CHAPTER 7

When Kevin returned to the villa, it was dark, quiet and looked almost abandoned. His thoughts were disturbing. Surely Tris wouldn't have been so upset that she would leave...

As he entered through the portico, he heard voices in the back of the house. Nick, Howie, Brian and Leighanne were sitting on the floor playing Scrabble and watching a movie. Kevin came into the room, hoping to see Tristan with them. She wasn’t there.

“Tristan around?” he asked, trying to look casual.

He started jingling the keys in his pocket nervously as he stood there. Brian and Leighanne exchanged glances.

“Haven’t seen her.” Nick answered absently as he looked over his tiles. “Thought she was with you at the studio. So, did you two make beautiful music together tonight?”

“What?”, Kevin snapped.

“Damn, Kevin. Chill, man!”. Nick looked up at his “big brother’. Things had seemed a little whack in this house lately. “I know that you two were suppose to work out some harmonies tonight, that’s all!”

“Sorry,” Kevin mumbled. “So, is she here or what?” Part of him was a little fearful that the answer would be no.

Leighanne stood up and headed for the kitchen. When she reached Kevin, she paused and asked him to join her. At the kitchen doorway, she stopped and turned towards him.

“Kev,” she said gently, “I don’t know what happened between the two of you tonight and I’m not asking. Tris stormed into the house an hour ago and ran upstairs to her room. I tried to speak with her but she didn’t want to talk. She was upset. She told me that she was tired and going to bed.”

“Okay, Leighanne. Thanks.”

“Kevin, we’ll be leaving Stockholm in a week and a half.”, she continued. “I hope that the two of you can straighten this out before we go back to Florida. I think you know that Tris is fragile. I don’t know why or what may have made her that way but I don’t think you want to see her hurt, so be a little careful - please. She’s become special to us.” Leighanne patted his arm and left.

Kevin watched Leighanne rejoin the others. She’s become special to me, too.

Kevin walked up the stairs to his room. He stopped at Tristan’s door which was across the hall from his. He didn’t know whether to let things be and leave her alone or to see if she was awake and try to talk with her. As he stood there considering his choices, her door opened and Kevin was surprised to see Mutt coming out of Tristan’s room.

“Mutt!”, Kevin whispered. “is something wrong with Tris? Is she sick?”

“No. Just checking to make sure she was sleeping well.”, Mutt answered, gently closing Tristan’s door.

“Checking? Is she still awake?”

“No, she’s sleeping soundly for a change.”

“For a change?” Kevin asked.

Mutt instantly regretted his choice of words. “She has difficulty sleeping sometimes. Goodnight, Kevin.” Mutt walked down the hall and around the corner to his own room before Kevin could interrogate him. Kevin stood at Tristan’s door for another minute and then turned to enter his own room.

********

The next morning, Kevin woke up earlier than usual and headed downstairs. No one was up yet except maybe Mike who liked to get up early for a run. Kevin went into the kitchen and started the coffee. He sat staring out of the window, trying to put together the pieces of the previous night. He hadn’t been sitting there long when he heard a knock at the door. He stood up to answer it and found, to his surprise, Lily standing there.

Lily studied Kevin standing there at the threshold. He was wearing jeans but hadn’t bothered yet with shoes or a shirt. His hair wasn’t combed and still wet from the shower. Damn, he looked good enough to eat - literally!

“Hi, baby!”, she gushed. “I just had to see you first thing this morning. I’m so sorry about last night. I must have been crazy! I really want to make it up to you.” She added as an afterthought, “And Tristan, too, of course. Can I come in?” It was more of a demand than a request.

“Everyone here’s still asleep.”, Kevin stalled.

“That’s okay, hon...”, she said as she brushed past him and into the house.

“That’ll give us a chance to be alone - to talk, I mean.”

Luckily, Nick had come downstairs by this time. Although he hadn’t had great success with women lately, he felt that Kevin was in much worse shape than he was. Lily was a conniving bitch. Kevin needed someone gentle in his life. Shit - they all did! Nick wasn’t thrilled to see this witch. Any chance Kevin had at mellowness seemed to evaporate when Lily was around.

“Oh boy! We’ve got company!”, Nick said sarcastically when he saw Lily. “My day is now complete and perfect!”

“Good morning , Nick-y.” she responded, emphasizing the last syllable of his name. She knew that Nick didn’t like her and she wondered if he knew what had happened the night before.

Before things could get any colder in the room, the phone rang. Kevin reached over to get it, glad for the reprieve.

“Oh, hi Mom!’, he spoke into the receiver. “I’m gonna take this to the back.”, he said as he moved towards the rear of the house leaving Nick and Lily alone in the kitchen. Lily had rolled her eyes at Kevin’s enthusiastic response to the phone call.

“What’s the matter, Lil?” Nick twisted the knife a little. “Jealous of Kevin’s mom now?”

“Heavens no, Nick-y!” she proclaimed turning towards him. “No sense in wasting my time on that! I know I could never compete with that perfect angel...”

“That’s the truth!” Nick responded.

Lily ignored his barb. “God help me, Kevin is still so hung up on dear, dead daddy, I just hope I’m not around when something happens to mommy dearest...” Her sarcasm was palatable.

“I guess that’s the difference between you and me.” Lily turned and Nick looked up to see Tristan standing in the doorway. “I hope that I am!”

Kevin was standing behind Tristan with the phone in his hand. Nick smiled and Lily grimaced. She’d definitely lost this one.

“Lily, I really think you should leave now.” Kevin said calmly.

Tristan spun around to see Kevin standing behind her. They looked at each other for several moments, his eyes expressing both gratitude and remorse for their misunderstandings and hers showing forgiveness.

Nick grinned to himself. He didn’t know what had happened before, but he felt the burden of it lift from the house. He wanted Kevin and Tristan to be friends. What affected one of them, affected all of them. No one needed or wanted tension.

Lily sighed and walked to the door, still trying to save herself. “Call me later, okay hon?”. She smiled sweetly at Kevin.

“Goodbye, Lily.”, he answered as he closed the door.

CHAPTER 8

By the end of the week, fifteen tracks had been recorded for the new album. They had made good progress, but everyone was ready for a little break from the studio. It was the general consensus that the remaining five tracks could be completed in Florida and then choices could be made as to which tracks would make the final cut onto the album.

Kevin and Tristan were amiable towards each other and both felt they had laid the foundation for a decent friendship. They were attracted to each other beyond friendship but were recovering from past events and involvements and had decided individually to just take things as they came and not push. This was not something that was discussed between them.

Mike would have approved of their decision. The Backstreet Boys were his cash cow and he would do practically anything to make sure they stayed that way. Younger fans, and many older ones as well, didn’t want to think of their boys having personal lives that involved romances with other women. The Brian/Leighanne thing just about drove him crazy. They had been together for a few years now and most of the fans had grown to accept it but Mike thought that if they actually married, attitudes might change. Anyway, their relationship had begun before Mike had entered the scene and there wasn’t much he could do about it now. He kept his eyes and ears on the others, though. Howie didn’t seem like much of a threat. He lived at home and was rarely photographed with women. AJ didn’t scare him, either. He was just having too much fun. Sure, Amanda had been around for awhile but she wanted her own career and that caused frequent separations. They each saw other people, too. Neither of them would be making commitments any time soon.

Nick could be a problem. If he went, there would be trouble. There were a couple of things on Mike’s side concerning Nick. First, he was still young and second, he seemed to make lousy choices as far as girlfriends were concerned. The girl that he had been seeing lately was using him like soap on dirt. A few bad choices like that would take up a lot of time.

Kevin was the wild card who made Mike the most uneasy. Kevin didn’t readily discuss his personal life and when Mike tried to get him to open up, he was rarely offered any useful information. He dated from time to time but there didn’t seem to be anyone in the picture that he was serious about. Mike had never seen him publicly affectionate with a woman. He had witnessed Kevin making a pass or two in the past but that was flirting, not affection. Still, he was concerned. Kevin was the oldest and had expressed his desire for a family and a normal life. Mike was never sure of what Kevin was thinking or feeling. He just knew that he had to keep these guys as accessible as possible for as long as possible.

To that end, he decided that it would be in their best interest, and his, to begin promoting their long awaited album. It probably wouldn’t be released until spring and a tour would follow but that was months away and he wanted to keep them in the public eye. The record label agreed. He made arrangements for busses and thought it would be best if the producers came along, too, to answer technical questions that arose from time to time. They would be on the road for five days and hit cities in Germany, Spain and Italy. He had already scheduled interviews and guest appearances on local television. After this brief publicity tour, they could head back home to the U.S.

Tristan was beside herself when she heard that she was expected to go on the trip with the others. Amanda and Leighanne tried to get her excited about the brief tour, telling her about the sights and excitement. No one could understand why she was acting so silly about this. No one except Mutt.

“What the hell am I going to do, Mutt?” Tristan was practically having an anxiety attack. “I can’t fall asleep on that bus! What if I have one of my dreams? I can’t face that with all of these people around!”

“Hold on,” Mutt said calmly. “First of all, not everyone will be on one bus. Secondly, it’s only five days. That means only four nights, Tris. You don’t have those nightmares every night. Besides, your brain will be filled with so many new things on this trip. No room for bad dreams.” He was trying to convince himself as well.

Tris wasn’t accepting this. “You go, Mutt. I’ll head back to Florida and get started on the remaining tracks, polishing the music.”

“Tris, I really hate to tell you this, but you’re going to have to go on this trip. I’ve been called back to Nashville on some family business. While you all are climbing onto a bus tomorrow, I’ll be climbing onto a plane.”

Tris felt like her life line had been cut. Her chin started to tremble and tears filled her eyes. “I can’t do this, Mutt. No one knows about me. What if......”

“No ‘what ifs’, Tristan!” Mutt interrupted trying to sound confident. “Nothing will happen. You’ll be laughing about this in five days! They need you for this promotion. I can’t be there and you’re next in line. It’ll be fine - really.”

“Okay, Mutt. I understand.” Tristan spoke so quietly that he could barely hear her. He felt terrible for her but he didn’t know what to do about this.

Tristan turned to go upstairs to her room. She walked past Kevin, Nick and Brian who were coming in from a game of basketball.

“Yo! Sweetie pie!”, Nick called to her as she passed. Then they all saw that something was wrong. “What’s the matter, hon?” Nick asked. She glanced over to Mutt and they all followed her eyes towards him.

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine. See you guys in the morning.” She went up the stairs.

“What’s going on, Mutt?”, Kevin asked seriously. He had felt distinct vibrations in the air and knew that something was not right.

“I just told her she’d have to do the road trip alone. She’s just a little nervous, that’s all.”, Mutt explained.

“Oh, hell!,” Nick said. “We’ll look after her, She’ll be great!”, he laughed as he and Brian pushed each other into the kitchen.

Nick and Brian seemed to be satisfied with Mutt’s explanation, but Kevin wasn’t buying it. He was determined to get to the bottom of this mystery.

***********

Most of them were going over to Max’s house that evening for a little farewell party. Max wouldn’t be seeing them again before they left for the States. The party was a good one - everyone was in high spirits and actually looking forward to their upcoming road adventure.

Howie got a little drunk and decided he was the Flamenco King of Sweden, showing everyone his new found talent by stomping all over the tile floor in the dining room. Even Nick had a couple of beers, but he seemed to be holding his own pretty well. AJ, Brian and their respective girlfriends kept feigning weariness. They weren’t fooling anybody. Everyone knew that five days on a bus with small bunks meant no privacy. Mike spent most of the evening patting himself on the back. Kevin was rather subdued that night. Tristan and Mutt had decided not to come to the party. Tristan said that she wanted to get some sleep and Mutt claimed he had some loose ends to tie up before he left Sweden.

Around midnight, Kevin decided that he would return to the villa. He hoped that Mutt was still awake because he wanted to talk to him about Tristan and what had happened earlier. Mutt’s sympathetic glances towards her over the past few weeks had not gone unnoticed by Kevin. Something was not right and he wanted to know what it was.

When he got back to the villa everything was quiet. Kevin didn’t see anyone stirring so he decided to go on up to bed and speak to Mutt in the morning before he left. As he headed towards his room, he again saw Mutt coming through Tristan’s door.

Kevin suddenly felt like a light had come on in his head! He couldn’t believe what he was thinking but could find no other explanation. Mutt coming from her room in the middle of the night, the knowing looks from him, her being so upset at his leaving, not to mention the fact that she was in Sweden at all. Christ! They were having an affair!

He was confused - it just didn’t sound like Tristan, but she rarely spoke of her personal life. Maybe this was why! But he was a married man, for God’s sake! Yet, an affair was the only reasonable answer his brain could grasp.

Kevin stepped in front of Mutt before he could turn the corner to his room. He was pissed and wasn’t sure why. It was all he could do not to throw Mutt up against the wall and knock the shit out of him.

“What the hell are you doing in Tris’ room?” Kevin asked angrily under his breath, grabbing Mutt by the arm.

“What the fuck.....” Mutt jerked his arm out of Kevin’s grasp. “Are you crazy?” Mutt thought for a moment that by the look on Kevin’s face, he might be. “I was just...”

“Checking on her?”, Kevin said sarcastically. “Is that what they call it now - checking? I always preferred the terms screwing or fucking, myself!”

“You are crazy!”, Mutt practically shouted trying to get away from Kevin and into his room.

“Then enlighten me, Mutt - what the hell’s going on around here?” Kevin’s face was red. “I know I don’t have any claim on her, but - you! You’re a married man and we all know that Tris is a little naive, not to mention vulnerable!”

Mutt had had enough of Kevin’s accusations. “Listen to me, asshole!”, he screamed. “Tris and I do not have that kind of relationship. She has some problems that I try to help her with. That’s all!”

“Is banging her the kind of help you mean, Mutt?” Kevin forced Mutt against the wall with his glare. His flashing eyes were inches away from Mutt’ face. “Shit, you’re just using her - you don’t even care enough about her to hold her!”

“What the hell are you talking about, Kevin? I do care about Tris, but we’re not sleeping together!”

“It’s not the ‘sleeping’ part that concerns me, Mutt!”

“Nothing sexual is happening there, Kevin.”

Kevin stepped back from Mutt and looked him square in the face. Mutt's eye's held fast to his and he could see that Mutt was telling the truth. Kevin stood quietly for a moment and then lowered his head and tried to apologize for his outburst.

“I’m sorry, Mutt. I’ve just been an little concerned and....”

Mutt interjected, “I know, Kev, I know. You care about Tris and don’t want to see her hurt. Meet me downstairs in the office and we’ll talk.”

Mutt went into his room to put on a shirt and Kevin walked downstairs and into the office where they wouldn’t be interrupted.

CHAPTER 9

Kevin was sitting when Mutt came into the office. Mutt took the empty chair and sat looking at Kevin carefully. Kevin felt like he was being sized up or appraised. In fact, he was.

“Look, Mutt,” Kevin started, “I really am sorry about what happened. I guess I feel a little protective of Tris for some reason and....”

“Don’t bother, Kevin, I understand how it might have looked. Frankly, I’m glad you feel protective. Tris may need a little help on this trip. I think I can trust you to keep this conversation between us. If Tris wants to talk - fine, but any discussion about what I’m going to tell you and why should come from her.”

Kevin held on tightly to the arms of his chair. He was worried and it showed in his face.

“What is it , Mutt? What’s wrong with her?”

“Nothing physically - at least nothing that I know of.” He went on. “Let me give you a little background, Kev. I met Tris when she was nineteen and a student at Julliard - a brilliant student I might add. We became friends and over the years we talked and she began to trust me. I learned not only where her talents lay but also about what her life had been like.”

“What had her life been like?” Kevin asked, suddenly fearful of the answer.

“Not great. Not horrific, but not what most sane people would want for their children She wasn’t physically or sexually abused that I know of. Her mother died when she was very young, about four years old I think. Her father was and is a cold man who didn’t tolerate children well. She was the youngest of four and the only girl. She literally grew up at home and had very few friends or even acquaintances outside of her immediate family Her childhood was empty in every way. No family events - not even toys, really. Her toy was the piano.”

“What about her brothers? Were they treated the same way?”

“Pretty much from what I understand. They all sound a little fucked up. Tris managed to survive this and even retain some joy. She has a good spirit and what some would call a ‘pure heart’.”

“Do you think that’s why she seemed so interested in my childhood stories?”Kevin asked.

“Yes, I think so. I cringed a little when Brian made his crack to her Tris really is fascinated by such things. She’s even commented to me how lucky you are to have such a warm and supportive family. She’s not jealous. Shit, she’s happy to know that those kinds of families really do exist! Gives her hope, I guess. She never talks about her own family. Damn, Kev. The girl never even had a doll to play with growing up and the real kicker is that she never knew the difference. I guess it’s true that you don’t miss what you never had or what you never saw other people get.”

Kevin drew in a ragged breath as he remembered the gleam in Tristan’s eyes when he spoke of Chrismas’ at home. He mentally slapped Brian.

“She did well for herself, though.” Mutt mused. “Talented woman with a great concert career beginning. She had bookings from New York to L.A. - the new classical darling. A beautiful, young, talented and sweet woman who could kick some serious ass on the keys.”

“But Mutt....”

Mutt held up his hand to stop Kevin’s questions. “Let me finish. Just over a year ago she was attacked, raped and beaten by a security guard at a venue in Seattle where she was performing. She was in bad shape Kevin, emotionally and physically. Eventually she healed physically but her emotions are still going through the process. She was actually catatonic for a long time.”

Kevin looked down at his feet. His eyes filled as Mutt told her story. His stomach actually hurt and he felt like he could both put his fist through a wall and throw up, simultaneously. He couldn’t stand to think of Tris in that state, but his mind wouldn’t let him think of anything else.

“The reason that I check on her at night, the reason she’s so afraid of this tour is because she has had violent, recurring nightmares since she was attacked. Doctors can’t seem to help her right now. Her brother told me that no one can seem to soothe her out of them and that if you wake her when she’s dreaming like this, she becomes hysterical. The doctors told him that it was best for her to let the nightmares run their course.”

Kevin was pacing across the room now, his fists clenched. “How long do they think these dreams will continue? Will they ever end for her?” He sounded almost angry.

“I asked that, too, Kevin. All the doctors would say is that they felt that the dreams would stop when she felt safe. There was no pill that could give her that security.”

Kevin paused and looked at him. “Is she afraid of men, Mutt? Do you think she’s afraid of us?”

“No.” Mutt responded with a slight smile. “She’s grown very fond of all of you. She can be pretty wary of strange men, but not of you guys, strange as you may be!” he said trying to lighten the mood. It wasn’t working. “She’s gotten to know all of you and feels comfortable around you. She wouldn’t tease you all like she does if she was afraid of you.”

“But she has space here, Mutt. She can get away from us if she wants to. Maybe she’s afraid of the bus trip because she knows she’ll be with us twenty four hours a day, jammed up on a bus with no escape!” It tortured Kevin to think that Tris might fear him in some way.

“Stop it, Kevin! She’s afraid of the bus trip because she’s afraid she’ll have those damn nightmares when she’s with one or all of you. They scare and embarrass her. She doesn’t want you to think she’s nuts! No one knows about the rape and its aftermath. She doesn’t want to be weak and helpless and those dreams make her feel that way!”

Kevin turned away and Mutt saw him brush his eyes. He felt some relief at telling him Tristan’s story, but he knew that Kevin felt anything but relief. The man was in pain. This touched Mutt deeply.

“How do I help her, Mutt?” Kevin’s quiet question was more of a plea.

“I guess all you can do is be there for her, Kevin, and make sure she realizes that she can lean on you if she has to. Try to look out for her without smothering her. It’ll be difficult, especially since she won’t know that you’re aware of what happened to her. I don’t know, Kev. It’s complicated. I don’t think there’s too much any one can do except what the doctor ordered - make her feel safe.”

Kevin nodded. He had one more question. “Why doesn’t she play anymore, Mutt?”

“She does play some, Kev. But only when she thinks no one is around. I’ve heard her play in a darkened studio at five o’ clock in the morning. I think it’s still hard for her. Playing the piano was always a joyful and intimate act in her mind, but she happened to be playing when she was attacked. She may be afraid to share herself in that way right now. I think she’ll play again one day - when she feels.....”

“I know.” Kevin finished. “Safe......”

Tristan Trilogy - Story I

"Will You Play for Me?" is a work of fiction.
The characters and events portrayed are fictitious.
Any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.

Copyright ©1999
All Rights Reserved
No part of this text may be copied or reprinted
without the author's permission.

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Fiction by Grace