Will You Play For Me

Tristan Trilogy - Story I

CHAPTER 4

Tristan grabbed her autograph from Nick’s hand as Mutt and Max re-entered the control room. She joined them there and Mutt made a formal introduction.

“Boys, this is Tristan Mallory. She’ll be mixing the sound on your album. I’ve given you some of her background and I know you’ll make her feel welcome and try not to be too hard on her.”

“You left out one important fact, Mutt,” Nick remarked rather sheepishly. “You didn’t tell us she was of the female persuasion.”

Triton was a little sensitive about the fact that her sex might make any difference in her job performance or acceptance in the studio. She had faced this problem from time to time during her concert career. She bristled a little when they all laughed, however her tension began to ease somewhat as the day went on. She watched the interaction between the five and gradually, tracks were laid down. Her earlier conclusions about them proved to be somewhat shallow and she found that her preconceived opinions concerning them went down the tubes as she spent time with them.

Nick, although he was the youngest and seemed to receive the most attention from fans, had a sweetness about him that Tristan found endearing. He was an acute observer of what went on around him and she could almost visualize his brain sorting and filing information, both personal and professional, to be pulled out and used at some later date. Howie was calm but also very astute. He said little and when he did voice an opinion it was never harsh or explosive. He always acknowledged the value of both sides of any differences between the five of them.

AJ? Well, he was AJ....he was bold, funny and forthright. He sometimes let his mouth get ahead of his brain but his honesty was refreshing. Tristan liked him and thought that he would make a good and true friend if she managed to get close to him. This thought surprised her a little since she had found herself to be wary of men since her attack. AJ had the potential to make even the most seasoned of women nervous but Tristan sensed something else. AJ really liked women as people and she thought that he could be sensitive to their needs and problems.

Brian could be silly and sometimes a little crazy. The slapstick he enjoyed didn’t thrill Tristan. She hadn’t had much time in her life for silliness and didn’t appreciate or understand the release that this type of wildness could bring. She also saw in him a somber side. She sensed that he was often uncomfortable around people. The silliness helped to hide this and make him seem more accessible than he really was.

Kevin was an intriguing specimen altogether. He was a man of few words and when he did speak, he chose his words carefully. The strong, silent type - and very pretty... She mentally dubbed him ‘King Kevin I’ as he was definitely a type A personality. The others, surprisingly, seemed to recognize his perfectionism and although they groaned or rolled their eyes when he was critical, they went along with his suggestions fairly easily. She was shocked when she found herself wondering what kind of lover he was. Tristan shook her head to clear it. She hadn’t had a sexual thought in over a year and she was both repelled and enticed by her curiosity about him. She knew he would be hard to get close to, not that she really desired that. It just seemed like he would be a hard nut to crack.

The days passed and good work was accomplished. She helped rewrite some of the vocal harmonies and settled in quickly with both the recording routine and the boys. Mutt was relieved that she had come. She proved to be a skilled mixer and her persona was easy going and calming. He remembered this about her and considering the terrible time she had endured, he was glad to see that she didn’t appear to be openly damaged. He knew that her soul had taken a severe blow. The guys weren’t aware of her violaton and subsequent hospitalization, but they all sensed a vulnerability about her.

They all shared a large villa just outside of Stockholm: Tristan, the five guys, Mutt, several band members and body guards. Visitors often came to stay for a few days at a time. Brian’s girlfriend, Leighanne, was there a lot and she and Tristan became friendly. Howie’s sister came as did AJ’s on and off again girlfriend. Nick’s siblings came, as well as people from the record label, checking on their progress. A member of the Backstreet Boys’ management team , Mike, also came to visit and check in with his famous clients. Tristan had bad vibes about Mike. She knew that this new management had come about after a bad split with the old team. Mike knew what he was doing and was very good at getting the band promoted and keeping them in the public eye but in Tristan’s mind, he seemed almost too attached and possessive of them. Kevin’s mother Anne, came to visit once. She was a very sweet woman and Tristan took an immediate liking to her. Kevin seemed to adore her. Tristan liked that quality about him even if some considered it old fashioned and uncool. One of those who seemed to feel that way was a woman Kevin had been seeing - a dancer named Lily.

Lily was tall - 5’10” compared to Tristan’s 5’5”, and five feet of Lily must have been legs. She had shoulder length dark hair that looked almost black and a killer figure. She was glamorous and sophisticated but also humorless and selfish, in Tristan’s opinion. Lily had been to the villa a few times, but never stayed overnight there, although Kevin disappeared for the night once or twice. She didn’t sense that Kevin’s mother thought too much of Lily, either, but Anne was slow to make judgments and trusted that her son knew what he was doing and what he wanted.

CHAPTER 5

Kevin wasn’t sure what to make of Tristan or what to make of his reactions to her. He had heard that she was an extremely talented pianist yet despite the instruments surrounding them, including a beautiful baby grand at the villa they occupied, he had never heard her play.

He had been seeing Lily for several weeks. She flattered him and made it easy for him to be with her. She was accommodating in every way and he really didn’t have to work for it or earn it. This made him a little uncomfortable. He wasn’t sure he would have been attracted to her other than in a purely physical way but she had come on to him and he hadn’t had to deal with the fear of rejection he might encounter if he had made a first move. Lily had no sweetness about her, no vulnerability. She could be tough and that made Kevin tired sometimes. He felt like he always had to be a little tough around her, too. Lily had people around them thinking that they were a couple but Kevin couldn’t honestly say that he felt any real sense of commitment towards her. They were trophies for each other and after seven weeks of being together their relationship had not really deepened beyond occasional sex. He couldn’t tell her he loved her because he knew in his heart that their relationship, as it was, had nothing to do with love.

He thought about his four ‘brothers’ and the relationships they had with women. Many of their liaisons seemed slightly corrupt. It seemed fairly obvious that most of the women in their lives had used them to gain exposure or validation of some sort. Kevin had been raised in a home where love was unconditional. Something was not right - what had happened to purity?

Tristan was a genuine sweetie Kevin thought. She always made a point of trying to draw him out of his shell even though he sometimes found himself being a little abrupt with her. She was patient with him though, and seemed unaffected by the fame and glitz that was a part of their lives - unlike Lily. The other fellows seemed to be fond of her, too, and he often walked in on heart to heart conversations she would be having with one of them late at night. Kevin envied their openness with her and often wished he had a woman in his life that he could be himself with and not fear her reactions to whatever he felt or had to say.

One Saturday morning about two weeks into their recording project, a large group sat around the breakfast table chatting about all kinds of things. Howie, Kevin and Brian were there as well as Leighanne, Amanda (AJ’s on and off again girlfriend), Mutt, Max and Tristan. It was an amiable and happy gathering and soon the conversation turned to the topic of childhood and memories of pranks and punishments. Kevin seemed to become almost animated when talking about these times of his life. He spoke with affection about childhood friends and family outings, vacations and holidays. He talked about his parents with warmth and love. When he told a story about his father running a summer camp, Tristan saw a slight cloud of sadness sweep over him. He still missed his father terribly. This made Tristan feel a little guilty. She honestly wondered if she would miss her father if he were out of her life. She rarely thought of him at all. Memories of her childhood were not particularly pleasant.

Tristan found herself hanging on to his every word, truly enthralled by his stories. She had often fantasized about what a ‘normal’ childhood would have been like. She wasn’t around other people very much while growing up and her father was the type who liked to rule with an iron fist and little patience or compassion. There had been no vacations or family outings that she could remember and holidays were all but non-existent - perhaps a token celebration at Christmas, but that’s all. Her family was cold and unaffectionate and she fed off of Kevin’s recollections of family closeness.

She must have looked strange to the others at the table because when Kevin paused, Brian gestured towards her.

“Jeez, Tris! You look like a deer caught in the headlights!.” He laughed and she realized that she had been leaning on the table, staring at Kevin, with her chin propped in her hand, mouth slightly ajar. “His stories aren’t that damn compelling!”, Brian snickered.

Tristan sat up quickly and looked down in her lap for an instant, embarrassed that she had looked so utterly engrossed in Kevin’s childhood tales. Kevin had turned to look at her just as Brian had made his innocent remark and he had caught her fascination and then her embarrassment. This puzzled him a bit. Her interest in what he had been saying had not been phony or designed to flatter him.

The others at the table, with the exception of Mutt, began to laugh along with Brian, not intending for their laughter to hurt Tristan. Kevin noticed Mutt looking silently at Tristan, and felt like there was some hidden part of her that had almost been exposed. Tristan caught Kevin’s look across the table and again glanced down into her lap. She hated for him to think she was odd and she didn’t want to arouse anyone’s curiosity about her past, particularly her recent past. She had confided some things to Mutt over the years and he , of course, knew about her rape, but she had grown fond of these people and didn’t want her baggage to scare them off - especially Kevin. Kevin wasn’t scared off, but he was curious.

After breakfast, the men went outside to play a little ball and talk a little business. That left Tristan, Leighanne and Amanda sitting lazily around the table chatting. They talked about movies, fans, clothes and, inevitably, the guys. It was easy talk and Tristan was enjoying their company.

“So, Amanda,” Leighanne began, “what’s up with you and AJ, anyway?”

“Who the hell knows?”, Amanda laughed. “I say that figuratively speaking, of course. We all know what’s always ‘up’ with AJ!” The two women giggled while Tristan feigned moral indignation. “How about you, Tris?”, Amanda questioned. “Do you have a great love? Now’s the time for confessions!”

“I’m afraid not,”, Tristan answered. “Haven’t had much time for romance.”

“Well, you’ll just have to play catch up!”, Leighanne countered. “Nothing like being held close in your lover’s arms, right?” She stated this as fact and wiggled her eyebrows.

“Alright!” Amanda and Leighanne yelled out and slapped their hands together high in the air.

Tristan looked at them blankly and Leighanne and Amanda exchanged puzzled glances, wondering at Tristans blank look and lack of comment.

Amanda tried to proceed delicately. “You have had a lover, right?” Tristan continued to look expressionless.

“Tris.....”, Leighanne continued. “You’re twenty-four years old. Surely you’re not a virgin?” It seemed more like an accusation than a question.

“No, of course not!”, Tristan responded honestly and impatiently, not wishing to discuss her one sexual experience.

“Then you know what we’re talking about!”, Amanda replied. “You know the comfort and pleasure of being in someone’s arms.” Amanda sighed romantically.

Tristan was beginning to feel cornered and began to redden. “No,” she said weakly, “I can’t say that I know that comfort and pleasure.”

“What the hell do you mean?” Amanda wouldn’t let it go. “Are you saying that you’ve never been held by a man?” she laughed , not thinking that the possibililty could be true.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying!” Tristan was exasperated and defensive. “I’ve never been held by anyone!” She hadn’t meant to say that.

Leighanne and Amanda didn’t know what to say to their friend and apologized to Tristan for prying. They felt terrible.

None of them realized that Kevin had come back inside to pick up some sodas for the group. He had been standing out of their sight by the kitchen door when he heard the last few bits of their conversation. He continued to stay back until they moved on to other topics and then entered the room, glancing towards Tristan. She seemed to be looking at some far off object, lost in thought.

“So, you girls talking about me?”, he joked, trying to lighten the tension he felt in the air. “My ears were burning!”

“Sure,” laughed Amanda. “That’s what we do all day long - talk about you!”

He watched Tristan smile sadly and wondered about the beautiful and kind woman who had never been held. She needed holding and in that brief moment, he longed to show her that comfort.

CHAPTER 6

In two days they would all be on a commercial flight to Germany, not a strenuous flight from Stockholm. Mike, the group’s manager had flown over and popped this day trip on them at the last minute. He thought it would be a good idea for the boys to perform at a benefit being sponsored by a pediatric hospital in Frankfurt. Since Frankfurt had always been good to the Backstreet Boys, he felt a little payback would go well with the ensuing publicity as well as insure another check mark by his name at the company he worked for, The Firm. Everyone went on this little junket including band members. Most of them sat in first class together talking away and teasing, exchanging gossip and laughing. Seats were changed regularly as conversations moved.

Tristan had been talking to several of the band members for awhile, listening to their gossip and jokes. She glanced around the cabin. Amanda and Leighanne were talking together, Mutt and Tommy, Nick and AJ. She noticed Kevin sitting alone, seemingly captivated by the latest issue of Rolling Stone. He had been a little more serious and withdrawn than usual lately and she decided to go over and talk to him a bit. She flopped down in the seat beside him. He looked toward her, smiled slightly and turned back to his reading.

“Is it good?” Tristan asked, trying to open the door between them a bit.

He glanced her way. “It’s okay.”

He went back to the magazine. Kevin wasn’t in the mood for idle chit-chat. This thing with Lily had begun to work on his nerves. She was becoming more demanding and he was becoming less interested. She had tried to pressure him into forgoing the use of a condom the last time they had been together, saying that she wanted to have him with no barriers between them and no hesitations. She whined that the interruptions caused when he stopped to put it on left her frustrated. When he didn’t buy that, she started breathing heavily, saying that she was just so hot for him and that she really wanted to feel him inside of her - not latex. He just didn’t feel that intimacy with her. She knew that their relationship was casual with no past or future promises but she had begun to get fearful that he was getting bored. She was right. Neither of them were being fulfilled in this relationship and Kevin felt that it was time for it to end. He just wasn’t sure how he should handle it.

Tristan decided to try another tactic. She had overheard talk about Kevin from some of the band members and decided to use her new found information to try and restart the conversation. Unfortunately, she was unfamiliar with the slang of the day and naive about it’s meaning.

“Kevin,” she began again.

“Hmmm?”, he responded, still reading.

“What does ‘jiggy’ mean?”

Kevin slowly lowered his magazine. In his circle, the term indicated sexuality. Someone getting ‘jiggy’ meant that they were getting turned on and making sexual advances. He sensed her innocence, so he asked, “How did you hear it used?”

“Well,” Tristan explained, “Some people were talking about you and how you’re always getting ‘jiggy’. You like to dance, huh?”

“What?...... Dance?...” He looked at her incredulously.

“Yeah. Jig - dance. Right?”

Kevin began to fume. Tristan noticed he was getting a little pink around the edges and didn’t understand why. She decided to change the subject and asked another question.

“Kevin,” she plunged in again. “What is it that you play?”

Kevin narrowed his eyes and glared at her. “What do you mean, 'what do I play’?”

She went in deeper.” Well, the guys said you were a notorious player - so what do you play - video games, basketball - what?”

Now Kevin was thoroughly pissed. To make matters worse, Nick and AJ were sitting directly behind them and had heard and enjoyed every word. He had heard them snickering as Tristan had asked her questions.

“Yeah, Kev,” Nick jumped into the fray, “tell her what you play and how many you’ve played it with!”

AJ broke up at Nick’s remark, knowing that Nick had just thrown another log onto Kevin’s fire.

“Shut the fuck up, Nick!” Kevin shouted, throwing down his magazine. He turned to his seat mate. “Jesus Christ, Tristan!”, he roared at her, his eyes hard.

The first class cabin had suddenly become very quiet. All eyes were on the two of them. Kevin and Tristan locked eyes in disbelief. She couldn’t believe that he had gotten so angry with her for just asking a couple of friendly questions and he couldn’t believe that she was so naive. She felt like she had been attacked and she didn’t understand why.

Tristan jerked herself up out of the seat. “I don’t know why you’re being so pissy Kevin, but obviously I am unwelcome here. I won’t bother you again!”

She turned down the aisle. Kevin felt a little ashamed at losing his temper. He knew that she wasn’t trying to embarrass him, but she had really taken him by surprise.

“Tristan,” he began, a little more softly this time, “there aren’t any other seats in here. Sit back down.”

“Is that an order?” Her voice had gone up a full octave. “ I don’t think so, Mr. Richardson! Don’t worry about little ole me. I’ll find a seat in coach!” With that she flounced to the back of the plane.

“Shit....”he mumbled.

..Kevin and Tristan avoided each other for the rest of the trip. AJ had filled Amanda in on their conversation. Although AJ realized that it was a totally innocent misunderstanding, there was concern from the other witnesses in first class who didn’t understand what had happened and had just heard Kevin shouting. The whole group watched as Kevin and Tristan danced around each other the entire day. People took sides, placed bets and sat back to see what would develop. They were to be disappointed, because nothing did. Amanda went to Tristan to try and explain why Kevin had gotten upset with her and hopefully help to smooth things out.

“Tris...”, she said, “you don’t understand why you upset Kevin, do you?”

“No, I don’t know why and at this point, I don’t care.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”, Amanda explained. “Kevin just misunderstood what you were asking.” She went on to explain the slang definitions of the words Tristan had used, not realizing their implications.

“Why did he have to get so mean?” Tristan replied defensively. “We may not be attached at the hips, but he’s been around me long enough to know that I wouldn’t deliberately insult him.”

Amanda’s eyes sparkled a little at Tristan’s phrasing. Amanda had been around and felt that some undercurrent was beginning between her two stubborn friends. She had noted the glances between them. It made good sense to her. Despite her often harsh ways, Amanda was a romantic at heart.

“Let’s face it, Amanda,” Tristan sighed. “Kevin and I get along okay or at least I thought we did. He’s been a little off since the weekend - cranky and sullen - at least around me. I’m just getting on his nerves.”

Amanda smiled to herself. Yeah... the nerves in his pants....

**********

Tristan’s attitude didn’t improve much over the next few days. Kevin felt bad and tried hard to make an effort to be considerate towards her. Their roles had suddenly reversed.

Tristan was tired. She had been having recurring nightmares since the rape. The dreams were violent and frightening. She would wake from them suddenly, unable to breathe and shivering with sweat pouring off her body. If she was deliberately awakened by someone who heard her moan or cry out in her sleep, she would scream hysterically and remain agitated for hours. Her doctor had told her family that it was best for her psyche to let the dreams take their course at night and not try to wake her. As bad as it was to wake up frightened from a dream, it was worse to wake up in hysterics. For that reason, she tried to avoid sleeping at night. The dreams never came when she slept during daylight hours. She had spoken with her doctor about them and asked for help, but none could be offered.

“The dreams will stop,” he had said, “when you feel safe.”

Thankfully, most of the recording was done at night and she could catch up on some sleep during the day. When she did fall asleep at night, she was in a bedroom at the end of the hallway with bathrooms separating her room from the others. The villa was old and the walls and doors were thick. When she had the dreams, no one heard her.

Mutt knew about this part of her life, too. One of her brothers had taken it upon himself to tell Mutt about it. He felt that someone should know since Tristan would be away from home. Mutt’s heart broke for Tristan and all the things she kept bottled up inside. He found himself checking on her from time to time during the night.

Tristan came into the studio one night with her hand pressed to the small of her back. She stretched and pressed again. Obviously, her back was hurting. She was grumpy and quiet. Unfortunately, Kevin had picked this moment to show how caring and considerate he could be.

“What’s wrong, Tris?”, he asked, walking towards her as she stood over the mixing board.

“Just a little achy.”, she answered coolly.

“I’m sorry.” he said as he stood behind her. He placed his hand on the small of her back and began to rub her there.

Tristan was taken aback by his unexpected touch. The ache suddenly disappeared and was replaced by a warm tingle.

Then he said it: “That time of the month, huh?”

As soon as he heard himself say it, he knew that he had screwed up. He couldn’t believe those words had come form his own mouth. He didn’t remember ever saying such a thing to a woman before.

“What did you say?” Tristan whirled around, eyes flashing. “When your back hurts, “ she spat, “does that mean you’re having your period?” She was angry.

Neither had heard Lily enter the studio looking for Kevin.

“Really, Kevin!” Lily interjected. Kevin and Tristan both spun around to look at the long legged, thoroughly pissed off brunette. “Why do you care ? Are you upset that you’ll have to settle for head tonight or worried that she might be pregnant?”

Kevin looked at Lily in shock. His eyes darted back to Tristan and saw her obvious humiliation at Lily’s remarks and Kevin’s previous boldness. Tristan grabbed her music notes and ran out of the control room door and down the hall. Kevin was in deep shit now. He turned to go after her but was stopped by Lily’s screaming.

“Damn you, Kevin! Don’t you go chasing that little bitch! You owe me!”

“Shut your mouth, Lily!”, he screamed back.

“I see now why we’re falling apart!” she cried. “You’re fucking her, aren’t you? You’ve used me and now you’re moving on to fresh meat!”. Lily broke down crying.

Kevin didn’t know what to do. He’d wanted to end it with Lily, but not because of Tristan. At least he didn’t think that was why. But he couldn’t end it this way. He knew what it felt like to be betrayed and even though he knew that wasn’t the issue here, he had to make the break with Lily as civil as possible. Kevin worked at calming Lily down and drove her back to her hotel. There was no sex. That was the last thing he wanted. Lily had tried to get him into her bed, but to no avail. Tristan was on his mind. He needed to straighten out this mess and make things right.

"Will You Play for Me?" is a work of fiction.
The characters and events portrayed are fictitious.
Any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.

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Fiction by Grace