy being deaf? You think I don’t miss the sounds of laughter and rain? You think I’m ‘broken’ and need to be ‘fixed’? His lips were still moving.

“’Cause I know it’s an expensive procedure and if it’s the money, I want to….”

“STOP!”

Connie stood silent for several seconds trying to plot out a response that wouldn’t hurt Kevin’s feelings and make him understand the big picture. She guessed that it may be hopeless. He was a kind and generous man and his only interest was in helping her. She knew that but Kevin probably wouldn’t understand that beyond any physical problems, there were social problems as well. Her family had begged her to check into the implants but her deaf friends weren’t so enthusiastic. The people who had accepted her and made her feel like a viable human being often took such measures personally. When a deaf person went to such lengths in order to hear, it was not uncommon for some of their deaf friends to be mildly insulted and feel that they were being made to feel substandard based on the loss of one sense – a sense that they had learned to live without. They didn’t feel that deafness was a ‘deficiency that needed to be fixed’. They were right, but so were her hearing friends that wanted her to be able to experience all that life had to offer. In Connie’s case, the point was moot, anyway. Although advances in technology occurred almost daily, doctors had felt that her injury was too severe to expect a good result from the surgery. She remembered the wave of disappointment that washed over her when she was told and had decided then, for her own peace of mind, not to expect any miracles – mechanical or otherwise. The decision had served her well….until she fell in love with a hearing man whose grand passion revolved around sound.

He was waiting. He looked like he’d been slapped, and so Connie took a breath and tried to speak gently.

“I know about cochlear implants, Kevin. I was evaluated several years ago…” Kevin didn’t speak but let her continue, correctly judging that this was a sensitive issue. “My cochlea were badly damaged in the accident which usually isn’t the case with people who were born deaf. I wasn’t considered a good implant candidate.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just…”

“I know,” Connie cut in. “It’s okay. Maybe one day advances will be made and things will be different but I don’t want to set myself up, you know? I just don’t dwell on it.”

Kevin nodded slowly. “I think I understand..”

Connie sat on the edge of the bed and looked at him intently. “Now I need to ask you a question and I want you to be honest with me.”

“Of course..”

“You’ve been doing a little research…”

“Yes..”

“Why?”

The question surprised Kevin. Wasn’t the answer obvious?

“Because I wanted to know if there was a way you could get your hearing back.”

“Because it would make me….complete?”

Kevin’s brows furrowed. “No. Because it would make you happy. Because it would make things easier for you.”

“It would make things easier for you, too, wouldn’t it? It would make things easier for ‘us’. Less work. Less inconvenience…”

Now Kevin was fighting the pricks of anger and defensiveness. What had he done wrong?

“Have I ever made you feel inadequate?” he snapped. “Sure, I guess it would be ‘easier’ if you could hear…. I’d like to be able to pick up a phone and talk to you but it doesn’t affect the way I feel about you. None of us is exactly perfect, Connie…”

Connie’s brows shot up and she offered him a smile, trying to diffuse his annoyance. “Oh?”

“Christ. You know what I mean… Listen to me…” Kevin reached out, pressed his palms against either side of Connie’s face and pulled her close. They were almost nose to nose. “I love you. I love you. I probably don’t say that enough but don’t you ever think it’s because I think you’re…you’re…lacking, or something. I didn’t fall in love with your ears or with your abilities. You are complete to me. You’ve got so much fuckin’ ‘complete’ that it spills over onto me and that makes my life complete.” Kevin looked momentarily confused. “Does that make any sense?”

“Completely.” Connie smiled as Kevin rolled his eyes. “And I thank you…”

“For?”

“Understanding my fears and loving me in spite of them.”

*****

Fans were waiting for them at the hotel after the show that night. Lots of fans. Connie was prepared to slip in after Kevin and the other Boys made their way through the lobby, and on to a secured elevator. She and DeeDee wouldn’t even be noticed when they went through a side door and through the hotel’s sports club. Leighanne always went with Brian, whether it was into the crowd or trying to sneak in undetected. The fact was that Leigh didn’t mind the questions, autographs and pictures nearly as much as Brian did. She had become an expected presence and the fans treated her fairly well.

The assistant to the tour manager showed Connie to their room and she unpacked a few things. Kevin always spent time with the fans and tonight would be no exception. It was better than it used to be. Their fan base was a little older now and not as prone to hysterics. Sometimes you could actually talk to them…

As was the case when Connie was with him, Kevin chose to work out his ‘after show’ adrenaline in the bed instead of in a club. That was especially true tonight. The group had tapings and interviews all morning and Kevin would barely make it back to the hotel before Connie would have to leave for the airport. He wanted no distractions between now and then. After being separated for a week, Connie would catch up with them in LA. Kevin was growing a little anxious about the separation but the few days they had just spent together had been intense, powerful and reassuring on many levels. He knew he would be lonely without her but didn’t think he would be full of doubts and insecurities. AJ was bound to make a crack or two. He had taken to calling Connie ‘Reefer O’Rourke’ because of the effect she seemed to have on Kevin. According to AJ, she ‘made him mellow’.

*****

“Gotta go, babe…”

Kevin had literally lifted her eyelids with his fingers and waited for her to focus before he said goodbye. He received a resounding slap on the wrist for his trouble as Connie grumbled and slid back down under the covers. She did peek though, and saw his laughter. It felt good to see him happy. His lips puckered into a small ‘o’. He was whistling when he went out the door.

She wanted to sleep but she had to take care of some things before she left so she checked her watch, hauled herself out of bed and headed for the shower. She needed to check her email and send a couple of letters. Kevin should be back in two and a half hours. They would probably barely have time for a quick kiss before she left for the airport.

She dressed quickly, read her mail and took a quick look at the prologue for a new book by a new author. It was getting late. Connie sent two emails and then closed her laptop. Hunger pangs were beginning to set in but maybe she could grab a bite at the airport. She couldn’t call room service and, even if she could, she wouldn’t hear them arrive. Something from the mini-bar would have to do. As she nibbled on canned cashews, she perused the room. She had her clothes, toiletries and laptop. Something was missing. Then it hit her. Shit! My autobiography! I’ll need that tonight.. Now if she could only find it…

She finally remembered putting it into Kevin’s knapsack but when she reached into the outside pocket to retrieve it, she also discovered the mail she had picked up from the doorman when they left New York. She had forgotten all about it.

Ad, catalog, ad, donation request… all junk… She continued to flip through the small pile until she came to the last envelope. Connie stared at the plain white business envelope. Computer printed address label. No return address. New York post mark…

She wasn’t even sure she wanted to open it, More bullshit…, and considered tossing it with the other junk mail until she felt something stiff inside the envelope. The anonymous writer had sent something more than a note this time. Maybe it would provide a clue as to this nut’s identity.

Connie ripped open the envelope and yanked out the paper inside. When she did, something fell to the floor. It was a snapshot.