CHAPTER 13

Tristan arrived at Kevin’s house at 5:10 armed with two bags of groceries and a dazzling smile.

“Well, Chef Boyardee has arrived!” Kevin laughed and took the bags from her arms as she entered.

She followed him towards the kitchen but stopped on the way to survey the room in front of her. It reeked of Richardson. The room was rich and masculine and made great use of natural materials - lots of wood, stone and glass. Her eyes caught the splashes of color in the paintings, books and carpets. She noticed the usual electronics, the television, VCR and stereo, but only after she had looked for them. This living space wasn’t designed or decorated around them. They were accessible, yet subtle. There was a large raised alcove in the back of the room, the walls filled with windows that looked out onto a veranda. Here was the focal point of the room and it contained a beautiful baby grand piano made of ebony wood. For a moment, she longed to sit a strike a chord or two.

“Tris? Did I lose you?” Kevin walked back into the living room and caught her staring at the piano.

Tristan shook herself back to reality. “Yes...this place is huge, Kevin. I wouldn’t think that a single guy would need so much house!”

He shrugged. “Well, it was important for me to have room for family and friends when they come to visit.”

“It’s really beautiful Kevin.”

“Thanks.” He felt a little embarrassed but pleased at her approval.

“Now take me to my laboratory so I can prepare your slow death!” she laughed.

Tristan got right down to business. She made Kevin get out of her way while she began her preparations. He watched her, amused at the seriousness of her attack on the groceries she had purchased. She wasn’t wearing loose fitting clothes today. She had on a short denim skirt and open toed shoes. Again he caught a flash of pink on her toes. Her hair was pulled up into a loose ponytail which hung halfway down her back. When she removed her jacket, he saw that she wore a long sleeved tee shirt that came just to the waist of her skirt. When she raised her arms in the slightest way, he saw skin. He was staring at the bareness of her lower back as she reached for a bowl, remembering the night he had touched her there. Her voice brought him back to earth.

“You don’t have to keep me company, Kevin. I’m okay here.”

“I’ll make a few phone calls then. I have some messages to return”. He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of wine and a beer. “Something to drink while you slave over a hot stove?” he smiled.

“Sure - sounds good. Wine please.”

He poured her a substantial glass and grabbed the beer for himself.

“You trying to get me drunk?” She laughed as he handed her the glass.

“Of course!” he grinned. His mind reeled a little at the implication.

Kevin stopped on his way out of the kitchen to turn and look at her again. She was bending down to get a pan from one of the lower cabinets, her back to him. She provided him with a perfect view of the backs of her thighs, not to mention her bottom.

“Oh man...” he moaned. He looked down, shook his head and left the room.

The dance had begun.

When Kevin returned to the kitchen an hour later he caught Tristan dancing with abandon to music coming from a portable radio she had spotted on the counter. ‘Money For Nothing’ by Dire Straits was screaming from the box. She had entered her own little world as she moved from the pan on the stove to the bowl on the counter. As a guitar riff blared, she paused and did a little grind. Kevin’s eyebrows shot up as he watched her hips move to the music. Little Kev stirred.

He adjusted himself and came up behind her touching her arm to announce his presence. She stopped and turned, her face red with embarrassment at having been discovered.

“Nice moves!” Kevin laughed.

“Hey, this wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t poured a quart of wine in my glass!”, she shot back, turning off the music.

“It wasn’t a quart!”

“What can I say - I’m a cheap drunk!” She smiled.

Kevin chuckled. “I’ll remember that.”

Kevin soon learned that Tristan really could cook. The chicken she fried was moist and crispy and was accompanied by iced tea, creamed potatoes, corn pudding, collards cooked with ham hock, biscuits and lots of gravy. - “for soppin’” she’d said. Kevin had grinned at that remark. He didn’t know too many people who knew what ‘sopping’ was. They bantered, laughed and teased. The food was good, the company excellent. Kevin got up from the table stuffed, relaxed and content.

After things were put away and cleaned up, they made their way to the living room. Kevin had thought to rent a movie and they sat down to watch. Both of them were as full as ticks and found themselves leaning against each other as the movie got underway. Kevin liked Tris being there. The house seemed to come to life and he rediscovered the calming effect she had on him. He felt an unfamiliar combination of domestic bliss mixed with sexual tension and he liked it, feeling grateful for the fact that she had called him that morning. The memory brought a reminder.

“Tris?” he asked. “Didn’t you want me to go over some music with you tonight?”

Tristan looked puzzled for a moment and then stammered. “Uh,...well,...Damn! I left it at the hotel. I can go get it!”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”, Kevin said, looking at her. “It’s pretty late.”

Tristan wondered if that was her cue that the evening had come to an end. “Yes, it is. I guess I’d better get going.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, either.” Kevin looked serious.

He continued to look at her. He wanted to kiss her so badly. He wanted to taste her mouth. He usually made it a point to move slowly and considering Tristan’s past experience, his brain told him to maintain this policy. His heart, however, had different ideas. He felt an urgency that he couldn’t resist. His arm, which had been draped across the sofa behind her, fell to her shoulders.

He leaned his face slowly towards hers and brushed his lips gently against hers, trying to gauge her reaction. Her lips parted slightly and his tongue moved forward instinctively, moving along the edges of her teeth, not fully penetrating her mouth. When he heard the quiet moan coming from her throat, he moved his head a little to the side in order to gain better access to her. His right hand went to the back of her neck. Both of their mouths opened and it began.

His tongue entered her and caressed the roof of her mouth. Her tongue met his there, sliding down its underside and then moving into his mouth as her arms reached up to circle his shoulders. Her shirt rose as her arms lifted and Kevin’s left hand found her stomach. It was smooth and warm and the friction caused by his hand moving on her caused her to shiver. She found herelf reacting to his touch and she moved her body tighter against his hand. His hand moved upwards and just as he touched the curve of her breast , his fingers beginning to reach for her nipple, he caught himself and broke quickly away from her, breathing heavily. He looked at Tristan and found her gazing back at him, lips still parted. Kevin stood up and went into the kitchen, making no comment.

Tristan felt crushed. What the hell happened? Her mind was reeling. What did I do wrong? Lily’s cruel words came slamming back to her and her eyes began to tear. Maybe she wasn’t woman enough for Kevin Richardson.

Kevin stayed in the kitchen for several minutes waiting for his hardness to subside. He was too far gone for ‘adjustments’ and he wished he had worn sweat pants instead of jeans. He poured more wine and brought the glasses into the room, wondering what he would say to Tristan.

“I think I’d better go now.”, Tristan blurted out as he approached.

He could see her confusion and felt guilty. He couldn’t tell her that he was afraid of scaring her away, fearing that her rape experience had left her terrified of a man’s advances. He wasn’t suppose to know about that. He needed to be sure, for both their sakes, that she really wanted him and was ready for more than friendship.

“I don’t want you to go Tris. I really want you here.”, he said softly. “Besides, it’s late and you don’t know the city. Stay here in one of the bedrooms.”

“I don’t know.......”

“Please. I even have a spare toothbrush!”. Kevin smiled, trying to convince her that he didn’t want her to leave.

“I am tired.”, she smiled back, still confused about their encounter. “Do you have a shirt I can sleep in?”

He liked the idea of her in his clothes and grinned.

“Sure, let’s get you set up.”

Kevin led her up the stairs, showed her to a room and brought her a shirt, hoping that he’d get to see her in it. After he left, Tristan crawled into bed exhausted physically and emotionally. Her eyes filled again. She had loved the feel of his tongue in her mouth and had wanted more. Had he sampled her and found her lacking?

Kevin stripped off his clothes and moved to the bed and under the covers. He was still aching a bit and felt almost feverish. God, her mouth on his, her tongue, had almost driven him crazy. He loved the fact that he had ignited passion in her. Her response to him had been pure and unaffected by past experiences. But he had to go slowly.

CHAPTER 14

Kevin woke up a couple of times during the night. At two am he walked over to Tristan’s room and opened the door to look in on her. He had assumed Mutt’s job of checking on Tristan during the night. He hadn’t had to set an alarm to wake himself - some inner prompting had caused his restlessness.

Again, she lay on her stomach, covers kicked off to the end of the bed. She was swimming in his shirt which had worked its way up past her waistline revealing red panties trimmed with lace. She was sleeping soundly, a little smile playing at her lips. Kevin just wanted to crawl into the bed and spoon her but he settled for pulling up the blanket to cover her shoulders. He heard her sigh when he draped the blanket over her.

At five-thirty he rose again. This time, when he walked into her room, the bed was empty. The bathroom door was open, no light on. Kevin glanced around the room and when he didn’t spot her clothes, he ran to the window checking to see if her car was still there. It was. Still, he was alarmed. Skipping down the stairs, still in his boxers, he listened for sounds of movement but heard nothing. Turning the corner, he found her. Tristan was sitting at the piano, her fingers resting on the keys. She would look up and down the keyboard and then stop and close her eyes as if she were trying to remember some long forgotten piece. His shirt looked like a dress on her and her hair hung long, loose and rumpled. Kevin stood in the entryway, not saying a word, just staring at her. She turned to look at him as if she had known he was there.

“You always seem to catch me in my awkward moments, Kevin.”, she stated simply. She was not flustered by his intrusion.

Kevin walked to the piano and joined her on the bench. “Are you alright?”, he asked.

“Yes.”

“I went to check on you and was afraid that you had left.”

“You don’t need to check on me, Kevin. Anyway, I should be going now.” Tristan stood up to leave.

“No you shouldn’t.....you can’t.”

“What do you mean ‘I can’t?’”. She bristled.

Kevin pulled her back down to the bench. “I mean that you can’t go back to a cold hotel room. The apartment will be empty in a couple of weeks. Stay here until then.”

“The hotel is fine.” Tristan replied without enthusiasm.

“Please, Tris” he pleaded.

Tristan found herself becoming upset at his insistence. He’d made it plain that he didn’t want her sexually and she doubted that she could just be his ‘pal’ after last night. She turned towards Kevin slowly and with an eerie evenness asked, “Why? Do you feel sorry for me being alone or do you just need a cook?”

Her remark angered Kevin.

“God dammit - you know I don’t ‘need a cook’. As for your being alone, hell, I’m as alone as you are!”

He looked down at the piano keys hurt and frustrated, afraid that their close bond was being wiped away by his apparent rejection of her hours earlier. Kevin’s last six words spoke volumes to Tristan. She saw the hurt reflected in his face and felt bad about her attack.

“Kevin, I’m sorry. I’m just confused about a lot of things in my life right now.”

Kevin winced.

Tristan continued. “In a few weeks I’ll be finished here and that scares me a little. I need to make some lasting connections. I’ve spent too much time living with insecurity and fear and........”

He held up his hand to silence her. “Tris, I want you here because I care about you and like being with you. It’s not complicated.”

She paused to reconsider. “Just until the apartment is vacant?”

“For as long as you want.” Kevin went on, “Do you feel comfortable with me?”

“Well, I guess we did manage to live in the same house together for five weeks.”, she smiled. “Yes, Kevin. I feel comfortable with you. Comfortable and safe.”

Kevin smiled. “That’s all I wanted to hear.”

**********

Kevin and Tristan returned to her hotel later that day to collect her things and make arrangements to have messages and calls forwarded to Kevin’s house. They discussed the fact that neither of them expected the other to change or limit their life style or activities just because they would be living under the same roof for awhile. They would take care of their own laundry and share cleaning and cooking duties. Tristan was a little wary about the ‘cleaning and cooking’ part. While Kevin was a perfectionist, she was definitely a ‘type B’.

Kevin’s family would be arriving in a few days and this had made Tristan a little nervous on two fronts. His people were what could be described as ‘old fashioned’. She didn’t want them to get the wrong idea about her staying at Kevin’s house. Her second concern was the holiday itself. She wasn’t family and felt out of place. She had never experienced a family gathering of this sort before and while she was flattered to be included, she wasn’t sure what to expect. Kevin understood her concerns, given her background, but this seemed like a simple thing to him as it would to most men who didn’t contend with the territorial issues that always seemed to beset family gatherings. The Richardson family was due to arrive two days before Thanksgiving and would leave that Thursday night. Anne, Jerald, Tim, his wife and two children would be arriving early Tuesday evening and catch a cab to Kevin’s house.

Kevin left the house early Tuesday morning. He had meetings, wardrobe fittings and a photo shoot to contend with but he would be back long before his family was due to arrive. When he left, Tristan decided to do a little cleaning. She had a unique cleaning style and got into it when she felt the ‘coast was clear’. She stripped down to her bra and panties, pulled her hair back, turned up the music and went to work, dancing from job to job. Dust rag in one hand and polish in the other, she moved across the rooms to the music, wiping shelves, straightening pillows and mopping floors.

The music was so loud and Tristan was so wrapped up in what she was doing that she didn’t hear the doorbell ring at three o’ clock. Unbeknown to her, the Richardson clan had managed to catch an earlier flight and stood outside of Kevin’s door at that moment. When no one answered the bell, Anne produced a key that Kevin had given her and they all entered the house. They paused at the end of the foyer to stare at the blond dancing around Kevin’s house in her underwear.

Tristan, who was oblivious to them for several minutes, continued to shake and gyrate while the Richardson’s continued to stare in shock. It would have been bad enough if she had been dressed but the fact that she was wearing a skimpy bra and panties ensemble from Victoria’s Secret made matters much worse. Tristan spun around, shaking her shoulders, and froze as the CD ended. The silence was deafening. Six pairs of eyes were fixed on her. She felt naked - which she almost was -unable to move, mind numb. This cannot be happening... As if things couldn’t get worse, she heard a key open the front door.

“You made it early! That’s great! When did you....”

Kevin stopped behind his family, who were still staring. Now the eyeball total had risen to fouteen. No one, it seemed, could speak. Little Megan, the seven year old, finally turned to her father Tim, breaking the silence.

“Daddy, why is there a lady in Uncle Kevin’s house with no clothes on?”

Tristan, who had been too startled to be humiliated before, now turned bright red and, sidestepping the crowd before her, ran upstairs to her room. She heard Kevin mumble a few words and then heard his footsteps pounding up the stairs, pausing at her door.

“Open the door, Tris! Now!”, he shouted.

Tristan didn’t want to open the door. She wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear. She knew he wouldn’t go away and would just become more angry if she didn’t comply, so she went to the door and started to open it slowly. It must have been too slowly for Kevin. He kicked the door open and she stepped back, moving to the other side of the room. Kevin slammed the door behind him.

“Jesus Christ, Tristan!”, he yelled in her direction. “What the fuck were you doing down there?” His eyes were on fire.

Tristan stammered and tears filled her eyes. “I....I...”

“You what? Decided to entertain my family with a little strip show before dinner?” His attitude was sarcastic and his voice still angry.

Her tears spilled now. “They were early, Kevin! I was just trying to clean a little before they got here and I didn’t hear them come in. I always clean in my underwear!”

Kevin couldn’t help but see her breasts heaving as she tried to control her tears. The blue lace did little to conceal what his fingers had almost discovered several nights ago. He was still pissed but a little turned on, too. How did she always manage to elicit these strange combination of emotions in him?

“I think you’d better put some clothes on.”, he said, trying to control his angry tone. He turned and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

**********

Kevin showed his family to their rooms and helped settle them in. He’d rented a crib for Tim’s baby and had even thought to pick up a baby monitor since his house was large and the bedrooms were not close to the living areas. He tried to explain, with humor he didn’t feel, what Tristan had been doing when they arrived and how she hadn’t expected them until later. He wasn’t sure they believed him but they nodded, smiled and said, “No problem.”

Jerald patted Kevin on the back as if congratulating him and said, “Hey, bro, I kind of enjoyed it! You’re one lucky S.O.B.!” “It’s not like that. Jerald.”, Kevin said between clenched teeth.

Jerald looked at his baby brother. “Sure, Kev.” , he snickered.

Anne, who had overheard the remarks, glanced towards Kevin with a slight smile that was a little too tight. She, like Amanda so many weeks earlier, felt something at work here.

Tristan didn’t come down to dinner that night. Kevin did go up to her room and hollered through the door for her to come down and get something to eat. She refused, saying she wasn’t hungry.

“Fine!”, he shouted and left. Although his anger had dissipated a little, his embarrassment had not.

After dinner, the family sat in the living room catching up on news and reliving past events. The baby was put down to bed and Megan had found a box of puzzles, books and toys that Tristan had thought to buy for the child’s entertainment. Kevin didn’t know she’d done that.

After a while, Anne excused herself and went into the kitchen, pulling a few things out of the refrigerator. The three brothers came in behind her, laughing at some joke that Tim had told.

“Still hungry, Mom?”, Kevin asked chuckling.

Ann did not return her youngest child’s smile. “No. I’m fixing something to take up to Tris.” She looked at Kevin pointedly.

Kevin was silent and then spoke. “She’s not hungry.”

“She has to eat.”

“She can get something herself if she wants to eat. You don’t have to wait on her!” Kevin sounded a bit irritated.

Tim and Jerald glanced sideways at each other and then back to their mother and brother, watching this exchange.

“Kevin,” Anne went on, “you’re a good boy and I love you dearly, but every once in awhile your head seems to get stuck up your ass.”

Kevin’s mouth dropped open. His brothers looked at their mother stupefied and then back to Kevin. None of them could remember her ever speaking that way before.

Ann looked around the room at her sons as she finished the small plate she had prepared for Tristan.

“Let me tell you all something. I used to clean in my underwear, too.” she said matter of factly. “ Sometimes, I still do!” With that, Anne glared at them once more, lifted her chin and left the room to spend some time with Tristan.

The shocked eyes of her sons followed her.

CHAPTER 15

The day before Thanksgiving was spent shopping and cooking. Tristan took Ann to the grocery store to pick up what would be needed for a traditional Richardson Thanksgiving dinner. The menu was not fancy. Food items considered to be ‘gourmet’ would not find their way to this table. The cranberry sauce would come from a can. Anne had asked Tristan if there was any dish that was part of her family’s traditional meal so that it could be included in the menu, but Tristan had told her “No - nothing.”. Anne was puzzled by this and made a mental note to ask Kevin about it sometime.

When they returned to the house, preparation began in earnest. The kitchen was buzzing with no room for those who weren’t helping. The three brothers got evil looks if they approached even for a snack or drink. When they finally finished preparing what they could, Kevin ordered Chinese knowing not to expect any more cooking. The turkey would be started at six am and dinner would be at one o’ clock.

Tension had eased up considerably from the day before. Tristan and Kevin didn’t say much to each other but feelings didn’t seem too hard. Anne had calmed Tristan quite a bit when she had come to Tristan’s room last night. She hadn’t tried to excuse Kevin’s outburst but had reminded Tristan that he only became upset with people he had strong feelings for, either good or bad. Since it was obvious that Kevin didn’t dislike Tristan, his feelings for her must be good. Tristan wasn’t so sure. With all the passion, tears, hurt and laughter she had experienced in this house in such a short time, she felt confused. Emotions ran strong here, no matter what the type.

After dinner Tristan took Megan outside to play and look for something they could use to make a centerpiece for the table. They managed to find a few pinecones but had to make due with more tropical items than neither of them were used to seeing in Thanksgiving decorations. Megan squatted by Kevin’s pool, fascinated with the tiny lizards that populated Florida’s landscape.

“Are you Uncle Kevin’s girlfriend?” Megan asked innocently.

“No, I’m not.” Tristan tried to laugh.

“Does he have a girlfriend?”

“I don’t think so. You’d have to ask him.”

“What are you then?”

Boy, that’s the $64,000.00 question... “I’m just his friend.”

“Is Uncle Kevin mad at you?” I heard him yell!” Megan looked at Tristan gravely.

“I don’t really know, Megan.” she answered honestly.

“Why is he mad?” Megan had been thinking about this. Tristan was sorry it was on her mind at all.

“I don’t think he liked how I was dressed yesterday.”

“He didn’t like your pretty underpants?” Megan’s eyes were big. She couldn’t believe such a thing!

Tristan had to laugh. “No, I don’t think he did.”

“Well, I thought they were the prettiest underpants I ever saw! I wish I had some!”

With that comment, Megan went back to lizard chasing while Tristan gathered up what they had collected for the table. Tristan shook her head and laughed at the little girl’s comments, making a note to find that child some blue lace underpants.

************

No one slept in on Thanksgiving day. Tristan could see that Kevin loved having his family around. Everyone was excited about the meal and made a great commotion about Megans’s centerpiece. Jerald said the blessing and the meal began. Once again Tristan got caught up in family stories and laughter. Although she had nothing to contribute, she didn’t feel left out, and she was thoroughly enjoying the company. She glanced at Kevin several times during the meal and noticed him becoming more and more subdued.

Later, the typical ‘after Thanksgiving dinner’ scene took place. The women cleared the table and headed to the kitchen to wrap leftovers and clean up while the men headed for the living room to take in a football game. Megan climbed onto Kevin’s lap and he read to her, glancing at the screen from time to time. When the game ended, Anne signaled Tim that they needed to get ready to leave.

Kevin’s mood had continued to spiral downward and by the time his family was ready to go, he was barely speaking. Tristan stayed at the house when Kevin took them to the airport so that he could say his good-bye’s privately.

He came home later than she expected he would, but she didn’t question him other than to ask if his family had gotten off alright. That had been their agreement. She thought she detected the sweet smell of bourbon on him when he passed her. He went into his studio and shut the door and came out an hour later, said he was going to bed and went up the stairs. That was all.

Tristan followed a little later. She went into her room, showered and put on a pink satin camisole and tap pants. She was worn out from the day’s activities and decided that she would crash, too. Then she remembered the pie left on the kitchen counter and thought she’d better wrap it up before the palmetto bugs attacked it during the night. Knowing that Kevin was asleep, she went down as she was.

When she passed his room, she saw that the door was slightly open, a faint light coming through the crack. Tristan peeked in and saw Kevin, his back to her, standing there in his boxers, arms folded and staring out of the window. She entered the room and noticed the bed was unmade, as if Kevin had gone to bed and gotten up again. There was no music on, no television. The only sound was that of a soft rain against the window and an occasional rumble of thunder in the distance. He saw her approach from the reflection in the glass.

“What do you want?” His voice was brusque.

“Can’t you sleep?” Tristan asked.

“No.”

“Are you sick?”

Tristan was standing at his side by now and reached up to touch his face, looking for signs of fever. When her fingers touched his cheek he flinched.

“Get away from me!”, he shouted at her, lowering his arms.

Tristan took a step back, startled and hurt by his outburst. She put her hand to her mouth and the tears came.

“Kevin, I’m really sorry that I embarrassed you in front of your family. It was an accident. I don’t what else to say to you except that’ll I’ll leave in the morning.”

Kevin turned his head towards her. His eyes were wet and he looked at her with a puzzled expression. Then he closed his eyes for a moment, opened them again and turned back to the window.

“I’m not mad about that, Tris. I overreacted about that and I’m sorry.”

“Then what is it , Kevin?”

“Nothing! I just need to be alone!”

Tristan stepped back and turned towards the door. She paused there and spoke again.

“The label called tonight while you were gone. They said that they would have an apartment for me on Saturday. You’ll have your privacy back soon. I’m sorry I intruded.”

Kevin closed his eyes again, this time forcing a single tear down his cheek. He heard her hand on the doorknob.

“Don’t go.”, he whispered.

Tristan stopped, turning back to Kevin, saying nothing.

“Don’t go.”, he repeated a little more loudly.

“I don’t understand what you want me to do, Kevin.” she said softly.

“I don’t know either.” Kevin chuckled sadly through his tears. He still stood facing the window.

“Will you tell me what’s wrong?”, she asked.

“I feel so stupid.” Kevin lowered his head.

Tristan walked over to him and touched his hand.

“About what?”

Kevin grabbed onto her hand and held it to his bare chest. He hesitated and then went on.

“The holidays get to me so badly!” he choked. “Here I am, a grown man, twenty-seven years old. My father has been dead for over eight years, but the grief won’t go. What’s wrong with me?”

Kevin looked at Tristan and she saw the pain in his face. Her heart broke for him. She let him go on.

“I love my family dearly and miss them, but when we’re all together, it makes me miss my father even more. He should have been the one saying grace at the table today and teasing us all. He should have been the one sitting at the head of the table. I still feel him here. Have I lost my mind?”, he looked at her as if he were pleading for some peace. “My mother is twelve hundred miles away and alone. I can’t be there for her. Dad wanted me to take care of her. I feel like I’m letting him down.”

The words came tumbling out now and Kevin seemed unable to stop.

“He wanted me to make my own life but not separate from the family! I have separated! Soon they won’t need me. I’m already a prodigal son! I know people think I’m over the edge about Dad’s death. I heard what Lily said in Stockholm. It’s just that he was so sick for so many months, Tris. I was here most of that time. My mother was alone through most of it.”

Kevin stopped, released Tristan’s hand and then covered his eyes, wiping his face.

“See? I am crazy.” He lowered his head again.

Tristan wasn’t sure what to say. Kevin had told her so much. He loves and misses his family. He feels weak. He feels guilty, unneeded and afraid. She stood in front of him, taking his hands in hers.

“Kevin, do you believe your father loved you?”

“Yes.” he whispered.

“Do you believe he would love you if he were still here?”

“Yes.”

“You said that you feel like he is here.”

Kevin looked at her.

“Don’t you see, Kevin? He loves you still and wants you to be happy. So do your brothers and your mother. They don’t feel like you’ve abandoned them. They still feel your love, just like you feel theirs, no matter how many miles separate you. Love really does transcend time and distance. Don’t you believe that?”

He nodded silently.

“Your guilt would be painful to them. Do you want them to hurt?”

Kevin shook his head.

“Sometimes grief can be a way of remembering. It’s a painful way, but I know that memories of your Dad give you joy, too. The guilt is what causes you the pain. Let the guilt go, Kevin. and let the joy of having had him in your life come in. It’s okay to be sad when you’re missing him, but if you let that eat you up, there won’t be anything left to feel joy. You’re not crazy, Kevin, so don’t beat yourself up. The only crime you’ve committed is the crime of loving intensely.”

Kevin grabbed Tristan into his arms and held onto her tightly. His breath came in ragged gasps and she knew that tears were falling. His breathing finally settled and his shoulders relaxed.

“Do you want me to stay with you tonight?” she asked quietly.

“Yes.”, he answered simply.

Tristan moved away from him to the bed and pulled back the covers.

“You’re tired Kevin. Come on.”, she said motioning to the bed.

Kevin walked to the bed and got in. He never took his eyes off of her as she went to the other side and crawled in beside him. He leaned to her and she held him, stroking his hair until he fell asleep.

Tristan Trilogy - Story I

"Will You Play for Me?" is a work of fiction.
The characters and events portrayed are fictitious.
Any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.

Copyright ©1999
All Rights Reserved
No part of this text may be copied or reprinted
without the author's permission.

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Fiction by Grace