CHAPTER 49

Tristan sat on the piano bench trying to decide what she should do. She considered the pressure Kevin had been under and the fact that he was powerless to stop the press. Mike was right. The magazine hadn't actually lied about the facts of their lives. She tried to call Kevin several times that day but kept getting his voice mail. She considered calling Holly and telling her to make him call but that would have aggravated him and made her feel like a pest. Even she had too much pride for that. Tristan stayed up until five am hoping that she would be able to reach him even if she had to wake him at two am. He would be on the bus. Hopefully, the call wouldn't wake everyone.

Holly and Nick heard the beeps from Kevin's cell. He was making no move to answer it. Kevin was frazzled and slept right through the beeping so Nick climbed out of the bunk he and Holly has squeezed into and reached into Kevin's bunk grabbing his bag and retrieving the phone. Kevin never stirred.

"Hello?", Nick mumbled into the phone.

"Kevin?...." Tristan thought that she must have dialed a wrong number. It didn't sound like Kevin.

"No, it's Nick. Is that you, Tris?"

"God Nick. I'm sorry! Did I call you by mistake?"

"No...no, Tris. I've got Kevin's phone. He didn't hear it, so I picked up."

"I need to talk to him, Nick." Nick could tell by the tone of her voice that something was up.

Holly had stuck her head out of the bunk curtain when she heard Nick mention Tristan's name. She shot him a questioning look, but he just shook his head.

"Are you alright, Tris?" Nick asked.

An arm reached out of Kevin's bunk for the phone.

"Let me have it," he grumbled.

Nick didn't say anything. He put the phone in Kevin's hand and climbed back into his bunk. He and Holly laid there together and listened to Kevin's end of the conversation.

"Jesus, Tristan. It's two am!........Yeah, Yeah, okay. What is it that's so urgent?"

There was a long pause and then Kevin said "Are you gonna fucking panic every time your picture's in a damn magazine? Get over it Tristan! Christ! Talk about paranoid!............I don't care what they call you..........No, I didn't mean.........It's a rag, Tris! They print crap!........What pictures? Jesus, how bad can they be?.........no........yes...........Look, I can't be there, can I? You're gonna have to deal with this........Can we talk tomorrow? I didn't check them..........No........What does that mean? Where are you going? Wait!.......Come here, Tris.......Will you call me? Why not? Wait, Tris.........Tristan!"

There was silence. Nick and Holly looked at each other and then they heard Kevin dialing a number. There seemed to be no answer.

"Fuck this shit..." they heard Kevin mutter under his breath. Then there was silence. He had gone back to sleep.

Kevin tried to contact Tristan several times in the next couple of days, but still there was no answer. He was beginning to worry. No one had seen or heard from her. He had called Virginia but she wasn't there. He had called his mother in the hopes that Tristan had gone to their home in Kentucky, but all that call did was get his mother upset. Anne hadn't seen her, either. His worry changed to fear when he called the Orlando Symphony. They told him that she had, without warning, resigned from her position with them. When they had asked her where she was going, they were expecting her to name another symphony or maybe a conservatory. Instead, she had answered with one word, "Away." and she had left.

Kevin's gut told him that something was terribly wrong and he found out more precisely what that was later when Nick approached him and threw the new issue of "Reputations" down in his lap. Kevin looked at Nick and found it hard to read his expression. He wasn't sure if Nick was upset or angry. He turned the magazine over and stared at the provocative photograph of Tristan gracing the cover.

"Think maybe this is why Tristan was so upset the other night, Kev? Think maybe this is why she's disappeared?"

"Why the hell are you yelling at me, Nick? I didn't do anything!" Kevin yelled back.

"Exactly." Nick turned to leave Kevin to his reading. "It's really interesting reading, Kevin. I hope you enjoy it as much as Tristan and the whole God damn rest of the country has." Nick left Kevin's room, slamming the door behind him.

Kevin gazed at the cover again and then opened the magazine to the article about the guys and their girlfriends. He didn't bother with the others, he flipped to the final pages and as he looked at them he began to feel both ill and naked. The photographs were shocking, even to the jaundiced eye. He lingered over the picture of the two of them in the backyard pool. He remembered that day. He could see Tristan's roses in the background planted along the veranda. A pitcher of tea and two glasses set on the top of a redwood table and Tristan's aqua bikini top was laying at the edge of the pool. Kevin ran his fingers over the photograph. It had been a playful and intimate moment between the two of them. He wondered if there were other photographs waiting to surface, pictures taken minutes after this one. Any sense of privacy or security he'd had up until that time vanished. This must have been the final blow for Tristan and he had been an ass about it - again. When he began to put the pieces together, the messages he never checked, the panicked calls from Tristan, his impatience and uncaring attitude, her disappearance afterwards - he feared that the unthinkable had really happened. Tristan had been unable to handle this alone and had looked elsewhere for the safety she so desperately needed. She had left him.

Kevin got up and walked across the hall to Nick's room, magazine in hand. He knocked gently, in too much of a daze and too drained to bang on the door. He had the sense of standing outside himself and watching events unfold. When Nick opened the door, Kevin could see that he was still upset, but worried as well.

"I need to talk to Holly."

Nick opened the door for Kevin to enter, saying nothing. Holly had been crying. Kevin spoke calmly and quietly.

"Do you know where Tris is, Holly?" He found it hard to look her in the eye.

"No. I've been trying to find her, too. I've called almost everybody who might have heard something about her going.....somewhere."

Holly avoided using the word 'away'. She thought that Kevin looked odd. He looked past her when he spoke and his voice had been even and collected. She sensed.....resignation.

"Almost everybody?" Kevin repeated. "Can you think of anyone you haven't tried to contact?"

Holly hesitated. She could think of one person she hadn't called yet. Part of her hadn't wanted to considering the small picture in the spread.

"I haven't called Asa." she whispered.

Kevin nodded and turned to leave the room. He stopped at the door and without turning said, "I'm sorry about this mess, Holly. I hope you're tough enough to stick this out, for Nick's sake." Then he opened the door and left.

Nick and Holly stared at the closed door and then looked to each other. Nick was angry with Kevin, but now he was also frightened.

Kevin sat down at the table in his room and calmly dialed information to get the number for the Miami symphony. When he made the connection, he asked for Asa and was told that he had left for a vacation several days earlier. He didn't know what else he could do and then an idea occurred to him. He called his personal lawyer in Orlando and arranged to hire a private investigator to try and locate Tristan. The PI would need to get into Kevin's house and perhaps go through some of their things, looking for leads. Why not? Nothing's private anymore.

Kevin pulled on some shoes, ran his fingers through his hair and proceeded directly to the hotel bar. He didn't buy a drink. He bought a bottle and took it over to a dark corner to while away the hours until showtime.

*******

Nick decided that he needed to let Brian in on what was happening. They would all find out about the magazine soon enough, but there was something about Kevin's behavior that distressed Nick. If Kevin had been mad, upset or emotional in any way, he could have dealt with it, but considering his state of mind for the last few weeks, Nick feared that Kevin had been running on empty for some time now. There had been no answer when he had knocked on Kevin's door.

Brian, too, was concerned when Nick gave him the whole story including things he had overheard Kevin say on the phone. He flipped through the magazine and then threw it down in disgust as if it had burned his fingers.

When they left Brian's room to search for Kevin, they spotted a hotel employee speaking to one of their security people. The bodyguard waved them over and the employee repeated his reason for being there.

"Ummm....I'm sorry to bother you."", he stammered.

Brian tried to be friendly and put the young man at ease. It would be a long conversation if he couldn't make this guy feel comfortable.

"Uh.....the bartender downstairs told me to come here."

Brian and Nick already suspected what was coming.

"Ummm.....he said that one of you guys - the tall, dark headed one -was down there already halfway through a bottle of J.D."

"Is he causing trouble?" Brian asked.

"No, I don't think so, but the barkeep wanted somebody here to know. It's early and all...and you guys are famous and all.....and you're doing a show and all...."

Brian smiled at the nervousness of the kid and reached into his pocket to give him a tip. Brian and Nick entered the elevator and went down to the lobby and into the bar. Kevin was there alright. Thank God he had at least stayed in the hotel. When Kevin saw them approaching, he burst into laughter.

"Well, well, here's an unlikely pair coming in here of all places - an underaged kid and a Jesus freak! Pull up a chair, Heckle and Jeckle! I'll share!" Kevin raised his hand to get the bartender's attention. He'd need two more glasses.

Brian pulled his arm back down. "Kevin, it's three o'clock in the afternoon and you're drunk! We have a sound check in less than two hours."

"Fuck the sound check. We don't need one anyway!"

Nick started to make a move to take Kevin's arm. "Man, we gotta get you straight in a hurry. You're shit-faced!"

"Back off, Nick!" Kevin became serious and jerked his arm away. "I haven't felt this good in weeks. Don't go screwing it up for me." He took another swallow from his glass and started to refill it.

"I saw the magazine, Kev.", Brian offered, hoping to get him to open up a little.

"Well, sorry Bri, but that doesn't make you special. About ten million other people are gonna see it too. Nice spread, though, don't you think? And that cover! Damn, she looked hot! Right, Nick?" Kevin smirked at Nick over the top of his glass.

Nick looked down at the table top trying to control his temper. Brian glanced at him and then turned back to Kevin.

"I'm sure there's a good explanation for that picture.", Brian said calmly.

"Damn straight! The explanation was all over the cover! Didn't you see it? Tris is my whore!" Kevin was getting louder. Fortunately the bar was close to empty. Kevin got quiet again and lifted his glass. "Or she was..."

"What do you mean? Have you talked to Tris?", Nick pressed.

"Can't talk to a ghost Nick. She's vanished - poof!" Kevin waved his fingers in front of his face.

"Come on, Kev." Brian stood up and Nick followed. "You're gonna get some rest before the show. Then we'll figure out what to do."

They pulled Kevin up and lead him out of there. He didn't protest. As they got on the elevator, Kevin said simply, "I hired a P.I."

Brian and Nick glanced at each other and escorted Kevin back to his room. He passed out quickly on the bed as Nick checked his cell. Maybe there was a message. There was nothing.

*****

Lily was beside herself. Mike had been so right in his predictions! He had guessed that Tristan could only do one of two things after he made his final attack. She'd either have to run to Kevin or run away from him. He had taken a calculated risk betting that she'd run away only because he'd heard through Lily that Kevin was tense, surly and had been heard to speak harshly to Tristan on the phone. They weren't communicating well. For added insurance, though, Mike had added the lecture about Kevin's career. Tristan wouldn't run to him - not yet, and a few days on the road with Kevin might be all Lily would need to deliver the fatal blow.

Lily held the magazine and looked at the cover, frowning at the picture. Tristan looked pretty good, actually, not mousy at all. Lily had seen Nick and Brian taking Kevin to his room. It wasn't hard to figure out that he was drunk. That was okay - let him drink! Lily laughed. Before this was all over, Kevin may be exchanging places with AJ as the Backstreet Bad Boy. What a joke! Gentle Kevin, the Kentucky gentleman - now showing up drunk at concerts and being featured in a magazine as a whoremonger! How delightful!

The show that night was nearly a disaster. Kevin wasn't so drunk by that time but it was fairly obvious that he didn't give a shit about the show either. The rest of the group tried to cover for him but when he sang his solo part in "I Want It That Way" - "Now I can see that we're falling apart from the way that it used to be" - and he cracked up, laughing and unable to sing, it was difficult to hide the fact that there was a problem. In fact, almost every song they did seemed to affect him personally. Thankfully, they only had a few more dates to play. Kevin had promised to leave the liquor alone before showtime, but that didn't stop him from drinking after the shows.

Kevin got a report from the PI the next day. Tristan had left. Suitcases and clothes were missing, and there were unanswered messages on the machine. Her cell was left on the kitchen counter. Her car was there, which indicated to the PI that she had left the area by plane or train. The clincher, as far as Kevin was concerned was that she had not only stopped the newspaper but had requested all mail be forwarded to BSB offices until 'Mr. Richardson' returned to Orlando.

There was a small glimmer of hope when the PI had found a note next to the phone that said simply "Hemingway's". He found that there were several businesses in Florida, particularly south Florida which used the name. One of these was a hotel in Key West. When the PI had called there and inquired about a Tristan Mallory, he was told that she wasn't there. However, there was a Grace Mallory registered. Bingo!

The investigator headed south to the balmy beaches of the Florida keys.

CHAPTER 50

Tristan had never been to the Keys before. It was beautiful, sunny and warm and best of all, she was anonymous here. No one approached her and she could rest and think in peace. The tour would end in a few days and then she would have to face the music. She hoped it would be pretty music, but until then she just needed to be alone without the distractions of celebrity and the Backstreet Boys.

She was a pregnant, unwed mother. That was a fact. When she had gone to the doctor and received the news, she had been shocked. The doctor was, too. She was one of the 1.5% of women who conceived while on the pill. The doctor knew of her relationship with Kevin, not that he knew of their feelings for each other. He just knew that she was a career woman, unmarried and living with a man widely considered to be a 'teen idol'. He had made a judgement that the pregnancy might be a 'problem' and so when he gave her a little packet of information about pregnancy, he also included a list of local clinics which could perform abortions if she chose to go that route. It had both annoyed and amused her when she found the list. She was annoyed at his presumption and amused at his ignorance. It would have been blasphemous to mention Kevin's name and abortion in the same sentence.

Kevin would be pleased about the baby, but she felt that an estrangement had begun to form between them. She wondered if maybe she had needed him too much on the one hand and had neglected him too much on the other. He had never asked her to give up her career. He had encouraged her but she knew that he was stressed. What she wasn't sure of is if her going to him would have been a comfort or a burden.. If he had once said "I need you - come", she would have been there but ,as usual, her failure to make assumptions had kept her away. If he had needed her, he would have said so. Then when she needed him, he was abrupt and impatient. She came to the conclusion that she asked too much of him and he asked too little of her.

She thought of the pictures that someone had sent her of Kevin and Lily. She had gotten one the day before she left. A large group was sitting at a table in a restaurant. Lily was seated next to Kevin, all smiles, gazing up into his face. The photo's saving grace was that it also pictured Holly sitting at the same table. She was watching Lily look at Kevin and you could almost see the daggers flying from her eyes. She wondered if Kevin even realized she was gone. He had been so preoccupied. She had told him she was going away during their last phone call but she didn't know where at the time.

She liked to walk the beach in the early morning hours. It was quiet except for the screeching gulls and even in November she could let the waves wash over her ankles. It was during one of these walks that she spotted a couple coming towards her. As they got closer, she saw that it was Asa with a woman she didn't know. He was surprised to see her and they hugged and laughed on the beach. The woman with him was also a violinist. She had joined Asa during a few days of his vacation and Tristan could tell that this was blossoming into a serious relationship. They were all staying at the same hotel and after a little conversation and 'nice to meet you's', they parted.

Tristan was happy for Asa, but watching them, she suddenly felt tired. She was disturbed on some level and when she emptied her mind and freed herself of rationalizations, she discovered that she missed her innocence. Her naivete had provided a barrier from some of the harsher realities of life - like the reality of your lover's need for you diminishing as she felt Kevin's need for her had.

Asa made a point to seek Tristan out after his friend left. He would still be spending a few more days in Key West getting rested up for the Christmas concert season. They had a couple of meals together, took a walk or two and had some conversations. She didn't discuss Kevin and when Asa had come out and asked about him, she had just responded that he was fine.

The PI that Kevin had hired had sought Tristan out and had found her registered under her middle name. Knowing where she had gone was certainly useful information and that, perhaps, would have been enough for him to earn his pay. But he was a thorough man and wanted something more concrete to report. He didn't know the reasons for his retainer and had assumed that he was supposed to be trying to find evidence of something, like why she had left to begin with. Things were as dull as dirt for a couple of days and then he saw her meeting with Asa. He found out who the man was and typed up his report, complete with pictures he had taken of Tristan alone and with Asa. Computers were wonderful machines - he could put his entire report and the pictures on one or two floppys and e-mail them directly to Kevin's laptop.

******

When Kevin checked his computer after the show that night, he found that he had mail. He suddenly remembered when Tristan had left last December and he had discovered the pink envelope. He was filled with the same conflicting feelings now that he'd had then but his need to know overcame his feelings of dread.

He was surprised to learn that she hadn't wandered that far. The PI had been unable to get any information about her plans or the reason why she was there. That was okay. He figured he knew the why - he had sent her there. Her hotel reservation was open ended so she hadn't made any definite plans to leave. Kevin saw that his mail carried several attachments and he began to open them one by one. The first ones were of Tristan - on the beach, strolling through town, sipping tea on a porch - just mundane, everyday things. She looked so beautiful to him except for the fact that her expression was sad, almost haunted. He felt an incredible sense of sorrow and guilt. He continued to download pictures and soon Tristan appeared more at ease. But she wasn't alone in these pictures. She was with Asa.

Kevin actually had to cover his eyes. When he took his hands down, the pictures were still there. Was it possible that she had gone to Key West to meet Asa Whitmore? Kevin thought he could physically feel his heart breaking. He had to put his hand to his chest. When he heard the knock on his door, he glanced at the clock. He had been staring at the pictures for over forty minutes. He answered the knock saying, "Go away - please." in a calm voice and turned his eyes back to the screen.

Had he been that cruel? Had she been that weak? Had he driven her to Asa or had she been wanting to go? He had never been unfaithful to her and had never wanted to be. Just a few weeks ago he had committed himself to her and she had accepted that commitment. But then she had refused to marry him and later she had stopped wearing his ring in public. Now she was in Key West with another man.

He heard the knock again and this time got up to answer the door. His brain was burned and blank. Dennis was at the door asking him if he wanted to go out - maybe to a club. The idea sounded very appealing to Kevin and he grabbed a jacket and left the room in a hurry. He wanted some noise and people around him. He wanted a drink. Lots of drinks. He hoped the music would be very loud and hard - no sappy love songs or melancholy ballads.

When Brian and AJ passed Kevin's door on the way to their rooms, they noticed that his door was slightly ajar. They both assumed that Kevin had just stepped out for some ice or something but Brian peeked inside to be sure. He noticed the laptop sitting on a nearby table, screen up. There were pictures on the screen and after he called for Kevin and received no answer, he walked over to take a closer look.

"Damn."

AJ heard Brian mutter and walked up behind him, looking over Brians shoulder at the pictures on the screen.

"Isn't that the Whitmore guy?"

"Yeah." Brian answered.

"What are he and Tris doing together?" It was such an innocent question, especially coming from AJ.

"I don't know, man. Go across the hall and get Nick. Tell him to get over here."

AJ did as he was told without a smart ass retort to Brian's orders. Nick came in a minute later shaking his head and clad only in boxer briefs.

"What do you want Roc?" Nick asked shaking the sleep from his head. "Where's Kevin?"

"Did you talk to Kevin after the show?" Brian asked.

"No...haven't seen him." Nick paused. "Shit! Do you think he's out drinking?" Nick was awake now.

"I think that's a safe bet. Look." Brian stepped aside and let Nick take in the pictures glowing from the screen.

Nick looked to a frowning Brian and a puzzled AJ. "There's got to be an explanation, Bri."

"We just need to find Kevin."

Brian marched out of the room with Nick and AJ falling in behind him. Nick ran to his room to get dressed while Brian and AJ started up and down the floor asking questions. By the time they had made a sweep, Nick was ready to go. The only thing that they had been able to determine was that some of them had gone out clubbing, probably close by. The three band mates got their jackets and headed out like a posse on a rescue mission.

*******

The club was dark, smoky and loud - in other words, perfect. Kevin separated himself from the group and sat at the bar. He ordered a double J.D. and then turned to watch the crowd on the dance floor. He flashed back to the time on the plane when Tristan had asked him what 'jiggy' meant. Has it really been a year ago? Damn. He drank his double like it was a shot and ordered another.

"Hello, Kevin. Good to see you out for a change."

Kevin looked to the voice coming from his right and locked eyes with Lily. She had come to the club after the show with some of the other dancers. Lily was surprised to se Kevin out and about like in the old days, except in the old days he wasn't so tense and melancholy. Serious maybe, but not grim. Kevin didn't respond to her comment so she decided to try another approach.

"Kevin, I want you to know that I realize our past in finished - that's okay. I hope we can still be friends, though."

"Sure, Lily."

"Then, as your friend, I have to say that I can see that you're deeply troubled and if you ever want to talk, I'm here for you."

She looked at Kevin so earnestly and with so much good will that surely she would receive a Golden Globe for her performance.

"Thanks, Lily, but there's nothing I want to talk about."

"Well then, how about a dance with an old friend?"

"Why not?" Kevin finished his drink and took Lily's arm as they walked out to the dance floor.

The drinks had gone straight to Kevin's head and he began to enjoy himself. The music was getting more sensual and he found himself thinking about Tristan again - about the night she had accused him of 'screw dancing' as she had called it. That was the night she had first played for him......

"I need another drink Lily. How about you?"

"Sounds good."

Kevin and Lily found a table and ordered another round of drinks. Lily complimented him on the show, how nice the group was, how she'd never realized what a great bunch of guys they were, how she loved her job, blah, blah. Sometimes she would put her hand on him to emphasize some point she was making, touching his hand, arm or thigh. Some things about Lily hadn't changed. She was still easy and accommodating.

Then three figures appeared at their table. Brian, Nick and AJ had found him and pulled up chairs, much to Lily's dismay.

"Kevin, we need to talk to you - alone." Brian said bluntly and three pairs of eyes focused on Lily.

"Fuck your rude ass, Brian!" Kevin snapped and took a swallow of his J.D. "We were just about to hit the dance floor. Right, Lil?"

Nick raised his eyebrows at Lily and she decided to take the demure road.

"Actually, I'm getting a little tired, Kevin. Your friends want to talk to you privately. I understand. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" She stood and backed away a few steps before turning to leave.

"You and Lily having a little party tonight, Kev?" Nick asked angrily.

"Maybe...What business is that of yours, Nick?"

"It's none of my business, but I thought it might be some of Tristan's!"

Kevin started chuckling. "Tristan," he shook his head. "I think Tristan's having her own party, Nick." He laughed and finished his drink.

Brian looked at Kevin closely. "We saw the pictures, Kev. We don't think you should jump to conclusions."

"Oh, we don't? It's none of your God damn business, is it? I think that one picture speaks a thousand words, Brian! Tristan leaves, checks into a hotel, meets her old boyfriend who happens to check into the same hotel and they spend fun filled days and romantic evenings on their private little getaway. Hey....I'm not there for her - he is! Shit, he's more her type anyway. It's over between us..."

"Tristan loves you, Kevin." Nick was becoming upset.

"Grow up, Nick! If that were true, she'd be here and not in Key West!" Then Kevin began singing. "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with..."

"Is that what you're gonna do, Kevin? Love the one you're with? Like Lily?"

"That's none of your damn business either, little brother."

"Don't screw this up with Tris, man." AJ finally spoke.

"Interesting choice of words, AJ." Kevin commented.

"Talk to her, Kevin." Brian grabbed his arm before he could get up to leave.

"I have talked to her!" Kevin jerked his arm away.

"You're so full of shit." Nick muttered under his breath.

"What did you say?"

Nick spoke up this time. "I said you're so full of shit! You haven't talked to her, you've talked at her. She was hurt and scared and you made her cry! Man, we all know you've been under a lot of pressure and shit but did you tell her that you needed for her to be with you? You know where she is - call her!"

"Look, dumb shit! If she'd wanted to talk to me. she'd have made sure that I knew how to get in touch with her! Stay the fuck out of my life! We're going to New York tomorrow and finally this tour will end. Only three days! Until then, stay the hell away from me!"

Kevin threw some money down on the table and left.

********

Kevin stayed pretty much to himself after the confrontation at the club. He seemed to be getting his old life back - his pre-Tristan life. He was a loner again. He said little to Brian, Howie and AJ and he didn't speak to Nick at all. He would be glad when they were finished, but then what? Back to the house he and Tristan shared in Orlando? Back to Kentucky, to the home they were planning? He felt like a refugee.

Tristan was supposed to meet him in New York for their last two days with the show. He guessed that wouldn't happen now. She would have arrived tomorrow and things would have been right in his world again.

********

Tristan packed her bags and prepared to check out of the hotel. She had booked her flight to New York and would be arriving in the early morning hours. Kevin was expecting her and she found herself getting excited. They had been separated for too long. She had needed time to think and felt like he must have needed some time, too. Tristan twisted the ruby ring on her finger. She couldn't wait to see his face when she told him about the baby. She missed Kevin terribly and she prayed silently that this conflicted and tense time would finally come to a happy end.

********

The final show was over, thank God. Kevin returned to his hotel room after the performance. He hadn't even stuck around for the meet and greet. He just wanted to be alone. It's a good thing, because you definitely are - alone that is. He sat on the bed and pulled out the book that Tristan had sent with him. He had never finished it. Since he couldn't sleep anyway, he might as well read. Again, the book fell open revealing the pressed rose. Kevin slammed the book shut and threw it across the room. She would have been here with him tomorrow. They would have spent the whole day together in bed, making love. Jesus, would he ever stop needing her?

Kevin was startled by a knock on the door. It was still fairly early, only about eleven pm but he thought that everyone was out celebrating the end of the tour. When he opened the door, he found Lily standing there. She held a bottle of J.D. in one hand and two glasses in the other.

"I brought everything but the ice!", she laughed.

"What are you doing here?", Kevin asked her, surprised to find her outside his door.

"I thought we'd celebrate! Everyone else is.....Can I come in?"

Kevin opened the door and let her enter.

"Why aren't you out, Lily?"

"Because you aren't, Kevvy! I thought we'd have a couple of 'bye-bye' drinks since Tristan's coming tomorrow and I won't see you after that. She is still coming, right?"

"I haven't talked to Tristan in about a week. I don't know....I don't think so." Kevin walked over to his window and looked out on Central Park.

"Oh Kevin, I'm so sorry. Haven't you called her?" Lily was trying so hard to be a good friend.

"She went off. I didn't know exactly where she was.", he explained.

"Here, Kevin." Lily walked up behind him and handed him a glass of whiskey. "Didn't you know she was going somewhere?"

"She mentioned it." Kevin replied recalling their last conversation. "I guess I thought she'd let me know where she was. She didn't." Kevin took a swallow. "She didn't want me to know."

Lily had to be careful now. She had to comfort Kevin without attacking Tristan. He was in a lot of pain. It would be her self assigned task to make him forget about that - for a little while, at least. Lily put her hand on Kevin's back and began to rub his shoulder. Leaning her head against his arm, she spoke.

"I guess we're just two loners, Kevin. Maybe we'll find our soul mates one day. Here's to good hunting." Lily raised her glass and clinked it against Kevin's. They both finished their drinks and she poured him another large one, straight up.

"I'm not much of a hunter, Lily.", he chuckled and drank again.

"Maybe you're just not hunting in the right forest, Kevin."

Kevin turned to look at Lily. She was a beautiful woman. An easy woman - no love, no complications, no heart ache.

"Or," she continued, "maybe you shouldn't have to hunt at all."

Her hand went up under his shirt and 'Love the One You're With' began playing in his head.

"Let me help you, Kevin.", she purred. "You need to release some anger and tension. I can help you do that. I am your friend, remember?" She moved in front of him and brought her hands around to his chest, still buried under his shirt. "I'm your friend, Kevin," she repeated and leaned up to kiss him.

When he opened his mouth to accept her tongue, she began to stroke him, making him hard under her hands.

"Don't, Lily", he broke away and made a move to step back.

Lily held his belt with one hand and continued her movements on him with the other.

"She's gone, isn't she, Kevin? But I'm here. It's just us, the two loners."

CHAPTER 51

When Tristan entered the hotel lobby, Nick and Holly were about to get on the elevator.

"Holly!", she screamed across the room. "Wait!"

Nick pushed the button that would hold the door and they both came out to meet her. Holly ran across the lobby to greet her friend and they hugged each other, laughing.

"I do believe that being with Nick agrees with you!", Tristan giggled.

"He's the best, Tristan. God, Im glad you're here! Holly suddenly became emotional. "I didn't think you were coming."

"Why on earth wouldn't I be here, Holly?" Tristan asked innocently. "Now take me to Kevin! I miss the hell out of him and I don't even know what floor y'all are on!" She turned to Nick who was unusually subdued. "What, Carter? I don't even get a hug?"

Nick stepped toward Tristan, almost reluctantly, and then threw his arms around her. His breathing seemed a little ragged as he hugged her tightly and she looked to Holly, wondering if they were having some sort of problem. Holly smiled at the two of them and then looked away.

"Are you two alright?" Tristan pulled away from the hug and looked from one of them to the other, concerned.

Nick smiled at her and hugged her again. "We're great, Tris. Really."

"Something's wrong." Tristan pulled back again, disquieted. "Is it Kevin? Is he okay?" She searched their eyes for some answers but found none. Nick stepped back.

Holly put her hand on Tristan's shoulder. "Kevin hasn't been himself lately.", she explained. "He's been tense and...well..." she looked at Nick, "standoffish, I guess."

Tristan looked back to Nick who rocking on his feet with his hands in his pockets and looking away.

"Have you and Kevin had a fight?" she asked Nick.

"We'll be okay, Tris. I think you're gonna cure what ails him.", he smiled.

"Well let's go see what Doctor Mallory can do!" Tristan picked up her carry-on, laughing, and climbed into the elevator.

***********

Kevin lay in the bed wide awake and looked at the sleeping figure next to him. Lily slept soundly - peaceful and sated. He couldn't say the same. She had helped him achieve some physical relief but the experience had been so utterly empty, like he had just undergone some kind of medical procedure. Even half drunk he had wanted her to be Tristan so badly. He had even murmured Tristan's name into Lily's shoulder when he came and while he had felt Lily stiffen when he did, she hadn't protested. Kevin felt dirty - like he needed a shower. He felt used, too, but it was fair to say that he had used Lily as well. He had wanted to forget Tristan for a little while, but even as he emptied himself into another woman, Tristan's name had been on his lips.

He got out of bed and pulled on some sweat pants. His mouth felt dry and parched so he slipped out of the room and went out into the hallway to get some ice. He wished that Lily wasn't there, that she would wake up and go back to her room and he could be alone. As he filled the ice bucket, he heard the elevator doors open and saw Nick and Holly getting off. Things were still bad between him and Nick and he wondered if they would ever be mended. Then he heard a familiar voice and turned slowly towards the elevator, dropping the bucket into the ice machine. Tristan? She stood several yards away looking towards him. Nick and Holly stood to the side and waited, not wanting to interrupt the reunion.

"Tristan?" Kevin whispered.

She looked like a vision to him, more beautiful than his memory had allowed. Tristan began to walk towards him and then broke into a run, throwing herself into Kevin's arms. She almost cried with relief as she felt him close his arms around her tightly and hold her close. Kevin was unable to speak. Just being able to hold her once more had changed his perceptions as if he had started to see in color again and not black and white.

Tristan suddenly became aware that something was off kilter. A strange scent clung to Kevin's skin - a heavy, spicy aroma that she wasn't familiar with. She broke away, and as she looked at his face, puzzled, a woman's voice echoed down the hall.

"Kevin? Where are you?"

Tristan cocked her head to look past Kevin's shoulder in the direction of the voice. Her eyes couldn't seem to focus properly - black swirls began to cloud her vision. She could hear Kevin's voice as if it were far away, calling her, pleading with her. For a moment, it was as if her brain couldn't comprehend what her eyes were seeing. Lily was standing in Kevin's doorway with a sheet wrapped around her nude body, advertising the fact that she had been in Kevin's bed. Her hair was mussed and she was smiling at Tristan behind Kevin's back....Smiling...

Kevin grabbed Tristan's arms as she began to back away from him, shaking her head and staring into his face. She was dazed, but she fully comprehended the situation. She felt sick. Tristan felt her hands ball up into fists and she began to beat on Kevin with all her strength. She wasn't crying out at him. All she could do was gasp for air and hit. She beat on his chest, his face and anyplace else her hands would reach. Kevin took hold of her hands and tried to appeal to her. His voice was shaking and there was panic in his eyes.

"Tris, baby. Please!....Let me talk to you!....Tris!"

Tristan twisted her hands to free them and stepped back, looking at Kevin as if he were a stranger. She pulled the ruby ring off of her finger and flung it at him before she took off, running. She ran for the stairs and could hear Kevin calling her, begging her to stop. She couldn't stop. She flew down the steps and as she reached the bottom she heard him scream her name down the stairwell. It was too late.

******

Kevin stepped back into the hallway. He thought his life had crashed before but now it felt as if it had been blown to bits.

"I thought you said that she wasn't coming!", Lily frowned from the doorway, tightening the sheet around her.

Kevin turned slowly. "Get out of here, Lily - now."

"But Kevin...."

"NOW! Don't bother to get dressed - just pick up your shit and leave!"

Brian, Leighanne, AJ and Amanda were in the hallway now, too, standing along side of Nick and Holly. They all watched the exchange down the hallway in shock.

"You're a real nice guy, Kevvy!" Lily screeched at him. "Just fuck me and throw me out!" She grabbed her things and marched down the hall with the sheet still wrapped around her. "Next time you decide to nail somebody, better make sure they wear a God damned name tag! Either that or go find somebody else named Tristan to screw!" She might have said more, but Kevin looked unbalanced and she was afraid.

The six figures beside the elevator suddenly became five when Nick tore off down the hall after Kevin. Kevin didn't have time to react as he felt Nick jump him and knock him down to the floor. He felt a fist slam into his mouth and tasted blood.

"Fucking asshole!.....Motherfucker!.......", Nick screamed at the top of his lungs as he straddled Kevin. Several doors at the end of the hall opened.

Nick's fists didn't stop and Kevin did little to protect himself. Nick pummeled him with all he was worth and opened a gash on Kevin's cheek. Blood was pouring. Nick got him a good one in the gut as he pinned Kevin to the floor. Just before AJ and Brian pulled Nick away, he gave Kevin one last blow to his side and heard a rib crack. Kevin lay on the floor, his face bleeding and trying to get his breath as he looked into Nick's eyes. Nick was hysterical, still screaming, tears running down his face.

Holly stood back, looking on in horror. She remembered what Nick had said about what might happen if Kevin ever hurt Tristan badly. Nick had lost it. She wondered how far he would have gone if he hadn't been pulled away.

AJ and Brian held on to Nick until Holly took his hand and lead him to their room. Nick was still shaking, but he stopped to look down at Kevin who hadn't moved from the floor.

"You're a God damned cocksucker, Kevin! You're not good enough for her!"

Kevin turned his head from Nick and as Brian came over to help him up, he spotted a glimmer against the wall. It was Tristan's ring. He reached over slowly to pick it up and balled it up tightly in his fist.

******

Kevin sat on the edge of the tub, battered and bleeding. Nick had given it to him good, but he wished the he had been knocked unconscious. The physical hurt was nothing compared to his emotional pain.

Brian said nothing as he ran a washcloth under cool water and began to dab at Kevin's face.

"I can do that.", Kevin said quietly as he took the washcloth from Brian's hand.

"Do you want me to get some ice?"

"No. I'll get some later. I'm okay."

"What about your rib?"

"I'll tape it later."

The exchange was short and then they were silent again. Kevin stood up slowly and went to the mirror to survey the damage.

Brian broke the silence.

"What are you going to do now, Kev?"

Brian was standing behind Kevin and looking at him through his reflection in the mirror. Kevin raised his eyes and looked Brian in the face. His face began to crumble and he lost control, breaking down and sobbing. He fell to his knees on the gray tiles and pounded them with his fist.. This scared Brian badly. He had never seen Kevin like this. Pain ceased to be an abstract word when he saw Kevin break. It became a solid form in the shape of Kevin Richardson. Brian helped Kevin to his feet and guided him to the bed where he collapsed. He shuddered a few times and then, mercifully, sleep overcame him. His body was trying to compensate for it's emotional and spiritual distress. Brian sat there beside him, determined not to move until he woke up.

********

Holly was doing everything she could to keep Nick from destroying the hotel room. When he reached for a shoe to throw into the TV, she threw her arms around his waist and screamed into his chest. He was a crazy man. Her scream startled him and he stopped, dropped the shoe and put his arms around her. He was breathing heavily and his hair was damp.

Holly backed away and brushed his cheek with her hand. "I thought you were going to kill him, Nick." She began to whimper. "You scared me."

"He dirtied her, Holly! He spit in her face!"

"I think Kevin knows what he did, Nick. He didn't try to fight back. You're going to have to talk to him later."

Nick shook his head on disbelief. "I don't care if I never talk to him again, Holly!"

"You have a history with Kevin. He's going to need your help."

"Fuck history! He can go to that slut for help!" Nick was pacing and waving his arms.

Holly approached him again. He had probably never been this upset in his life. She took his hand and pulled him over to the bed where they sat, side by side, still holding hands. Holly was quiet for a moment more and then spoke softly.

"Do you remember what you told me about Kevin?" she asked, gently rubbing the top of Nick's hand.

"I told you a lot of stuff, Holly." he responded.

"Yes....You told me that you knew he loved you. You told me he was scared. You told me that he loved Tris and that I should never doubt that."

"Are you trying to defend that son of a bitch?"

"No, I'm not. But I think he's been scared for a long time - the whole leg of this tour. I think he was scared when they separated at the airport that day we watched them. I think he's beyond scared now. I'm a little scared for him, Nick. I'm sick for Tristan and scared for Kevin." Holly's eyes filled with tears.

"Shhh, baby.", Nick said, putting his arm around Holly's shoulders and pulling her close. "I just don't care much about Kevin right now. Don't you think that I just wanted for him and Tristan to live happily ever after, grow roses in Kentucky and have a couple dozen kids? His stubbornness did this. He's gonna have to pay for the hurt he's caused."

"I think he's already started paying.", Holly choked.

*********

Brian sat by Kevin's side for almost two hours. He never moved except for once or twice when Brian heard him whisper Tristan's name. He looked dead and Brian actually found himself watching to make sure Kevin's chest was moving.

The phone rang and Brian grabbed it quickly, figuring one of the guys was calling to check on Kevin again. He was surprised when he heard the caller identify himself as Dr. Paul Randolph from Doctor's Hospital, here in the city.

"Mr. Richardson?"

"No, this is his cousin. Can I help you?"

"Do you know a Miss Mallory, Mr.......?"

"Littrell. Brian Littrell....Yes I know Miss Mallory. Is something wrong?"

Brian looked over to Kevin and saw that his eyes were wide open and staring at Brian.

"Miss Mallory is here in the emergency room, Mr. Littrell. We found Mr. Richardson's name and number among her things and....."

"Emergency room!" What happened?"

Kevin was trying to sit up, reaching for the phone. Brian stepped away from him.

"I'd rather make sure I'm speaking to the appropriate party Mr. Littrell. I'm not even sure at this point if Mr. Richardson is that party. Can you come here and bring Mr. Richardson so we can talk?"

"Is Tristan okay?"

"That's a complicated question. Please come down here."

Tristan Trilogy - Story I

"Will You Play for Me?" is a work of fiction.
The characters and events portrayed are fictitious.
Any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.

Copyright ©1999
All Rights Reserved
No part of this text may be copied or reprinted
without the author's permission.

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Fiction by Grace