CHAPTER 43

The grass in Kentucky isn’t actually blue, but Tristan and Kevin passed some places where it was close. Meadows of deep green grass dotted the landscape along the back roads leading to Lexington. Tristan had been to Louisville for a concert once but she had flown in. This was her first drive through Kentucky. She and Kevin had left Orlando two days ago, driving along the back toads and stopping when they felt like it. It was a relaxing trip and it felt good to get away from phones, appointments and the Backstreet Boys. They would only be spending a few days in Lexington before heading back. Then the pre-tour promotions would begin again, although not to the same degree that they did in May. Tristan was savoring the time spent in actual travel. When they got to Lexington, they wouldn’t be alone. She felt like she was in an old movie where calendar pages flipped on a black and white screen to show the passage of time. She hated for the tour to begin.

Kevin’s mother actually lived on the outskirts of the city - the countryside, really. The acreage nearby the modest house was both open and wooded. Tristan spotted a stable and fenced in meadow nearby.

"Horses?" she asked, pointing to the large stable.

"Used to be. Not anymore. Floyd Perkinson used to own it. He had horses years ago.", he explained.

As they got closer to the house, Tristan began to feel a little sick. She was nervous about coming here. She had been nervous the fist time she met Kevin’s family last Thanksgiving. What a roller coaster ride that had been! But she and Kevin weren’t sleeping together then. Kevin laughed at her when she expressed her concerns about any intimacy they might share here.

"For God’s sake, Tris," he snickered, "My mother is a little more ‘with it’ than you seem to think. I think she’s figured out by now that we don’t sleep in separate rooms in Orlando!"

Tristan crossed her arms. "Have you come out and told her that?" , Tristan asked, peeved that Kevin would take this so lightly.

"Hell, no! I’m not gonna discuss my sex life with my mother!"

"Well, Kevin, I doubt she’s going to assume anything about us being together in her house. I’m sure we’ll be staying in separate rooms."

Kevin acted astounded at the suggestion of such a thing. "I don’t think so!" He looked at her like she was crazy. "Jesus, Tris! I’m almost twenty-eight years old!"

"You’re still her baby."

"I really think she’s figured this out, Tristan."

"Look, let’s just follow her lead. But I’ll tell you this, even if she puts us together, I don’t think I’ll be able to do anything, being there like that."

"What? You’re kidding me, right? We’ll be there for a few days, Tristan! What am I suppose to do?"

"I don’t know, Kevin! Maybe you’ll just have to let ‘your fingers do the walking’, as they say."

"Forget that shit!" Kevin wasn’t laughing any more.

He pulled the truck off the side of the road. They were less than a quarter mile form his mother’s house. Kevin sat back in the seat and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel.

"Maybe we should stay in a hotel."

"I really don’t think that’s going to fool anybody, do you?" Tristan’s eyes were focused on some invisible point up the road.

"That’s my point, Tris." Kevin took her hand and kissed her fingers. "I’m not trying to fool anybody. I don’t want to fool anybody.. I love you and I want to be able to show you that. I want you to be able to show me, too. Don’t worry about staying at Mom’s. I really don’t think that’ll be a problem. Okay, baby?"

"I just don’t want to upset your mother, Kevin." Tristan pulled their clasped hands to her face, kissed his knuckles and smiled at him. "Let’s go."

Kevin put the truck in gear and drove the fifteen hundred yards to his mother’s, smiling to himself along the way. Don’t worry, Tristan - this won’t be a problem. *****

Kevin started laughing as he and Tristan began to climb out of the truck.

"What’s so funny?" Tristan asked, grabbing a small suitcase.

"I’m willing to bet that the first thing we’ll have to do after we say hello is sit down and eat." Kevin shook his head grinning.

"Aren’t you going to get your things?" She noticed that Kevin was empty handed.

"Later. Come on. I know it’s time to eat."

"Kevin, it’s four o’ clock in the afternoon!"

"Doesn’t matter if it’s four o’ clock in the morning. You wait and see."

Tristan smiled. Kevin relied on certain constants in his life. Family was one of those constants. In many ways he was a traditional man. Unfortunately, his life was untraditional. This caused conflicts for him and he was always seeking balance. Tristan felt like she had missed the boat on that one. She had no traditions to uphold in her life - no constants. She supposed that most family traditions began when children entered the family. Tristan wondered if there had been any traditions in her family before her mother died. Maybe she could borrow some from the Richardsons.

Anne had heard them pull up and ran out of the door to greet them. Kevin held his arms out to his mother but she ran past him and threw her arms around Tristan. Tristan found herself comforted by Anne’s affection. It touched her.

"Mom? Remember me?" Kevin pouted, acting hurt and jealous.

Anne whirled around and ran to hug her youngest son. "How’s my baby?"

She actually licked her thumb and wiped a small smear off of Kevin’s cheek. It was one of those moves that can only be explained as instinctive. Kevin didn’t balk. It was a natural action, like unconsciously picking the lint off of a husband’s jacket or patting the back of a crying child.

Tristan picked up her bag and walked into the house. Here we go...time for the bunk assignments... She had dreaded this part of the visit. Surprisingly, nothing was said so Tristan just dropped her bag on the floor near the door.

Kevin’s prediction was accurate. No sooner had they gotten in the door, Anne announced that she had made them a little snack and pushed them into the dining room. The table was set and full of food. Kevin made an ‘I told you so’ face at Tristan and then dug in, filling his plate and talking away to his mother. Tristan watched the two and found herself envious of the bond they shared. She thought about what a comfort it must be to have a home base - a place you could always return to when you needed to mend or be taken care of for awhile. Anne noticed that Tristan wasn’t touching her food.

"Tristan, sweetheart, you aren’t eating?" Anne asked, concern spreading across her face.

"I’m really not hungry, Anne. Maybe later if that’s okay.", Tristan said quietly. She was still thinking about the sleeping arrangements.

"You’re too thin, Tristan. You really need to eat." She saw Anne shoot Kevin a slightly dirty look like he hadn’t been taking very good care of her. She got out of her seat and came over to Tristan, placing her hand on Tristan’s forehead. "You’re not sick, are you Tristan?"

Tristan closed her eyes as Anne tried to determine whether or not Tristan was feverish. She enjoyed these few seconds of motherly attention and thought about what she missed not having that in her life. When she opened her eyes, Kevin was looking at her sadly, then he gave her a small smile and picked up his plate to take into the kitchen. Anne had removed her hand and began to clear the table.

"Let me help." Tristan made a move to get up, but Anne stopped her.

"No sweetheart. You sit. Kevin and I will get the dishes. I found some old photograph albums I thought you might like to take a look at." Anne left the room and returned with several large albums.

Tristan did want to see them and was excited when Anne set them down in front of her. She opened one and began to flip through the pages while Anne and Kevin disappered into the kitchen. She looked at pictures of Anne and Kevin’s father, Jerald, in their high school days. They had been together as teenagers. The pages were filled with pictures of them at school dances, pep rallies and picnics. Then came some wedding and honeymoon photos. The albums progressed up to the present day. They followed the births of the boys, the holidays they had shared and school accomplishments and events. There were a lot of pictures of Kevin during his high school years. She hadn’t realized that he had been a ‘big man on campus’. It seemed that he had been voted ‘best’ everything. Tristan felt inadequate and she recalled Lily’s cruel words on the plane last year. She couldn’t help but notice the differences between her and Kevin’s lives. Her family had never really taken pictures. Tristan had no history, no safety net.

She could hear Anne and Kevin talking in the kitchen. She only caught fragments of sentences - an occasional ‘do you?’ from Kevin or a ‘he said’ from Anne. She heard her name mentioned once or twice too and wondered what they were talking about.

"Let’s take a walk, Tris." Kevin was standing in the doorway with his hands in his pockets. He glanced towards her bag on the floor and guessed that Kevin and Anne had discussed exactly where they would be sleeping that night. She felt herself blushing.

Kevin took her hand and they headed out the back door and across the yard to the edge of the meadow. Tristan could see the stable they had passed in the distance.

"It’s pretty out here, Kevin." Tristan took a deep breath. The air was fresh and clean and she could smell the wild onions scattered across the meadow.

Kevin nodded in agreement. He looked different out here. His color was better and he seemed almost carefree. They continued to amble across the meadow towards the woods. Several yards into the woods they came across an old log house and, surprisingly, a large lake, complete with cattails and ducks.

"Look at this!" Tristan whispered. "We’re trespassing. We’d better get out of here."

"I think it’s abandoned," Kevin said, starting to walk around the old place.

He walked up the steps of the large porch that fronted the lake and began to peek in the windows.

"Kevin! Don’t do that! What if somebody lives there?" Tristan was looking all around like she was expecting the three bears to return any minute.

"It’s empty! Let’s see if we can get in."

"No! We’ll get caught!"

"Come on. Look! The front door’s open!" Kevin walked on in leaving Tristan standing near the bottom of the porch.

"Kevin?", she called. "Kevin! Come on!" He didn’t answer.

Tristan let out an exasperated sigh and climbed the steps to the front door that he had left ajar. She peeped inside and looked around the old house. The place was amazing. It consisted mostly of one very large room divided near one end by a free standing, see through, floor to ceiling stone fireplace. - obviously a later improvement. The windows were large and had stained glass panels across the top. The ceiling looked to be at least twelve feet high and the floor was made of wide planks of cherry. Off to the back of the large room was a big kitchen that needed lots of work There was a staircase against one wall that she guessed led down to the English basement she had noticed from outside and up to a second floor. Tristan could imagine roller skating through the house, the main floor room was that large and empty.

"Let’s see what’s upstairs!" Kevin shouted to her, already halfway up the steps.

Tristan followed him up, still uneasy about being there, but fascinated and curious. The upstairs contained two large unfinished bedrooms and baths. They looked around and came back down the stairs. Tristan walked over to front window and looked out at the lake. She saw no other signs of life, except the wild kind. The house needed a lot of work, but its potential was obvious. Kevin came up behind her and they both looked out at the lake and surrounding woods. They stood for a long time, enjoying the quiet. They almost felt like normal people instead of bait for the media sharks.

Tristan decided to broach the subject that had been on her mind.

"Did you speak to your mother about...us?"

Kevin had been nuzzling his face in her hair. Tristan heard him start to laugh into the back of her head.

"That’s really bugging you, isn’t it, baby?"

"Well.....yes! I’d think you would be a little concerned, too." Tristan was getting huffy.

Kevin laughed again. "Look, Tris, we’ll just stay here." He swept his hand across the room. "That’ll solve the problem!"

"I’m sure the owners would appreciate us squatting here, Kevin and the wooden floor looks so comfortable!"

"There’s a bed in here!", Kevin said, pointing to the smaller area on the other side of the stone fireplace.

Tristan really hadn’t examined that part of the room. She walked across the room and looked behind the fireplace. The large open space was completely empty except for a queen sized bed sitting in the middle of the floor. It was all made up and looked fresh. Tristan suspected foul play.

"Kevin, you planned this! Let me get all worked up for nothing!", she scolded. "You know who owns this place, don’t you. They’re letting us use it while we’re here!" Tristan had solved the mystery and was proud of her deductive abilities.

Kevin stared laughing again. "You are brilliant, Tristan and I love you!" He kissed her quickly and held her close. Then he pulled away and smiled down at her. "But you’re wrong, baby. This is our house. I bought it before I came back from the tour."

Tristan looked at him in disbelief. He had never said a word.

"You bought another house? Why? I don’t understand." She looked around at the open airy space. "It’s beautiful, Kevin. But do you think you need another house?"

"You’re not listening to me, Tristan.," Kevin said seriously. "I said this is our house, not my house." He put is hands on her shoulders and bent down so that their faces were close. "Baby, I’ve been listening to you talk about Kevin’s piano, his things, Kevin’s house for a long time. Asking me if it’s alright to do certain things that involve the house in Orlando. I realize that when you came there, everything was already in place. I understand why you don’t feel like it’s a part of you. But we’re gonna start from scratch together here. There’s still a lot of work to be done here, Tris, but I want you to feel like it’s our home. All you have to do is sign the deed." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded sheet of paper and a pen. He handed both to her.

Tristan couldn’t respond. She looked at the paper and pen he held in front of her and then to his eyes. He wasn’t playing around.

"Sign it, Tris.......Sign it for me....for us."

Tristan’ hands shook as she took the paper and unfolded it. Sure enough it was the deed to the house and the 165 acres surrounding it. The deed was made out to Kevin Scott Richardson and Tristan Grace Mallory. She was suddenly afraid and Kevin could see it in her face.

"What is it, baby?"

"I don’t really know, exactly, Kevin. I’m not sure what all this means."

Kevin turned his head to stare out of the window towards the lake. He was smiling, but it was humorless.

"Ah. yes.....I forgot that you don’t like to assume anything." He turned back to her. "Well, assume this, Tristan. I love you and I’m committed to you. I want you to feel committed to me. I don’t give a flying fuck about the Backstreet Boys or the fans when it comes to this. This is between us and I’m not going to try and hide it or fool anybody." Kevin paused. " Do you feel the same way or not?"

Tristan watched as Kevin chewed on his bottom lip awaiting her answer. This was so hard for him - not because he didn’t believe or feel what he was saying was true, but because he continued to carry that grain of fear that his words would be rejected, that his love would be rejected, that he would be rejected. He looked so vulnerable.

"Oh, God, yes - I do!" Tristan threw her arms around his neck and he held her tightly, closing his eyes in relief. "Trust me, Kevin, always. I love you more that I thought I could love."

Tristan cried into his shoulder while he buried his head into her neck. After a minute, they broke apart.

"Sign the paper, baby."

Tristan smiled up at him, signed her name and handed the deed back to him with the pen. He refolded the paper and put them back into his pocket.

"I’m real happy about this, Tris.", he grinned at her. Relief was written all over him. "When I was in Europe, trying to get things going, I bought something for you. Kind of a ...well...symbol, I guess...of our commitment. I got this in Italy. I hope you’ll agree to wear it."

Kevin reached into his front pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. He held it in front of her and opened it. Inside the box was a ring. Not an engagement ring, but a narrow band, set with three oval rubies interspersed with four smaller emerald cut diamonds. Tristan fingered the buttons on her shirt and stared into the box. She was overcome and couldn’t find her voice.

"Will you wear it, Tris?" Kevin bent down and cocked his head sideways, trying to capture her gaze. Tristan was frozen.

"Give me you hand, baby.", Kevin demanded, gently.

Tristan lifted her hand from her shirt and let it hang in the air.

"Tristan?"

She finally looked into his face.

"How about we try the other hand."

He reached for the fingers still attached to the shirt and pulled them towards him. He slipped the ring onto her left hand and kissed it tenderly.

CHAPTER 44

Kevin and Tristan spent much of their visit to Kentucky making plans to upgrade their house. The acreage was about half wooded which suited them fine for its privacy factor, however Kevin did mark some trees that he felt should be cleared "for future expansion" or "a garden". They studied tiles and light fixtures and spent hours at hardware stores and garden centers. Tristan had never seen Kevin so domestic and he seemed to thrive on it.

They had both already begun to feel like this was home and that the Orlando house was a place to stay when Kevin was working.

Anne was delighted with the arrangement. Her son would be closer to her, in spirit if not in body. His heart was coming back home. She had helped Kevin arrange all of this while he was away and was pleased when Floyd had accepted Kevin's generous offer for the property that adjoined hers. Kevin and Tristan had meals with Anne and the rest of the family but stayed in their new home at night. It did, at least have running water and electricity but no heat or air conditioning. Heat wasn't a problem this time of year and breezes off the lake cooled the house in the evenings. The only items they purchased for the house were a sofa, television and a dual deck VCR.

Kevin did make a few other purchases on his iwn, though. On one of their excursions to a large home center he bought a chain saw, various hand and power tools and several instruction books and plans. He was like a kid in a candy store trying to convince himself why he really needed a drum sander. Kevin's new toys were stored in the English basement for now, but Tristan had a feeling some of the acreage may contain a workshop one day.

Tristan flipped through his plans and instruction books one day while Kevin unpacked and played with his new toys. He had bought plans for fences, benches, decks and even furniture. Also sifted among the sheets, she found plans for kids forts, playhouses and play equipment. There was even a booklet which gave specifications for building various types of cradles. Tristan started to ask him about these plans but thought better of it. She knew that Kevin loved children and would probably want several one day. He would make a good father.

They made their way back to Orlando four days after they had arrived in Kentucky, their heads full of dreams and plans. Kevin had always had strong musical and professional ambitions, but Tristan had never seen him so optimistic on a personal level.

***

Five days before the North American tour was to begin, the boys began rehearsals to warm up and refresh themselves on choreography and arrangements. They also needed the time to work with the new band members and dancers. The new people had already been rehearsing for weeks, so if all went well, it would take just a little fine tuning to get the show ready for the road.

Kevin and Howie had come in early to meet their new dance partners. Mike was also on hand to welcome them back and to go over some promotion and tour details. Howie's partner was a young black woman named Nina. Introductions were made and they stepped over to the benches to get better aquainted. Kevin waited for his partner to show. Mike waited, too.

"Well, hello again darling."

Kevin knew the voice but couldn't believe his ears. He whirled around to the dressing room doors and there she was. It was Lily. He was speechless.

"Surprise, Kevin! Won't this be fun? Just like old times - well, sort of." Lily giggled. It didn't become her.

"You two know each other?", Mike asked innocently.

"Yeah, we went out some about a year ago." Kevin scratched his neck trying to remain cool about this.

"He means we went 'in and out' about a year ago, right Kevvy?" Kevin was silent. It was hard to be a gentleman around a woman as blatant and coarse as Lily could be.

"Oh, I see." Mike feigned embarrassment. "I hope we can all be mature about this, Kevin. It's too late to hire and train another dancer..."

"I wouldn't even try it, if I were you," Lily purred. "I've learned a lot about women's rights on the job and sexual harassment."

"You're not being sexually harassed, Miss....?"

"Shafer. Lily Shafer." Lily folded her arms and stared at Kevin. "I'm not being harassed unless I lose my right to work because I used to sleep with my employer." Lily smiled with confidence. Mike had tipped her off to this ploy in case there was trouble.

A loud voice suddenly erupted form the back of the room.

"Oh my God, she's back again!" Nick bellowed out to the tune of "Backstreet's Back". Nick had arrived at rehearsals with Holly in tow. She was curious about putting on such a show and Nick had invited her to come along.

Lily glared at Nick as he approached the group. Nick noted that Kevin was not happy.

"Well, hello Nicky," Lily said dryly. "How positively wonderful to see you again."

"Hi 'ya Lil the Pill. Not likewise, I'm sure. How come we get to receive the honor of your presence anyway?"

Lily stepped closer to Kevin and linked her arm into his.

"I'm Kevin's new dance partner, Nicky. I think it must be fate." Kevin pulled his arm from Lily's clutch.

"I'm sure he's thrilled.", Nick said, rolling his eyes. "Hey Kev, how many people did you have to murder to deserve this punishment?"

Holly could tell that she didn't like this woman. She had heard nothing of Kevin and Lily's history, but soon realized there had been one.

"Kevvy remembers how well we fit together, don't you Kev?" Lily continued, rubbing his back.

"I've grown some since then, Lily." Kevin said evenly, trying to remain calm.

"Grown!" Impossible!", Lily snickered looking towards Kevin's crotch.

Holly looked at Nick, having caught the dual meanings of Lily's remarks. Nick was glaring at Lily in disgust. Lily looked Holly over and determined she must be Nick's current lust interest. She decided to pick at Nick for awhile.

"Why Nicky, I see you have a new girl on your arm. What happened to Mandy? I really liked her."

Nick bristled. He knew what Lily was doing. Fortunately, so did Holly.

"I'm sure you did like her, Lily. You two had so much in common. Which reminds me - Kevin? Did you ever find that DiscMan you were missing last year?"

Lily fumed. She had heard the stories of Nick's ex walking off with some of his things. She turned to Holly.

"Anyway, darling, I thought that Nicky must have someone new in his life. He's just been getting so buff! He'll be a real man before long. Look!" Lily grabbed one of Nick's arms and lifted it. "Nicky's even getting armpit hair! Isn't that cute?"

Nick let Lily continue to hold his arm.

"Yeah, Lil.....Before long, I'll have as much as you!"

Lily let his arm drop. Nick went on.

"Hey Kev! That's some ring you got for Tristan!"

"RING?" Lily and Mike shouted in unison.

Holly joined in. "It really is beautiful, Kevin. Tris said that you picked out the stones and setting yourself."

Kevin smiled picturing the ring on Tristan's finger. "I'm glad she likes it."

MIke and Lily exchanged glances.

"What kind of ring are we talking about, Kevin?" Mike asked seriously.

Kevin ignored the question and walked over to the water fountain to refill his bottle. He didn't want to talk to Mike about this.

Brian and AJ entered the room in time to see Lily standing in the middle of the floor looking like she's been slapped. Mike was scurrying over to Kevin at the fountain. They all watched as Mike grabbed Kevin by the arm and spun him around. His cool had flown the coop and he acted before he thought.

"Look Kevin", Mike screamed in his face. "Just because you've been fucking a supposedly virgin piece of tail doesn't mean you have to marry it! I don't care how good a piece of ass she is!"

Kevin's hands were instantly at Mike's throat. He turned Mike's back to the cement block wall and threw him up against it. Kevin attacked like a wild animal, banging Mike against the wall again. Mike looked into Kevin's face and momentarily saw the eyes of a crazy man. Things had happened so quickly, yet Mike saw them in slow motion - the veins popping out of Kevin's neck, the hands tightening around his throat. Then, suddenly, he could breathe and he saw Nick and AJ jerking Kevin's arms away and pulling him back from the wall. Nick was saying something to Kevin, trying to calm him down, but AJ was staring straight at Mike with an expression Mike couldn't read. Mike knew that he had screwed up royally, but was too shaken to try and mend fences right now. Kevin pulled away from his human restraints and stuck his finger in Mike's face. His voice was low, and its tone was furious and threatening.

"You listen to me, you cock sucking son of a bitch! Don't you ever refer to Tristan in that way again! In fact, don't you ever say her name to me again! The only thing you need to know or comment on is whether or not my ass is where it's suppose to be professionally! I'm telling you this, asshole - if Tristan and I want to marry, we will! Fuck the Backstreet Boys and fuck you!"

Kevin turned and stomped across the room, past Lily and the others, kicked open the doors and walked out.

The room was completely silent and then Mike turned to look at the wall behind him, sure that he would see his own blood against the blocks. He rubbed the back of his head as Nick and AJ walked away from him, leaving him standing there. Holly and Nina sat silently on a bench and the guys huddled in a corner talking about what had happened. Lily glared at Mike, her expression a mixture of anger and disgust. Lily walked over to him and looked at him cooly.

"Way to go, Mike. That was real subtle of you, not to mention diplomatic. I thought you were a pro."

"Shut up, Lily. Things can still move forward. I'll talk to the guys and apologize to Kevin."

"Do you really think that Kevin is going to say 'Oh, that's alright, Mike' and give you a big bear hug just because you say you're sorry? Get real, Mike. You've blown it with Kevin and as goes Kevin, goes the rest of the group. The only thing that could possibly resolve this in any positive way for us is if 'Little Miss Perfect' screws up!"

"Exactly, Lily. And when she does - and she will - you'd better be ready."

*****

Kevin sped home, still not under control. He had walked out of a rehearsal for the first time in his life. When he walked into the house, he hadn't cooled off much.

"Tristan!" There was no answer. "Tristan? Where are you?"

He stuck his head in the kitchen but it was empty. Then he heard the door to the veranda close and looked around the corner to see Tristan enter carrying an armful of Tropicana roses - her favorite. She was sweating and had a smear of dirt across one cheek. She had been digging in the flowers.

"Tristan!", he shouted and began taking long, determined steps in her direction.

Tristan jumped. She was not expecting him back home and his loud yell had startled her.

"Jesus, Kevin! You scared me to death! What are you...."

Before she could finish her sentence, he was all over her. Kevin pushed her against the wall and kissed her hard and deeply as his hands began a journey to her breasts. Salmon colored roses scattered over the hardwood floor. Kevin put his mouth against her ear.

"Let's get married, Tris. Today."

"What?" She tried to push Kevin away, but he wasn't moving.

"Come on, Tris. I love you! Let's get married - now."

"Kevin, what's the matter with you? Where is this coming from all of a sudden?"

They had never really discussed marriage and Tristan's nature kept her from assumptions. Kevin had only recently begun to realize this.

"God dammit, Tristan! Do you want me to beg you? Do you want me down on my knees? Okay, look!" Kevin dropped to the floor in front of her. "Here I am - now let's get married!"

Tristan couldn't decide whether to laugh or be angry. If he hadn't had such a serious look on his face, she would have laughed.

"Is this a proposal or a demand?"

"Tristan, cut the crap! Now, are you gonna marry me or not?"

"Not, Kevin." She bent to pick up the roses and walked to the kitchen, leaving Kevin on his knees beside the piano.

Kevin couldn't believe her refusal. "What? Do you want a big wedding? I thought an elopement would be romantic."

Now Tristan did laugh. "Romantic elopement? Feels like some kind of shot gun affair to me!" Then she stopped laughing and looked at him across the room, still on his knees. "What happened today, Kevin? Why are you home and not at rehearsal?"

Kevin pulled himself to his feet. "Nothing happened. Why did something have to happen?" He frowned. "I thought you loved me."

Now she had hurt his feelings.

The phone rang loudly, breaking the tension. Tristan picked it up.

"Hello? Yes, Nick. He's here." Kevin waved his hands and shook his head. "What? Yes, he seems okay," Tristan lied, looking over at Kevin. He had turned his back to her and was staring out of the French doors. "Is Holly with you?...Yes, let me talk to her a minute.....Yes, I'll tell him you called later.....Bye...." Tristan heard Nick telling Holly to watch what she said. "Hi, Holly. How's it going there today? You enjoying yourself?" There was a long pause as Tristan listened to Holly. She was not watching what she said. Holly was pissed off and gave Tristan the details. When Kevin didn't hear Tristan talking, he turned to see her listening to the caller on the other end of the line. He started coming towards her.

"Who are you talking to?"

"Just a minute....I'm talking to Holly. Is that Okay?"

Kevin didn't move. He stood listening to Tristan's end of the conversation., trying to discern what Holly was telling her.

"Look, Holly. I've got to go. I'll talk to you later.....Yes, fine...okay....Bye."

Tristan hung up the phone. Kevin stood right next to her, scowling.

What did she say?" Kevin's tone was accusing.

"She told me it was an interesting rehearsal."

"She's got a big mouth!" Kevin said angrily.

"Oh, Kevin.. I love you so much!" Tristan jumped into Kevin's arms, knocking him back a step in the process.

His hands went to her waist and he pushed her back away from him. "But not enough to marry me."

"You've already defended my honor, sweetie," Tristan smiled. "You don't have to prove anything by marrying me..."

Kevin was getting angry again. "I'm not trying to prove anything!"

"I think that you are, Kevin. You come rushing in here and then, out of the blue..."

"Out of the blue? We talked about this!"

"No, we haven't." Tristan said calmly.

"What about this?" Kevin grabbed Tristan's left hand and waved it in front of her face. He was getting more and more upset.

"I thought the ring represented commitment, Kevin. Commitment doesn't have to mean marriage."

"I see." Kevin threw her hand down and stormed into his studio, slamming the door. Even though he realized that this was a result of his showdown with Mike, he felt rejected. Tristan had refused him even before the phone call.

When Tristan came down from her shower, Kevin was still holed up in his studio. She hadn't intended to hurt him and was a little surprised at his reaction to this chain of events. She knocked at the door.

"Can I come in, Kevin?"

"If you want." It wasn't exactly an enthusiastic invitation to join him.

He was sitting at the keyboards, tinkering with some chords, his back to her. He didn't turn when she entered the room. When she walked over to him and ran her fingers through his hair, he shivered. He could smell the soap that still clung to her skin and the scent of the honeysuckle lotion she rubbed on her arms and legs. He closed his eyes as she leaned down and kissed the back of his neck, sucking his skin gently. Her arms had wrapped sound his shoulders.

When Kevin clasped her wrist with his hand, Tristan walked around his seat and sat on his lap, leaning over to kiss his forehead.

"Tell me what's wrong, Kevin." Tristan stroked his cheek, speaking in soothing tones.

Kevin's hand slipped into her robe and cupped her breast stroking it with his thumb.

"Nothing's wrong, Tris." He nuzzled her neck. "I just don't want business dictating my private life. That's all."

"I understand that. What else?"

"I want to put my baby here." Kevin's hand moved down to her abdomen and he began to rub softly.

Tristan recalled the plans he had bought in Kentucky.

"It sounds like you've been thinking about this for awhile." She brushed his hair with her fingers and then ran them around the edge of his ear.

"Yes. I guess I have.....How do you feel about it?" His hands continued to rub her belly.

"I think you'd make a wonderful father, Kevin. But I don't want to do this with a cloud hanging over us. You're leaving in a few days. Talk to Mike and get this straightened out business wise. Then when you come home, we'll have time for us, okay?"

"Okay, baby......I love you." Kevin sighed the words into her neck.

"I know you do."

CHAPTER 45

Mike walked over to the group gathered in the corner. Nina had decided that this would be a good time to take a break and Holly told Nick that she was going to take a walk and look around. Lily stayed put, at a discreet distance, of course.

"I want to apologize for that scene, guys. I guess things got a little out of hand." Mike chuckled uncomfortably and ran his hands through his hair.

"I think Kevin is the one you owe an apology to!", Nick piped up angrily.

Brian and Howie exchanged looks. Nick was usually mild mannered when conflicts arose. The others had always assumed that they spoke on his behalf. AJ just kept his eyes on Mike. Nick continued spitting criticism at him.

"You acted like a God damned asshole! You're just real lucky that Kevin didn't do some serious damage to you. He could have. Shit, he would have if AJ and I hadn't pulled him off of you!" AJ nodded in agreement, watching for Mike's reaction.

"God dammit! I know that, Nick! I was wrong and I'm going to try and get straight with Kevin! I just wanted to talk to you guys first. I'm going to let Kevin cool down before I see him, but I might need you guys to help out and...."

"Help out?" AJ broke in. "What do you think we should help you do, Mike? Convince Kevin that he has no right to make personal decisions without your approval and ours or do you want us to prove to him that Tristan is nothing more than an insecure slut who'll spread her legs for anybody with a fan base?"

Nick winced at AJ's crude choice of words and shot him a look, but his point had been well taken. They all stood, two staring and two glaring, awaiting a response from their management. Too much personal interference was one of the things that had ended their last managerial relationship.

"Look fellas, this 'ring' business surprised me, that's all. I'm not saying that you don't have the freedom and right to marry, have kids, whatever. What I'm saying is that we have to consider some small amount of damage control. If we know what's going on in your lives, then we can manage the response and possible fallout. You hired us to manage, didn't you?"

"Manage is one thing - interfere is another.", AJ said flatly.

"Did I tell Kevin that he couldn't do anything?" Mike asked. There was no response. "See? I just want him to be careful and consider the big picture, that's all."

"You called Tristan a whore!", Nick shouted. All eyes turned to Nick and then back to Mike.

"I did no such thing!" Mike defended himself. "I didn't name Tristan at all. I was speaking in general terms," he lied.

"Gee whiz!", Nick said sarcastically. "Then I wonder why Kevin get the impression that you were talking about her? Could it be that it's because she's been the only one in his life for a long time now? Maybe because she's the one he gave the ring to? Do 'ya think?" Nick slapped himself upside the face.

"I have no ill feelings towards Tristan. I think she's very sweet but Kevin needs to consider the ramifications of his decisions. He chose a very high profile career that affects not only himself, but you guys as well. All of your decisions, personal and professional impact on each other and you know it!"

Another voice entered the discussion.

"Listen guys, what Mike's saying is right. He didn't mean to....."

"Shut up, D.!" AJ glared at Howie. "This whole issue may not affect you now, but one day it will! It will affect all of us." AJ turned back to Mike. "Look, Mike. You're gonna have to deal with Kevin about this. I wish you luck, man, cuz you're gonna need it! But don't try and enlist me in your crusade. I, for one, will stand behind Kevin on this one - no matter what he decides to do!"

Nick agreed with AJ. "You know, Mike, I don't even remember Kevin mentioning the word "marriage" until your tirade started this mess. But if he and Tristan decide they want that, then I'd be proud and happy to give the bride away. And for your future reference, don't even think about pulling that crap on me. I don't think I have the self control that Kevin does."

The dancers began to file into the rehearsal hall, so the impromptu meeting ended.

"Where's Kevin?", the dance coach called to the group still huddled in the corner.

"Went home," Mike answered. "I don't think he's feeling well. I'll stop by and check on him."

Nick walked past Lily to take his place for the number they were going to practice.

"And what am I supposed to do?", Lily whined. "I don't have a partner!"

Nick laughed at her. "Hey, Lil. how 'bout we find you some pasties and a lap to dance on and you can be practicing your routine for your regular job."

*****

Kevin and Tristan lay spooned together in the bed upstairs. Kevin had released his tension deep within her a half hour ago and didn't want to move. He kept his hand on her belly considering the possibilities that lay before him. Their lovemaking had been sweet and slow in stark contrast to what it would have been if he had taken her when he first came home. The only thing that lay between them now was her hair and that felt silky and smooth against his chest.

He felt her breathing against him - long, regular breaths that only varied when he moved his fingers against her skin and then he would listen to her moan softly or sigh, not in protest, but in comfort and pleasure. He wished it were possible to transfer these sounds into musical notes that he could play whenever he needed to hear them. Unlike many relationships, their familiarity with each other had not diminished their anticipation or joy in being intimate. Time seemed to have enhanced these moments - to polish them to new levels of brightness.

Kevin's mind wandered to their new house in Kentucky and he began to imagine them there together. He could picture snow outside and a big, roaring fire - a long table in the dining area where the bed is now. They would need a large table because they would have a large family. Kevin rubbed Tristan's belly and she sighed in her sleep. Maybe he would build the table himself....

The ringing doorbell startled them both from their rest. Tristan made a move to get up, but Kevin's arm tightened around her.

"They'll go away.", he said.

But they didn't go.

"Shit!"

Kevin got up and pulled on some sweatpants and went to see who was banging on the door and ringing that damn bell. It was Mike. Kevin's eyes hardened at the sight of him.

"What the fuck are you doing here? I don't want you at my house!"

"We need to talk, Kevin. Please let me in for five minutes!" Mike begged. Then he asked, "Is Tristan here?"

"Why? You got a scarlet letter to pin on her?" Kevin's anger had returned but he didn't appear to be violent.

"Kevin, please. I'm sorry. I've already spoken to the guys. Let me talk to you. Please."

"Five minutes, Mike." Kevin opened the door to let Mike enter.

As they passed the staircase, Mike spotted Tristan at the first landing. She was wearing a robe and her hair was mussed. Then he looked at Kevin, shoeless and shirtless. Guess I interrupted what was going to be one hell of a fuck session considering Kevin's state when he left. Too damn bad.... Mike caught the sparkle on Tristan's finger and his brain quickly processed two bits of information. One - The ring was on her left hand, and two - it wasn't an engagement ring or, at least not the type of ring you'd wear with a wedding band.

"Hello Tris." Mike said quietly as he passed the stairs. He didn't know what she had been told, if anything.

"Tristan!" Kevin shouted at her. "Get back upstairs! Mike has four and a half minutes to talk before I throw his ass out of here! Right Mike?"

"Uh...Yeah, right."

Tristan went back to the bedroom to get dressed.

"I thought I told you that I didn't want you talking to her or even saying her name." Kevin wasn't screaming but he may as well have been.

"I'm sorry Kevin. I'm sorry about what happened."

Mike went on to explain to Kevin essentially the same things he had said to the rest of the group. - minus any editorializing from Nick or AJ, of course. He laid it on as thick as he could and by the time he had finished Kevin had, at least, agreed to return to rehearsals - 'for the good of the group, not management'. That would have to do. Mike could proceed without having to deal with Kevin. He would have to deal some with Tristan, but that could wait until the Backstreet Boys were well into their tour. In fact it would have to wait for a little while.

Kevin still had one small problem he had to deal with that day. Before he left to return to rehearsals, he was going to have to tell Tristan about his new dance partner. She beat him to the punch.

"How are the new dancers working out, Kevin?" Tristan asked casually as she brushed her hair in front of the mirror.

"I wasn't there long enough to find out." Before he could tell her about Lily, she asked another question.

"Do you know them? You've worked with a lot of dancers before - is she familiar with the routine?" Her head was bent to the floor, hair tumbling past her knees.

"Yeah. I know one of them." He paused. "And so do you."

"Really? Who is she?" Tris was still working on the knots that had formed from her body moving against the pillow and mattress.

"You're not gonna like it, baby." Kevin watched her, gauging her reaction.

Tristan slowly lifted her head and her long, thick hair separated itself down either side of her neck. She gazed at Kevin's reflection in the mirror. She didn't turn to him. There was only one dancer that she knew and didn't like.

"Who is she?" Her eyes were steady on him and he felt a guilt that he didn't deserve.

"It's Lily, baby."

"And she's your partner?" Tristan didn't blink.

"She's too tall for Howie, Tris."

"How convenient."

"Listen, Tristan. I didn't know she'd been hired until today. She's already been working! She can't be fired for what happened in the past." Kevin was defensive. "I wish she wasn't there, but she is, so we have to deal with it!" Kevin began to pack, throwing a change of clothing into a gym bag. "Christ, Tris! My....my..'thing' with her was a long time ago."

"Your 'thing'?"

"Tristan, you're being childish..."

"Childish, Kevin? Like you were being 'childish' about Asa and me?" Tristan whirled around to face Kevin. "At least I never slept with him!"

Kevin sighed deeply, walked over to Tristan and wrapped his arms around her. She was stiff and unyielding.

"I don't want Lily, Tris. She means nothing to me. Even if you weren't in my life she would mean nothing to me."

"She still wants you, Kevin." Tristan spoke into his chest.

"Doesn't matter, Tris. I only want you."

*****

Kevin returned to rehearsals that afternoon. No one mentioned the events of that morning. Mike wasn't there and didn't plan on returning. Still, the discomfort level was high.

Lily was waiting to see what would happen. Mike had called her from his cell to tell her that Kevin would be in later and also to address her on how she should handle him.

"Treat him like you did in Sweden, Lily. Be accommodating, but not obvious and try to control your tongue - especially around Nick. Kevin may not be interested but Nick is watching everything you say."

"Who gives a shit about Nick? None of the guys pay any attention to him, Mike."

Mike sighed. "I don't think it's that way any more, Lily. You heard Nick when I talked to the group earlier. Nick has stayed with Kevin - more than once. I don't know that he would admit it, but I think Kevin listens to Nick more than we think."

"What are you going to do now?" Lily asked.

"Time for me to work on Tristan a bit. I can't really do that until the tour is well under way. We have to keep things stirred up enough on the tour to keep Kevin distracted."

"Maybe I can help with the 'distraction' part, Mike..." Lily volunteered.

"No, no! Not sexual distraction. Not yet. Just be nice, if that's possible. Don't put Tristan down, especially to Kevin. You see how he reacts to that!" Mike rubbed the back of his head. His shoulder was a little sore, too.

"What am I suppose to do?" Lily snapped. "Sing her praises?"

"Christ. Lily! Just be nice. Show your softer side - if you have one."

"Asshole!"

"Bitch!"

****

Kevin and Lily seemed to dance together pretty well. Lily had been working hard and knew the steps and movements required for the numbers. Kevin didn't say much to her and she didn't push it. Even Lily and Nick didn't do battle that day. She wasn't nice to Nick, but she wasn't insulting to him either. The only "Lilyisms" that he or Kevin noticed were when the dancers and the guys were required to touch each other in some way. She brushed a little to closely or her hand lingered a little too long, but it was never anything too obvious. Nick thought that maybe Kevin's outburst had scared her. He still didn't trust her.

The group was split on the mornings events. While Brian didn't like Mike's choice of words or his attack on Tristan and Kevin, he understood management's interest in these matters. Hadn't he been putting up with it for years? It wouldn't kill Kevin to lighten up a little. He hadn't even known her for a year yet. They still had plenty of time. Look at Leighanne - she didn't mind the sacrifice. At least he didn't think so.

Howie just didn't understand the intensity of the whole thing. Kevin wasn't stupid, he's already seen the trouble this 'girlfriend' business could cause. He liked Tristan, but damn, how good could she be for him if he was willing to risk assault charges on her behalf? Kevin was thinking with his dick...

In a way, AJ agreed with Howie. He, too, felt that Kevin was thinking with his dick. The difference being that AJ was glad to see it. Kevin had been too uptight for years and AJ felt it was about time he loosened up and made some room in his life for a real relationship instead of these 'Lily' type escapades. AJ was happy to see the 'selfish' side of Kevin surface and wanted him to spend more time building a personal future instead of a Backstreet future.

Nick was the romantic of the group, even though that tag had often been misused on Brian. Nick knew that Kevin could be surly but he had also seen his kinder side show itself since he fell for Tristan. He thought that Kevin might have even loved her at first sight, though he would probably never admit it. He had always said he didn't believe in that but she had hit a nerve with him from the beginning. Kevin's stand that morning could also come to serve all of them later on down the road. Brian hadn't had the balls to stand up for Leighanne and so it was easy for management to assume they would all fall in line. Kevin had caused them to question that. Nick was particularly grateful for personal reasons. Although he had been wounded in the past, Holly had proven to be a soothing salve on his battle scars. He and Kevin were alike in the fact they loved intensely and, on the flip side, hurt profoundly. But Nick was still a softer stone than Kevin. If Nick was hurt, he might get chipped or even split, but if Kevin hurt too badly, Nick feared that he might shatter.

Tristan Trilogy - Story I

"Will You Play for Me?" is a work of fiction.
The characters and events portrayed are fictitious.
Any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.

Copyright ©1999
All Rights Reserved
No part of this text may be copied or reprinted
without the author's permission.

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Fiction by Grace